reefsstuff

[reefsstuff]

So I think he might be trying to pursue a relationship with someone else already (it's been...5 days) and I don't know how to ask him about it but uh, yeah, I'm gonna ⭐️ve til I die or something

Convincing myself that my bf broke up with me and wanted to just be friends cause I'm fat and ugly and disgusting to look at in a romantic and sexual way, definitely not cause he wasnt doing the best mentally and just simply needed to get better and wasn't ready for a romantic relationship cause I need to love myself and my body for once in my life /j

[reefsstuff]

Convincing myself that my bf broke up with me and wanted to just be friends cause I'm fat and ugly and disgusting to look at in a romantic and sexual way, definitely not cause he wasnt doing the best mentally and just simply needed to get better and wasn't ready for a romantic relationship cause I need to love myself and my body for once in my life /j

[reefsstuff]

Finally reaching lws but only because you went through a breakup and physically have no energy to do anything<<<<

[reefsstuff]

So... No... But November-now have DEFINITELY been better, I'm consistently in the 140's (I'm not skinny but I haven't been in the 140's since late 2023) I get nauseous eating anything more than half a meal, and I can fast for SO much longer if I'm distracted. Today was a bit tough cause I was craving sugars and fatty foods and I probably overate a lil, but overall I did just fine (◍•ᴗ•◍)

Genuinly think September will be my month. My binges and overeats have been getting further apart and because of school I've been getting into a routine.

I'm pretty fat so I'm not gonna be skinny in one month but if I can do it for one, I can do it for more.

[reefsstuff]

Tw: SH

Can't break promises with my bf so I've been telling him when I get urges or rel@pse and now he's so concerned about it he wants to take my bl@d3s.

I love him and I understand but it's too hard to let go I can't just stop out of nowhere I'll go insane.

I might see him in a few weeks, so I'll hide some extra blades and probably get it all out of me before he comes over.

I hate this

[reefsstuff]

Mentioned how I was overweight according to BMI to my boyfriend when I was feeling SUPER insecure and talked about food noise etc, didn't accuse me for anything (probably cause I haven't lost any weight and I'm fat /j) but god I hate that he's such a safe space. I love him dearly but how did you get that out of me bruh...

[reefsstuff]

Genuinly think September will be my month. My binges and overeats have been getting further apart and because of school I've been getting into a routine.

I'm pretty fat so I'm not gonna be skinny in one month but if I can do it for one, I can do it for more.

[reefsstuff]

Not gonna look at myself for a week so I can't motivate myself.

Sounds weird but not even losing a pound everyday does not motivate me but seeing a bigger drop will. :3

[reefsstuff]

Bf found out I've been sh'ing for our entire friendship (3 years) and I feel so bad he has to deal with it... :(

Hes so nice about it and wants me to talk to him about it but it's getting bad again and it'd be too much 🙁

GRRRRRR HAVING A LOVING BOYFRIEND SUCKSSS /J

[reefsstuff]

Tw: sh talk!

I haven't cvt in a LONG time but recently I've been messing up on my restriction and I got the urge to...I did it, not very deep but SO MANY.

I started on my ankles since I didn't want my partner to see them if we hang out, but I did my thighs/ knees last night and I regret it a bit... if I can keep up with my restriction they should heal by the time I see them but if not they'll find out.. :(

I don't want to worry them especially cause I don't wanna recover yet 😥

[reefsstuff]

Some girl came into my work and although I hate to say it, I was staring a bit cause she was THE th!n$p0. I want to have a but more muscle on my upper body so i...look like a guy, but omg her LEGS? her ARMS? Her stomach??? Lord I was so upset I binged today.... Might km$ if I don't get back on track...

[reefsstuff]

The impossible happened!! I got a partner!!

They're super amazing and I've known them for years, but sadly, they like me how I am..

Which I mean I guess is WONDERFUL, I never feel insecure or bad around them but it also makes me feel guilty for restricting especially because I think they can tell...

I don't want to lie about my disorder and worry them or even ruin the relationship but if i stop now I'll never be thin..

I'll change my behaviors around them and go back to restricting otherwise. I hope it goes well.

I love them so much :(

[reefsstuff]

"If you ⭐️ve you could lose your period or be infertile :(("

I'm trans

That's my goal.

[reefsstuff]

Just got lip piercings and it's SO MUCH HARDER TO EAT. Like I have to out SO MUCH effort in just to put food in my mouth this is wonderful

[reefsstuff]

Why is fasting easier than restricting?? I haven't thought of food ALL DAY, all I want is my diet drinks and to work on things I need to, but when I'm restricting all I look forward to is food, and I make exceptions for food that's NOT PLANNED, cause I want it so bad and I can't wait for it. But if I'm not planning on having food, it's so much easier to not think about it. I should do this more often :>>

[reefsstuff]

Day 9:

Yes, my grandpa (who completely denies he said this) told me that if I didn't stop eating so many sweets I'd be a "fat@$$ in highschool" (this was when I was in like the 5th grade) and my doctor told me to be on a diet when I was like 13 and I ate only oatmeal for like a week 💀

[reefsstuff]

Had a friend over and he could easily bridal carry my friend who's like 30 pounds lighter than me but could barely get me off the ground. Literally kms, I was binging cause I was with friends but I am on my grind again.

Gonna be 130 by my birthday and 110 by summer, watch me (hopefully)