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My Bed by by Tracey Emin (1998)

This art piece was inspired by the state of the artist's space after a depressive episode in which she stayed in bed for four days, consuming only alcohol. Early in my process I considered recreating a similar bed as the setting of my piece.

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Posts which list media and products along with corresponding traits of people who may stereotypically consume these products are very popular on social media. Some argue that they reduce people to a series of objects and clichés. These videos influenced a similar list in my solo piece, as well discussions pertaining to what is 'acceptable' behavior within these stereotypes. For example, the main character consuming dark chocolate.

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I created + listened to this playlist while developing my solo piece. It includes songs that reminded me of the source material, as well as songs about themes I was exploring in my piece.

I have also posted individual songs from this playlist in this blog, including particular lyrics I find notable in italics under the audio. Any corresponding text from the final draft of my piece that references the song will appear in bold.

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A link to a list of films I curated while developing my piece. Each film is included either because I felt they would be favorites of my character Millie, they explored the same themes as my piece, or both. I have selected a few films from this list to have additional individual posts on this blog.

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This meme format, which incudes editing covers of a children's book series to expose an intimate detail or insecurity of the person sharing the meme, was trending this past summer. Many of these edits, which were created with the purpose of posting on social media, referenced/poked fun of the poster's mental illness or trauma.

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via @manicpixiememequeen on instagram

A meme which includes the cliché of women impulsively changing their hair, sleeping excessively, self-isolating, and abusing substances to cope with their poor mental health- all of which are referenced in my monologue, My Year of Rest and Relaxation, or both.

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This is the tutorial I followed when bleaching my eyebrows to play Millie. I used bleach because making a spontaneous change with bleach is often stereotyped as being associated with a mental breakdown.

"I use the previously mentioned bleach on my eyebrows..."

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An alternative book cover of my source material depicting the main character slumped over in her chair.

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Fleabag

Fleabag is referenced in my piece, as it is a popular online phrase to say that you are "in your Fleabag era". This means that you are engaging in self-destructive behavior.

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 "...It’s the Shein sweaters I forgot I impulse ordered on Tuesday during a particularly boring Zoom meeting. The sweaters are really cute, so 2022, very like grungy balletcore- but when I take them out of the package one of those little notes from the abused garment workers that says, like “HELP US '' falls out. [she looks at the imaginary paper on the floor] I forgot that people were still getting these. And it’s like… okay don’t kill me for saying this - but I just wanted to order a sweater, ya know? Like it’s sad, but what am I supposed to do about it? I’m not the goddamn UN."

This portion of my piece was influenced by this video, and the larger discussion about clothing accessibility, fast fashion pollution, worker exploitation, and the 'right' to dress stylish.

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Retired from Sad was heavily inspired by the nihilistic humor present in both the source material and in young people, particularly on social media, in the late 2010's/early 2020's - from climate change anxiety to "Dissociative Feminism." I thought about Crime and Punishment during the development process as it was my first exposure to nihilism as a philosophy.

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The title of my piece is a reference to Mitski's 2013 album, Retired from Sad, New Career in Business.

See 'MAJOR REFRENCES' heading at the top of the page for more information.

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Forego families, forego friends It's how it started, how it ends I can't open up and cry 'Cause I've been silent all my life

I feel numb most of the time, The more I get the higher, I'll climb, and I will wonder why, I got dark only, To shine.

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"We all recognize her, the woman in her “Fleabag era”. We know that she is prone to showing up at work in last night’s make-up, smoking two cigarettes for breakfast or experiencing the “feminine urge” to fuck her sister’s boyfriend. We have spotted her everywhere, from the listless Rachel in Virginia Woolf’s Voyage Out to the checked-out narrator of Ottessa Moshfegh’s My Year of Rest and Relaxation. We know that she performs her pain as if it were a form of art; something outside herself that can be controlled, and yet chooses to revel in it regardless. This woman is a mess, a menace to herself and others, a self-raising red flag who would sooner die than communicate an emotion directly – and she’s the face of a new strain of feminism that has risen to prominence over the last few years.

…Described as “a curdling of the hyperoptimistic, #girlboss” feminism of the aughts, Clein’s dissociated feminist is dry and deadpan. She details “overtly horrifying facts about uniquely feminine struggles” in offhand jokes, of which she is always the punchline. "

-EMMA GARLAND

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This is a popular tweet and meme, turning the horrific fate of those who underwent lobotomy procedures into a joke. This has been seen as disturbing to some, relatable to others.

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Audio excerpt from the film The Man Who Sleeps [Un homme qui dort] (1974)

"You stay in your room, not eating, not reading.. hardly moving."

This audio excerpt was a trending sound on TikTok during the summer of 2022.

In the first draft of my solo piece I had this audio playing before my character spoke, while TV static was projected onto my character's body as they slept in bed.

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The Man Who Sleeps [Un homme qui dort] (1974)

The film from which the trending tiktok audio [also posted] is taken. In this film "A 25-year-old male student in Paris becomes indifferent to the world around him, and subsequently feels a strong sense of alienation and hopelessness" (IMDB). This film and my source material have many parallels.