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Boy's Talk (About You) - Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - can't leave you alone

masterpost. / next.

synopsis everyone has their secrets, a group chat formed by charles leclerc, pierre gasly, alex albon, lando norris and george russell knows all of them. the 'kill the grid' chat has only one purpose: gossiping about other drivers' lives, romantic and social

or, a casual chat leads to charles confessing a crush on max, who's has been his rival since childhood

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Ferrari employee: I told you ten minutes ago already. There's nothing you can do to get past me.

Max: Let me through, I need to have a word with Fr-

Charles, popping out behind the guy: Ugh, Let me talk to him for a moment, Sergio.

Sergio, moving to the side, unimpressed: Attento Charles, è impazzito. (Careful, Charles, he's gone crazy)

Charles, whispering: Max? What are you doing here babe?

Max: This guy won't let me in.

Charles, laughing: You're not allowed in our motorhome, honey.

Max: I need to talk to Fred! Why on Earth weren't you on track during FP2?

Charles: Electrical issues, but hey, they're working on it.

Max: They're working on it my ass. Come on, call Fred out here then. Can I talk to him here?

Charles: What would you even say to him?

Max: To tell your mechanics to get their shit together because there's only a number of issues to your car I can bear. I swear I'm letting Marko give you the highest offer he ever made to anyo-

Fred, joining them all of a sudden: Max, hate to break this to you but, LESTAPPEN RELATIONSHIP RULE N.10: No trying to steal Charles away from Ferrari or Fred gets angry.

Max:

Fred:

Max: That only happened once, there was no need to make a rule out of it.

Fred: Yet again here you are.

Max:

Fred:

Max: What if I break up with him? Can I ask Marko to let him join Redbull then?

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dw Pierre, I too look at Charles with such awe

@/gregoiretruchet

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"Grab a napkin, cause these Suzuka pics served 📸😮‍💨" - april 9, 2024 📷 @.mercedesamgf1 / instagram

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Hey dukhi aatmas, it's been a long time since I posted anything. I was just so lost in my own head that I forget other people exist too. Today I am going to go on a rant. It might irk some people but I truly do not care.

When people die (of sickness, natural causes like age), I don't feel bad. I feel that they have been freed instead. They are no longer in pain. Me personally?I want to die in a way that my body will never be found. I want my proof of existence to be lost. I want peace in death. I want my body to be burnt. I want it to be in ashes. I want to keep it safe.

Sometimes I wish I was not a woman. But I don't wanna be a man either. I want to be nothing. To be perceived as nothing. An asexual and genderless blob, if you will. Like an amoeba. But I want to be feminine in a non-traditional way. I want dresses and ribbons. I wanna wear pink without thinking of the stereotypes.

I want to have short hair and still feel feminine. I want to not be a woman but still be feminine. I wanna be pretty but I don't want to be a woman. I love women but I don't want to be one. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and want to cut off my boobs. I want a flat chest so I can finally feel comfortable in my own body. I want to rip out my ovaries so no baby can ever grow there. I don't want to be a mother. I don't want to be a wife. I want a hysterectomy. Tie my tubes in a coquettish way. Make it a fucking ribbon if you want.

I should also add a song that I am and was obsessed with ages ago.

Here's to a classical song. And a song I was and still am obsessed with. Unpopular opinion but Garam didn't deserve what happened to her.

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Let's talk about family today. About how hypocritical people whom you consider your family are. They only see what they want and not what is actually there. You are useful when you help them but if you use the same skill in a way they don't like, you are not a good child. Is this how the world really works? Is this the cruel world I was talking about in the last post?

First of all, what defines family? Your blood? Or the one which you chose and will keep on choosing till the end of the days? I think that a family whose sole bond is their blood is not a true family. Are they your true family if you can never be your authentic self with them? I don't mean to say that your biological family is not a true one. All I am saying is that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Everyone has problems, but that doesn't give someone the right to take their anger out on you. Even if they are your family. In this world and age, there are better ways to relieve their stress. Just talking about this makes me angry.

Why did he say all that? Am I not a member of this family? Is blood the only relationship we have? Every time I hear this song, I feel envious. I feel sad that I don't have the kind of relationship I want with the people who are supposed to be my family.

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Oh hello dukhi aatmas. It's been a long week. There is so much to share and talk about. But not now. Today, I will talk about some thoughts I had.

As a kid, I believed that I was happy. I was happy with my silly cartoons and story books. Excelling in academics wasn't difficult either. But as I grew older, I realised that I am not happy anymore. Everything is so difficult, especially when the weight of existence burdens you. I was no longer satisfied with my silly cartoons – now TV shows of various languages – and my novels.

Is getting older the problem? Or is it the world around you? I am sure we all have heard the sentence, "You haven't seen and experienced the outside world. When you will grow up and go outside, you will understand how cruel it is," at least once in their life. If you haven't, the good for you, I guess.

Now that I am growing up, I realised that the world was still cruel back then. And it is still cruel. As long as there is human existence, the world will remain cruel. Growing up and getting older just opens your eyes. It widens your perception of everyone and everything. It makes you realise that the one cousin who touched you in that way wasn't in fact playing with you. His intentions were very different.

I am experiencing the cruel world now. And I don't think I am strong enough to survive. But I am going to survive until I can't anymore. I am going to walk until I can't anymore. I am going to stand up for myself until I don't have to. But I also know that there is no truly happy person in this world. Why? Because we are humans.

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Hello dukhi aatmas! I got an update for you guys. I did end up getting rejected from the thing I mentioned one or two posts ago. But I expected that because it was out of my league. I will just focus on what is on my plate rather than what is not. Which reminds me, the gulab jamun was definitely on my plate tonight. No, I did not steal my brother's. He had his own😌

I got paid for the first time yesterday. For something I did on my own. It was a freelance thing which is not even pertaining to my own chosen field. The feeling was so good. I almost spent all of the meagre money I earned. But, I controlled myself and went back to writing my report. It is a college thing, don't ask. I am tired too.

It doesn't rain these days. It makes me sad. Because rain is something really personal to me. I find rain soothing like I find walks at night relaxing. I find peace is white noise. I guess it is the ADHD in me. Which, by the way, is untreated and therefore causing chaos in my household. My parents are used to it by now.

That is one of the reasons I found a companion in Percy Jackson. He is ADHD and dyslexic. He is also not interested in academics. Like me. Anyway, I simp about him enough on a daily basis. Here is a nice song for making you read my rant. And the Japanese version too because it is equally ethereal. Trust me, the vocals are angelic.

This is a bonus song. If you have seen Lucifer and have daddy issues just like him and I, you would go through a plethora of emotions.

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Hello, gorgeous and dukhi aatmas. I just thought I should just come here and give your guys a little update.

So I was going through blogs yesterday, and I realised that I don't have to make long posts. Not that my posts are actually long. But even a little something everyday is progress. After all, I am writing this as a diary slash therapy experiment.

I had an okayish day yesterday and today is going even slower than ever. Life really can be difficult sometimes. Here is a song to cheer you up.

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Gods, I am so sorry that I forgot about the blog. Life can be pretty busy sometimes and it is okay to miss out on things.

Hello, dukhi aatmas, this is your favourite cat under the sun. I missed out on a lot of things last week. I got rejected a lot (no, not in the way you think). I think I have been too arrogant in regards to certain skills of mine. I think I have been too lax in training them.

My self-esteem is taking a dive these days. I have been rejected from 3 to 4 things. And might find myself rejected from another one. It is quite humbling, if you ask me. I know you did not ask but I want to tell you cause it is my blog. Anyway, jokes aside.

It has been a long week already and it is Tuesday. Of course, it is Tuesday! They are cursed, trust me. But so is everyday except Sunday. And I think it is time to give up on a lot of things. Eye-opening events have happened to me.

I think music can be quite healing.

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Hello, fellow dukhi aatmas! I am back today on time. I am super tired today. I was in college till 5pm today. I wasn't working per se but I am still exhausted. I am still watching that crime show I mentioned in my posts at the very beginning of the blog.

I am on episode 118 right now and I have realised that almost all the victims of the serial killings or ritual killings are women. In fact, I have noticed that 90 percent of crimes are committed against women. Be it assault of any kind, dowry deaths, serial murders, robberies and good old murder.

When will society realise that instead of telling women to be safe or not attract bad attention, they should be telling men (because most culprits are men) that they need to stop committing crimes. They need to learn to accept no for an answer. They need to stop being delusional. No, her just smiling at you is not a sign of her love, you idiot. She's just being a nice person.

I get these bouts of feminine rage when I see the atrocities against women. Casual sexism, misogyny, chauvinistic men, derogatory comments, objectification and sexualisation of women on a daily basis which is brushed off as a normal occurrence is so infuriating. It makes my blood boil.

Have you guys seen Bulbbul? If you haven't, you need to watch it. It is one of Tripti Dimri's best works - in my humble opinion - and also the 5th and also the best movie Anushka Sharma has ever produced. It is an excellent portrayal of a woman scorned by disgusting men and the society as a whole.

I think this is a lot for today, hm? Let us finish today's blog with a soft song.

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Hello, my fellow dukhi aatmas. I am back again with more prominent dark circles and eye pain from sleep deprivation. What are you guys doing? I am listening to a lecture on PHP. Trust me, it's not that interesting.

As I told you peeps in the last post, I am re-reading my old books. I meant the ones I own. So back in those days (I am 19), Chetan Bhagat was the Colleen Hoover. Lots of books, popular and overrated. My father used to buy a lot of books back then. Unfortunately, the Bhagat ones were in English so I read them because I had nothing better to do.

So, I found one of his books and I am not reading that again because I pity myself. I would not say why I don't like his work but it's not worth your time. He definitely doesn't know what he is writing that I can say for sure.

His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman is a must-read. The world-building, the way Pullman just grabs on to your attention and doesn't let go throughout the whole series is awe-inspiring. What a man! It also shows how kids are told they can be anything they want but only one thing when they grow up and how they slowly lose their hope in the world.

I read a lot of Sherlock Holmes and I still do. One of my favourite renditions of Holmes and Moriarty's dynamic is from the manga and anime, Moriarty the Patriot. It does not reflect how the characters were in the original Doyle version. But the beauty is that it does justice to their own characters.

Sherlock and William meet at a party and they are immediately fascinated by the other's intelligence and wit, Sherlock more so. I will not spoil you guys, but their banter and teamwork is just so interesting.

That's all for today, guys! (I sound like a YouTuber ^⁠_⁠^)

I listened to this song for the first time on Sense8. If you haven't watched it yet, you should. The diversity, the writing and the beautiful bond the characters had makes it worth your time. The song is a gem.

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This is going to be a pure music recommendations post so bear with me 🥺

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Hello dukhi aatmas! It's been a long time, isn't it? This time, I truly am sorry for being so late :(

It was exams week and after that I had no energy to do anything. I hardly even attended my lectures. Depression has been going strong but I found new fixations that distract me :)

So you guys remember my last post about the movie ♥️🤍💙? I have been obsessed with it. I read the book, found it's fanfiction, character analysis and a whole bunch of things you guys don't want to know. I re-read some old books.

I am reading Percy Jackson again. For the nth time. Percy Jackson was my childhood along with a lot of other literature and TV shows. I found Percy really inspiring. He was a little boy thrust into a world that took his mom away and his whole life was a lie. And he had to prevent World War 3? He was not having fun, that was for sure.

There were a lot of books I read when I was really young. I devoured books like I was starving. And maybe I was. I had no friends and books took me to a new world. I could picture the same friends that the protagonist had. Maybe that's why one of my favourite tropes is found family.

The weather has been very moody lately, like me. The only nice thing is that it gets cold during the night. Oh, how I love the cold. Autumn is one of my favourite seasons although we never actually experience it here. I romanticize Autumn so much. Maybe it is because of the song Autumn Leaves.

I have a lot to say and maybe I will say it today. Life can be really difficult sometimes. It will keep on testing you until you feel like you are worth nothing. And it will keep happening. Not a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I am afraid. But, I believe that your life can go a little less difficult if you try to focus on the good things that living has offered you.

Good food, good music, different forms of media, books and sometimes, good people too. You may not get to enjoy everything life has to offer, but you must try to live. You must try to know at least most of them. I have got you covered with the good music part, but the rest? I am sure you will find your way, little grasshopper (◠⁠‿⁠◕)

Here is one of my current obsessions:

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Hello dukhi aatmas, this is me, again. I was kind of immersed into something to give you guys an update about my life. Which is not an excuse, I admit. But, I do not care.

So, I watched Red, White and Royal Blue yesterday even though I should be studying 4 programming languages, Linear Algebra and Software Engineering but we are not talking about that rn. The movie healed something in me I didn't know was wounded.

There is a severe lack of queer movies and series which are simply just rom-coms. 95% of them just end up in death, tragedy and not the characters being together. The Heartstopper is one of the most heartwarming series out there for the queer folk. It is simple so sweet and beautiful.

Now back to Red, White and Royal Blue, the movie is the official adaptation of the book with the same title. The main characters are Alex Claremont-Diaz, the First Son of the US, and HRH Prince Henry, Prince of jolly old England. Alex Claremont-Diaz, played by Taylor Zakhar Perez) and the Prince of England (Henry, played by Nicholas Galitzine). The story shows how these two idiots go from enemies to friends to lovers and almost cause the Second War between England and the US.

The movie starts with the wedding of Henry's elder brother, Phillip and the £75,000 disaster. I will not spoil you guys but let's just say that from all the trouble that Alex gets into, this one takes the cake. Alex has to go back to England to do some damage control for the aforementioned disaster. During that process, he begins to see Henry in a different manner from the persona Henry shows to other people.

Henry is much more than the Prince of England's Hearts, he is an avid reader who goes on tangents about Lord Byron. He has named his dog after David Bowie, he watches Bake Off with the said dog and loves his sister, Bea.

Enough about His Royal Highness, the FSOTUS, Alex, is more than the charming heartthrob the media portrays him to be. He is someone whose feet are on the ground, and he wants to help the people of his country. He is a proud half-Mexican and full Texan. But the movie seems to forget to mention that Mexican heritage.

Alex wants to be a politician. He wants to help people and change the mindset of the stubborn Americans. He has a best friend, Nora, the granddaughter of the VP of the US, who admittedly should have had a bigger role in the movie.

The movie itself is fun to watch if you don't want a word to word enactment of the book. Some of the original dialogues are humourous and some of them downright adorable. The chemistry between the actors who was mind-blowing. They gave life to the beloved characters of Alex and Henry.

The movie cuts out a lot of characters and plot which makes Alex Claremont-Diaz what he is. They didn't show his love for politics, his elder sister June, his first boy crush, Liam, his step-father Leo who is very happily a Trophy Husband to the Madam President of the US.

They did not show Henry's mother who married an actor against the wishes of the Queen. They changed the Queen to a King. His mother was as absent as his dead father. They didn't give justice to Bea's character and Pez, Henry's millionaire philanthropist bestfriend.

However, they did show how Alex and Henry make history. They showed the beautiful iridescent love between them. They gave life to the love story of a bisexual First Son and a very much gay Prince of England. And for that, I love them.

After watching the movie, I read the book which I already owned. It was a birthday gift. The book is of course, better. It has 448 pages whereas the movie is not even two hours long. I ended up finishing the book in one-sitting. I started around 1 and finished at 3:15 am with water breaks in between. Do not judge me. I am a chaotic bi, okay?

Anyway, for today's song recommendation, this is a song which Alex and Henry danced to with forever in their mind and heart.

TLDR; a rant about RW&RB ♥️🤍💙

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Hello dukhi aatmas, it's me, your friendly neighborhood lazy cat. I had the worst week of my life this week. The urge to just end everything is strong right now but we must go on. There are a lot of things I want to see in the future so I must be brave. There is a lot to say about today but I am not in the mood to talk about it so I am gonna leave a song recommendation to make up for it.