rigour-mortis

[rigour-mortis]

[rigour-mortis]

LOVE AS VIOLENCE VS LOVE AS SOFTNESS

Ada Limon, The Good Fight // Mary Oliver, West Wind // Danez Smith, Bare // Sappho, Fragment 58.25-26 // Mitski, I Don’t Smoke // Ashe Vernon // Hozier, Cherry Wine // Shauna Barbosa, GPS // Richard Siken, Little Beast // Chen Chen, Summer [The sunflowers fall…] // Warsan Shire // Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous

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didnt getd tucked into bed so ive died unfortunatley

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night terrors by hannah green // how to cure a ghost by fariha róisín //writer in the dark - lorde // my mother & i - lucy dacus // take care: mothers, daughters, and inheriting self-hatred by ella wilson // lady bird (2017) // mother wound healing: why it’s crucial for women by bethany webster // unknown // on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong // mother by maia baia

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God I want her to cut into me with a blade and while she kisses me

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My life rn now is get fucked, rail her, come home, send dirty texts all day, go to her place give her hickeys, fuck her, het fucked, rinse and repeat and it's good as hell

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Having a photo taken of you after you've been spanked and bruised and scratched and looking at it later......FUCK

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I want recovery. I want to never eat again. I want to swallow a couple bottles of pills. I want to get better. I want to die. I want to live. I want to carve my skin up. I want to be drunk. I sure want to be drunk. I want to stay sober. I want to get my nic fix. I want to quit nic. I want to die. I want to live. I want so much more than this, but I don’t know what I want.

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Meditation On The Threshold: A Bilingual Anthology Of Poetry, ‘Memory of Tlatelolco’ by Rosario Castellanos

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My friend asked me to draw my BPD and I tired to draw how it feels in my body I guess and I kind of like how it came out.

I would be really interested to know if anyone can relate to this imagery at all or how you would draw your mental illness?

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What if I never become anyone

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I am thinking about starting to fade again but idk if it is a good idea with new pericings. I just want that sense of control back because j can feel myself slipping back into my depression. When I was ed my apartment was clean, I exercised, I looked after myself better I think. But I am scared it might fuck up my peircing healing process.

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Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be alive

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Bpd is feeling either absolutely everything or absolutely nothing.

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I have to force myself to take my medication everyday because I miss feeling that raw and bloody

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Self harm started as a deep expression of pain, the outside matching the inside, then it became an escape, a distraction, then an attempt. But now it's just what I do, on the days I feel a little too much, or not enough, a reminder I am here, a reminder that I'm not always numb, and sometimes it's just pretty.

And I can't stop.

[rigour-mortis]

“And there’s blood embedded in the crevices along my finger nails. Try as I might, I can never get my hands completely clean.”

— -4 am thoughts