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riseaboveaseriesofcycles-blog · 7 years

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riseaboveaseriesofcycles-blog · 7 years

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Don’t let a disappointing failure keep you from achieving your biggest success. Keep at it. Keep kicking ass. Create something to be proud of. Never stop celebrate your achievements. Never stop learning from your failures.

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riseaboveaseriesofcycles-blog · 7 years

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http://iglovequotes.net/

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riseaboveaseriesofcycles-blog · 7 years

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Sexual Harassment and Bullying in the Workplace: The long term effects.

It is common in the workplace to have procedures and regulations to protect employees against bullying in the workplace. Although, what really happens when an individual comes forward in the case of sexual harassment? This is corporate 101 - Human Resources and Sexual Harassment.

I work in a male-dominated industry in general, but for my specific team, I was one of two females. The other female is older and at a higher position which requires travel. I was a sheep in a lion’s den. I’ve always been a guys girl and though I dressed feminine I am a bit of a tomboy. It takes a lot for me to feel insulted or intimidated by a male. (Thanks to my military dad).

An occurrence happened where a large job was left in my lap and I had to guide it to another employee who had more knowledge. He raised his voice to me and continued to be aggressive, so I said back to his cube we can discuss this with our boss. Needless to say, a week earlier I reached out to my manager to let him know of the difficulty with the communication I was experiencing. We all eventually had a talk and stated to not continue the conversation. Instead, he talked poorly about me to other teammates and that’s when the hazing began.

I was excluded from lunches, I couldn’t reach out to my teammates without getting backlash and it only became more apparent to me that nothing would be resolved. A general email was sent out about talking at your desk, putting your phone on speaker, and another office etiquette. I was in a private booth calling a company for a follow-up and when I came back, a wall was built in my cubicle that I shared with someone else and everyone went to lunch. Out of embarrassment I took down the wall, sat at my desk trying to continue to work, and I couldn’t help but tear up. I went to lunch and they joked about it when I got back and I said it’s not funny. The next week the manager who hazed me yelled over the cube about a speakerphone and I had no response.

That’s when I wrote the letter. The letter was me stating the most minimal occurrences of the bullying I was experiencing. It only mentioned two of the sexist comments I’ve experienced. “Are you on your period” and “Go make me a sandwich”. After writing this letter I sent it to my boss where he then forwarded it to HR. They reached out to me but with fear the bullying would only get worst…. I kept the identities secret. It wasn’t until I found out another assistant who was female was being hired until I spoke up. I can take it, but I will not let another person be a victim.

We went to the meeting which included HR, my manager, the director, the person who oversees assistants, and the person who made the comments. To sum it up, he said sorry and walked out. There was nothing else done. If he was written up, I would have no knowledge. We were told to not repeat what happened. I told someone that it was productive and that it would be beneficial for not just myself but others. I was walked into a room just two days later and was reprimanded stating that it would damage the persons’ character. I explained to them that after months of being in a hostile environment, it will take time for me to regain my relationship with the guys involved. He said, “it concerns me because the team is usually always so helpful”. Well, when you are a female having sexist comments said to you… that’s not so helpful, is it? After this initial meeting, I felt like I couldn’t come forward with any other information.

To question me if I can keep my demeanor after at least six months of harassment is like telling a rape victim because she took a shower or changed her sheets to get over it.

So here are just a few things that I have experienced:

1. Getting my ass grabbed at a company event (baseball game) in front of my husband

2. Being told women’s feet are smaller so they can stand closer to the oven

3. Asking me to call you on Facetime because my phone was tucked at the side of my shirt while my hands were full

4. Making a joke about me coughing while eating yogurt because you made me laugh and then making a joke about me being able to swallow with another employee.

5. Telling me to make you a sandwich

6. Asking me “Are you on your period?”

7. “I wish your fine ass was here drinking with me” - over the phone on a business trip

8. “You’re pretty” insisting that I was stupid.

9. I’m clipped so we wouldn’t have to worry about you getting pregnant.

10. Speaking about a woman about how she dyes her hair and stating she is crazy whom also is a client and a friend of mine.

11. Teaching someone how to use the new coffee maker and the girl said: “She’s good at showing people things” (I had been training her) and the male looks at me and smiles.

12. Stating you can’t say anything to me (after my HR meeting) bc you would be accused of sexual harassment —- and making me a victim again.

I had been becoming overwhelming depressed. I felt ashamed, stuck, hopeless, alone, and my feeling of self-worth depleted.

Before all of this, people could sum me up in the following words said by women: “Sweet”, “Kind”, “Sunshine”, “Funny”, “Smart”, “Always helping others”

For someone to say recently…. “I saw a girl who always had sparks flying. Vibrant Colorful Sparks”

… that doesn’t sound like someone who thought about suicide because of all the stress and loss of hope. I decided to seek help not just for myself, but for the people who wouldn’t want to lose me. Because what those people don’t know, is I am a rape survivor. I have spent the majority of my life being objectified by men and after meeting my husband… I learned my self-worth. I learned that it is not okay. I still lived in fear of speaking up even after over 10 years of saying I wish I had spoken up more about my experience to help others.

I’ve been seeing a counselor who has been an incredible influence on my life. I am taking medication to get through this hurdle in life. Whether it’s me staying where I am and creating new boundaries but still feeling my career has now had a set back… or to move on to a new beginning. Maybe even something that could help another person fight through the feelings and experiences I myself have gone through.

I know in my heart I AM WORTH MORE. I DESERVE MORE. I WILL HAVE MORE.

For anyone who has experienced sexual harassment or assault. They do not get the best part of you. Do not let them control your mind or your health. You are not stuck. You are not to blame. Everything with be okay and now you are even stronger.

#sexualharassment #workplace #suicide #bullying #adultbullying #hostileenvironment #healing #survivor #sexism

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riseaboveaseriesofcycles-blog · 7 years

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