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roanniom 17 hours
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Goodness, I鈥檓 not a gratitude girly, as much as I wish I were, but gosh darn am I grateful that Joe Quinn and Joe Keery exist for me to appreciate 鈾ワ笍
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roanniom 17 hours
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joe keery with a moustache makes me so dizzy !
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roanniom 19 hours
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So this post by @callmejames inspired me to create this edit.
Please give credit if you use or repost
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roanniom 22 hours
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I can鈥檛 see your master list
Can you check your settings and make sure that you have accepted mature content when it comes to community labels?
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roanniom 23 hours
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Can someone please tell me if they can see my masterlist pinned to the top of my blog please?
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roanniom 1 day
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Hi, do you take requests?馃グ
Yes I do! Requests for big ideas are semi-closed just because I am extremely behind on my requests and WIPs in general, but I always take requests for drabbles and things like that (and I often break my own rules and end up writing longer things based on them when the mood strikes).
But yeah my inbox is always open for ideas 鈾ワ笍鈾ワ笍鈾ワ笍
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roanniom 1 day
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Hi! Do you have a masterlist? 馃槉
I do have one, you can find it here!
It is pinned to the top of my blog, but not sure if it is visible due to the community label that got put on it. Is there any way you could let me know if you see it there?
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roanniom 1 day
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Reblogging my master list for those trying to find!
Issa鈥檚 Fanfiction Masterlist
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Welcome to my humble rebloggable masterlist. I鈥檓 not going to kid you, it鈥檚 mainly smut. So if you鈥檙e down with that, I think you鈥檒l like it here.
Characters I currently write for:
Eddie Munson [ST]
Steve Harrington [ST]
Below the cut you will find my fics sorted by character.
Requests are currently CLOSED聽but will be opened/closed periodically and noted here. Always accepting thots and rants (especially spicy) in my asks.
*Note: all reader insert fics herein are Fem!Reader unless explicitly stated as otherwise. Aside from the distinction, I do my best to refrain from including any specific descriptors in an effort to remain inclusive!聽
Keep reading
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roanniom 1 day
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Say what you want, but i just KNOW Eddie Munson whimpers.
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roanniom 2 days
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*heart eyes*
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roanniom 2 days
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I kinda want you to do an enemies to lovers with Steve after that movie 馃ズ
Kind of wanna do an enemies to lovers with Steve after this movie 馃槶
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roanniom 2 days
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Blue you are magnificent. This was magnificent. FUCK.
hey! hi! i had a mighty hankering for some steve harrington smut, so here鈥檚 this.
warnings: 18+ mdni! unprotected piv, fingering, breeding kink (hehe)
When you get home from your third date with Steve Harrington, he鈥檚 all over you.
His body is warm, lean, tan, and covered in freckles; he lays his full weight down upon you while he cradles your face and kisses you like a man possessed.
鈥淟ooked so pretty in that dress,鈥 he mutters between kisses, mouth slick with saliva. His hands wander from your face, tracing over the curves of your body and squeezing you in all the right places. You whine when he digs his fingernails into your hip. His lips curl upwards against yours as he adds, 鈥渂ut you鈥檇 look better without it.鈥
鈥淪h-shut up,鈥 you murmur without any real bite, transfixed by the way his hands move over your skin: lower, lower, lower. He slides one between your legs, adjusting his body over yours to give himself more room to work with.
鈥淵ou want me to shut up?鈥 he asks, one thick brow arching while he peers down at you. There鈥檚 a playfulness in his gaze, a tinge of mischief, because he knows you鈥檙e bluffing. Knows you like it when he鈥檚 mouthy. You鈥檝e only been dating for a few weeks and he鈥檚 already caught on; you go smooth and pliant as honey when he talks to you this way.
A blush paints your cheeks and you look away, unable to hold his gaze when his fingers brush through the warm, slick folds between your legs.
鈥淜now what I think?鈥 Steve breathes, dragging his fingers up to the swollen bead of your clit. 鈥淚 think you鈥檙e the one who should shut up, baby.鈥
He props himself up on one elbow, eyes still on you as one of his fingers dips into your entrance, filling you up slowly until it鈥檚 knuckle-deep. You unleash a whiny, strangled kind of gasp, hips jolting involuntarily - your body chasing the relief Steve's fingers provide you. The pleasant stretch. The delicious friction of his thumb on your clit. Slowly, he pumps his finger in and out of you, your cunt gushing wetter by the minute until one finger is no longer enough.
鈥淢ore,鈥 you whisper, voice high and needy - Steve looks down to find you open-mouthed beneath him, your brows pinched together. He instantly forgets that he鈥檇 told you to be quiet. You just sound so pretty like this.
鈥淚 can do more,鈥 he agrees. It's hard to pull his gaze from your face, but he likes watching your cunt split open around him, whether it鈥檚 his fingers or his cock. He slips another finger in and feels his dick throb when you clench down hard.
Steve likes to get you sloppy and needy before he fucks you. the first time you鈥檇 slept together, he鈥檇 fingered you until you鈥檇 seen stars, pulling two orgasms out of you before he鈥檇 even taken off his pants. but what鈥檚 more gratifying than his ability to get your pussy utterly soaked with arousal? that hazy, spaced-out look in your eyes when you beg him to fuck you. your kiss-bitten lips pulled into a petulant pout, your own fingers pinching your nipples and groping at your breasts, desperate pleas and sweet nothings falling out of you until he finally caves.
There鈥檚 nothing he loves more than making you beg for him.
And he鈥檚 got you there again in no time, your cunt spasming around his fingers while you reach your first orgasm of the night. He fucks you through it and only moves away when you whine from the sensitivity, his lips curved into a self-satisfied grin.
鈥淭hat felt nice, huh?鈥 Steve brings his lips up to his mouth, sucking them clean while you watch from the mattress. Your chest rises and falls as you try to catch your breath, and Steve can鈥檛 help but let his gaze linger there. Your tits are perfect. You鈥檙e perfect.
鈥淢mh,鈥 you groan, 鈥渏ust come here and fuck me, Steve.鈥
鈥淧atience is a virtue, baby,鈥 he chides. You let your eyes pause on him, taking in the sight of his naked body: chiseled, taut, inviting. He leans over to reach for your side table, pulling the drawer open and feeling around inside for a condom.
You鈥檙e not sure what exactly prompts the thought, but suddenly, you find yourself wishing you hadn鈥檛 stocked the nightstand with condoms. You watch Steve tear open the foil, and you wish he鈥檇 just throw the entire thing away. He rolls the condom over his length, hissing at the contact, and you wish he鈥檇 take it right back off.
鈥淲on鈥檛 it鈥︹ you trail off, teeth grazing over your bottom lip. Where were you going with this?
Steve looks up at you, running a hand through his tousled hair. He places that same hand on your thigh, rubbing soothingly over your skin. 鈥淗uh? Won鈥檛 it what?鈥
Though he鈥檇 been knuckle-deep in your cunt a few moments ago, you feel suddenly exposed. Anxious. Shy. Like what you鈥檙e about to say is somehow a step too far. 鈥淲on鈥檛 it feel better, I mean, without the condom?鈥
Steve鈥檚 eyes go wide for a second, his mouth hanging open in a show of genuine disbelief. Shame bubbles up inside of you and you鈥檙e starting to regret speaking up when he moves forward to amble closer to you - close enough to reach your face, to cup your cheek in his hand.
鈥淵ou want that, baby?鈥 he holds your gaze. Steady, unyielding. 鈥淵ou want it raw?鈥
鈥淵eah,鈥 you breathe, eyes wide. 鈥淵eah, Steve. I want it.鈥
鈥淕od, you鈥檙e perfect. You鈥檙e so perfect.鈥 Steve's lips are on yours before you can manage a response, the kiss messy and charged with a new kind of desire. He licks into your mouth and you moan high in your throat, legs spreading for him while he settles on top of you.
鈥淭ake it off for me,鈥 Steve mutters when he breaks away from the kiss, his nose nudging up against yours. 鈥淐an you do that?鈥
Of course you can, you want to tell him, but all you can manage is a nod as you reach between your bodies to roll the condom off. You set it off to the side, not really caring where it goes as long as it鈥檚 gone. As you palm Steve鈥檚 erection with that same hand, giving him a few languid strokes, he rolls his hips into your touch with a sinful moan. He always sounds so sweet, so blissed-out from your every touch.
You don鈥檛 ever want to get used to the initial stretch of Steve's cock inside you. It鈥檚 euphoric, the way he splits you open, pushing himself to the hilt and pausing there while you pulse around him, cunt struggling to accommodate his size. There's always a slight burn, but the pain makes you dizzy with lust; that pleasure is increased tenfold without the condom, your eyes rolling back as you pull in a shaky gasp. Steve curses over you, his head falling to your shoulder. He's panting like he might pass out, cock throbbing inside of you as he wills off a premature orgasm.
鈥淕od, babe, you鈥檙e鈥攜ou feel so good,鈥 he groans, and it almost sounds like he鈥檚 in pain.
鈥淪teve,鈥 you whine. 鈥淪teve, fuck me, please?鈥
You鈥檝e started moving your hips on your own, shuffling around just enough to provide yourself with some relief, the ruddy tip of Steve's cock prodding deep within you. One large hand moves up to grab your hip, Steve's fingertips digging harshly into your skin, harder than before. Hard enough that you know you鈥檙e going to bruise.
鈥淚鈥檝e got you, babe. just lie back. Can I try something?鈥
He blinks down at you, eyes clouded with lust, but there鈥檚 a tenderness in his gaze that makes you feel utterly disarmed. You nod. 鈥淵eah, anything.鈥
Steve kisses you again: slower, deeper, more passionate. It's a quick kiss, but it makes your heart thud ever-faster in your chest before he pulls away, his hands smoothing over the backs of your thighs. He presses his palms into the doughy flesh, pushing your legs up higher, higher. His torso leans in closer, until you鈥檙e eventually pinned to the mattress by his broad chest, your knees beside your head.
And god, you feel him everywhere.
The pleasure is almost overwhelming. He's so much deeper at this angle, the length of his cock dragging slowly through your cunt at first, a lewd squelch accompanying his first few thrusts before he picks up speed. You鈥檙e unable to look at him for a good while, too dazed to focus on anything but the mind-numbing pleasure of this angle, his cock brushing deliciously against your g-spot. But when you do focus enough to take in Steve's expression, you鈥檙e hurtled impossibly closer to your next orgasm, because he鈥檚 wrecked. Brows furrowed, cheeks flushed, lips bitten raw and red. He's staring down at you like you鈥檝e hung the moon in the sky, like he couldn鈥檛 look away if he wanted to. And while this kind of devoted attention would typically make you nervous, all you feel right now is wanted.
鈥淚 think I'm鈥攇od, baby, I'm sorry, I'm gonna come soon,鈥 Steve stammers, his ruthless thrusts knocking the air out of you. 鈥淚'm sorry, you just feel so good, you鈥檙e so tight, shit鈥斺
Your legs are sore from the position you鈥檙e in, folded in half for him, but you feel so impossibly full that it鈥檚 hard to dwell on the ache. Your own orgasm is rapidly approaching, spurred on by the persistent drag of Steve鈥檚 head against that spongy spot inside of you, the pleasure near-overwhelming as the coil in your lower abdomen draws taut.
鈥淚鈥檓 gonna鈥攜ou鈥檙e gonna make me come,鈥 you gasp, legs shaking in their upright position. 鈥淚 w-wanna come with you, Steve, please.鈥
鈥淵eah?鈥 He鈥檚 panting, too, hips pounding into the supple flesh of your thighs, his punishing grip on you tightening further. He holds you in place by the hips, fucking into you at the perfect angle to hurtle you closer and closer to your orgasm. He鈥檚 almost there, too, but you can tell that he鈥檚 holding back for you. Your heart would flutter if you weren鈥檛 so busy being fucked stupid.
鈥淪teve,鈥 you say, back arching, 鈥淚 want you鈥擨 want it inside.鈥
Pussy-drunk and mesmerized by the bouncing of your tits with his every thrust, Steve doesn鈥檛 seem to process what you鈥檝e said for a moment. You reach a hand out to take his chin in your hand, and those blown-out eyes focus on you, finally. His lips are parted and he鈥檚 flushed the prettiest shade of pink.
鈥淐ome inside me,鈥 you tell him. You must look just as wrecked as him, but you force seriousness into your gaze鈥攜ou want this more than anything, and you鈥檙e not even sure why. You鈥檝e never felt particularly inclined to let a boyfriend do this before. It always seemed like too much of a mess, too much of a liability.
鈥淥h my god,鈥 Steve says, his eyes rolling back briefly before he readjusts, hammering into you somehow harder and faster and more desperately than before. 鈥淥h my fucking god鈥︹
At this new angle, he鈥檚 hitting it perfectly鈥攖hat sweet spot along your frontal wall. You dissolve into the white heat of your orgasm not much later, legs trembling, mouth hung open, cunt fluttering wildly around his length while he pumps into you those last few times. And when he comes, it鈥檚 with a flurry of words: Take it all鈥攇onna fuck a baby into you鈥攜ou鈥檙e gonna look so sexy鈥
It takes a while for the two of you to catch your breath. You lie together, limbs tangled, breath mingling, sweat and cum and saliva dampening your worn-out bodies. Steve鈥檚 the first one to speak up.
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 know you were into that,鈥 he says, though his voice is far from judgmental. He sounds more pleased than anything.
You grin, pecking him on the cheek. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 either.鈥
鈥淚s that what you want?鈥 Steve鈥檚 playing with your hair, curling a lock around his finger again and again and again. 鈥淎 baby?鈥
鈥淚t鈥檚 a little early for that,鈥 you comment. 鈥淚sn鈥檛 it?鈥
Steve has to think about it for a moment, and though you should probably feel strange discussing children after your third date, his obvious deliberation makes you laugh. Genuinely.
鈥淪ure, it鈥檚 a little early,鈥 he decides. His hand moves to your cheek, lips closing in on yours in a gentle, slow kiss. 鈥淏ut there鈥檚 nothing wrong with getting some practice.鈥
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roanniom 2 days
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Hahahaha I just re-read The Shift part 2 and it鈥檚 been so long that I was able to disassociate and pretend like I was reading someone else鈥檚 work.
And damn. Now I understand why all of you are so mad at me for taking forever on part 3 because fuck me! What happens next???
Guess I have to write it. Ugh.
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roanniom 2 days
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Reminder that if you have sent me an ask and I haven鈥檛 replied it is probably because it was so hot or I loved it so much that I am holding on to it till I have more time to fully write something in response and do it justice.
Because I鈥檓 a dumb, horny perfectionist.
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roanniom 3 days
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#sir are you ok?
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roanniom 3 days
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This series is going to destroy me, I just know it.
饾悽饾悷 饾悽饾惌 饾悰饾悮饾惈饾悿饾惉 | 饾悶饾悵饾悵饾悽饾悶 饾惁饾惍饾惂饾惉饾惃饾惂
part one | part two聽
You don鈥檛 mean to make an enemy of Eddie Munson 鈥 he鈥檚 handsome, and talented, but he鈥檚 the biggest jerk you鈥檝e ever met. Eddie thinks you鈥檙e infuriatingly pretty, emphasis on the infuriating. Too bad you just can鈥檛 seem to leave each other alone.聽
fem!reader, enemies-to-lovers, rival rockstars, mutual pining, slight miscommunication, angst, hurt-comfort, eddie has mixed intentions, sexual tension, TW bullying (in case), TW recreational drug use, drinking, smoking, swearing. disclaimer: I can鈥檛 play an instrument
饟啯鉂わ笌饟啰
The Coral Apartments, California, November 1990
Eddie Munson looks good on TV. You try to convince yourself that it's the blurry imagery, the three-toned LED's, but you know it's because he's plain good-looking. Rockstar suits him. Glam suits him; eyeliner, ripped shirts, ever-bruised knuckles and cut up fingertips that speak of a wrought dedication to the music he plays.聽
You look away from the TV and push the sheets down with your feet, naked legs flat to the mattress and covered in your own cuts and bruises. It's not entirely Morgan's fault, but every time you see the shiny scar on your ankle you get mad at her again. She'd been sloppy on stage, pulled her mic tight and sent you reeling over it like a tripwire. You'd cut up your legs, sprained your wrist, and split your chin. On national TV. In front of thousands of people.聽
Your ego is pretty bruised too.聽
Worse was the bouquet of flowers you'd been sent the day after, huge and bursting with colour from a certain dark-haired thorn in your side.聽
Saw you ate shit. Stop day-dreaming about me during sets and you'll be fine. EM聽
You'd trashed the card but hadn't had the heart to fob the flowers. The last survivors of the bunch wilt slowly on the nightstand beside you, a much too pretty reminder of somebody you're trying to forget. Or rather, erase. You won't admit to yourself what happened at Monsters of Rock, because admitting it means he's winning.聽
Morgan pushes your door open with her hip. If she's perturbed to find you in your underwear she doesn't say a word, making a beeline for your bag. She takes out your Newports and taps the carton against her chest.聽
"What's up?" she asks, sliding a cigarette from the box and propping it between her shiny lips. "You still feeling sorry for yourself?"
"Morgan."聽
She lights her cigarette, laughing through an exhale of smoke. "How many times do I have to say sorry?"聽
"Once would be nice."聽
"Babe." Morgan sits at the end of your bed, in a good mood for once but still herself. "I'm sorry you fell over my mic."聽
She likely doesn't even see what's wrong with her apology. You accept it for what it is and hold your arm out for the pack and lighter. Knees pulled up, you settle against the headboard and light a cigarette yourself, but snuff it out after a shallow inhale. Nothing feels worth indulging in when the knot of anxiety in your chest keeps on tightening.聽
"Where's Ananya?" you ask.聽
"You're watching this again?"聽
You glance at the TV where Corroded Coffin play through their Monsters of Rock set.聽
"M'just waiting for us," you lie mildly.
"Sure鈥 You know, you shouldn't feel bad about your spill last week. Look at Munson. Biggest crowd of his life and he's tripping over an E major."聽
She snorts, the two of you watching as the Eddie on screen looks to the left of the stage and misses his mark.聽
"How do you flub that?" She rolls her eyes. "Boys."聽
How did he flub it? You'd been standing on the side stage cleaned up and smiling like you were half in love with him. The recording is proof 鈥 whatever power it is that he has over you, you have something similar over him.聽
"Anya's in the lobby waiting for us."聽
You sit up.聽
"Why?"聽
Morgan points at the alarm clock on your nightstand with the smouldering tip of her cigarette. "It's Friday."聽
"It's Thursday."聽
She smiles at you. If you didn't know her, the look of pity on her face might almost feel genuine. As it stands, she's a magnanimous bitch when she wants to be. She's lucky that it suits her.聽
"It's Friday, babe. And we're," 鈥攕he tilts her head to one side, the bemusement in her eyes unmissable鈥 "ten minutes late."聽
"Shit. Shit." You stand up on wobbly legs. "Fuck."聽
"Don't worry! I got you something."聽
With Morgan, you aren't sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But you don't really have a choice.聽
Eddie won't admit to anybody why he finds himself in California. The band isn't touring, award season is mostly over. He should go home and see Wayne because fuck he's a bad nephew, a bad son, and Wayne deserves a whole lot better than one phone call a week when Eddie's too hungover to actually listen to what his uncle is saying. He should head back to Hawkins and make sure Wayne's actually cashing in the cheque's Eddie's been sending.聽
He shouldn't be hanging around parties hosted by people he only knows from TV looking for you, that's for sure.聽
The good thing about being semi famous is that introductions don't matter. Either somebody already knows you or they don't, and everybody assumes you already know them. Eddie can't count how many times somebody's pulled him in for a one-armed hug and said "Good to see you again," when they've never met before.聽
It could be the coke. It's probably the ego.聽
Eddie isn't extremely introspective or anything, but he hopes to fuck that he isn't an asshole. He knows he is in superficial ways. He's said some hurtful shit to people 鈥 to you 鈥 he wishes every now and then that he could take back. In the moment it had felt right to tease you, to belittle you as he thought you'd belittled him. He'd wanted to put his hand out and ask how high you can jump. But then he remembers how your bandmates had spoken to you, or your glitzy smile. He remembers the twisting pain in his chest when you'd fallen over on stage a week ago (though if anybody asks, he heard about it from somebody else). You'd smashed into the floor with a cruel force, arms twisted trying to protect your guitar, not a second spared to save yourself. You'd got back on your feet with blood dripping down your chin and played the rest of the song without complaint. Not one person had stepped in to clean you up.聽
It drives Eddie insane. He can't help it. He hates you and he wants to linger on the sidelines and watch you play. He can't stand the despondent look in your eyes when you look at him, when you look at the floor. He needs you to know that you're better than they tell you, but he can't make himself say the words.聽
So he'd sent you flowers and made a lame joke, hoping for hot and coming off desperate no doubt. He'd regretted it as soon as he'd hung up the phone, but he hadn't cancelled the order. Something colourful, he'd said. What flowers cheer people up?聽
The florist had laughed at his awkward tone and said that all flowers do the trick.聽
God, he hopes so.聽
Which isn't to say Eddie likes you. He can't stand you, actually, come to think of it, standing in the sticky pit of some actress' kitchen as he pioneers the radio and flicks through to Roller FM. Resentment burns like fire as the dial clicks beneath his fingers, turning the volume up enough to hear the radio host introduce your band.聽
"And tonight, a month before their new studio album hits the charts, Godless are letting us be the first to hear the second single. The outpour of hype after their first, Down and Out, was no small feat, and we have the lovely ladies here tonight to walk us through that fresh sound. But first, let's spin that new single. Ladies and gents, this is Silver Ringed鈥"聽
Godless are about as cohesive as Corroded Coffin. They have a unique sound as most chart toppers tend to have, and as much as he thinks your front woman is a total hack, she can sing. Her voice moves from sultry and quiet to aggressive and rasping. She isn't afraid to scream when she needs to, and you and Ananya obviously won't let yourselves be outdone. Your music is visceral. It's good. Not Corroded Coffin good, you don't have the clean cut sound they do, but Eddie knows that isn't the point. It's supposed to be a little dirty, and since they let you on the writing floor it's getting worse. Better. Whatever.聽
Eddie rubs his face with both hands.聽
When the song ends, the radio host asks some questions about the new album, inspirations, touring, promotional album covers, the works, and Eddie hates himself for waiting to hear your voice. He grows irritated at the sound of Morgan's raspy nonchalance.聽
"I mean, you guys are really stepping into a new genre here." It's true. Godless and bands like yours are more energetic, more aggressive than what Eddie plays. It's a divisive subject. Eddie likes it, but he knows a ton of metalheads who think it's immature. It's certainly not traditional. "Your first album was a whole lot different. And it was good, Godless broke into the scene! But this is new. You guys are more original and more popular than ever. Why the change?" The host laughs. "Well, she's sitting right here."聽
Eddie thinks he can hear you inhale, but it's Morgan who speaks.聽
"I wanted more for us, you know? Our first record, we just wanted to prove we could do it. This time we want to prove no one else can."聽
Jamison scoffs. Eddie looks up from the radio and finds his bandmate with a beer in hand. He tries to steal it and gets an elbow to the chest for the effort.聽
"Dick," he says.聽
"Get your own." Jamison tilts his head toward the radio in a show of tuning in. "Can't tear yourself away, huh? How's your girlfriend?"聽
"Christ," Eddie hisses.聽
"You need him. Aw, she sounds so sweet."聽
Eddie startles back to the radio, and sure enough you've finally been allowed to talk. Your voice is soft with nerves.聽
"It's a lot to adjust to, I think I'm slow to- uh, get with the program. But I'm so happy to get to make music and to be a part of something this sick. Uh, this amazing, I mean."聽
Poor girl, he thinks. By the end of your answer you sound like you want the ground to swallow you up. Thankfully the host is a professional, and laughs warmly.聽
"It's a big lifestyle change! We talked a little about influence, is there a track I can play you guys out with? What's your favourite?" he asks.聽
"Me?" you ask.聽
"Yeah, you."聽
"Oh, uh鈥" You laugh, sounding frazzled and sweet at once. "It has to be Black Sabbath, right? Do you guys have, um, The Mob Rules? Mob Rules is my favourite."聽
Eddie needs to get very drunk, he decides, and he does. He drinks until he can't taste the difference between the shitty craft beer and seven hundred dollar cognac. Until he forgets why he was drinking in the first place, to erase the sound of your voice and your Sabbath recommendation 鈥 who the fuck picks Mob Rules over Heaven and Hell? He's tipsy and he won't remember, but he wants to fuck you stupid just for that (affectionately).
He loves Mob Rules.聽
They move from one party to another, sloshed in the back of a car he still can't afford with his rockstar paycheck, more than drunk in the bathroom of a Studio City mansion kissing powder off of his fingers. Whatever he's been given doesn't last very long (though it hits hard), and he comes back to reality on a huge fancy couch surrounded by people, some he knows and most he doesn't.聽
"I need a drink," he says.聽
And he gets the shock of his life.
"I don't think that's a very good idea," you say gently.聽
Eddie swings his head to yours, finding you in a nice dress, the gem of a necklace fallen down the valley of your chest. The lights are high and blaring and he can see the fine hairs of your face, the shine of your lipgloss like a siren call.聽
"Why are you here?" he asks.聽
You shrug. He watches your shoulders.聽
"I need a drink," he says again.聽
"Like, a beer? I don't judge but I think you鈥檒l get alcohol poisoning if you drink anything else."聽
"Like a beer."聽
You look like you might stand up and get him one, for a second. He's ultimately glad that you don't. You twist around, elbow over the back of the couch, and your face beams like a star as you call, "Hey, Dornie? Could you toss me a beer, please?"聽
Eddie worries he'd wanted to see you so badly you've appeared as a hallucination, and he hates himself and it's all old news anyways, but you turn back with a cold as ice beer in hand and press it into his arm until he whines.
"I'm sobering you up," you tease, again so gently. He does not like how you're looking at him, like you feel sorry for him.聽
He takes the beer though the second sip makes him feel sick to his stomach, and tries not to look at you.聽
"What, you don't want to be my friend anymore?" you ask.聽
What has he said?聽
"Sweetheart," he says, focusing very hard on sounding solid, "a friend is the last thing I want from you."聽
"Could've fooled me鈥 Hey, you wanna know a secret?"聽
"What?"聽
You lean in close, smelling of perfume, your face undeniably touchable. "I heard from somebody who heard from somebody else that they're kicking Tony Martin to the curb."聽
He blinks. "Sabbath?"聽
"Uh-huh."聽
"Why the fuck would they do that?"聽
"Think on it, baby."聽
If he couldn't smell the flowery punch of your perfume, or see the individual lashes that shield your waterline, he'd definitely think you were a dream. You're here, and you're talking to him like you like him, looking at him like you did, you cruel, awful thing, that day at Monsters of Rock when he'd pressed you up against a wall and kissed you until his lips burned. You'd kissed back. You'd responded, your lips pressing against his with more enthusiasm than made any sense.聽
Now you're calling him baby and telling him secrets, your knees tucked together and the outside of your thigh warming a stripe under his jeans. It feels surreal. Your body heat is sinking into his skin.聽
Somebody across the coffee table entices you into conversation. Eddie listens to you talk. Maybe high Eddie is a nicer guy than sober Eddie (unlikely), because you don't seem repulsed by his company. Considering how you left things, your little corner shop spat and his bruising kiss, he hadn't been expecting a warm welcome.聽
"Did you鈥" he starts, insecure and hiding it as best as he can, fingers itching for a cigarette, for something to do, "did you like the flowers?"聽
"You already asked me that." You peek down at his beer. "Could I have that?"聽
He hands it over numbly.聽
"It's not a good idea, you know? Drugs and drink, mixing them together. It messes with your heart," you tell him.聽
"Don't act all innocent," he says.聽
"No, I know, I'm not trying to lecture you 'cause I do shit I shouldn't do, but鈥 you looked one bump from a heart attack. Seriously."聽
"Why do you care?"聽
You laugh. Your nose wrinkles. "I don't know."聽
It's not the answer he wanted, but it's the one he deserves.聽
He's spent weeks talking to himself, imagining conversations between you both. He's memorised defences, shamefully readied a few insults in case you'd prepared your own, but nothing comes to mind now. He's speechless.聽
You drink his beer and he thinks about how his lips had been at the mouth of it not ten minutes ago. It shouldn't matter. You've already kissed him. It shouldn't.聽
"I don't think I took what I meant to," he admits.聽
"Me neither. Morgan said they've been cutting with procaine around the hills. Did you get super numb?"聽
He can't remember. He doesn't want to talk about any of this with you. "I heard you on the radio."聽
"You did?"聽
"You were scared."聽
"No." You tear the tab off of the beer and put it in his hand. "I like high Eddie, he鈥檚 honest."聽
"I'm not, really鈥"聽
"Should see your pupils."聽
Maybe he is, then. That could explain why he keeps saying what he's thinking without pausing to check if it sounds cool. He has his defences up to the ceiling usually, wouldn't ever let you or anybody else in, not here.聽
He's staring at you.聽
You brush the side of his arm with your fingernails.聽
"Why are you being so nice to me?" he asks.聽
Your small smile flattens into a line. "I don't know, Eddie. Who are you gonna tell? Who'd believe you? As far as the tabloids and- and our friends are aware, we hate each other."聽
"It didn't feel like you hated me."聽
"I didn't."
"But you do now?"聽
You stand up. Eddie gets caught in your smile, charming with something worse lurking beneath. You brush the hair out of his face and station your hands at the base of his neck, dropping your head toward his ear.聽
"Not telling," you whisper.
He thinks for a moment you're gonna kiss him, his ear or his neck, but you scratch his scalp lightly and leave as he's getting to grips with the feeling of your breath against his skin.聽
Dolly Floor, California, December 1990聽
Dolly Floor is a club in West Hollywood frequented by movie stars. You're pretty sure you only get in because of Morgan's snow trail incident months ago, and you almost wish they'd sent you packing when you see how densely hedged it is inside. The temperature hikes up with every step you take inside, and soon Morgan's dropping your wrist in favour of one of her friends across the way, leaving you totally alone.聽
You're dressed in too much clothing for the occasion, a dress with sleeves and a leather jacket that isn't yours, big boots to protect your feet from crushing crowds. Morgan had thrown a pair of kitten heels at you in frustration. For once you'd told her no. She's been oddly friendly lately, letting you do as you please with nothing more than an irritated huff, and so you've got tights and socks alike stuffed into your shoes 鈥 you're sick of aches and pains.聽
If anybody steps on your toes tonight, you're going home.聽
The air is thick with humidity, exhaled breath, the scent of alcohol explaining the stickiness under your footsteps. You don't know many people, but you know Dornie and, irritatingly, half of Corroded Coffin, so you beeline for the band where they're holed up at the back and hope one of them will give you a drink.聽
There's gotta be thirty different people hanging out. How they can hear each other talk is a mystery. Dornie puts his arm out when he sees you and you slide into his side, reaching up on tiptoes to kiss his pale cheek.聽
"Careful," he says, "you'll make someone jealous."聽
You're affectionate with Dornie 'cause he's nice. Just plain nice, which is hard to find in Hollywood. He's the very first friend you've made that's yet to break your heart, and better, he hasn't tried to sleep with you.
Not that you think you're some unresistable notch.聽
"Who'd be jealous of me?" you ask.聽
"Of me." He rubs your shoulder through leather. "It's good to see you, doll. Your chin's healing up nice, yeah? Or is it make-up?"聽
He taps your chin.聽
It unlocks a reluctant memory, the shadow of a different hand, heavy with intoxication but painstakingly gentle.聽
"It's a bit of make-up," you admit, lifting your chin so he can see it.聽
"Still, it's getting better. How are your knees?"聽
Hiding behind your tights. "They're gnarly. Doesn't hurt to walk much now though."聽
Dornie grins. He has a pretty smile with white wonky teeth and three lip rings on one side. His hair is shorn short, unlike most of the guys here rocking hair to the ears or even longer. His eyes are a light brown, emphasising the bruising bags under his eyes. He looks tired.聽
"Don't look, but I'm getting some serious glarage from your favourite guitarist."聽
"You're my favourite guitarist," you say, and you mean it. His arm is a comforting weight. It feels so good to have a friend.聽
"Your second favourite."聽
You step completely into Dornie's view and look up at him. "How's he look now?"聽
"Chilling. Want me to guide you over to the bar like we're lovers?"聽
"Don't say it like that."聽
Dornie pulls you across the floor back to the bar, where blessed cool air seeps down from the air-conditioning and the drinks leave pools of condensation the second they're put down. Dornie buys you a mystery cocktail that tastes more like water than juice. You sip at it happily, using your more neutral vantage point to get a good look at Eddie.聽
He's sprawled against a booth wall with one arm behind his head, a cigarette sending smoke up to the wall. He looks better than the last time you'd seen him. There's colour in his cheeks, though that might be the lighting. Dolly Floor is a strange venue, like a strip club without the workers, or a restaurant without food. It doesn't feel like a club, but there's a small stage around the corner from the bar where good music plays live, and it doesn't take much convincing for Dornie to come and watch the show with you for a bit. Some of his friends join you, a woman called Natalie, a man named Matfield, and they're both as nice as he is.聽
"We heard the new record!" Matfield says across the high table, the golden watch on his wrist a beacon under the reflections of the harsh stage lights.聽
"Hated it?" you ask.聽
He chuckles. "All the screaming isn't for me, baby, but that shit doesn't matter. It was good. How's it doing?"聽
"I honestly haven't looked," you say, opening your box of Newports and offering them out like candy. Everybody takes one.聽
"Better not to know tonight," Natalie says agreeably, her perfect black hair curled toward her face like a seraphim shifting as she leans in for a light. "All you have to do is celebrate."聽
You'd wanted, foolishly, to celebrate with the girls. Ananya had dipped as soon as she could and you get it, she has her own friends, but Morgan knocking the door of your room had been a great relief. If at least one of them wants to spend time with you, that's enough. Only, Morgan had made it clear as she was sifting through your clothes that she was going to try and find, "like, someone who's actually interesting." You'd taken it about half as personally as you would've a few months ago.聽
Hence Dornie. You'd called him on the landlines and he'd said, "Yeah, babe, I'll meet you there."聽
Thank whatever's watching for Dornie.聽
He buys you another drink and then another, says your money's no good and tonight's about you. His friends are great, including you in all their jokes and smiles, and when the lights go down and the music gets louder you head out onto the glowing tiles and dance with them.聽
Eddie finds you not long after. Slinking up from your peripherals, hand in his pocket.聽
"What Eddie am I seeing tonight? The nice one?"聽
Eddie doesn't flinch at your sudden question. "You look good."聽
He'd approached from the left. You'd felt it rather than heard him, and you'd guessed right. He steps further into view, not smiling, not not smiling. He looks good too.聽
"I heard the album."聽
You hate how much you care. "Yeah?"聽
"It was good. It wasn't metal, but it was good."聽
You're laughing before he's even finished, turning away from him in a feigned sense of superiority. I don't care what you think.聽
Eddie doesn't grab you. You wouldn't care if he did. He follows by your elbow and says, "Come on, you know it isn't."聽
"Just 'cause it doesn't sound rooted in the 70s," you say with a smile.聽
"That's the whole point. It's baseless, there's nothing traditional in it. It isn't metal, but it's rock, and it's good, and鈥"聽
"Slow down, Munson. A girl'd think you liked her."聽
"I'm objective."聽
"You're not."
"I'm not, but my opinions are right. Everybody says that, but when I do it's true, so鈥"
You look at him properly. He looks present in a way he hasn鈥檛 before in front of you. There鈥檚 a total clarity behind his eyes that you yourself don鈥檛 have tonight. He looks sober. Not that you thought he was an addict, not that you didn鈥檛. There鈥檚 a certain blas茅 attitude to substance abuse when you get a kick of fame. Everybody has something in their pocket and you鈥檒l admit to buying into it, taking stuff you shouldn鈥檛 in unfamiliar places. You know, of course, that drugs are fucking dangerous. But you hadn鈥檛 been freaked out by them until the other night, when you bumped into Eddie outside of the bathroom in Dornie鈥檚 friend鈥檚 house and he hadn鈥檛 recognised you for a solid ten seconds.聽
He鈥檚 chewing on nothing.聽
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 do it to hold over you,鈥 you say.
鈥淲hat?鈥
鈥淟ook after you. It wasn鈥檛鈥 I mean, I wasn鈥檛 making fun of you. And I鈥檓 not gonna tell anybody.鈥
鈥淕enerous.鈥 His eyes narrow subtly.聽
鈥淪o if that鈥檚 what you鈥檙e doing.鈥 You look down to his neck where a silver chain rests, thin, new and hidden under his shirt. 鈥淐hecking to make sure, I鈥檓 not.鈥
鈥淵ou think I鈥檓 here to make sure you don鈥檛 tattle?鈥
You鈥檙e too tipsy to feel embarrassed. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e here to buy me a drink, then. I want a cherry margarita with extra shiny cherries and all the salt on the rim, please. Please,鈥 you add, because the second one hadn鈥檛 felt polite enough.聽
Eddie nods and half turns. 鈥淪hiny cherry?鈥 he asks. You almost miss it, his soft tone nearly lost in the noise.
鈥淢araschino鈥 they鈥檙e pink.鈥
鈥淵ou鈥檙e not gonna come with me?鈥
鈥淕et lost often?鈥澛
Eddie holds his hand out. You鈥檙e supposed to think of how his hand looks, his callouses, his rings, the cut across his thumb, the size and length of his fingers. You think about them enough when he isn鈥檛 around, but now, right now, your heart thuds against your chest. Your thoughts are a mess until they aren鈥檛 鈥 hold his hand. You put your fingers against his palm and he squeezes them together like he鈥檚 collected them, tugging you out of the crowd and across the room to the slick black bar.聽
You鈥檙e still angry with him. You鈥檙e wounded, knife to the gut and all the red blood because he鈥檇 been right, you鈥檙e a dog, you do what people tell you to, you鈥檙e doing it right now, but then he squeezes your hand with a light enough pressure that you鈥檙e sure you鈥檝e imagined it until he does it again, leaning up against the bar as he gives your order. 鈥淓xtra cherries,鈥 he says to the barkeep with a smile, letting your hand go in favour of his own drink.聽
The crowd surges with a new song and people brush your calves as they walk around you. You and Eddie stay at the bar. He sips on a bottle of water. You wait for your margarita.聽
鈥淵our cut鈥檚 healing up,鈥 he says.聽
You try not to notice your touching arms. 鈥淚t was bad, right? It must鈥檝e been. You felt so sorry for me,鈥 鈥攖he words burn鈥 鈥測ou sent me the biggest bouquet I鈥檝e ever gotten in my life.鈥
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 feel sorry for you, sweetheart, can you read?鈥
鈥淏etween the lines, yes,鈥 you say, nodding your head once, emphatic as you accept your margarita. 鈥淭hank you.鈥
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 feel sorry for you. Felt bad for you-鈥 He holds up a pale palm. 鈥淢y fault an鈥 all, I鈥檒l try to be less daydream worthy.鈥
鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 thinking about you. Did you see it? She tripped me up with her mic doing a shitty Stevie Nicks impression.鈥
鈥淲rong genre.鈥
You laugh at him. 鈥淓xactly! That鈥檚 the point.鈥
鈥淵eah, I saw it.鈥澛
You raise your eyebrows. Eddie鈥檚 head tips forward and his hair hides his cheeks, the subtlest impression of his cheekbones lost to a curtain of curls. He twists one of his rings around his finger.
鈥淪he- You should be more careful,鈥 he says.聽
Everything鈥檚 raw with him, criticism most of all, but you鈥檙e feeling generous. You fish one of your shiny cherries from the margarita glass, surprised to find its stalk intact, and break the delicate skin between your teeth. You mull over what he鈥檚 saying as the sweet flavour aches in your jaw. You could鈥檝e been more cautious. You鈥檇 been having fun, and you鈥檇 thought you could trust the people you work with to have your back. It was a little silly to assume; neither Morgan nor Ananya have ever shown you much second thought.
鈥淵eah, I think I should be,鈥 you say finally, putting the cherry stalk in your mouth.
鈥淲hat are you doing?鈥
You ignore him and try to tie a cherry stem knot. You keep trying until you think you鈥檝e got it. You pull the stem from your tongue.聽
鈥淪hit,鈥 you curse, glaring at the curved stem. 鈥淭hought I had it.鈥
Eddie grins and leans into your space, fingers quick to pinch a cherry from your margarita.聽
He brings it to your mouth. You keep your lips pressed closed and search his face for a trick. Nothing peaks out, not a hint of cruelty to his pinked lips or flush of soft lashes. You try not to breathe as you open your mouth, and Eddie pushes the round of the cherry over your bottom lip slowly.聽
You bite down.聽
Eddie takes your stalk and places it on his own tongue. He closes his mouth, and within five seconds he鈥檚 taking out a knitted stem with a prideful buzz about him. Any smugness he鈥檇 held dissipates. He looks adorable.聽
鈥淏eat you,鈥 he says.聽
鈥淎rrogant doesn鈥檛 suit you.鈥
鈥淎rrogant absolutely suits me,鈥 he argues, the corners of his lips twitching up, up, up. He鈥檚 smiling so much. He reminds you of somebody. 鈥淪ore loser doesn鈥檛 suit you.鈥
鈥淵ou鈥檙e one to talk.鈥
鈥淲hat鈥檚 that mean?鈥
鈥淲hat鈥檚 that mean?鈥 you repeat. 鈥淚 smile at you across a stage set and you push me up against a wall.鈥
鈥淪mile? That鈥檚 what you鈥檇 call that?鈥
You鈥檙e facing each other now. Eddie inches closer as he speaks, each word said with a precision that can鈥檛 be unpracticed. 鈥淚鈥檓 playing in front of near enough a hundred thousand people, kind of crowd I fucking dreamed of as a kid, in front of actual real life rockstars, and you stroll up to side stage dressed like鈥撯
He cuts himself off. An olive branch. A stopper. A dam. His inhale infuriates you.聽
鈥淣o, go on. Dressed like what, superstar?鈥
鈥淟ike a fucking groupie.鈥澛
You know he鈥檚 only said it to try and get a rise out of you. He knows that you know. He looks like he wants to take it back.聽
You want him to push it further.聽
鈥淎nd you liked it,鈥 you say, angry. Quiet. 鈥淵ou liked it and you couldn鈥檛 get a handle on it.鈥
鈥淣o,鈥 he says, knowing what you鈥檙e implying, voice hot and fast, 鈥淚 kissed you because I knew you wanted me to. I knew what it would do to you.鈥
鈥淚 wanted you to?鈥 you ask.聽
鈥淒idn鈥檛 you?鈥
鈥淚 wanted to mess with your head 鈥榗ause you fucking harsssed me鈥撯
He cuts you off, 鈥淵ou wanted to mess with me because you hated that I was right about you. Not everything, but enough. Those girls treat you like shit. And you let them, or you鈥檒l be the next Millyana, sitting at home watching the rest of us on TV wondering why you couldn鈥檛 make it out.鈥 Something in his expression flickers like a rubber band has struck his skin.聽
鈥淚鈥檓 not going anywhere.鈥
For the first time, you mean it. You worked hard to get here, had people treat you a whole heap worse than Eddie鈥檚 hot and cold, than Ananya's indifference and Morgan鈥檚 narcissism. Hours in buses with your neck craned against a short ceiling scribbling music and days toeing the line with a guitar falling apart in your hands. You scrimped and saved and starved for this.聽
Eddie smiles at you. For the second time that night, he looks like somebody else.聽
鈥淚 know,鈥 he says. 鈥淚 think we鈥檙e finally on the same page.鈥
Eddie buys you another drink. Your tipsiness had felt so far away when things got heated, but now your bubbly smile is back, and you鈥檙e actually talking to him. About music, sure, but the movies, the weather, the fancy apartments the record company put you up in.聽
鈥淔inally got my own room so Ananya can stop complaining about the noise,鈥 you say with a wink.聽
He chokes on his water. 鈥淭he noise?鈥
鈥淚鈥檓 a very dedicated player.鈥
You let a small silence pervade before bursting into giggles, hand patting his upper arm. 鈥淚鈥檓 kidding! She gets mad 鈥榗os I鈥檓 trying to learn YYZ but it is so, so hard.鈥
鈥淪hit is hard,鈥 he says. 鈥淒o you even have time for that? You start touring again in a month, maybe you should, you know, slack off?鈥
鈥淣o, because if I鈥檓 doing nothing I鈥檓 nothing.鈥
Eddie 鈥 fuck fuck fuck 鈥 shouldn鈥檛 pry.聽
鈥淵ou鈥檙e not nothing.鈥
You wrinkle your nose at him and he loves when you do it. It鈥檚 not cute, really, but everything you do is cute in a way he refuses to unpack. 鈥淣o, I鈥檓 not, I don鈥檛 know why I said that.鈥
鈥淚 get it, though. You feel like鈥 maybe it's all gonna stop one day. Wake up with a bad case of the yips and no matter how good you were鈥︹
鈥淵eah.鈥 You take a very noisy slurp of margarita. 鈥淚鈥檓 so afraid that I鈥檓 gonna be nothing that I can鈥檛 stop.鈥
Eddie throws his gaze around the room. It鈥檚 no coincidence that your friend Dornie keeps looking his way; the night is winding down and there鈥檚 barely anybody dancing. It鈥檚 home time.聽
鈥淵ou won鈥檛 be nothing,鈥 he says, easing the margarita out of your hands. He might鈥檝e bought you one too many. 鈥淚鈥檓 sorry for, uh, getting you drunk.鈥
鈥淚 got myself at least three parts there. Out of five.鈥
鈥淎t least three parts,鈥 he agrees.
He wants, very badly, to touch your face. Hold your cheek in his palm. 鈥淗ey,鈥 he says lightly. 鈥淯h, you got something. On your cheek.鈥
You brush your dewy skin with an embarrassed look about you, shoulder risen and eyes all droopy with booze. 鈥淗ere?鈥
鈥淗igher.鈥
He watches you scrub at nothing. He鈥檚 tricking you. He feels awful.聽
鈥淪till haven鈥檛 got it?鈥
鈥溾楩raid not, baby.鈥
鈥淵ou get it.鈥 You brandish your cheek.
Eddie keeps a good distance. He knows what he鈥檚 doing is weird, he just wants to touch you for a second. He rubs the pad of his thumb down your face, tracing the path of a tear you haven鈥檛 shed. Eye to chin.聽
鈥淵ou鈥檙e good,鈥 he says, dropping his hand.聽
鈥淭hank you.鈥
You鈥檙e slurring. He thinks you鈥檙e more tired than you are tipsy (though you are, undeniably, inebriated), and he wonders where all the time went, how it鈥檚 suddenly been an hour with you and your conversation. There鈥檇 been a moment where he thought he鈥檇 fucked it and your eyes had shone with hurt, but you鈥檙e smiling, he鈥檚 smiling, and Dornie looks aggrieved. All good things.
鈥淚 think you better get going,鈥 he murmurs.聽
鈥淪ick of me?鈥 you ask, not teasing.聽
鈥淣o. Your friend鈥檚 waiting for you.鈥澛
You look over your shoulder and your smile glows. You start babbling about how that鈥檚 your friend Dornie (he knows, you鈥檝e only told him five times) and how Dornie is sooooo nice. You deserve somebody being nice to you right from the start. Eddie鈥檚 trying to make it right but he鈥檚 said some shit he can鈥檛 take back. He wants you to have someone who鈥檚 a hundred percent sweet on you, he just doesn鈥檛 wanna have to hear the adoration in your voice when you talk about it.聽
Eddie鈥檚 a dick. Self-admitted.聽
You go home with an arm looped around Dornie鈥檚 waist. (Dornie said high-pitched, wide-eyed.) Eddie pulls a handful of bills from his wallet to pay for the drinks he鈥檇 bought, stuffing the change in a tip jar on the way back to the dregs of the coffin crew. Jamison鈥檚 long gone and Jeff didn鈥檛 wanna come, but Gareth鈥檚 smoking a cigarette with another guy鈥檚 hand mysteriously lapward.聽
He clears his throat. 鈥淚鈥檓 going home and taking the car.鈥
鈥淲ait for me?鈥
Eddie cringes. 鈥淪ure.鈥
Eddie sits in the car. One hand on the wheel, the other in his pocket. He thinks about tonight, your hair, your smile, the way your arm had brushed up against his. He wonders if this is the right move. Eddie鈥檚 not mad at you anymore for forgetting who he was, for your teasing at the Prover Theatre or your rookie comments. And Monsters of Rock, that had been half spite and half bravado. Spur of the moment bravery. Idiocy. Yeah he鈥檇 kissed you to piss you off, but he鈥檇 also done it because he wanted to.聽
He sighs and takes your discarded pull tab out of his pocket. He thumbs the rounded edge, thinking harder than one guy should ever think about anything that isn鈥檛 metal. Shit, he thinks. I gotta go home.
饟啯鉂わ笌饟啰
note: they are not done hating each other I am just warming up! thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed <3
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roanniom 3 days
Text
Happy day of denial to my fellow Eddie Munson bitches 馃槍
He was just resting okay
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