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A representation of my thought process at all times
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First time I’ve been on here in awhile. Regarding my last post I made about being a mom; I’m so beyond my limit I’m surprised I’m still able to function and take care of my boys. I love being their mother. I love my boys so much!!! I would do anything for them. But...it hurts me so much to say this but I’m still feeling the same way as I was 3 months ago....some days I hate being a mother and wish that I could go back to when I wasn’t and to use protection. I was my choice and I understand that and I take full responsibility. I love my sons so much and it I feel like the worse mother ever for having those days... I barely had a life or social life to begin with before I had either of them. I had no friends, my family and in-laws couldn’t understand my emotional/metal state and they still don’t. I had an absolute breakdown today. I cried for 3 hours and 1 of which is was on the phone with my grandmother because she’s the ONLY person in my life that actually understands what’s going on and won’t belittle, judge, or ostracize me for it. I’m at my heaviest I’ve ever been and my medication for my PTSD, anxiety, and depression, along with my birth control, has made it so hard with trying to lose weight. I can’t go anywhere because my oldest has a CHD and my youngest isn’t even a year old yet. I have absolutely no social interactions with any adults during the day or night, aside from my SO. The only time I actually interact with other adults is when I go to the store by myself, which VERY seldomly happens. I feel trapped not only at home, in my mind and I’ve tried everything possible to break free and it just keeps getting worse and worse AND to top it all off, my SO barely shows me any affection anymore; I have to ask for a kiss or a hug. The only time he really shows me any attention is when it’s related to video games or our kids...I know nobody is gonna comment on this and it won’t surprise me if people don’t, just like the others. Might as well vent....
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Why is it so wrong for me to have time to myself and do stuff for me for once? Yes I’m a mom. Yes I’m a stay at home mom, but I’m exhausted too. I may not work 12+ hours a day 6 days a week at a very laborious job but I’m at home (stuck at home) ALL DAY 24/7 with my sons. I love them so much, but I need a break too. Everybody always says that I’m mom I will never get a break. I can’t keep going and taking care of my sons of i can never do something for myself and relax for once. The ONLY time I ever get to myself is late at night and that’s when I need to shower and sleep so I really can’t do anything. I’m in tears as I’m writing this because it’s become so much on top of my PTSD, Depression, and severe anxiety. I’m constantly told to take one of the boys with me if I go somewhere and it’s like, why can’t I go alone and do something by myself for once? I hate to say it but there are some days where I hate being a mother because I can’t even take care of myself, how the he’ll am I able to take care of two little humans that need me? Nobody cares. Nobody ever wants to listen. Everybody says the same thing: “you’re a mom, you’ll never get to do anything.” I’m 23 on top of it. Became a mom at 19 to a child with a congenital heart defect. I never got to do anything all my friends were doing. I have no friends. I have nobody. I’m exhausted mentally, physically, psychologically, emotionally. And nobody cares...
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To All The Girls In A Hurry To Have A Boyfriend
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sailor moon crystal | mars snake fire!
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Drew this after thinking about how Sakura finds Sasuke’s awkwardness either cool or adorable.
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Little Man dropping The People’s Finger™.
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Just so you all know, I’m a receptionist in the service department at one of the largest dealerships in the nation. I’m pregnant on top of, so keep that in mind while reading. Every day I work, 3 days during the week and a Saturday, that’s 630 in the morning to 6 in the afternoon during the week and 730 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon. I have to get up at 5 during the week just to get myself ready, then my son and then I leave and make my almost half hour commute to work, not including if I need to stop for gas. I’m there all day being cursed at by customers, being told I’m wrong with every single little thing I do by the advisors, managers, techs, and even sales of all departments. I have to sit up front for up to 5 hours at a time before lunch which is only an hour. I have to walk up and down service to find an advisor for a customer who’s vehicle has been in for weeks on end at some points and needs a loaner or a customer who needs an answer of pricing and how long something is going to take and NONE of my advisors will answer their phones on purpose but expect me to make THEIR appointments, make sure THEIR customers got everything they need, make sure I don’t overbook THEM when THEY are constantly needing this or that for a customer or a loaner. I’m up there all fucking day dealing with 7 advisors worth of customers plus our quicklube area plus sales stupidity and plus other dealerships customers that are unsatisfied. Yes I technically have 3 days off but those two weekdays I spending doing errands and doctors appointments, which sometimes have been 3 doctors is one day, along with trying to go grocery shopping and trying to take care of my two year old and make sure I’m not overloading myself cause I’m pregnant at the moment. Then on sundays those are the only days I ever have to where is just me and my husband and our son, but half the time we’re spending it with his family or doing something he wants to do. Then he asks me why the house isn’t cleaned and why I’m always on my phone, when I’m barely ever on it and when he’s home all he does is play video games or goes out with his friends (rarely) or goes to hang out with his sister. He sometimes likes to ask me when I’m pissy mood what it is I do all day at work. Um, work! My job may not be as physically demanding as his (he’s a tech) but my jobs is just as tiring because I have to be at the damn front reception all damn day and can’t leave unless it’s for the bathroom, running messages, or lunch. And listen to this, yesterday I was at work from 615 in the morning to 615 that evening. Yes. A 12 hour shift, no lunch break, no time to get away from the front, nothing, because only two of us were able to work that day when there’s supposed to be at least 3. And get this, this is the second time it’s happened in less than a month and I worked today as well and we got in an argument because I’m being “bitchy” and glued to my when A. I worked equivalent to 20 hours in a day and a half. B. One of those days was 13 hours straight with just me and other receptionist trying to answer all 7 goddamn lines on each of our phones whilst trying to make appointments and get customers to management, advisors, or in loaners. C. I’m barely ever on my phone anymore because of how much I work. It just really pisses me off because I’m being bitchy because I’m tired and hormonal and pregnant and over worked. I made over 40 goddamn hours in 3 1/2 days. Yeah, he may have a more physically demanding job and sometimes not get home til 930 10 at night, but my job is not easy, it’s more emotionally and mentally demanding that him and every other goddamn idiot at the dealership. They all say that we have the easiest job there but I always ask them if they want to be reception for a day and they automatically say “oh hello no” hmmm wonder why? I’m sorry you guys, I just REALLY needed to vent and talk to people who DONT know my life and everything to goes on or the people I work with or the family I have, it’s nice have clean slates to speak to.
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