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rosierule-blog-blog · 11 years

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if love's elastic, then were we born to test its reach?; marcosie

Reflecting back on the past was something Marcus didn’t do often. He didn’t like it. The past held mean things and nasty thoughts, and he figured they were better left there, instead of in the present. Although, he found his mind wandering back on it a lot more than usual, no matter how hard he tried to turn his mind off. Throughout the years, Marcus has had to deal with his family falling apart at the seams, watching his best friend lose his battles with himself, standing by as his girlfriend tried to waste herself from the inside out while he could only stand there and watch, and lastly fighting against his urge to take every pill ever made just to numb it all for a bit. It hurt him in more ways than one, and he wasn’t the most willing to bring the issues back to where they came from. However, despite the overwhelming belief to the contrary, he had come so far. Everyone he loved had come so far. One person in particular, actually.

Like normal, his mind wandered back to Rosie. No surprise. He was stupidly in love with the girl, even after all this time. Everyday with her was a mystery all its own, making it impossible to ever get bored. But even if she wasn’t a constant whirlwind, he probably still wouldn’t get bored. They had been together for a little over two years now, and he still learned something new about her everyday. Today he learned that she doesn’t like taking walks at night because it’s cold and the cold makes her think of the nights she had spent shivering in her bed, being miserable and starving by choice. She likes walks much better in the morning because the world’s still quiet, but everything’s brand new and she got to experience it first. Marcus liked to believe that Rosie was brand new. She was still the same Rosie deep down, but ever since she got out of treatment, a lot of things took a 360.

He still remembered the day she came home. Kyle and Marcus had talked a lot about that day and figured it’d be best if she moved in with him. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little nervous about it. He knew how his girlfriend was with the topic of her disorder, how she was either upset with herself because she got caught, or mad at him and her brother because someone found out. But after awhile, Rosie’s anger melted away and mostly she was just sad. Marcus recalled a day he came to visit her and he held her hand as she fought with herself to finish a chicken wrap. It was her fear food, she had told him. She said that it scared her because every time she took a bite she could feel the slime in her stomach begin to churn and her throat closed up, like something inside of her wanted to reject it. But Marcus sat there, her cold hand in his and told her she was brave. She was brave simply for existing.

After Rosie moved in, things were weird for a little bit, to say the least. With the whole ordeal on top of his own battles he was fighting, Marcus had flunked out of Sterling. It earned an hour and a half lecture from Tally, but she never once said anything close to what he told himself. To move past it, he just told himself he had a hard time prioritizing work over the people he loved, and right now, Rosie took most priority. As time went on, they tried talking about it, but that only worked for so long. They had talked it into the ground and they both decided that it was time to put it behind them. Her eating disorder might always be apart of her, but it sure as hell didn’t control her. Sometimes they talk about it, but most of the time they just carry on as usual. Nothing’s different with them, aside from the meal plans and the doctors appointments and the broken trust. He wouldn’t admit it if she asked him, but some days he was scared to leave with the boys, afraid that she’d have one of her bad days. As a matter of fact, it took everything in Marcus to tell himself that he can’t make her get better. Recovery was a two way street and her being alone from time to time was the only way she could get back on her feet again.

As Marcus stirred his tea, he realized that despite the tears and the clenched fists, it was worth it. The two of them had taken huge steps in the right direction. These days Rosie smiled more; she smiled bright smiles that were warm and bright, leaving crinkles in the corners of her eyes and fondness in his stomach. It wasn’t like Marcus didn’t love Rosie before this, but he loved her even more now. He loved her best happy, and that was the goal these days.

These days were also busy, leaving Marcus tired and beat into the ground. Life had been taking it’s piss out on him for the longest time now, making him cherish the days when he could sit at home and make a cup of tea for himself and actually breathe. This one of those days. Everything had gone as planned, he got up, ate breakfast with Rosie, kissed her goodbye when he left for a meeting, sat through another lecture from his mother than he should try and re-enroll back into Sterling- or was it a phonecall? He couldn’t tell the difference these days- and even managed to finish his day early and get back home in time to watch Big Brother with Rosie. Now their day was drawing to a close, letting any sort of busy-ness settle into the dust and he felt the tension on his shoulders begin to settle.

Finally, he snapped out of his thoughts enough to focus more on his actions. He was in the middle of pouring the water into his girlfriend’s mug, a new one he had gotten for her today. She had really taken a liking to the ones they sold at the shop down by the studio and would come visit him for the sole purpose of going to look at them. According to her, they apparently had a new one every time she came, but that also meant that one was also missing, so obviously she had to buy it before they got rid of it. Not that Marcus was complaining. Their mug collection left late night teas to be very interesting. He liked when they almost forgot and Rosie would literally jump out of bed, squeaking “Tea!" and high-tailing it to the kitchen to make it. She always came back with that day’s mug, as well as Marcus’s usual in his patented one with cartoon rain clouds on it, raining over a vector of a man with an umbrella. On some days Rosie would come in with the mugs switched- black tea with two sugars in his mug and spiced chai in hers. She would say she got it this time because it reminded her of him, but he knew it was mainly because she was trying to challenge herself to breaking her formalities, and because he used the same stupid cup every day. But of course, Marcus didn’t mind. If it helped, he’d gladly let her use his cup.

Today wasn’t like that. As a matter of a fact, today wasn’t going to be like any of the days before. He had asked himself why today of all the days. Why pick today, a cold and rainy day in Seattle, when he could pick one more picturesque? But Marcus knew the answer. His and Rosie’s relationship wasn’t picturesque. Actually, if it was anything of a piece of art, it was splatter paint with water color; it was faded and messy and most people didn’t think it was beautiful at all. But Marcus didn’t care if they thought it was mediocre. Really, all he cared about was if it made him and Rosie happy. Which actually, was a never ending question within itself. Rosie was hardheaded and annoying. She was needy and constantly bitching, but the thing that kept him with her wasn’t because she was notoriously awful to the vast majority of the human population, but because he was the only person who she let hold her hand when she was scared, and he was the only person who she unlocked the door for when she was crying and upset. He was the only person who got to see the nastiest wounds she had and stitch her back up again. Yeah, it was work, but to him, she was worth that much.

Finally picking up the two mugs on the counter, Marcus flicked off the kitchen light with his elbow and made his way back to the bedroom that he shared with Rosie these days. Seeing her snuggled up in the bed, with the only light source coming from the tv and reflecting onto her face was a sight he had come to know quite well. Crossing the room, he set his mug down on the bed side table, before crawling under the covers that Rosie held out for him. Once he got comfortable, he replaced the covers in her hand for her mug and gave her a welcoming peck on the cheek. "Shit!", she said with a start, sitting up straighter as she took a better look at the mug. “I forgot to pick up the new mug! Seriously? I meant to pick it up on the way back from yo-"

"Rosie. Rie. Ro. Calm down." Marcus cut her off, not wanting her to get worked up before she even realized he had it covered. “I got it. Picked it out myself, even. I think you’ll like it, but you have to tell me if you don’t, okay?" he clarified coolly, taking a sip from his own mug. He watched as she held the mug up, squinting into the darkness, trying to analyze it better. Leaning over to turn the bedside lamp on, he noticed that she opened her mouth to reply, but once again, Marcus stopped her, putting a hand on her wrist. “No, no. Not now. You can’t tell me until you’re done." That earned one of Rosie’s patented ‘You’re-A-Fucking-Idiot’ looks, but added to the end of it was a small smirk. She was used to Marcus’s weird antics by now and she knew not to question it.

Sitting cross legged on the bed, he leaned back against the headboard, letting out an exaggerated sigh in the process. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but then again, he really didn’t mind it that much. “So how was your day?", he asked, just trying to get a conversation going. The thing with Rosie was that he could spend hours just sitting in silence and not get bored. There was something comfortable within their silences these days and he found a good company with them. However, the small silence was broken the blonde hummed through her sip, thinking about her answer.

"Went to yoga after you left. I figured I’d just walk today, so that was nice. Um, I got back and had a smoothie for lunch because I didn’t feel like anything else, and then did laundry. I was gonna go over to Ky and Tally’s, but you said you were on your way early, so I just stayed," she mused, recalling her day before taking another sip from her mug. Making a humming noise mid-sip, Marcus’s eyes flicked back up to hers for a second, waiting for her to continue. “Do you want to go with me tomorrow? Tomorrow’s Saturday, right? You don’t have studio?", Rosie asked, setting her cup to rest on her bare thigh, seeming to be genuinely concerned with his schedule. That was one of Marcus’s favorite things about his girlfriend. No matter how stressful things got, they could always find two seconds to sit down and talk about each other’s day, not caring if all they did was lay in bed all day. It was the first time Marcus could actually say someone cared about the details of him.

Refraining from another comfortable silence, Marcus replied, “Oh, no. I uh… I was actually gonna go meet with the Administrators at Sterling, but I can just do that in the morning, if you want." Flicking his eyes down to her mug, he watched as she picked it back up, raising it to her lips and taking her last sip. As usual, she let out a little sigh of displeasure when she noticed there was nothing left in her cup, but didn’t think much of it as she began answering his question.

"Yeah, that’d be great the-," her reply was cut short as her eyes flicked back down to her empty mug. Once again, she squinted down at her cup, even though Marcus knew very well that she could see what she was looking at very clearly at this point. Bringing her gaze back up to meet his, Rosie tilted her head ever so slightly. “Mar. What are you trying to pull here?"

"Me?", he questioned, raising his eyebrows and letting out a breathy laugh. “What are you talking about? What does it say, Rie?" Once more, her eyes fell back to examine the cup, squinting yet again.

"Will you marry me?" she almost-whispered.

Sitting up from where he was leaning against the bed frame, he shrugged, “Well, if you insist." Once more, he got the classic Rosie Glare. But this time he could tell she wasn’t sure if she should laugh it off or not.

"Marcus don’t be an idiot," she mumbled, rolling her eyes and hitting him softly on the arm before turning away to set the now empty mug on the bedside table on her side. That’s where she thought the joke ended. Obviously it was a joke. Marcus was full of jokes and this was his stupidest one yet.

Except this time it wasn’t a joke. By the time Rosie turned back to him, he was looking down in his lap, his hands occupied by something small. Something small and shiny. “I’m not being an idiot, he mumbled, not looking at his girlfriend. “I’m trying to be romantic, here," he said softly, almost groaning. Looking back at her, he turned his whole body before taking her hand in the one that wasn’t clasped around the small object. “Rosie, I know that I’ve been shit. I’m hardly ever around 21% and when I am, another 21% of the time you look like you want to rip my throat out, but the other 58% I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. And I didn’t think I could ever love anything as much as I love you because I’m me and that’s ridiculous, but you know what? You make me do the stupidest shit sometimes," he laughed, taking a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. “Literally, the stupidest shit. So stupid that I’m actually asking you to marry me, So marry me, Rosie. I don’t care if it takes two days or two years, because I just want to marry you." he said finally, unfolding the hand that was clenched in a fist to reveal a ring. It wasn’t too simple, but it wasn’t too over the top. After all, Rosie was over the top enough on her own.

Biting his lip, he looked down from his hand back to her. “Well?", he questioned.

"Oh- I… Of course," she nodded, letting a smile crack over her once vacant expression. God, he could’ve sworn he’d never seen a smile like that before in his life. And he had seen plenty of Rosie smiles to last him six lifetimes, but this… This one was different. This smile was all his and he swore if he could keep it on her face that he’d never have to take up another hobby in his life.

Shakily, he slid the ring onto her finger, barely getting it on before he was being pushed back into the bed frame by Rosie herself. She was tiny, but holy shit could move you. He couldn’t help but let a laugh bubble over and spill out of him as he pulled her close. Jesus Christ, this could almost be written into a rom-com, but he’d be lying if he said he minded. Truth be told, he didn’t mind one bit.

Pulling away, he leaned back just enough so where their foreheads were touching before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. It was simple. If anyone had walked in and saw them just now, they wouldn’t have thought anything of it, because it seemed like the same one they shared everyday. But between the two of them, something was different. It was like something shifted and all of the pain and anguish they were thrown through the ringer with was gone. And maybe it would be back tomorrow, and maybe it would last for the next ten years, but for the next ten minutes nothing else mattered other than the fact that they were sitting here, with no one and nothing but each other’s company and for once, that was enough.

"You know," he said softly, “you never did tell me how you liked the mug."

To which she replied with nothing more but, "You’re an idiot."

#marcosie #para #i fucking am dead #my babies

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