20, they/rot/it, multiple. This is my vent blog, it will contain triggering content. I encourage you to block if this will trigger you.
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I have these episodes where I experience lots of sleep hallucinations, paralysis, and inability to fully wake up. I spent 3 hours trying to get up waking up about every 30 minutes just to be unable to move and falling asleep again. Even in my dreams I was trying to wake myself up. I felt several sensations when temporarily awake like being jumped on or being pulled at. I heard a lot of different noises, my mom calling my name and knocking stuff like that. Visual hallucinations were different this time, one time I saw a face looking at me. In my dreams I knew I was sleeping and I was trying to wake myself up but everytime I pointed out it was a dream I'd be taken to a different dream. I don't know what's causing all of this, but it's distressing. I felt rested for maybe an hour before being drained again.
#vent#dunno what sleep problem I'm having exactly so#insomnio#sleep paralysis#sleep hallucinations#hypnopompic#hypnagogic#narcolepsy#can't think of anything else to add#but i need to find someone else with similar experiences#just please. idk what's causing it and idk if anyone else experiences it#insomnia#spelled it wrong#actually insomnia#actually narcoleptic
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What if there's nothing for me to go back to?
What if there was never a past ideal version of myself?
What if I was always fucked?
What then?
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#my 21st birthday in January my mom told my sister to kill herself#i tried to help her run away to her dads but mom came back sooner than expected#her dad called my dad bc he didnt want to get in trouble for kidnapping#and when mom came back my dad told her he thought my sister was going to her dads#thats when she told her she should just kill herself#if i had a better way to get her out she wouldnt have had to hear her mom say that to her#she didnt deserve that
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