rovenim

[rovenim]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

can't believe i've been using tumblr for 10 years ((still counting tho)). thank u tumblr for being one of my puzzle piece, completed my good old teenage year!

now this acc will begin a new phase, my adulting season! hahahaa

xoxo,

rove

[rovenim]

A Letter to Myself #22

It's a same date, 10th March but the difference is I'm feeling 22 in this year!

Welcoming myself into twenty-two era isn't easy, recognizing i'm turning twenty-two this year make me realize i'll face another challenge adjusting to my age (i consider it's like a game level) which is everything that happens could be different from previous years. Different levels, different difficulty of heaviness, different settings, and other things that support differences.

:::

What i did in my twenty-one era (that could be a new thing or experience in my life also changed myself in a positive way):

First time experience to create bachelor's degree final project in 6th semester, i called it as "my hectic era ever" because i still had subject classes also i took additional classes. it's really hard to balancing my thesis final project and another subject class final semester projects. ((SHOUT OUT TO MY COLLEGE FRIENDS, U GUYS HELPED ME A LOT!!))

First time i met "thesis defense" in my life (my biggest fear as a college student) my fear is failure and i attracted what i fear, shit happens. But thanks to God i was given the opportunity to improve my thesis. I changed my mindset "don't be afraid, everything will be okay. u'll made it, u know what your weakness is, and this time to change and make it stronger." AND I MADE IT!!

Bukber (buka bersama) events for the first time after the pandemic. Hip hip horaaaaay, i met all of my high school friends. Such a good moment to cherish <3

This year i decided to to collect all Junji Ito's comics (Indonesian ver.)

First time i'm going to Kwangya Store! As a pink blood, i'm lovin it!

Started to bought album after a year i stopped myself to collect album (it's because #DOJAEJUNG debut).

First time using fake nails, AND I'M ADDICTED.

First time trying ramen (re: Hakata Ikkousha) and I REALLY LIKE IT. no, I LOVE IT.

First time trying to make a vlog with a "re-cap" theme, showing an interaction moment with all of my friends.

The first time I went to a job fair and LPDP event with my friends, it was very memorable for me. after me and my friends arrived at the event and saw the many young people there, this sentence immediately came to my mind "welcome to the jungle".

First time going to Project Pop's concert with my friends, and also experiencing the rain during the concert hahahaha, that was very memorable event! a day full of funny moment and plot twist!

First time going to the comfiest and pleasing aesthetic libraries in this town: Perpusda TIM and Erasmus Huis Library.

I made lots of friends from the k-pop community (especially nctzens) that i've been met in concerts and picnic day event. they're so lovely and nice to meet u guys!

As a person who had birth in Jakarta, this is my biggest pride after 21 years. I'm going to Monumen Nasional (Monas) which is Indonesia's capital city icon. But there's a good and there's a bad, the bad thing is i can't make it to the top of the Monas because the limited quota per day. Poor me.

Waiting for a long time to get a new job as a freshgraduate when some of my friends gotten their jobs, and people around me started asking me about when i getting a job. At the same time, i tried to fight my insecurities within myself and continued to apply to all companies and keep praying for good guidance for me. I know God's plan is much better than my plan and after all, i got it at the end of the year!

In 2023, i felt i spend a lot of time to going out-life update with my old friends (who haven't seen each other for a long time). This was very rapid increase from 2022 (i'm a homie person). I went to place that i've never been there before, trying so many foods (mostly popular food #fomo).

When i look back what i've been through in my 21 era, i iknew not all good things only happen to me, but there's bad things too. Life is yin and yang. i never know how happiness feels, if i never experience sadness before, and because happiness and sadness happened to me, i know the things of life called "grateful". Last year i want myself to be more grateful than before, so i tried to be someone who always being grateful and trying to take meaning from the things that happen in my life. because i believe that if something can happen there must be a purpose behind it, and God designed my life not without purpose. Now, i'm still learning to be a grateful peson and tries to maintain it.

For this year, i want to make a change within myself that i really wanted to do a long long time ago. Change what i can change, controlled things what i can control and it started from myself. I only can change and control myself, not people around me or this universe (damn it's crazy).

I'm a people pleaser, one of my friends know i have that weakness. So, she always encourages me to get freakin out from "people pleaser bubble" and that isn't easy for me. It needs more time to awakening my bravery (???), change my mindset about how i treat people and why i need to prioritize myself first.

Start from the second month of 2024, something happened to me so i feel like i need to make a change asap. Thinking 'bout how this thing can be powerful affected to me, i feel like i need some help.

For the first in many years before, i experienced an unpleasant feeling in a room. everything has changed, including me. The longer i feel uncomfortable, i try to find out why and is it wrong for me to feel that way? after asking several people about it, everyone answered the same thing "you don't have to endure everything, say no if you don't like it."

My friend who knew from the start about it said:

"If you feel unhappy or uncomfortable, let it go. if you feel staying away is a good thing for you, do it. you don't have to feel wrong, it's not your fault. be brave. don't be people pleaser again. that's enough."

Because of their responses and suggestions, i choose to take an action to be a brave person this time. Until i posted my letter on Tumblr, i still dealing with this situation (change what i can change). Hopefully i can feel calmer and wiser in choosing which path is good for me, can stop being a people pleaser and can find the true meaning of life as a human being. Don't forget to enjoy your life, Rove.

Good luck,

Rove.

[rovenim]

[rovenim]

Presented by Rove <3

This is my recap of my life or my yearly 'visual diares'. I made this as an expression of my gratitude after i've been through all the things that happened last year. Even it's still not aesthetic as well, but i made it with all of my heart :>

Much love, xoxo.

[rovenim]

A Letter to Myself #21

Another 10 March for 21 times! Hello, glad to see you.

Can't believe i'm already 21 years old this year. 21... it's a golden year for me because 21 is the age of late adolescence and early adulthood. I don't really want to leave my teenager energy and ready to face adult *adults are so boring for me, lollll*

But i give thanks to Jesus first because He still given me an opportunity to live in this world, change, enjoy my late teens era and everything. This year, i feel a good energy or good vibes for my birthday unlike last year full of sadness, anger before my birthday. It sucks. I feel like i'm growing up from last year, i've changed to be a good person 1% than last year.

it's not uncommon for me to feel sad because I miss my childhood, my early teens which were full of happiness. but now I make it all as a stress reliever. I can reminisce about those times and make me happy even for a moment. I was also at the lowest point last year where I felt I couldn't fulfill the dream of little Rove. I'm really sorry. But I promise, with Rove growing up having a new dream it will make it come true. You can do it!!

I really felt the maturation process from last year to this year, i can feel it. everything that happened from the good to the bad made me the 'someone' I am today. I'm quite happy with myself now and i feel like i have started to accept both the weaknesses and the strengths in me. But I have to continue to find the best version of myself every year, get to know myself better, reduce the 'people pleaser' and other bad habits that exist in me.

This year I hope I can be more of a person who has a great sense of gratitude. I realize that having gratitude will have a positive impact that is good for me, whether it's physically or spiritually. I'm still learning and will continue to learn endlessly to be a better person.

I hope I can find true happiness, gratitude grows in my heart, spread positive energy to those around me and become a wiser person in dealing with all the things that happen in my life.

Once again, happy birthday. Congratulations on reaching 21 years old, Rove.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too. Yeah, this my wish.

[rovenim]

[rovenim]

Majalah

Balik lagi nge-blog disini hihi soalnya pengen aja.

Jadi, tadi siang karena ada video tiktok yang lewat di fyp gua tentang apa yang dilakuin masa kecil gitu tiba-tiba gua keinget sama hal-hal yang suka gua lakuin pas masih kecil. Awalnya sih keingetnya yaa main-main sama temen rumah dan sering ikut jalan-jalan ke kampung sebelah sama temen rumah. Tapi setelah inget-inget lagi lebih jauh, gua menyadari kalo gua pas masih usia kisaran 8-10 tahun suka baca majalah.

Baca majalah juga karena gua sering nunggu mama gua pulang kerja dan berakhirlah gua nunggu dari jam pulang sekolah sampai mama gua pulang di tempat mama gua kerja, which is perpustakaan. Perpustakaan di SMK. Kebetulan di era gua SD itu majalah cetak populer banget apalagi di kalangan anak-anak muda yang udah duduk di bangku SMA.

Dulu itu gua suka baca atau sekedar liat-liat isi majalah karena menurut gua majalah itu seru banget buat dibaca. Isinya ada tentang isu-isu hangat terutama dari kalangan artis mau artis Indonesia atau luar negeri, mix and match fashion, cerpen, artikel dari post event konser, fakta dunia kadang juga ada, pemilihan coverboy & covergirl, review film kadang juga ada, banyak deh! Karena banyak hal yang dimuat di satu majalah itu, ya itu yang buat gua tertarik. Apalagi dulu gua punya keterbatasan untuk mengakses internet, jadi ya info-info yang seru apalagi tentang artis luar negeri dapetnya dari majalah.

Majalah-majalah yang dulu sering gua baca itu Aneka YES!, Gadis, Cosmopolitan dan HAI. Tapi yang paling favorite banget diantara majalah-majalah keren itu majalah Gadis dan Cosmopolitan! Oke oke, gua akan bahas kenapa gua pilih kedua majalah tersebut.

First, majalah Gadis. Majalah Gadis itu tuh gua baca udah berasa kayak anak gaul, soalnya dari cara penyampaian informasinya menurut gua asikin banget hehe. Nggak cuman di satu section aja ya, tapi di beberapa bagian artikel itu selalu seru aja cara penyajian atau penyampaian artikelnya. Bahasanya anak muda banget, suka bahas atau ke sekolah-sekolah keren gitu jadi pengen sekolah disitu juga, inspo fashionnya juga anak muda banget! Pokoknya sih menurut gua sebagai pembaca yaa, majalah Gadis itu isinya lebih menyasar ke anak remaja perempuan gitu kan, jadi masih kerasa relate aja gitu sama gua *padahal dulu masih bocah gua. Terus hmm apalagi ya? Ohh, dulu tuh majalah cetak suka kasih merchandise khusus di tiap minggu edisi baru majalahnya! Yang paling berkesan itu majalah Gadis sih, soalnya hadiah merchandisenya mostly lucu banget, bisa dipake terus-terusan kayak ada buku diary, tempat pensil, pouch. FYI, beberapa hadiah majalah dari Gadis masih gua pake dan gua simpen loh hahaha!! Nanti gua update deh barangnya.

Second, Cosmopolitan. Kalo Cosmopolitan ini gua lebih suka rubrik majalahnya tuh topiknya lebih ke wanita dewasa. Dalam artian lifestyle, inspo fashion, ada juga bahas tentang tokoh inspirasi juga apalagi ada wanita-wanita karir gitu beh semakin pengen kayak mereka deh. Apalagi covernya itu kan suka pake selebriti atau model luar negeri gitu, terkadang sekelebat lewat di pikiran pengen diet *boong HAHAHA.

Yah, itu lah cerita gua tentang 'majalah favorite' yang cukup berperan penting di kehidupan gua. Karena dari situ, gua awalnya pengen banget jadi editor majalah. Tertarik buat sekedar nulis atau ngetik cerita pendek biar bisa dikirim ke majalah, nulis artikel, edit-edit foto kayak majalah hahahahahaha. Sampai sekarang sih itu semua berakhir menjadi 'hobby' gua aja. Masih pengen sebenernya kerja di lingkungan yang masih berhubungan sama media massa, tulis-menulis tapi jurusan kuliah gua berkata lain banget hahahahaha.

Sekian deh blog yang cukup panjang ini. Soon gua akan bahas hal lain lagi yang lebih seru muehehehe.

-Rove, 2023.

[rovenim]

[rovenim]

Be so fucking proud of yourself for passing the hardest moments alone while everyone believed you were fine.

[rovenim]

Please

Go do something nice for yourself

Get a snack

Take a nap

Drink some water

Play a game

Whatever you like

But do something nice for yourself

You're important and you should have nice things

[rovenim]

It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.

// Laura Ingalls Wilder

[rovenim]

“My 20s have been the loneliest era in my life. I am surrounded by people but not connecting with anyone. Everyone is living their own lives while I am still waiting for mine to start. I feel lost between what I should be feeling and how I actually feel.”

—

[rovenim]

feeling safe in our sadness: why we choose to stay there

i was in a depressing situation a couple of years ago and it was always stuck with me; it was me in bed, in the darkness. empty packets of crisps surrounding me. the curtains was my guardian angel as it blocked any particle of sunlight. i didn’t attempt to get up, i didn’t attempt to do anything.

magically a tiny part of my curtain opened (im guessing it was because of my sister slamming my door shut which then shook the curtains), the tiniest uncovered part was able to instantly allow the sunlight gorge itself onto my bedroom. covering every inch of it; my lampshade, my bed, my wardrobe, my desk. I slowly got up and looked out to see the trees, the sun, the flowers of all kinds intertwined into one lavish garden. the beauty of nature always has it’s heart beating somehow. it’s infinite and eternal.

I think the reason i chose to stay in my sadness was because i felt unworthy and scared. whenever a sliver of happiness entered my life i questioned it. what have i done to deserve this? whenever i was happy a feeling lingered like a strange stench that just wouldn’t retire.

i knew that this happiness i was experiencing right now wouldn’t last long and i was right- it didn’t last long.

soon enough i found myself in bed, in the darkness with even more empty packets of crisps surrounding me. the curtains as my guardian angel since it did it’s duty of blocking any particle of sunlight. no attempt to get up.

i put myself in unfulfilling situations because taking the risk of being happy & fulfilled felt too far-fetched and unattainable. what if i took the risk and have 0 success?

what if i end up failing miserably?

that was the thought that kept reappearing in my mind and that was the thought that kept me imprisoned in life.

until i deliberately opened my curtain just to peer out the window and see children laughing and dancing with their parents as their car radio blasts out their favourite songs. the sun igniting itself and pouring it’s radiant yellow onto the plants below.

and in that moment i thought: who is actually stopping me from becoming who i want to be? and if i fail….so what? i can only try & try again. somehow, someday i’ll be happy i never gave up on myself.

[rovenim]

“She knew she was really sad, when she stopped loving the things she loved.”

— Unknown

[rovenim]

Love letter 1995

INFP talking about ISTP

[rovenim]

Your future needs you, your past doesn’t

[rovenim]

train your mind to be calm in every situation.