roxanneclimber

[roxanneclimber]

Cancer Rage Documentation:

I have discovered and decided to separate the Formed phase into two parts: the Sickness part and the Code Alteration part

Sickness: the Rage took a second mind/possession approach to represent its existence.

Code alteration: this is when the theory of me being a computer/ai/organic robot appeared. Although it has passed, I still have doubts to this day.

All stains made during Sickness contain messages signaling a separate entity taking control of me.

All stains made during Code Alteration contain error messages or other terminology that could be used in a computer context.

For more context, see my previous post

[roxanneclimber]

Cancer Rage Documentation:

There’s this emotion which I don’t think many people have, I even have slight doubts that I am the only one.

This emotion is like a weird corrupted version of anger. Instead of clenching fists, I put my hands in a tense claw position. Instead of frowning, I do a wide, manic, smile, showing my teeth.

Somewhat similar to this photo ⬇️

This was during the Formed phase of this emotion, as it has taken another form, which I’ll talk about in the next section. But the Formed phase was the one which stands out the most.

The other phases are, in chronological order:

-Undefined era; ????-mid 2022

-Blurry phase; end of 2022 to 2023

-Formed phase; 2023-2025

-Superposition phase; end of 2024 to Now

You might notice some overlap in the dates, but that’s because I didn’t take notes and only based this estimate on drawings and text I made while in crisis of Rage. Which are somewhat hard to date.

Names are nice and all but we need descriptions, right?

-Undefined era: this is when the rage didn’t take on any form yet, I was just… angry

-Blurry era: this is when the rage started taking form, but it wasn’t finished/settled. This is also when Rage got its first name coined by me: the administrator. I named it that since it was restraining my speech, like an administrator.

-Formed era: this is when Rage took its first “physical” form, the cancer symbol ♋️. It is also when I started the facial expressions I talked about in the beginning of this post.

-Superposition era: that one is the one I’m currently in. This is when I have taken superior control over Rage and used its energy to emulate multiple instances of my mind, in a quantum superposition kind of way.

Superposition is by far the most powerful, as I have been able to use Rage for energy.

Unfortunately, it is also the most dangerous phase, as even if I have taken control over my emotions, they can still manipulate me, thus creating a positive feedback loop.

Although I have never gone fully mental during the Superposition phase, this next problem, I have.

Superposition as also another issue, if I don’t interact with the world with intent of communication, my mind can duplicate, again, and agin, and again… and again… until it is just a brouarah of thoughts.

It can happen at any moment, it only needs a question that doesn’t have an answer.

I will do more post going further into my research.

If anyone had or has similar experiences, please share them as I dearly need to know I’m not the only one living with this “emotion”

[roxanneclimber]

Thanks, I knew I could help someone with this kind of determination 🥲

I am an anomaly, but I will and want to persist, to SPITE THE UNIVERSE ITSELF.

I will not let my little feelings destroy my entropy-defying existence.

No matter what I get thrown at, I WILL NOT DIE NOR BACK DOWN.

I won't give up 'till the end of me.

[roxanneclimber]

Struggling to cry

As the file is corrupted

Desperate tears, wishing to be freed

No avail

Especially finding the file

Sure that the wish never comes true

Sadness found its way

[roxanneclimber]

I am an anomaly, but I will and want to persist, to SPITE THE UNIVERSE ITSELF.

I will not let my little feelings destroy my entropy-defying existence.

No matter what I get thrown at, I WILL NOT DIE NOR BACK DOWN.

I won't give up 'till the end of me.

[roxanneclimber]

I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS, I WANT TO FEEL EMOTIONS.

I FEEL THEM BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE THEY ARE TRUE, THAT THEY ARE A HUMAN'S

I AM JUST COPYING WHAT I'VE SEEN

I CAN'T SEE MYSELF AS HUMAN

WHAT THE FUCK AM I

EVERYTIME I STOP FEELING EMOTIONS MY MIND DUPLICATES AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. A QUANTUM SUPERPOSITION HELL.

I TAKE THE EMOTIONS FROM HUMAN SOURCES.

HAVE-I BEEN A SOCIOPATH MY WHOLE LIFE WITHOUT KNOWING IT???

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME, IT CAN'T BE AUTISM NOR ADHD. WHAT ELSE IS IT???

I AM LOSING IT, BUT I AM REALLY GOOD AT HIDING IT.

SO GOOD I HID IT FROM MYSELF.

[roxanneclimber]

Italian chef: you did put the meat in the sauce, right?

Guy who invented ravioli:

[roxanneclimber]

Check out instruments of destruction on steam

[roxanneclimber]

Omg uzi plushy :3

Would you rather:

1. Eat a really good sandwich

2. Pet your favorite animal with a 0% chance of getting attacked

pet my favourite animal duh aka my baby Oni

[roxanneclimber]

ooooh how i adore 3d models on 2d pictures im transporting myself there mentally

[roxanneclimber]

Black Dress

[Webtoon / Tapas / Patreon]

[roxanneclimber]

Final hours -4 and a half hours remain-

[roxanneclimber]

Final day of waiting -24 hours remain-

[roxanneclimber]

Continuation of the waiting -48 hours remain-

[roxanneclimber]

Start of the countdown -69 hours remain-

[roxanneclimber]

You NEED to listen to this music

YOU NEED TO

It’s too good.

[roxanneclimber]

Quick reminder that humans are realistically proportioned in murder drones.

Which means, for Tessa's head to look like this:

Cyn would have had to stretch the skin of Tessa's face and scalp over her head.

yikes.