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Privilege 101

Reading the article “Checking your Privilege 101” made me think about all the privileges that I grew up with and continue to have in my life today. The crazy part is that I had completely no idea that I had these privileges and that pretty much was the point of this reading. The first one that the article talks about is Citizenship privilege and that really is a huge one that most American citizens don’t acknowledge. Both my parents were born in Mexico and are technically Mexican citizens. My mother at a young age applied for citizenship and became a naturalized citizen. My father on the other hand is only a permanent resident in the state of Texas. He actually has a green card and he has to take it with him whenever we go on trips. My dad is completely functional in society, he has a state job, pays his taxes, served in the military and even owns his own business. But in the eyes of the American society he is still considered a second-class citizen (or not even a citizen at all). My brother and I were born in the united states and were naturalized by birth. And I never realized the kind of privilege I had as an American citizen until I saw my father pull out his green card one day crossing over from Tijuana to San Diego and they took my father in for multiple hours because he wasn’t a citizen. My class privilege has always been something that I realized once I got older. I was never someone who had a lot of money, my parents would struggle from time to time but they never failed to get my brother and I what we wanted. We actually never lived in an apartment, always in a house or a duplex. We always had at least two working cars, sometimes just one because the other would be getting fixed. I was able to enjoy the “finer” things in life every once in a while, and it was always appreciated. Concerts, “fancy” dinners, trips, and vacations. My race is particularly a special case. I’m Mexican 100%, I mean obviously if both my parents and my ancestors are all Mexican than clearly I am Mexican. But I’m a lighter skinned Mexican which sometimes, I feel gives me an advantage. Which also ties into the “Passing” privilege which is passing for white. My mother and my brother are darker complected and we’ve never really experienced anything remotely racist (well at least I haven’t) but I’m unsure about them. As an older adult I realize more privileges, whether it be Educational, gender, Gender Identity, Age, Able-Bodied, Religious, and Sexuality. I am what people would consider a “normal person” and that is a huge advantage in the world we are growing up in today.

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Narrative

My favorite part of my essay was how I was able to really zone in on the parts that made me feel a certain type of way. Especially when I was able to tune in with the car and my body, those really came out on the page. I feel like everybody once in a while has those moments. The feeling of living in the moment was really present. I feel like my essay could have used more explanation of the biggest moment at the end. The proposal itself was a life changing moment where I pretty much poured myself out for my girlfriend and I pretty much only gave a glimpse of it. During the proposal, It had felt as if it was only me and my girlfriend but there were really a lot of people there. Going with what I was talking about earlier I used a lot of sensory details in this essay and it was kind of a newer technique for me. I feel that I did it really well in trying to express my anxiety to my readers. Being able to express this kind of feeling was really important to me because in the moment it was really strong to where I know anybody who would be around me would feel that anxiety. The most difficult part about writing this essay was trying to put my feelings into words. Once I was able to accurately describe what I was feeling, they came out pretty well. I would like to improve more on elaborating my story. To be honest I did this essay pretty late in the evening and I feel like that really held me back from adding in as much detail as a I wanted to. I know that I could have made this essay a lot more elaborate and detailed but I did just get a bit lazy. I feel that this story was really important to me because it was probably one of the most influential and most stressful parts of my life. My anxiety was at an all time high due to my recital and I decided to propose to my girlfriend. There was no way of me going around this anxiety because I had dealt with it previously in my life. Definitely not to this proportion but I have dealt with performance based anxiety before. I want the reader to ultimately feel what I was feeling as they read through my essay. Not the amount of stress that I had but just a taste of it. Being able to also feel the sense of relief that I got when the event was all over would be a huge plus. The feeling I had when my recital and proposal were over was probably one of the best feeling I have ever had. As for a question I would like to ask the reader would be “did you like the story?” This was such a monumental moment of my life that I love telling the story about it. Finally writing about how I felt in the moment really helps make my tie to this event a lot stronger.

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ALMOND TOFFEE SEA SALT BROWNIES

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The Empathy Exams

The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison was a very interesting read. It posed a couple of good questions for me and really made me wonder about how empathy works. First of all, what is empathy? The Merriam-Webster definition of empathy is “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.” Now Checklist Item 31 stated, “voiced empathy for my situation/ problem.” How can one be truly empathetic when the definition of empathy states that you will be “without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience” of that said experience. Is the empathy that you feel really empathy? Or is it more of a sympathy? It is very easy to feel sympathetic towards the issues of another human being because you are not living the events or misfortunes that that person is enduring. Jamison also goes on to state that “empathy is always perched precariously between gift and invasion.” And reading through this essay I believe this to be entirely true. Empathy could be a gift to someone by giving that sense of relief that “someone knows what I am going through.” It really helps lift that weight off of the affected persons shoulders. Now if and when that person finds out or realizes that you really have no idea what they mean or what they are talking about it, it can feel like an invasion of privacy. Jamison uses the word “penetrate” to describe what empathy can do to people. This seems like such a vulgar description of it, but for some people that’s exactly what it would feel like. A penetration of their privacy. You put yourself in that other person’s shoes without really putting them on. You try to relive that person’s memory while not really living it. You take away the power that that moment has. They no longer are the only person that can feel that. When you attempt to be empathetic, you take the gravitas of that person’s situation and you kind of water it down. You “try” to understand it but you can’t. now this begs the question. Is empathy really a good thing? Or is it simply a coping mechanism that we use to help with awkward situations that we never would have experienced ourselves? Say a friend of yours comes to you saying that she was beaten, bruised, or possibly even sexually assaulted. It would be really hard to empathize with that situation if that has never happened to you.  And simply saying that “oh that must’ve been hard” or “I couldn’t imagine how that must have been for you” is in my opinion a very weak form of empathy. Anyways, I digress. Empathy in the form of this essay and in the test form of soon to be doctors, I think it works really well. The Empath that doctors “give” whether it be genuine or not helps ease a patient’s mind. A patient will think that a doctor has seen it all and will know how to deal with their specific situation.

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Heroin/e

Heroin/e by Cheryl Strayed is an excellent piece of literature that explains the hardships and heartbreak that a lady goes through as she deals with the loss of her mother and turn to heroin for solace. She uses a lot of very vivid imagery with her use if descriptive adjectives. This really gives the story a lot more detail and helps the reader to feel immersed inside if the moment (scene). She described a lady that was speaking to her about her mothers organ donation and it really made me feel like I could see her sitting in front of me. She said, “Her name was Janet and she was dressed in a navy-colored shirt with little white fringes on each shoulder, as if she were the captain of something. Her fingernails were long and red and they clicked together when she moved her hands in certain ways.” Me personally I saw a African-American woman maybe in her mid 30’s because of the professionalism and the rhetoric that she went through to tell the writer what’s was going to happen to her mother. It felt kind of emotionless and “to the point”. My favorite part of the reading is when her mother hears a song in the pharmacy waiting room and she just begins to sing the lyrics even though they cant be heard. “Paper roses, paper roses, oh they’re only paper roses to me,” she sang. Being a musician I know that this is something I would do, turn to music in a moment of pain, suffering, worry, or grief. The mom then says, “I used to listen to that song when I was young. It’s funny to think of that. To think about listening to the same song now. I would’ve never known.” This really stuck with me because it is very true. You will never know when a certain song that you hear at any point in your life time will show up when things are tough. Especially when you are so close to dying what song will be playing? While you are on your deathbed, what will be the last thing that you hear and what will be the lasting memories that you will remember in your last moments because of that song? Do you hate it? Was it a song that you never really enjoyed? Or was ot a song that you had on repeat constantly day and night and had good times with? Would I think now listening to possibly “Bodak Yellow” by Cardi B would be that last song that I ever hear? And to think in a more dark sense, think that you a hear a song for the first time and it becomes your favorite track. How differently would you see that song if someone told you that this song would be the song that would play on your deathbed? I am not completely sure if I would feel more attached or detached from the song. Anyways, back to the story. Strayed helps bring these sort of philosophical thoughts with her story of addiction. She doesn’t really say it but you can tell how she compares her heroin addiction to her mothers pain in a very parallel manner.