rskbunny - Tumblr blog

rskbunny · 5 months

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anyways realized that you should never have to beg for attention from anyone like constantly havin to fight for them to even say hi to you is really fuckin absurd and mayb it shouldn't have taken me havin ppl now that actively seek my connection to realize that but here we are

#text #mine #part of also why I want to delete tumblr

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rskbunny · 5 months

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I have grown ✨ cynical ✨ towards any kind of social media that isn't to do things like ask for answers to questions

#text #mine #might delete later #like girl what if I delete tumblr does it really matter #kinda been sick of it anyways #I hardly even open it anymore. it has no value to me #ashame my usernames are fire tho #like do I really need to publicize my mental distress?#reddit is the only social media I even open anymore and it's more like research for shit I need to or wanna know #the online no friends life has lost its glamour. I just start to realize how it really is people still competin over the lack of sleep they #got last night just with new things and new coats of paint #it's either who has the best or who has the worst #my shoppin addiction recovery has kinda led me to just look around me and see how much of my life is constructed by me or by outsiders #and the root cause of it really was just insecurities and not wantin to feel like a failure #tumblr isn't even really that social anyways #I think tumblr is also just full of introverts and ngl I kinda can't stand a lot of introverts #they don't want to be around people so there's literally no reason to even try #and I get ghosted all the fuckin goddamn time #like I really mean nothing to you huh?#'oh but it's so hard to talk to people' girl then just say you don't have time for me so you don't waste my goddamn time #I swear sometimes as a narcissist I'm more considerate of others and that's really fuckin weird #the whole treat ppl how u want to be treated and then also assumin everyone operates like you subconsciously #social media is also just full of everyone discoursin over everything and there's no constructiveness to it #everyone is just complainin about everyone else with no one listening #it's just a fuckin echo chamber #I think a lot of you could benefit of a touchin of the grass #social media is only fun when I have severe mental distress and I think that speaks volumes alone

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rskbunny · 5 months

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sometimes I wonder how much of the mental ill community online just plays helpless to their situation or actually is helpless

#text #mine #might delete later #not to it may be all in your head type beat but #if you have internet access your not as helpless as you may think #I think it's hard to contextualize without also invalidatin the struggle #and it's immensely easier to play helpless especially as a child or with childhood abuse #and by play I mean probably more so gaslightin the self #were so dramatic though #I just started thinkin abt this in context of my own life and how it's progressed #and how much I personally slip into a lot of 'everything is doomed I'm helpless' mentality #despite how much I have actually worked hard to improve my situation #and I have dramatically improved my situation #obviously every situation is different but like I don't know #and I look at my brother's shitty ass life and his perspective of his own helplessness #yet I can't help but stare at the glarin things that are actually him just makin himself helpless #how he never tries to work things out with people. always takes the victim role #is clearly capable of doin certain things but refuses to unless I'm actively standing there #he doesn't try to see what does and doesn't work and just accepts the misery yet then complains he's there #he's only helpless because he's makin himself to be #but if you only heard his situation from his own words you'd probably not think that #so I turn to stare at what I see online and I question it #I guess I'm more just talkin abt the people who want to improve but then never do #why is that? why is that really? is there actually no way out or is it just to hard/scary?#I refused to do the one thing that has dramatically improved my quality of life for many years #simply because I probably just wanted to play helplessness #and it's not like our mental or physical disorders are our faults but it's now our responsibility whether we like it or not #especially if you're goin to impose onto other people #i don't know. probably none of the people who follow me want to hear any of this #such a fickle thing isn't it.

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rskbunny · 5 months

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I think I need to stop tryin to force connetions with people just because we share the same labels. I have met some of the most annoyin ass people in the world because of this... and people I initially thought were annoyin I talk to frequently. heck, I even thought my hubby was a catfish when I first re-met him.

these label-based connections only work when I'm really lonely and actually have no one else. right now I have my hubby and know 3 people irl that I actually talk to. I just need to stop bein so dramatic. 1 of them might be bestie matieral.

#text #mine #might delete later

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rskbunny · 6 months

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mayb people are right. mayb I do need to stop gettin involved with others and just start havin a social media addiction. just fuck the entire year I went effectly cuttin off any social media addiction urges, still live on timers for my apps to this day, and try to make real connections with people. it's just not possible in this world I fuckin suppose. I wonder if any of you could survive the 20min limit I place on apps like tumblr.

#text #mine #might delete later #the world is just fucked

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rskbunny · 6 months

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I also don't have any friends any more bc god fuckin fuck me. thought I was special I guess not. what does it fuckin take to keep a friendship around here. what does it take to stop hatin where I end up every single fuckin time. just. fuck.

#text #mine #might delete later #stopped carin about me for whatever reason I guess #and then mayb the other one hates me now bc I said smth a little too dicey #it's not even that dicey and I'm so confused why I'm bein ghosted since it makes no sense so far w their personality #but that doesn't change the fact that that's what's happenin!#time and time again everyone just proves my hubby is the only one who actually fuckin likes me

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rskbunny · 6 months

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tired of gaslightin around things I hate. "oh but that's not actually how it is" shut up. I don't know why I keep takin it when I know what I've experienced.

#text #mine #might delete later #vague bc I'd probably get torn to shreds abt it even on here #wow I thought this was supposed to be my safe space #this isn't about just one thing but also some posts on my dash from ppl who I thought we okay have made me upset lately #but I can't say anything #I can never find a home in any community #they always think they're better than me...#it's so obvious

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rskbunny · 6 months

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don't like that my mood chart is startin to show patterns of bipolar I don't want to log anymore

#text #mine #might delete later

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rskbunny · 6 months

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sh tags are boring in tonights chili's

#text #sh #mine #might delete later #I'm here to read abt sh urges not sui ones or how depressed u are #like if the post doesn't mention sh why are u taggin sh tags #where is the spice

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rskbunny · 6 months

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I wish people would stop thinking getting a like on a post is connection. it's really fucking not. talk to each other you damn cowards.

#text #mine #this isn't really about ppl I talk to online more so re: previous posts abt ppl irl #although it is about ppl in general so whatever #you're not friends with a person you've liked and been liked back with no matter how long you've been doin it if you've never even said #a real word to each other

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rskbunny · 6 months

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I think that's the problem. I reach out and I reach out and I reach out but I never really get much back in response so I eventually stop reaching out. and then I'm blamed for not reaching out as if it's my own goddamn fault people don't know how to be friends anymore because they think social media mutuals is what friends is. I want to smack the phone out of so many people's hands when I go to a fuckin social event. double so when I can tell they're on social media and not texting someone.

#text #mine

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rskbunny · 6 months

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I'm not an introvert or shy I'm just fuckin tired of bein treated like I don't matter

#text #mine

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rskbunny · 6 months

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people are so hard to keep up with. I want to. I really do. but it's so hard when they don't keep up with you. this is why I only speak to my hubby most days I think...

#text #mine #everyone says they're lookin for a friend but it just feels like lies #I'll pour my heart and soul out into a person only to be treated like I don't even exist #I think I'm wounded from my last serious attempt at a friendship #I gave her fuckin everything and she couldn't even wait five minutes to say hi to me after class #it hurts. it hurts.

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rskbunny · 6 months

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anyways never let me be open about addiction with strangers ever again they will always use it to gaslight me into thinkin I'm a dumb little addict who doesn't know any better and how can I possibly see past my addiction as if I'm not a grown fuckin adult who can actually make my own goddamn decisions

#text #mine #I wish for the day we treat addicts like people instead of feral animals #like I'm not sorry but you don't know me and you don't know what is and isn't a trigger and clearly don't believe me #when I say I haven't been engagin in it at all #it's like they think I'm gonna start frothin at the mouth and need to be held back if I'm goin near anywhere similar #and I'm stupid for givin them space at first and considerin what they said and it took them blatantly statin a lie abt me for me to realize #that they're just full of shit and I should just listen to my husband cause he says it's fine

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rskbunny · 6 months

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hm. I do not feel.... liked

#text #mine #might delete later

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rskbunny · 6 months

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hate how everyone treats shopping addiction as a joke and I can't even search shit online for recovery without seein triggerin things because ppl think "shopping addiction" is an aesthetic, spammin images of bags, luxury items, etc.

I fuckin hate it here

#text #mine #might delete later #it's almost like it's a real addiction and I'm shakin in my room feelin like I'm gonna puke bc I finally decided to get help #n I'm goin thru fuckin withdrawals #should be celebratin survivin my worst shoppin addiction trigger yet I just feel like shit #and can't even go online in some spaces without ppl purposely postin triggerin shit #and re: my blog abt addiction. I have a sex and sh addiction. I'm not exaggeratin when I say this is a real addiction

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rskbunny · 6 months

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I'm not like other landmines. I put why am i anxious by tom cardy in my landmine playlist

#text #mine #ngl I haven't yet but I'm thinkin about it strongly #I think it would be good for me

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