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the husbands

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inspired by MegOp Week 2025 Day 6 prompt: Legendary/Cozy Onsen can fix them

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Rare Imports

Prompt: Day 4 - Weapon/Creation

Continuity: IDW2

Rating: General

Relationships: Megatron/Orion Pax

Characters: Orion Pax & Megatron

Warnings: Alternate Universe Canon Divergence, Establish Relationship, Politics, American Politics, Silly, Not Beta Read

Summary: In which Megatron is subjected to additional governmental trade regulation scrutiny.

Crossposting: AO3 | Dreamwidth

Disclaimer: The UN headquarters is in New York City, which has different sales tax rates and tax laws than I am used to on the other side of the country, so I used a guesstimate of applicable taxes and a heavy dose of bullshittery. Couldn’t find anything about commodity specific taxes so alas. Also clearly this would not happen in an airport/spaceport.

Inspired by this Tumblr post.

Fic under cut. See AO3 for complete notes.

Having passed through customs without issue, Orion waited in the spaceport’s baggage area. He had promised Megatron that he would pick up their luggage from the carousel so they could proceed to the embassy and then to the formal welcome dinner they had been invited to.

Xaaron, their assigned legal counsel who had come ahead of them, would arrive soon and escort them.

Bags and suitcases and hardcases of varying makes and sizes trundled along the conveyor. Travelers of many species lurked nearby, chattering in their various tongues into communication devices and awkwardly snatching up their items from among the menagerie. Orion could only assume they were all hunting in good faith for their own things and not taking advantage of the chaos of travel to pilfer belongings.

He crossed his arms, certain that his and Megatron’s luggage would appear any moment.

While strictly, as senators they weren’t trained diplomats, but in Sentinel Prime’s absence on campaign as First Prime, Orion had been asked to play nice with one of the powerful international governmental organizations on Earth.

Of course, Megatron, as his partner and a fellow senator, had been expected to come along.

It had been explained to him that their host both was and wasn’t the planetary government, that it was… a complicated situation. Earth was not unified in the same way that Cybertron was and that there were many autonomous polities. Their host organization, the United Nations, was more like a diplomatic venue than an actual governing body… but it also had laws and law enforcement. All while its headquarters were nestled within a country that had different jurisdictional requirements—It was enough to cause a migraine.

Confusing, but Orion would make the best of it by putting his best foot forward. Whenever Megatron made it through customs. As long as they tried their best to abide by the regulations in good faith, it ought to be fine.

Their luggage still hadn’t emerged from the tunnel leading into the depths of the spaceport.

What was taking Megatron so long?

A golden blur that Orion barely recognized as Xaaron rushed by into the depths of the customs area behind the luggage lobby just as he heard a familiar shout rise up over the din of chatter and the buzz of his automatic translator software trying to make sense of it all.

“License? Why should I need a license for my own body?!”

Orion ran towards Megatron’s voice on reflex, muttering apologies to security staff as he skirted by them and following Xaaron’s path.

A ring of guards and law enforcement officers had Megatron encircled as he stood near the customs desk. The small, human customs agents behind the counter looked uncertain.

Orion slowed his steps to a brisk walk as he approached.

Xaaron, clutching a file of papers to his chest, took a deep ventilation as he stood between Megatron and the customs agents.

“Senator, please calm yourself.”

“Calm?” Megatron scoffed, pointing a finger squarely at the humans behind the desk. “This is an outrage! These humans expect me to sit on a dock like some trade good being imported to wait for release!”

A diplomatic incident in the making—Perhaps Orion could intervene while Xaaron sorted out the legal technicalities.

“How dare they treat me like an item! I am a senator and I’ll—”

Orion slowly squeezed his way through the guards to calmly place his hand on Megatron’s shoulder. He shushed him.

His other hand was waved to those nearby; hopefully they would figure out that he was this understandably incensed mech’s family member. That’s how human kinship worked, right?

“It’s alright, Megatron; there’s no need to shout. It sounds like there was just a mix up of some kind.”

He glanced over at Xaaron, trying to smile at him behind his face mask.

“Right?”

Xaaron nodded slowly, patting the folder of files.

“Yes, we had anticipated this but the embassy had failed to submit the additional import release documentation as the import agent for Senator Megatron to spaceport customs in advance of your arrival so that your diplomatic identification would be sufficient clearance.”

“Why would there be import paperwork?”

Xaaron cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“The government of the United States classifies Cybertronians as… items, based on alt-mode.”

Disgusting.

“I had no trouble.”

“Your fees were lower and more straightforward since your alt-mode is vehicular, but Senator Megatron’s is considered military grade weaponry. I have most of the documentation here, but….”

Xaaron furrowed his brow as he turned towards the desk.

“How much are the fees? I have some figures here but I don’t think they’re accurate.”

One of the human customs agents asked them to wait a moment while calculating, apparently using a base value of the “good” in question provided by the embassy.

State sales taxes. No county sales taxes. City sales taxes. Licensing fees. Visa fees (already paid). Tourism assessments at all of those levels. Security deposits. Background check fees (which the embassy forgot to pay).

Orion marveled at the sheer number of applicable items, his hand tightening on Megatron’s shoulder.

“Is that all?” Orion hesitantly asked.

The human shook their head.

“Unfortunately, this morning, the president levied a 300% tariff against all imports of Cybertronian weaponry, which is a taxable surcharge so…” Several more seconds of calculations. “The total due is 453,090.34 in USD.”

This was highway robbery!

Orion balked as Megatron once more began shouting invective.

At least the embassy would be footing the bill.

"If you wait until this afternoon here in the lobby, the fees will probably have been adjusted and reduced."

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The absolute genius of social engineering 🤌

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kaiba's greatest hits 😳 (fanart of nordycos' kaiba tiktoks)

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“My soul is your eternal servant”

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This is still one of the greatest things ever made.

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Sealshipping with 0 logic do not question my mental status or stupidity bye

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Might del later. Sketches from awhile ago - just wanted to throw them out there. Rhea and Byleth from FE3H. Miss that game. That Rhea support chain was kinda twisted. She's a warped yet pitiful individual, I really liked her as a villain in the game

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duelist kingdom

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....

I was curious, and I regret everything. Legato it's not worth it. You couldn't handle him when you were crazy one, you really can't handle him like this 💀

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Levash caught in 4K

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I think this is them idk

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Sweet rims

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fighting the problematic stereotype of 'only the bad guys are weird sex perverts' by making the good-hearted protagonist an even weirder sex pervert

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me: I ship them

friend: oh like romantically?

me: no. like cursed object passed between hands for centuries, they are cosmically linked, probably bonded by blood ritual, I think they’ve fought in a war together in at least three lifetimes, and their souls make direct eye contact every time they breathe in the same room

friend: so… romantically?

me: yeah. like. with kissing.