ryansreallife-blog

[ryansreallife-blog]

A Young Living Husband

It’s Witchcraft, I Say

I am what you would call a Young Living husband. Skepticism is what I thrived on. Doubting an entire lifestyle came all too naturally as my wife decided she wanted to jump into the world of slathering smelly liquids all over her body. I grew up in a home run by an Air Force Master Sergeant working over 20 years to provide for his family. Rules were strict, and often times medicine was not an option. Dirt was our serum of choice. If we went to the doctor, it was for a sports physical, to mend a broken bone, or to have surgery. Cough medicine was frowned upon as it weakened our immune system. Although this was the view in our household, anything outside of modern medicine was known as voodoo, dark magic witchcraft.

Obviously when my wife brought to my attention the use of oils to take care of our health, naturally I was in denial and refused. I came up with too many excuses to turn down the option of purchasing essential oils. In my mind, it was no more than a chemical fragrance used for perfume. Of course, at this time, I had no problems with chemicals. It took several times of my wife asking before I finally gave in. Of course I still didn’t believe in this nonsense, but I strive to please my wife.

Three weeks after she ordered her kit, the house smelled of various flowers and branches. It smelled like a fabulous apothecary. She swore she felt different; better. I was not falling for her shenanigans of what my faithless mind would assume to be mental weakness as I have seen many a friend fall for the neurological wonders that people create when false hope is incorporated. Every day she wanted to rub the “devil’s juice” on my knees or my back, but I denied, or hesitantly agreed. I felt nothing; not a change.

My wife had struggled for quite some time with anger issues and mood imbalances. She was unpredictable and oftentimes downright scary. One month later she received a new oil, a magical oil. She used it religiously, and after only four days of using it, she was… happy? How did this happen? I was beside myself, looking at the face of a man in utter disbelief. It was just that, disbelief! I wasn’t quite sure what to believe. How in the world did my wife overcome this issue that she has been dealing with in only four days of using one oil? It was then that I thought to myself, ‘I don’t care if it is all in her head, because it works!’ I was so excited and happy that my wife was not dealing with this issue to near the degree she was before. It was at that point that I said, “Okay, let’s stick with this!”

Business? Yeah, Right

My wife used her oils like they were the only thing keeping her alive. What came next was beyond what I expected. “I want to sell these!” She exclaimed. My business analytical mind immediately jumped to: ‘What business model do they use? Is this a pyramid scheme? What about this? What about that?’ I had been involved in pyramid schemes before. I knew that network marketing was a sure fire way lose friends and make close to no money. I had more questions than I did answers.

I replied “I really don’t think this is what you want to do, it’s a nonsense business model with no possibility to generate actual income.” I could tell that this disheartened her, however, she seemed to stand secure in the thought of wanting to sell. So I did research. What did I find? PYRAMID SCHEME! My concerns were confirmed. I knew that it would never work, however, she seemed dead set on selling oils. I decided I did not want anything to do with it and that she could make her own mistakes.

It was haunting me. I thrive and live on research, yet I stopped when I saw the words Pyramid Scheme. I resisted as long as I possibly could until I just couldn’t anymore. I continued to do research. I found resources galore about the good and the bad. The conclusion I came to was that Young Living is not a Pyramid Scheme. A pyramid, yes, as you cannot deny the obvious shape it creates on paper, but not a scheme. I would preferably refer to it as a Risk-Free Pyramid Business Model. Young Living, I came to find, does not require you to sell in order to purchase, but rather you needed to purchase in order to sell. This takes away about 90% of the risk! The remaining 10% of risk was only the risk you face if you do not sell successfully, and that is just a punch in the face of your ego and self-esteem. I started to get a better understanding of it all.

For All the Wrong Reasons

My wife was so ecstatic to begin working on the business side of things. She wanted to sell them not for the money, but for the purpose of helping others with their health and wellness. She found purpose, after so long of not having it at all. I had an excitement as well. Being the business minded man that I am, I was determined to help my wife to succeed. I wanted to help her enroll her first member. I was so intentional about wanting her to succeed, that I sort of bypassed her entirely. I didn’t necessarily help her enroll her first member so much as basically did it for her. I felt accomplished, whether I believed the product worked 100% or not, my salesman hat was put on and I was ready to feel the adrenaline pump again.

I spent the next week working to get my brother and his wife to order oils for their son who constantly struggles with health issues. After explaining and researching and convincing, I was able to “help” my wife enroll her second member. The entire time I was justifying my lack of support and total takeover by saying “I’m helping you build your business!” I wasn’t doing that at all, I was filling myself with nonsensical ego marks. I wasn’t done there. I had to show myself that I could be a successful salesman by selling to the most skeptical person I knew; my father.

After two weeks of non-stop hassling, I was able to get my parents to purchase a starter kit. I had done it, I proved that I could do this for a living if I wanted to. Little did I know, while I was doing this, while I was building up my self-esteem and trotting my accomplishments around, my wife had been falling deeper into depression. I had no idea that me helping her was actually discouraging her. She felt like she wasn’t able to do it at all and if I didn’t do it then nothing would happen. I was hurting my wife without even realizing it. I was doing this for all the wrong reasons, and I couldn’t believe it.

Support or Bust

From that point on I told myself that I wasn’t going to do anything for my wife, but rather I was going to support her. I was going to be there for her if she needed me and I was going to praise her accomplishments and love her in her failures. Unbeknown to me, being supportive was a much harder job than taking lead. My wife is the most compassionate and loving person I have ever met. She has a genuine heart and a willingness to stick her neck out for anyone and everyone if it benefits them. With this amazing compassion comes an alternative side. When she sticks her neck out for others and they deny her love and compassion, she falls hard, not in anger, but sadness that other people do not feel the same desire for a healthy life.

There have been stretches that I can recall where my wife was the most discouraged person in the world, believing that nothing could ever come of the good that she was doing, and to this day it is a constant struggle to overcome these feelings. There are also stretches of time where she is encouraged and has a mission to conquer the world. I remember when she hit the 1K Club, she was on top of the world and ready to take on anything that came at her.

There have been many nights where my shirt has tear stains all over the chest. But for me, these are the most important nights for me to do my job. There was not a job description given to me upon accepting this position, but I am working to figure it out. I would most likely not accept this job If I were handed a piece of paper that stated:

Job Description:

Support co-workers in potentially hostile work environment

Provide in depth research on over 300 products to ensure co-workers are well equipped to give presentations

Be a calming presence 100% of the time while withstanding potential harmful work environment obstacles

Be ready to listen to undesirable conversation topics without responding or intention to solve issues

Be willing to work overtime and travel to retrieve supplies any time of the day

This position does not pay well to begin, but with hard work and determination a following the above strict regiment, pay may increase (there is no promise of raises or increased income)

Qualifications include:

Open availability

Education is irrelevant as you must adapt to work environments

Experience is irrelevant as you must adapt to work environments

Overtime often required

Must be supportive

Must not feel the need to fix everything

There is not a thing in this world that I would rather do than to follow this job description. My degree in Business Administration did not prepare me for this, however, I am the luckiest man alive to have this job.

Looking Ahead

It is my goal daily to be the best cheerleader for my wife. I plan to support and cheer her along every step of the way. What a Young Living husband is here to do, is not to sit in the background and not believe in his wife. His job is to provide never ending support, through tears and through laughter. His job is to be available for anything his wife needs whether it’s research, a shoulder to cry on, or a snack from the local convenience store. His job is to realize that he can’t solve all the problems, but he can work with his wife to come to a good solution. His job is to realize that he is not perfect, and that he is a servant of God, a servant for his wife, and a servant to himself.

Utilizing all of these attributes, it is easy to be able to look into the future. I understand that Royal Crown Diamond may not happen in a year, three years, maybe not even ten years, but what lasts forever is the support I can provide to my wife as she is on this journey to when she does reach Royal Crown Diamond, because she will.

There are a lot of things I do not know, however, there is one thing I am sure of 100%, and that is

I AM A YOUNG LIVING HUSBAND

[ryansreallife-blog]

I’m Writing A Book! Wait... Am I?

My entire life, I have had brilliant, ridiculous, and plain stupid ideas. I have come to think perhaps I could begin writing a book about some of these ideas. I would open up my notebook, or my laptop and stare at the blank canvas before me, and nothing… It was almost like every thought I ever had was swept away with the sands of… Where was I going?

Perhaps, the problem I have is that I simply cannot get the thoughts outlined on paper, or even if I could get it on paper, I forget what timeline I used in order to organize my thoughts. What I am trying to say, is that I am fairly certain that I am destined to never write a best-seller, and that’s okay with me!

I don’t need to write a life-changing and inspiring novel. My novel is being written for me every single day. God has laid out a path for me, and I am to run my race on that path. There is no requirement that I am to come to any sort of fame, or to be known by the masses at all. Perhaps I am the guy who stays behind the scenes, unnoticed, leaving small blessings on people’s doorsteps (#Metaphor).

It has come to my attention recently, as well as many times before, that my plans for my future are not the plans that are going to come to fruition. The step I need to take is that I need to accept that.

Hey… I have an idea for my next book!

[ryansreallife-blog]

Day One...

Annoyingly, I have come to see some of my true self having begun the process of decluttering our lives. We have disconnected our means of entertainment and are limiting our communication through social media, texts, and calls for a short period in the evenings. 

Side effects include:

Irritability

Frustration

Anger

Boredom

Anxiety

Lack of focus

I never thought that I would have to deal with these things from disconnecting from all of the things that are cluttering our lives.

Thankfully, God has provided remedies and understanding for all of these side effects.

Irritability:

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. - Proverbs 21:23

Frustration:

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1

Anger:

For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. - James 1:20

Boredom:

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” - Matthew 28:18-20

Anxiety:

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7

Lack of Focus:

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. - Matthew 6:33

Day one relieving ourselves from unnecessary worldly clutter was very hard, however, I trust that it will get easier as we go!

[ryansreallife-blog]

It’s The Simple Life For Us...

My wife and I had a long and painful talk. We spoke about what our visions are. What do we see in the future for us? What does God have in store for us? We were getting frustrated with our lack of knowing what is to come. We were borderline angry, and darn near taking it out on each other. 

We then took time, after calming down a little bit, to come together through devotions. We chose 1 Peter to read from. We began our study in chapter one. The entire chapter was full of intensely awesome information, but it was verses 24-25 that spoke the most. 

for “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever”

We took time to understand that it isn’t that God isn’t showing us His plan, but how we are unable to see the plan He is showing us. We have so many things that are blocking our view from the plan of God. 

We spend so much time with our eyes fixated on our cell phones with social media, games, videos, etc. The convenience is wonderful, but at what cost? We take so much time away from not only God, but each other. 

We spend several hours a day watching our television. We are so enthralled by the lives of Lorelei and Rory Gilmore that we have lost sight of the importance in our own lives. 

We put a T.V. in our bedroom so we can go from watching television in the living room, to watching it from the comfort of our beds; often times falling asleep to the noise and light, with throws off our sleeping schedules.

We are taking a huge and scary step from our first world lifestyle and beginning a massive overhaul of priorities. 

What are we doing to help remove the clutter the obstructs the view of God’s plan?

We are getting rid of the T.V. from our bedroom.

We are getting rid of our Roku and PS3

We are downgrading our cell phones to dumb phones for purposes of communication only

We are only watching T.V. once a week (Saturday) OR substituting it with a night out together to see a movie at the local movie theater

We are disconnecting our WiFi and utilizing our local WiFi hot spots

We don’t expect anyone to follow suit, because something like this can be insanely hard, and it will be. I only urge anyone to find a way to stop blaming God for not showing you His plan for your life, and finding out what is obstructing your view of His plan for you.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us

                                                                                 - Hebrews 12:1

[ryansreallife-blog]

It’s Not Possible!!! Me?! No!!

I have some very simple questions to ask today. I have examined myself and realized that I am also a victim of a terrifying truth...

What is the very first thing you do when you wake up every morning? I, personally, look at my cell phone. I check my Facebook notifications, any texts I may have, and so on.

Do you prefer to use your cell phone as an alarm clock as opposed to a $5 alarm clock from Wal-Mart? I find myself preferring my cell phone as an alarm clock so I have access to it first thing in the morning.

Have you created a habit of putting your hand in your pocket to check for your phone? I find myself about every 45 seconds sliding my hand into my pocket to look at my phone, even if I have no need to.

While you are on the computer cruising Facebook, do you sometimes catch yourself pulling out your phone to check Facebook there? I am guilty of this very act, and it upsets me every time!

When you reach for your phone and it isn’t there, does your body tense up? Does you mind race? Do your palms become sweaty? This happens to me and I hate it!

Does the thought of going to the bathroom without having your cell phone with you give you anxiety? What am I supposed to read? The news paper?!

Do you socialize more on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., than you do with face to face interactions? The person I socialize with is my wife, and everyone else is on Facebook!

Are you losing interest in many of the things you used to love to do? I definitely find myself realizing I prefer not to do the things I used to.

Do you deal with anxiety and depression often? It is a recurring pain that I deal with daily.

When someone grabs your phone, even when you have nothing to hide on it, do you get extremely defensive? I have been fortunate to work my way out of that one!

Have you been denying these symptoms aloud, yet thinking ‘Maybe this is an issue? Naahhh!’ in your head?

It is nothing new that we have become a generation reliant on technology, but at what point do we start to find a way to bring ourselves back to a positive place in life?

Hello, my name is Ryan, and I am a Phone-A-Holic...

I am guilty of absolutely every one of these side effects that come with owning a cell phone. I have been told that you are less likely to have these issues if you wait until you are over 18 years of age to get a cell phone, because you had time to socialize, gain confidence in yourself, and to understand when to draw the line. I am sad to say that this statement is not true. I got my cell phone later on in life and I am just as addicted as anyone else.

Am I saying to not get a cell phone? Absolutely not! 

What I am saying is that if you are willing to fight your addiction, you can find other ways to manage it. I recommend coming up with a plan to reach some goals that you would like to achieve. Some examples may include: Practice positive and healthy socializing. Speak to a human in the morning before consulting your phone on the daily news. Leave your phone in your bag or vehicle when doing short term errands (but don’t forget the keys!). 

Let me know what you guys do in order to fight your addiction!

[ryansreallife-blog]

After the Rubble of Broken Hearts Clears...

Valentine’s day is a day to celebrate love and to recognize those who do not have someone to share their love with, but why would you celebrate Valentine’s day ON Valentine’s day? Thinking about how much stress we cause ourselves by celebrating on February 14th just puts me over the edge. This year, we are celebrating after February 14th.

WHY?!

Besides the fact that Valentine’s Day landed in the middle of the week and we both have full time jobs, there are more perks!

1. Shorter Wait Times If, on February 14th, you find yourself wanting to spoil your significant other (or yourself) but are hindered by the insanely long wait times at your favorite romantic restaurants and the movie theater, you can wait a couple days and enjoy the luxury of shorter wait times since everyone has gotten through the romance in the air.

2. Show Off Since you did not celebrate on Valentine’s day, you still have romance in the air around you and your other half! When you are out and about, enjoying the feeling of true love, people may glance over and think, ‘Wow! They are madly in love! And it isn’t even Valentine’s day!’ You will be the bell of the ball, with all eyes on you!

3. Discount Candy Do I even need to explain? Wait for the leftover candy to be marked down so that Wal-Mart can move in their Halloween products, because we all know they sell holiday specific items way earlier than necessary, and buy it all! You will have plenty of candy to snack on, as well as have plenty of candy left over for when Halloween actually does come around!

These tips can help you have a much more enjoyable time out next Valentine’s time! Unless your valentine is your dog (or cat), then you will have the same experience. 

[ryansreallife-blog]

#ChurchDoubleUp

An interesting question popped into my head as I remember all of the churches I have attended throughout my life. Is it or is it not beneficial to be a part of more than one church?

I was thinking about the possible down falls of being committed to two different fellowships. We know, as Christians, we are all in unity the body of Christ. Does this mean that we all have the same beliefs, morality, and ethics?

No where in the Bible does it talk about the requirement to attend only one church, however, it does warn against those who pretend to know the Word but will lead you astray. Find the truth in what you believe through prayer, meditation on the word, solid research, and through the seeking of wise counsel. If someone in your “other church” comes along and preaches false gospels, you need to be aware and to rid yourself of false teachings. 

It is not wrong to attend two church services, so long as they follow the one truth that God set forth as written in the Bible.

[ryansreallife-blog]

Regarding My Mistakes...

As I sat in silence, scrolling through Facebook, I saw that my wife had shared my most recent Tumblr post. At this point, I had a question come to mind. This question had never occurred to me before, but it was in immediate need of answering! The title of my previous post was ‘Reading?? READING?!?!” It was when I saw my own post from a different perspective that I thought, ‘Did I use proper punctuation?’ 

The answer is quite simple, and the research behind it left me quite surprised. The answer is a resounding NO. My faulty punctuation would have left the greatest writers in history angry and dismayed. 

My question following was, ‘Well, then how?’ 

A question mark, or exclamation point are both marks of terminal punctuation, meaning it is the final mark in a sentence. To add a secondary question mark or to be as oblivious as I was in not understanding the nonsensical mistake I had made and added an exclamation point in order to make a point (pun unintended). 

Little did I know that I was committing one of literature’s greatest blunders! The research that had left me surprised was not that I made such an awful mistake, but rather that there is indeed a terminal punctuation created for such an event!

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the interrobang!

I am absolutely sure that everyone else in this country had heard about this other than myself. I feel as if I was mislead of what I was intended to know my entire life!

What else out there do I not know‽

[ryansreallife-blog]

Reading? READING?!?!

The ability to read and comprehend what you are reading is beyond priceless. It is a gateway to a world of knowledge and understanding. It provides you with the answers to life’s hardest question and the tools to find the answers the new questions.

So what happens when you have the ability to read and comprehend, but you do not? I grew up my entire life doing the bare minimum in school in order to barely scrape by. I hated reading with a passion. The thought and action of reading always gave me a headache. I refused to learn what I felt was unnecessary to my life. I got through high school and college and I can count the number of books I’ve read cover to cover on one hand. 

So what did this do to me? It gave me a craving. A craving for knowledge and understanding, that which I lacked through my entire life until now. My parents always told me that I needed to read, as did schools, college prep programs, teachers, other students, everybody. Did I do it? Not really... I figured out that with most books, you can read the first chapter, the last chapter, and the summary on the back. I wrote book reports based off of this information and received A’s for my “hard work.” With textbooks, I used the same method, however, I included the Bold and Italicized words to my knowledge base. With this limited information, I was able to pass classes with B’s and C’s. I was the epitome of a lazy student with untouched capabilities.

I graduated high school with a 3.2 GPA and decided, ‘Hey, that’ll work.” I then got into college. I figured if it worked in high school, it will work in college, right? Unfortunately, yes, I was right. I lazed through college using the minimum amount of information to develop my thesis and bring home a 12-15 page paper filled with useless nonsense that somehow got me through with a 3.0 GPA. I am not saying my teachers were not intelligent by allowing this to happen, I am saying that I perfected the ability to use the least amount of information possible.

I literally wrote a speech for my Speech class in college about how I strive to be mediocre. I made points stating that I didn’t try my best in sports, but rather just enough so that my coaches wouldn’t expect me to save the team, but they could count on me throughout the entire game. I received a 100% for that speech, which miffed me. The teacher and students thought it was a playful speech, however, it was very true.

It wasn’t until after I graduated that I realized that I put in just as much work into being lazy, that it would not have been any extra work to simply read the entire book and have a well-rounded bit of information. 

I now find myself trying to fulfill the craving for knowledge and understanding daily. With everything going on with politics, business ethics, how things are made, I find myself wanting to know the truth, wanting to know the information as it truly is.

So what did being lazy as a kid do for me as an adult, it has given me drive. Will this be the same case for every body who does what I did, I truly doubt it, but what do I know? I haven’t read that book yet.

[ryansreallife-blog]

Six More Weeks...

Here we are again, determining our clothing choices from the forecast of a groundhog. With Phil giving us the unfortunate news that we have six more weeks of a lack of global warming, I find myself wondering exactly where did Punxsutawney Phil come from? 

Punxsutawney Phil Sowerby comes out every year on February 2nd to tell us whether we will begin Spring early, or have to struggle through another six weeks. The tradition starts well before sunrise as Phil comes out of his temporary home (Gobbler’s Knob) with his wife and daughter, Phyllis and Phelicia. This all began in 1887 in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania after a group called the “inner-circle” determined he had the power to determine the weather. From then, they celebrated every year his predictions of what the weather would be. It is said that the Phil we see today, is the same Phil from 1887, because he drinks a special drink called “Groundhog Punch” which keeps him alive.  History blows me away...

[ryansreallife-blog]

What?! Can you believe that?!

It’s so unbelievable!

We, as a society, are falling for the greatest marketing scheme ever. It is truly brilliant that we are so susceptible to the Cliffhanger Headline as I like to call it. 

You can’t scroll through Facebook or Youtube without seeing headlines such as, “No way that happened!” or “You won’t believe what this kid just did!” These cliffhangers, or open-loops as called in the biz, are probably the best way to attract people to read or watch something. 

Why does it work? 

As a human, were are driven by the unknown. Whether we are driven away or driven closer, the unknown fascinates us. While watching you favorite action TV show or favorite drama, you will see at the end of just about every episode an enticing cliffhanger that leaves you wanting to know what happens next. It is a genius ploy that racks the ratings up.

As far as the cliffhanger’s use in social media, this is a fairly young concept, but has blown up the popularity of bloggers, vloggers, and those alike. But what about the original cliffhanger?

The very first cliffhanger is considered to to have originated between September 1872 and June 1873 in Thomas Hardy’s ‘A Pair of Blue Eyes.’ One of the protagonists, Henry Knight, is left LITERALLY hanging off of a cliff. 

This brought in an overwhelming response because the original story was produced in installments through Tinsley’s Magazine, so the reader had to wait for next month’s subscription to come in before finding out what was to become of Henry Knight. 

This completely fascinates me and it such an amazing thing how something so simple can gain such attention in a short amount of time. Perhaps all of my posts from now on will just have to leave you hanging!

[ryansreallife-blog]

Fear

Fear is a funny thing, ironically of course. Let’s say you are faced with a potentially fatal situation. Experiencing fear in a time of near death, makes you feel more alive than ever; ironic.

[ryansreallife-blog]

House on the Hill

There is a house on a hill that stands isolated above an amber forest. It is prideful and powerful as it stares across the land. It’s beams are strong and support the entire structure. The wood from a great oak encloses and protects the inside. It shines as a magnificent beacon upon that hill the rolls so quietly. 

But on the inside...

Layers of dust cover the dismal remains of what once was a place of comfort and retreat. The bed made up and stained by the taints of time. The lamp shade crooked by the weight of nothingness that lingers. A jacket never worn, and never to be worn, hanging in hopes for the warmth of a body to cling. 

The answer as to why such a powerful and charismatic homestead rules the land with no tenant is unknown. What is known, is that time weighs heavy on the heart of the house on the hill. Soon the dust will eat through the wood with a ravenous hunger. Perhaps, one day, this house on the hill will find its tenant. Someone to mend it’s splinters and smooth its surfaces; to lift the dust.

[ryansreallife-blog]

From His Side

My eyes welled as I stared into her eyes. It was a broken and blank expression on her face as she says quietly,

“I think I’m going to die…”

My name is Cullen Tarver. I am happily married to my beautiful wife, Rachel Tarver. We’ve been married for over three years. I could not and dare not ask for a more wonderful woman in my life.

                                                  From His Side

I was sipping on a latte at the local coffee shop while talking with friends. It had been a beautiful summer day. Not too hot, not too cold, with rays of sun coming through the window. I was in the middle of working on some things on my computer when the phone in the coffee shop rang. My friend said that it was my wife. I took the phone and all I hear is, “Ryan, I need to go to the hospital…”

At this point I knew exactly what was going on. I drove home as fast as I could to find my wife in incredible pain. I tried to stand her up to get her to the car so I could rush her to the emergency room, but she fainted from the extreme pain she was enduring. As I was laying her unconscious body to the ground, she had woken up part way down, and began to scream in agony. At this point I knew I wasn’t going to try and move her, I had to call for an ambulance.

Five minutes had passed before anybody had shown up. Rachel’s face was as pale as a ghost. She was in such hysterics that she had almost seemed calm. Several minutes after first responders had shown up to examine the situation, I heard sirens approaching from the distance. They burst in through the front door and began moving our furniture all around to make room for the gurney. At one point, their was over 12 people in our little apartment.

Once she was loaded and secured in the ambulance, I was so panicked that I completely disregarded the option of riding with her. I followed closely in my own vehicle as we drove down the highway at 90 miles per hour, our friends in the car with me. They stated that I seemed so calm and collected. I felt as though I was driving through fire. In my head, I had a million curse words flying around, fighting each other for the top spot.

We arrived to the hospital and I parked the car and jumped out without even shutting it off so see my wife before they took her into the emergency room. I saw her as they were taking her in. Her face had tear stains covering most of it. She looked at me and said, “I love you…”

I said, “I love you too, I am here. Everything is going to be okay!” She began crying again, almost as if she didn’t believe me.

They took her in saying I couldn’t come the way they were taking her, and that I would have to go through the lobby. I felt a slight bit of relief knowing she made it to the hospital without any further complications. I went through the lobby to deal with insurance, all the while I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t quite right. I rushed things along so that I could go in to see my wife.

I made my way to see her. I find her and grab her hand immediately. I can see that her face is so intensely pale, as if she painted her skin with white paint. The nurses continue to test things, pressing on her abdominal. With every press, she lets out a horrifying scream. With every scream, I close my eyes. I feel the most intense emotional pain I have ever felt in my life. It took everything that I had not to cry. I needed to remain strong for my wife. I felt as though if she saw my weakness, she would just give up and let go. To add to my pain, the look on her face was as if she felt that very way.

My eyes welled as I stared into her eyes. It was a broken and blank expression on her face as she says quietly,

“I think I’m going to die…”

At this point I had felt complete devastation. My mind went a million miles an hour imaging the worst. I imagined what my life would be like without this woman in my life. It took all of my emotional strength to mutter the most uncertain words I have ever said.

“No you aren’t, you are going to make it…”

I kiss her forehead. My lips had almost frozen from how cold she was.

We were there for what seemed like an eternity. I asked the nurse, “Where is the doctor?!”

“We don’t have a surgeon in today. Our on-call surgeon is supposed to be on vacation as well.” She replied.

I was about ready to tear the hospital apart when I heard this. Rachel began crying again as I can only imagine that her feelings of coming to the end of life were seeming all too realistic at this point. We waited for what seemed like a second eternity, then by the grace of God, the on-call surgeon showed up. He had decided to postpone his vacation by a day.

He asked a few questions, then within a few minutes, Rachel was on her way up to surgery. They had given her painkillers and anesthesia and she was no longer in pain, and sleeping. My mind at this point hadn’t gone to, ‘Everything is going to be okay…’ It had gone to, ‘Thank you God, if she doesn’t make it, thank you that she is not in pain. If she does make it, thank you for letting me see my wife soon.’

The next three hours went by quickly, as I had our friends and family with me, keeping me company and offering prayers and as many laughs as they could muster, just to help me deal with the possibility of losing my wife forever.

The doctor eventually came out to greet me with a handshake and a smile. He told me that she is sleeping and the surgery was a success.

“There was at least two liters of blood in her stomach.” He said. “We were able to clean it all out.”

I was beyond relieved, and beyond petrified. I couldn’t bare to lose my wife, and by God’s grace and mercy, I didn’t have to.

This was my wife’s second ectopic pregnancy. Her second time almost dying from the loss of our babies. The second time I had almost lost my wife. In only just over three years of marriage, we have lost three of our precious babies, and I have almost lost my wife twice.

God has given me a chance to enjoy the love and company of my wife longer than the devil wanted.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

-2 Corinthians 12:8-9