s0upatomicbird

[s0upatomicbird]

Little Messiah

[s0upatomicbird]

Happy pride !!!!

clingy and clingier

They're very important to me

[s0upatomicbird]

Character, prop, creature and environment design for concept art class

AKA an excuse to design my pirate OC, her gun and expand her world yippeeeee

Her name's Mayari, she a princess who got assassinated and got revived by illegal alchemy so she has to keep her identity a secret becoming a pirate, and eventually the captain (that's the very short version)

[s0upatomicbird]

PSA

Just a heads up, there are bots going around on AO3 accusing people of using AI. Considering the timing, this is likely AI bros' retaliation for AO3 users calling them out for scraping their work. Examples of what you might be sent:

Screenshots from here.

If you get a comment like this, just report for spam and delete.

[s0upatomicbird]

Need you guys to know I am soooo anti generative AI. In case that wasn't clear. It's bad for the environment, unethical, theft, and will never be as freaky as me. It is inferior in every way

[s0upatomicbird]

I wish to have a lot of money to send my parents to therapy IMMEDIATELY

Being the mediator and "comunicator" in my family is so fucking exhausting. Especially since I'm a people pleaser and nobody ever seems to agree on anything here, so I bear my mother's and father's disappointment and frustration not only at themselves but at ME. I somehow always manage to mess it up.

The worst part is I can literally, PHYSICALY, feel it in my chest, like I feel this weight and this ache and this weird feeling, and I feel anxious ALL DAY and it ruins my mood and I feel like wanting to cry, and like I have to fix it but I don't know how and despite my greatest efforts I always seem to fail and fall short. All my attempts at trying to fix it, for years now, have failed.

It feels worse knowing this strain in their relationship was a direct cause of my and my brothers existence. If we hadn't been borned they probably wouldn't have moved here and maybe their problems wouldn't have started, maybe. I am responsible and I have to fix it.

I walk around with this ache on my chest, walking on eggshels around them, thinking of wvery move and word to say to not make it worse, somehow i always manage to fail. And yet NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE, my mother and father seem to prefer to be mad and built resentment towards each other than have a serious and conversation, and i cant blame them because they literaly CAN'T without shouting. My father always screams or talks loudly or in a tone than conveys so much dissapointent it hurts, he likes to have control and gets mad when you chose something he didnt want, he finger-points acts the victim saying we dont value his opinion when his opinion taints every decision we (or at least I) take and getting angry, he never seems to hide his dissapoibtment or disday, and he cant pretend to be exited for you if youre exited about something that he isn't. My mother takes stuff very personally and is very sensible like me so she takes criticism really hard and is hard to try to tell her something without hurting her feelings, she tells me I can be honest with her, but I can't, not without causing a problem with my father, not while burdening her emotions too, not while I know that we can't communicate truly. I understand their tired, but I cannot keep shouldering their emotions so much, I cannot keep being their therapist because I DONT KNOW HOW I WISH I DID BUT I DONT KNOW, and it hurts seeing my parents talk shit of each behind the other's back and knowing that the only reason they stay together and unhappy is because of us (my mother literally admited this to me while I was sobbing). My brother also doesn't seem to care, My mother and I tried to fix his relationship with my father but never gave their part, my father started guilt tripping us and my brother sometimes made things worse so we stopped trying, they seem better now because my brother is calmer but I call tell the trust was never rebuilt.

I carry around all this anxiety over the simplest things, I second guess myself every single day, it's so hard to make big decisions. Heck I cannot even send a fucking text anymore becaus it guves so much anxiety that i somehow always seem to ruin digital conversation. And yet when I ask for help (or at least try to) im forgotten, not ignored, I'm heard, but after a while they forget, and sometimes I do to, i can bittle it up and try to forget and be whimsy and shit, but give it a month, or the slightest amount of stress or a problem, and all of it returns and I'm back with this TERRIBLE feeling, with this looming dread and anxiety, like Damocle's sword is over me all day and I must perform my best, so I do, and nobody seems to care because nobody seems to look deeper. I hate being the mediator, I hate being bridge between them, I hate it so much. I don't want to mess anything up and yet somehow I ALWAYS DO. Or maybe I don't and its just them, i can't tell anymore. I keep procastinating on thing because I'm jsut scared that when I make a decision something is gonna come up and I would have messed up... again.

And it scares that maybe it's all my fault, and that despite my efforts I can't chage and will always keep doing things worse

[s0upatomicbird]

Also my father developed the habit of just... not responding when you talk to him, like I would tell him something and he would just nod, or outright ignore me (and my brother and mother too), or would say hi to him and cant even say hi back, just nod while looking and similing at you, like cant you even say Hi to your kid? Or respond?. Which is defunetly not infurating and definetly doesn't make communiaction harder 😀 (/s)

The worst part, he doesn't even do it because he's angry. No, when he's angry he looks angry, talks angry and sometimes ignores you. But this is just frustating because he does it... just because ??? I can't understanding it and it drives me mad because I'm telling him something important, im trying to talk to him, I await his response, and he just takes it like a fucking joke. Which fits because he will sometimes just don't take my seriously, especially when I'm angry over something "small"

Being the mediator and "comunicator" in my family is so fucking exhausting. Especially since I'm a people pleaser and nobody ever seems to agree on anything here, so I bear my mother's and father's disappointment and frustration not only at themselves but at ME. I somehow always manage to mess it up.

The worst part is I can literally, PHYSICALY, feel it in my chest, like I feel this weight and this ache and this weird feeling, and I feel anxious ALL DAY and it ruins my mood and I feel like wanting to cry, and like I have to fix it but I don't know how and despite my greatest efforts I always seem to fail and fall short. All my attempts at trying to fix it, for years now, have failed.

It feels worse knowing this strain in their relationship was a direct cause of my and my brothers existence. If we hadn't been borned they probably wouldn't have moved here and maybe their problems wouldn't have started, maybe. I am responsible and I have to fix it.

I walk around with this ache on my chest, walking on eggshels around them, thinking of wvery move and word to say to not make it worse, somehow i always manage to fail. And yet NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE, my mother and father seem to prefer to be mad and built resentment towards each other than have a serious and conversation, and i cant blame them because they literaly CAN'T without shouting. My father always screams or talks loudly or in a tone than conveys so much dissapointent it hurts, he likes to have control and gets mad when you chose something he didnt want, he finger-points acts the victim saying we dont value his opinion when his opinion taints every decision we (or at least I) take and getting angry, he never seems to hide his dissapoibtment or disday, and he cant pretend to be exited for you if youre exited about something that he isn't. My mother takes stuff very personally and is very sensible like me so she takes criticism really hard and is hard to try to tell her something without hurting her feelings, she tells me I can be honest with her, but I can't, not without causing a problem with my father, not while burdening her emotions too, not while I know that we can't communicate truly. I understand their tired, but I cannot keep shouldering their emotions so much, I cannot keep being their therapist because I DONT KNOW HOW I WISH I DID BUT I DONT KNOW, and it hurts seeing my parents talk shit of each behind the other's back and knowing that the only reason they stay together and unhappy is because of us (my mother literally admited this to me while I was sobbing). My brother also doesn't seem to care, My mother and I tried to fix his relationship with my father but never gave their part, my father started guilt tripping us and my brother sometimes made things worse so we stopped trying, they seem better now because my brother is calmer but I call tell the trust was never rebuilt.

I carry around all this anxiety over the simplest things, I second guess myself every single day, it's so hard to make big decisions. Heck I cannot even send a fucking text anymore becaus it guves so much anxiety that i somehow always seem to ruin digital conversation. And yet when I ask for help (or at least try to) im forgotten, not ignored, I'm heard, but after a while they forget, and sometimes I do to, i can bittle it up and try to forget and be whimsy and shit, but give it a month, or the slightest amount of stress or a problem, and all of it returns and I'm back with this TERRIBLE feeling, with this looming dread and anxiety, like Damocle's sword is over me all day and I must perform my best, so I do, and nobody seems to care because nobody seems to look deeper. I hate being the mediator, I hate being bridge between them, I hate it so much. I don't want to mess anything up and yet somehow I ALWAYS DO. Or maybe I don't and its just them, i can't tell anymore. I keep procastinating on thing because I'm jsut scared that when I make a decision something is gonna come up and I would have messed up... again.

And it scares that maybe it's all my fault, and that despite my efforts I can't chage and will always keep doing things worse

[s0upatomicbird]

Being the mediator and "comunicator" in my family is so fucking exhausting. Especially since I'm a people pleaser and nobody ever seems to agree on anything here, so I bear my mother's and father's disappointment and frustration not only at themselves but at ME. I somehow always manage to mess it up.

The worst part is I can literally, PHYSICALY, feel it in my chest, like I feel this weight and this ache and this weird feeling, and I feel anxious ALL DAY and it ruins my mood and I feel like wanting to cry, and like I have to fix it but I don't know how and despite my greatest efforts I always seem to fail and fall short. All my attempts at trying to fix it, for years now, have failed.

It feels worse knowing this strain in their relationship was a direct cause of my and my brothers existence. If we hadn't been borned they probably wouldn't have moved here and maybe their problems wouldn't have started, maybe. I am responsible and I have to fix it.

I walk around with this ache on my chest, walking on eggshels around them, thinking of wvery move and word to say to not make it worse, somehow i always manage to fail. And yet NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE, my mother and father seem to prefer to be mad and built resentment towards each other than have a serious and conversation, and i cant blame them because they literaly CAN'T without shouting. My father always screams or talks loudly or in a tone than conveys so much dissapointent it hurts, he likes to have control and gets mad when you chose something he didnt want, he finger-points acts the victim saying we dont value his opinion when his opinion taints every decision we (or at least I) take and getting angry, he never seems to hide his dissapoibtment or disday, and he cant pretend to be exited for you if youre exited about something that he isn't. My mother takes stuff very personally and is very sensible like me so she takes criticism really hard and is hard to try to tell her something without hurting her feelings, she tells me I can be honest with her, but I can't, not without causing a problem with my father, not while burdening her emotions too, not while I know that we can't communicate truly. I understand their tired, but I cannot keep shouldering their emotions so much, I cannot keep being their therapist because I DONT KNOW HOW I WISH I DID BUT I DONT KNOW, and it hurts seeing my parents talk shit of each behind the other's back and knowing that the only reason they stay together and unhappy is because of us (my mother literally admited this to me while I was sobbing). My brother also doesn't seem to care, My mother and I tried to fix his relationship with my father but never gave their part, my father started guilt tripping us and my brother sometimes made things worse so we stopped trying, they seem better now because my brother is calmer but I call tell the trust was never rebuilt.

I carry around all this anxiety over the simplest things, I second guess myself every single day, it's so hard to make big decisions. Heck I cannot even send a fucking text anymore becaus it guves so much anxiety that i somehow always seem to ruin digital conversation. And yet when I ask for help (or at least try to) im forgotten, not ignored, I'm heard, but after a while they forget, and sometimes I do to, i can bittle it up and try to forget and be whimsy and shit, but give it a month, or the slightest amount of stress or a problem, and all of it returns and I'm back with this TERRIBLE feeling, with this looming dread and anxiety, like Damocle's sword is over me all day and I must perform my best, so I do, and nobody seems to care because nobody seems to look deeper. I hate being the mediator, I hate being bridge between them, I hate it so much. I don't want to mess anything up and yet somehow I ALWAYS DO. Or maybe I don't and its just them, i can't tell anymore. I keep procastinating on thing because I'm jsut scared that when I make a decision something is gonna come up and I would have messed up... again.

And it scares that maybe it's all my fault, and that despite my efforts I can't chage and will always keep doing things worse

[s0upatomicbird]

in times like these at least i have the character

[s0upatomicbird]

Eye see. Heh.

[s0upatomicbird]

I want them to be real so I can squish them like marketable pushies

Inspired by hendithehen on Instagram

[s0upatomicbird]

I am terrified of ending up being like my father, and I am scared because sometimes I mimic his behaviour without realising, and I don't think anyone deserves to be with me if I'm like that, I don't want to make anyone fell like he has made me feel

[s0upatomicbird]

Yes, this is a reference Also remember when I said that I can only handle one hyperfixation at a time?

Anyways! Go commission me! ✨NSFW and COMIC COMMISSIONS will be open soon!!✨

[s0upatomicbird]

Another one thank u

That one twitter trend I'm late for

[s0upatomicbird]

Another one thank u

That one twitter trend I'm late for

[s0upatomicbird]

That one twitter trend I'm late for

[s0upatomicbird]

I don’t wanna hear about your Myers-Briggs result, what fundamental source of terror in Smirke’s 14 do you serve?