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a few doors down from me my neighbors have a squirrel bar nailed to the tree in front of the sidewalk, not exactly this but something like this:

it's been there for years and they never "stock" it so it's just sitting there. anyway, i thought it would be cute to make a little squirrel out of sculpey and leave it on one of the stools in the middle of the night. i also made a little sculpey beer bottle with its own label.

it lasted exactly one day and now it is gone. it didn't fall off, i stuck it on with tape. what do you think happened to it? your most fantastical and wrong answers only, please

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A zillion hours of hammering, skiving, dyeing, and Angelus paint later, finally finished my rapier hanger.

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This is the main headcanon for Xena awesome superpowers (the other is... Daddy Ares hehe)

Unreliable narrators are one hell of an idea. You can just write whatever, and if a reader points out "hey the way this scene happened should not be physically possible if it's done the way this character described it", you can just be like "yeah I don't trust that fucker either."

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😳

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🦂🏜️ Hehe The Mummy 1999 AU!! ⚔️📖

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Gabrielle: And so, Zeus, in his appreciation, turned the two lovers into oak trees. And then do you know what happened?

Xena: Somebody built a boat out of them?

Gabrielle: No. Their branches intertwined, and they spent the rest of their days in each other's embrace.

Xena: What's the point?

Gabrielle: Come on, Xena. I believe everyone will find their tree in the forest someday... even you.

Xena: I find the strongest trees in the forest stand alone.

You don't have to be strong all the time, Xena. Sometimes it's good for the soul to be soft.

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(Yay shenaningans!)

For martial arts week (or spicy if it inspires you for that one): avatrice, someone getting flustered either at doing or watching something martial arts related 👀

you are the evilest lol - wishing you well on your travels! 

Beatrice is in the middle of a sleepy half-mumbled rant about the historical inaccuracies of the action movie they're watching when Ava sees it.

There's been a dozen fight scenes so far, each one more flashy and bloody than the last, and this one is no different - full of limbs breaking and glass shattering and the main character leaping atop one of the goons to ...

Ava gapes. "Is he - is he choking him with his legs???"

"Hm? Oh yes, that's a triangle, sankaku in judo. Rather sloppy form, though, look at how there's so much space, where's the choke even? I know there's safety protocol the actors have to follow but that's hardly an excuse to ignore -"

Ava turns sharply to face her. "You know how to do that?" 

"Of course, it's a basic submission," Beatrice huffs. Her eyes are half-closed, body slouching further into the couch. "We can go over them tomorrow. You'd be good at triangles, I imagine."

Ava imagines: Her thighs around Beatrice's neck, Beatrice's face looking at her from between her legs - 

Beatrice must take the strangled sound that escapes Ava's lips as a question because she continues, "It's all in the legs you see, and womens legs tend to be quite strong. And shorter legs can be an advantage with triangles as you can lock the choke in tighter." 

Ava's brain short-circuts as Beatrice continues to mumble through a yawn, hardly registers the rest of the movie. Hopes Beatrice doesn't remember this particular conversation. 

*

Beatrice, of course, remembers everything. 

She's the picture of calm as she details the technique verbally like she always does, as if this is any other day, any other technique. 

"Would you like me to demonstrate on you first?" 

Ava swears her eyes nearly pop out of her head. "You?" she squeaks. The image of Beatrice above her, legs wrapped around Ava's head pops into her mind - starts to feel faint.

Beatrice finally clocks Ava's reaction. "Would you prefer to do it first?" she asks in that patient way of hers, always giving Ava options. Though in this case, Ava doesn't know which is worse. 

She's in the middle of spiraling when Ava feels a soft touch brush over her knuckles. Softer words: "Breathe, Ava."

Ava obeys. Sucks in a deep breath into her lungs, her vision suddenly clearing where it'd started to go blurry. 

"There you are." Beatrice's smile is faint, eyes studying her with that calm intensity. "We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Ava takes in another breath, tries to explain herself. "I wanna learn, I just -" Falters, unsure how to describe the confusing mix of excitement and dread running through her. 

"Not into choking," Beatrice finishes. 

Ava sputters. "I could be! I mean - if it was - I guess if -"

Beatrice just looks at her in that patient way of hers. "You were uncomfortable when we attempted the rear naked choke last week."

"Someone really needs to rethink these names," Ava mutters.

"It's called Mata Leão, or lion killer in BJJ." Beatrice softens, steps in closer. "Ava, it's okay." 

Ava sighs. She's able to at least explain part of what she's feeling: "I don't want to hurt you, Bea." 

Beatrice's voice is firm but warm. "You won't." Lets a smile lift the corner of her lips. "Not unless I let you."

Ava rolls her eyes, feels the tension in her shoulders drop despite herself. When she peeks up at Beatrice, she catches the tail end of a self-satisfied look on her face. Ava chews on her bottom lip for a moment. "Shouldn't I learn it though? You said it was a basic submission." 

Beatrice shrugs. "There are plenty of other ways to incapacitate an opponent." She lowers her gaze to catch Ava's eyes, free of judgement, full of kindness. "We can learn it later, we can go over a takedown variation, or we could simply do something else. It's alright. Really." 

Ava lets herself breathe, lets herself take Beatrice's hand. "Thanks," she says quietly. "Maybe we can try the takedown later?" 

"Sure." Beatrice squeezes Ava's hand gently before letting go. "In the meantime, we can continue the sequence from yesterday -"

Ava feels herself settle back into her body, Beatrice's words flowing over her in that familiar cadence, in that familiar warmth that reminds her that she's safe. 

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🇬🇧"The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep one last time. Let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn. Forth Èorlingas!" As emblematic as Narsil or Sting, and just as tied to its bearer, is Herugrim, the sword of the king of Rohan Théoden. And, for me, one of the most beautiful works of forge and blacksmithing ever designed. The detail of the horse heads, the singularity of the pommel, the filigrees, the Nordic-inspired blade…. It's one of those designs that always haunts my mind, and, despite it being a challenge, I felt it was a natural next step in my leather carving and moulding skills. It's been six months of slow progress in my free time, but I couldn't be happier with the result.

🇪🇸 "El cuerno de Helm resonará en el abismo una última vez. Ha llegado la hora de empuñar juntos el acero. Coraje despierta. Ahora por ira, holocausto y rojo amanecer. ¡A por ellos, Èorlingas!" Tan emblemática como Narsil o Dardo, e igual de apegada a su portador, es Herugrim, la espada del rey de Rohan Théoden. Y, para mí, de las más bellas obras de forja y herrería jamás diseñadas. El detalle de las cabezas de caballo, la singularidad del pomo, las filigranas, la hoja de inspiración nórdica… Es otro de esos diseños que rondan siempre mi cabeza, y, pese a ser un reto, he sentido que era el siguiente paso natural en mi habilidad de labrado y moldeado del cuero. Han sido seis meses de avance lento en mis ratos libres, pero no podría estar más contenta con el resultado.

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In some cases, you will be the villain EVEN if you let them walk all over you...

unavoidable that you will be the villain in someone else's story. You will be painted in an unfavorable light. You will be the irredeemable one. and all of this will happen despite how nice you might usually be or how kind or how respectful or how warm. and you will just have to move on.

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Animated scrap metal figures by Guillermo Galetti

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Lesbian Subaru ads from the mid 90s/early 2000s

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suggestions for gender neutral version of mom/dad? something less formal than just ‘parent’

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PARIS WAS NOT NAMED AFTER PARIS HILTON YOU DIPSHIT

source?

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enough.

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See also, "We're in a drought; conserve water!" Meanwhile, bottled water companies and golf courses for rich folk empty the aquifers.