saltydogsmut

[saltydogsmut]

Hey, your arms are going to shake when you hold yourself above someone for a while during missionary. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey, your thighs and lower back are going to start aching eventually, and you'll need to change positions or slow down. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey, your tummy is going to make noises when you're anxious during your first few times with them. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey, you're going to burst out giggling sometimes. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey, you're going to dislike one, two, or a few things you thought you would've liked. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey, you're going to struggle to finish sometimes. Or keep it in. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey, you're going to stumble around sometimes. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey, you're going to need to take a few deep breaths sometimes. It won't ruin the moment.

Hey. You won't ruin the moment.

And if they say that you have, they don't deserve a moment with you.

♡♡♡

[saltydogsmut]

“Why do asexuals write and draw the best porn?” They wonder.

“Artemis’s hands do not shake when she fires her bow; she will never hunt for food to fill her belly, for she does not hunger herself,” we tell them.

[saltydogsmut]

Just so it's not a suprise. Im removing comments that don't understand libido ≠ attraction bc ive had a few ppl mention it. (And an anon asking about canon oddly enough.)

The QA where nemlei says ashley goes to andrew for her needs, platonic or sexual alike, and that she is interested in sex, doesn't state she's attracted to him or heterosexual.

Imagine you had a magic button in your house that when pressed would sate whatever need you had at the moment. If you were hungry you get food, bored you get tv or crayons, cold a blanket, etc. While you could do these things yourself the button feels convenient... Though sometimes you have to hit it a few times to get it to work and you can tell its unhappy as it hides itself in a drawer somewhere, but whatever. So one day you're horny and you press the button.

Does that make you sexually attracted to magic buttons?

No.

It's just that Andrew is Ashley's magic button. He's her go to port of call for anything and everything. Bullies in the hallway? Get Andrew. Hungry? Bug Andrew. Can't emotionally untangle yourself and need someone to talk to? Andrew.

But when things got too close to sexual as teenagers Andrew literally shoved her away. Something we never really saw him do, even when she was doing the exact same thing she always does, sit on his lap and joke around with him.

So Ashley knows she can't physically tease Andrew, though she can yap all she wants to vent off the sexual fustration. Its only when Andrew is going to leave or kill her that she decides to try again as a last ditch effort to stop him.

As for being attracted to him, we have no evidence yet. Andrew was at least peeking through doorknobs. But for Ashley she's only really treated the concept as a means to an end, having andrew around permanently.

--

So if that wasn't clear enough. Have some sex ed.

People often have sexual attraction. A sex drive/libido. And sexual fustration if they ignore their sex drive for too long. There is also sexual disgust.

All the above also has a counterpart with romance, though we don't nuance it as much. Romantic attraction, longing, loneliness, the ick.

There's also niches like aesthetic attraction, where you think things look cool and kinda want to bring it home and hang pictures on your wall. Sensual attraction of wanting to touch or cuddle, etc etc. The list goes on.

Asexuals can still have a libido. They can fuck. They can get sexually fustrated.

Some straight people don't really get sexually fustrated and can just be chaste forever with no issues.

Some gay people don't get sexual disgust if they think about sex with someone of the opposite gender while others might feel sick.

Some people's sexuality is heavily tied to romance, or appearance, or sensation, etc etc.

You get the point.

--

So to say "someone would fuck XY so they are Z." Is pretty reductive when im explicitly talking about comphet and asexuality.

Its fine if you think I'm wrong about a fictional character. Its fine if my argument seems really compelling and well researched but you don't like it because you prefer other interpritations. Its fine if you want to dispute it but don't know how.

That's fine. My fandom spices don't have to go into your canon cupboard even if it looks like they might fit perfectly in a little space on the shelf. Some people just throw out the canon shelf and are perfectly happy with a pantry pile up.

In fact it's fine if later she's 100% Andrew sexual. Or het. Or whatever. It is what it is.

But this is the fandom website where i explicitly say i wanna throw people in the work and shake them in a jar. Where ive seen them get tried in court next to the dealer from buckshot roulette and a sentient murder chicken. (An actual game demo not just an example)

So i mean... does canon actually matter in fandom aside from a shared starting point? If you see Andrew pet a dog in fanart that's technically non-canon too bc hes had the opportunity but didn't. I don't care though, bc its cute.

Anyway. While i get the attempt to share niche fandom info (Q&A) doing so only to shut down the conversation and not to have a cool back and forth about what it could mean for the theory isn't nice. Even if you try to be nice about it, I will delete it.

[saltydogsmut]

Some People are going back to the comphet lesbian/Ace post as if Ashley engaging in sexual behaviour bc she thinks its the only keeping andrew from killing/leaving her, explicitly raping andrew and saying she didn't enjoy it anyway, and having the most dysfunctional married life where she always feels pain during sex (except one night when drunk) and Andrew doesn't care enough to do better....

Automatically makes her a heterosexual.

...

Like... how do you miss a point that badly. SHE'S NOT ENJOYING HERSELF?! Not that enjoyment necessarily means much for sexual attraction but oh my god.

Like, I just blocked immediately bc they don't know anything about the topic or just don't think women have internal lives outside of their actions but jesus christ. Neither is something i want to deal with.

Like, she's preforming heterosexuality, what the fuck did you think the Het was in comphet?

I'm willing to have Burial prove me wrong but y'know what? Im not sure it will. That's not what the game is about to begin with, but obviously the siblings are too emeshed in each other for us to ever see Ashley explore her sexuality. Even as a preteen she hated that her peers were boy obsessed but didn't have the vocabulary to express why forcing herself on a date felt wrong, untrue to herself. And sure, "loves andrew", but in the box ending its not like she's fucking him is it.

I didn't automatically take the scratches as something good the first time around in the burial vision scene and what do you know, it looks like it might not be. Wow.

--

Metaphor for those who need it under the cut.

To make things simple for other people: if you see me eating sushi you may think I like sushi. Instead it might be a friend's birthday and even though im not hungry or like it very much I'll tolerate it bc i love my friend and they like it. Or it might just be the closest food joint to my place of work so i just hork some down because im hungry.

Maybe I don't care what type of food im having. and maybe that's because i was never in a position to have food preferences to begin with and I'll develop them later. or maybe its because i always ignore the burning churn of my stomach and drooling as something that happens to everyone when they come across a perfectly seared steak. That everyone thinks seared steak is the most delicious looking food in the world and naturally pulls this result out of everyone. It's just not advertised to me and even if it was It's just so i know what my boyfriend would like.

Like, you have ppl in their 30's, with years of having enjoyable sex with men, finding out they're lesbians. Bc they've treated emotional intensity as a replacement for attraction and had good enough sex to not question the things they were told. Like that it's shallow for a woman to care about appearances, that all women generally find men gross, that women are the "fairer" sex. That women are naturally more reluctant and fridgid when it comes to sex. Etc etc.

But no. You had sex. With a man! You could never be not straight!

(For guys, that every guy doesn't really care what a woman looks like, guys will do anything. That every man desires an intense relationship with his bros that he never will with a woman. A bromance. That you get into a relationship just for sex and its only if she gets pregnant that you have to put a ring on it. No man wants marriage, its a ball and chain. If you don't want sex then its just because she's not hot enough. A woman should be okay with crumbs of intimacy and you shouldn't feel bad bc women don't expect emotions from a man and only want to own you, are only using you, and anyway they have lesser internal worlds and could never match up to a guy. Don't test any of these theories though, while they're super true and uncontestable they are mean to say. *fingers crossed* don't find emotinally resonant gay porn don't find beautiful gay porn...)

Like, i know tumblr is gay, but just bc they're having the wost sex known to all mankind, and not even trying to improve it, doesn't make them straight. Be nice.

[saltydogsmut]

Wrote this before decay so I'll probably have to scrap it and stsrt again. But here, snippets of third grave sibling stuff. First bit is stuff i already posted. Rest is new.

Roughly 9000 words?

--

There was a loud bang as the bathroom door was shut. It had been a long enough time since he'd heard it that the sound managed to wake Andy up, and he clambered towards the raised voices, listening through his bedroom door.

“We can't afford another one! How could this happen! It was that stupid trip!”

Andy had liked the trip. They'd received a phone call letting them know they'd won a family vacation. It was some giveaway dad had entered using a receipt mom had scolded him for holding them up for at the grocery store about. Use it or lose it. They all got to go, even Leyley. Mom had lied to the hotel staff about it being her birthday and she got to eat enough ice-cream to make her sick.

They'd gotten to pet stingrays, go swimming, and watch cartoons while mom and dad slept in. They even went on a real pirate ship. He'd never seen mom so happy. Or dad so much at all. He even took care of Leyley when Andy wanted to go on the “big kid” slide. He didn't yell at Andy to get her to stop crying, and just held her until she stopped, even as Andy kept going down the slide over and over. And Andy didn't have to cook ONCE the entire time they were there.

“It was ONE time! How can this be happening to me?”

His dad murmured something he didn't catch.

“We'll sort it, honey. You always-”

“There is no sorting it! Why do you think I'm flipping out? We're past the point they'll get rid of it! Don't you understand?!”

There was no point in listening to mom when she got like this, he couldn't make out the words and covered his ears in case she started throwing things. That always hurt his ears when dishes broke.

This time however after a few moments of silence he cautiously uncovered his ears, dad had managed to soothe her somehow.

“What if it's like...? We can't handle another like Her. I won't…”

“Shh shshsh, it's okay. It could be... …Do we know the gender?”

“...it's a boy.”

“That means it's looking good, right?”

“...Right.”

“Yeah, I'll do what I need to, take more hours at work, a new job if I have to. We'll make it work somehow. We always do, because I have the world's most capable woman here. The smartest, most talented, woman alive whom I call my wife; here, by my side.”

“Yes. I suppose… We'll have to make it work.”

Andy closed the door, ignoring his father kneeling in front of his mother, gently rubbing her stomach.

--

Andrew groaned, rubbing his eyes. The morning broadcast had given him no news. That meant in the evening news they'd announce another extension to the quarantine.

There was a small noise from behind he the couch and the top of a head peeked over the back of it.

“It's nothing. Go back to drawing.”

The head ducked back down and started scribbling again.

Andrew pinched his nose a little before getting up. Briefly he checked on Ashley, who was taking a nap, and the remainder of their food supplies before heading to the back of the couch.

His conscience teetered a little. Ainsley was fine on his own, and Andrew had been allowing him more food than the rest of them. It should be enough, but heaven knew it was never enough for Ashley when she was a kid. There was nothing else for him to do and he sighed before settling next to his little brother.

His hair was a mess, but less than either of his two siblings. Ainsley had gotten smooth hair from someone, maybe their grandfather, and the only sign he was mom's kid was his yellow eyes. He otherwise looked like a miniature version of their dad, with low brows that hung over his bright eyes, which made him look adorably serious in whatever he happened to be focusing on. Right now that happened to be drawing.

Unlike Ashley, who had always scribbled as quickly as possible, Ainsley took careful time to colour everything in fully, which even if he wasn't a better artist, would have made him one anyway. He was going over an old colouring book that had been largely ignored by Ashley after she turned three, featuring random distortions of colour that she'd scribbled on here and there to mark it as hers. He'd tried his best to incorporate her scribbles in, purple swatches on a hill became stalks of lavender, broken up by a fence beside a different field of flowers, the barn converted into a house with dreamy purple smoke that left trails across the sky.

“It's looking good,” Andrew commented, but couldn't help noticing the state of the crayons. Fractured things, less than half of their original size. “...maybe you should save some crayon for the other pages?”

Ainsley looked up, and asked in a manner that took him a moment to see was entirely genuine -too used to Ashley- “Will that make them last longer?”

“...I guess not.” It wasn't as if a fresh page would use up less crayon per stroke, he was only making himself look like an asshole. Just let the kid draw.

Andrew got up tiredly, heading to the balcony. He pulled out his final cigarette and lit it up. Guess this meant he was going to be quitting. It had been helping him avoid the craving for food so he'd been rationing them with that in mind.

He breathed deeply, held it, then blew it out. He tapped the ashes off the railing. God these sucked. He sighed, pressing his face into his hand and weighing down the railing. Shit was fucked.

His cigarette was still burning and he took another drag. Nobody had liked him doing it but he'd bought them with his own money. And it's not like Julia was going to complain anymore.

He remembered the phone call. The one where he got blamed for not keeping Ashley on a leash. He took another drag, eyes fixed on the horizon.

“Bitch.”

In a minute he finished his cigarette and stamped it out. He shook his sweater, trying to shake out the smell.

Ainsley paused his drawing, peeking out from behind the skirting of the couch but quickly ducked his head back in as Andrew shut the balcony door.

Andrew crouched down. The art page hadn't progressed much but his brother was already distracted.

“Hey, you need to take a shower, okay.”

Ainsley made a face but closed his colouring book with a soft “okay”. He drew up onto his knees, clutching the book to his chest and carefully packed his book away before heading to the bathroom. Andrew flicked through the shelves, trying to find the R-rated videotape Ashley snuck in to watch it for a few minutes, only to hear Ainsley tap back in, grab some cleaning spray from under the sink and head back into the shower. Andrew checked and yeah, he hadn't really thought about it but the shower was gross… like most of the apartment right now. Still, Ainsley equipped gloves and seemed to be doing alright. He'd need someone else to do the top of the shower but that didn't matter too much.

Andrew found where Ashley stashed the videotape and watched the opening. Already some starlet had gotten her tits chopped off and the psycho who'd done it was playing with her corpse. “-hehe, shows you right you fucking whore, thinking you can deny me anything. Can't say no now, can you, hehe.” The creep chuckled. He'd probably be dead before the end of the first ten minutes.

“Vvrrr-” Andrew jumped, fumbling with the remote as he whipped around, but Ainsley wasn't looking at the TV and was attempting to pull out a chair without a pile of garbage falling on him.

“I got it,” Andrew helped him, after the screen on the TV went dark, pulling out the chair and dumping the garbage on the ground where the chair had been.

Ainsley took it without much fanfare, a simple nod and quiet “thanks,” to which Andrew nodded back, leaving him with the chair and settling back on the couch.

He waited until he was sure Ainsley was definitely out of the way before restarting the tape. When left alone Ainsley took long showers, which worked well when Andrew wanted to watch TV. It's not like they were going to run out of hot water anytime soon.

He was about halfway through the movie when Ashley came yawning in, leaning over the back of the couch.

“Oh my! Watching a dirty movie after you swore you'd never, how naughty!”

“Shut up, I never said I wouldn't watch it. Just not when he can see it.”

Ashley raised an eyebrow. “So where is Painsley?”

“...Don't call him that.”

“I'll call him whatever I like, Aaaandy, he's my brother.”

Andrew just scowled, mood soured.

“So?” she pushed.

“...he's taking a shower.”

“Hmph, better than you then. You stink.” She jeered, jumping over the back of the sofa.

“Oh yeah, well you're not much better.”

“Uh, yeah no. I'm heaps better. I showered this week.”

She had.

“Well, paragon virtues of purity, the two of you. I'm jealous.”

Ashley ignored his sarcasm. “I am a saint of cleanliness and it's only that I'm so gracious that you're blessed by my presence.”

“Wow, I'm so grateful,” he mocked.

Ashley pushed him, laughing, “You should be!”

He pushed her back and Ashley started cackling as he failed to not crack a smile, beating her with a pillow.

They watched the movie together with little fanfare, Ashley laying across his lap as he fiddled with her hair. She'd probably seen the movie already but she stayed with him, watching the film.

Once the movie met a lull Andrew checked the non-existent time and sat up. They were about an hour in. Besides, his mind was on Julia and what he'd ask her to do if she had her head in his lap like that.

Not a great thought to have in a house this crowded. …You pervert.

Andrew gently tugged at the base of Ashley's ponytail and peeled her off of him, only for so long as she realised he was getting up and started to glomp onto him.

“Don't tell me you're sick of me already. Or was the movie that stimulating? My oh my! What odd tastes you have.”

“No stranger than yours. But no. I'm just going to check on him. Stay here.”

She pouted as he shrugged her off and she grabbed his wrist.

“Why am I staying here? He's my brother too. I can check on Painsley.”

There she goes again.

“That's why, firstly. And he's a boy, he'd probably prefer me checking on him rather than you.”

“I'd be more helpful and you know it. Besides, he's a kid, it's not like he'll care.”

“You'd care.”

“I'm a girl! Girls are supposed to care!”

“Just sit down.” He shoved her back and rolled his shoulder, knocking on the bathroom door.

“Hey, Ainsley. You've been in there a while. Is everything okay in there?” There was no response and Andrew knocked again. “I'll turn off the lights if you don't answer me.”

The sound of the shower switched off and there was the hurried rustle of a towel. “Hi, Andrew.” The voice was muffled by the door.

“Oh Ain-Ain, your sister wants to see you,” Ashley cheered, creeping over Andrew's shoulder. “I’m opening the door in three, two-”

“Ashley,” her brother growled in warning, a little too late. The door opened with a frantic pull, Ainsley flushed pink with his clothes askew, sticking to his damp skin.

“Leyley,” he said, closing the distance to stand beside her.

“Oh look at you! Did you have a good time in there?” Her hand touched his cheek and she blinked, laying it over his forehead instead. Andrew copied her, nearly swearing at how heated his skin was.

“Yeah. I'm all clean now.”

“Drink some water,” Andrew demanded, and his brother’s gaze flicked to the side and back.

“oh…Okay, I will.” He tapped Ashley's hand, almost gently petting it until she gave him enough space to squeeze away and get to the kitchen sink, quickly pouring himself a glass and drinking it where Andrew could see him doing it.

“I can't believe you let him stay in there for so long,” Ashley hissed, swiping at him.

“Well he doesn't usually have it up so high,” Andrew defended his face.

“Yeah because we set it FOR him, you moron, Fuck!”

“Hey!” Andrew growled, just about the same second Ainsley called out, “Leyley!”

“I finished my water, can you help me dry my hair?” He passed the glass to Andrew and crowded around Ashley's legs, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Oh, you want your big sister to help you? You like me helping you more than Andrew, don't you.”

“Yes, Leyley. You're gentler with my hair.”

Andrew knew that was a lie. He'd been scolded and smacked around by his errant sister for years as she made up reasons why he sucked at doing hair. He was extremely gentle compared to Ashley who looked like she was mauling Ainsley every time he'd left it up to her. Then again, she wasn't twelve anymore.

“Aw, of course I am! I'm exceedingly gentle and nice, the sweetest big sister.”

“Like sugar.”

“I'll give you some sugar,” she teased and Andrew glared.

“Don't.”

“Oh, Ain-Ain!” she ignored him, kissing her kid brother's cheek. “You're soo cute, not like mean old Andrew. He didn't even set up the shower for you, did he?”

Ainsley paused. “...He did. He got a chair for me.”

“What?”

Ashley wandered behind her kid brother who set up the chair in front of the washing machine so she could plug the hairdryer in. Andrew sighed as Ainsley gave him a little wave behind Ashley's back. He'd probably keep her busy enough.

He closed the door on them and flopped down to watch the last thirty minutes of the film before he realised what a bad idea was and sighed. He left the door open to hear the blaring of the hair dryer and just turned on closed captioning with the volume down. Every now and then he flicked his gaze over but Ashley truly seemed to be drying Ainsley's hair, so he needn't have bothered.

He paused the movie when the hair dryer flicked off and Ashley cheerfully jumped into his lap.

“Thank you, Leyley,” Ainsley called from the bathroom, rolling up the hair dryer cord for her. She waved in response and he clambered up beside her as she beckoned. He was warm against Andrew's side.

“Is the last bit PG? I don't want to give him nightmares.”

She hummed, glaring at the screen. “Have they left the submarine base?”

“Yeah.”

“Then yeah, the last fifteen minutes are so boring.”

“Hm.” He hit play and they watched the shotgun wedding at the end of the film, enforced by literal shotguns as the protagonist sweated. Because they wanted sequel bait to have a new hot girl in it, the protagonist managed to steal a speedboat as the cake blew into pieces, leaving behind a crying six months pregnant heiress.

“Is he the bad guy?” Ainsley asked.

“Nope! He's the good guy.”

“Well, not really… But he's the protagonist at least. He doesn't need to be a hero to be the main character.” Andrew corrected.

“Oh. I thought the pregnant lady was going to explode him and live happily ever after.”

“Now there's an ending!” Ashley cheered, “she'd blow that whore to bits!”

“Language,” Andrew snapped.

“What? Men can be whores too. I'm not wrong.”

“That's not the,” held a hand to his temple, “-the point is don't swear.”

“Hahh? Whore isn't a swear word. It's a job description.”

“Nope, no it's not. Just, keep it to a minimum. We've got a kid around.”

Ainsley took this moment to pull himself up into Andrew's lap, a warm bundle that smelled like soap.

“Are you watching more TV?”

“Prrrobably not.” The cheap bastards in charge of the building had cut everyone's cable. Or maybe the cable guys had come around and put back in the cable blockers and the person who always took them off was trapped in quarantine too.

The News was really the only public broadcast available, just enough to squeak by on collecting subsidies without putting out any actual programming of their own. And Andrew's parents never really bothered to rent any videotapes for films that weren't R-rated.

“Just let him watch a movie,” Ashley said. “We watched stuff like this all the time.”

“We were older than him. Besides, I've already seen all of these ones.”

Ainsley slid away from the couch and hurried over to their parent's bedroom, disappearing for a moment. Before they could do much more than glance over at each other their brother returned holding a few videotapes.

“Ugh. Family tapes? Seriously???” Ashley scowled as Ainsley glanced up at Andrew expectantly from the ground.

“Well, I suppose it's better than nothing…” Ainsley hopped into his lap once more, popping in one of Grandma's old vacation tapes and hitting fast forward on the remote.

There were glimpses of beaches and of one of Grandma’s husbands before the video abruptly cut out and Ainsley hit play.

Ashley started cackling as the start of a TV show started blaring, filled with sirens and colourful blobs. Andrew watched, his mouth ajar in shock at the screen.

“You taped over her videos! Ha-ha! Serves that hag right!” Ashley continued cackling, pulling Ainsley into a hug. “What a good boy, Ain-Ain! Oh I mean no, bad boy Ain-Ain. You're naughty. Better hope I don't tell mom on you.” Her scolding was diminished by the kisses she laid on the top of his head, and Andrew pulled her back so she wouldn't suffocate him.

“No one's telling mom anything. It's fine.” It wouldn't be if mom found out. But it's not like she could know unless someone went out of their way to tell her. Andrew glared at Ashley over Ainsley's head. His brother misunderstood his frown.

“It's okay, I didn't record over the important parts.”

“Boo, none of its important stuff, Ainsley. The old hag is dead, this is a much better use of the tapes!” Ashley cheered settling in with her head on Ainsley's lap before Andrew moved him so she was on his.

One tape couldn't hurt.

They settled in, Ainsly pulling off the blanket from behind the couch and snuggling in close. The show was kind of boring. So very nature and child focused that Andrew wondered how it even made it to television. Ashley stole a blanket of her own, and with two warm bodies beside him Andrew gradually started drifting off.

He half woke up to Ashley tucking him in with Ainsley's warm form snuggled up in his arms before he completely fell asleep.

—

Imput New memory here.

—

He woke up to the sound of the frying pan hissing.

Ah. He should have hidden the food.

They were running low and Ashley would start cooking whenever she felt like it. At this rate they'd run out of it before the new shipment arrived.

Andrew pulled himself up and joined them at the table, rubbing his eyes. Ainsley jumped down and got him a mug full of coffee. It was too strong and Andrew made a mental note to hide it as well. The last thing he wanted was to be out of coffee when he really needed it.

Still the coffee perked him up and he was able to eat the pasta-like dish she put before him. It was just a mix of mayo, soup mix, and canned meat. Your favourite! Not. But Andrew still didn't like the calculations he had to make for it in his head.

It was tempting to light a smoke but he had just eaten. He had to stop himself from bouncing his leg as he tried to let the cravings pass.

A shiver went through him and he missed the pile of blankets; More accurately, Ainsley's and Ashley's body heat making the blankets so warm. The blanket he wrapped around himself while putting another forkful of food into his mouth just wasn't doing the job.

“I helped make the noodles,” Ainsley informed him. “Leyley helped me cut them.”

“Huh?”

“Yep, read it and weep. Your loving sister handmade these noodles just for you.”

“I wondered why they looked so lumpy.”

She slammed her hands onto the table with a thud. “You're supposed to compliment me! Do you know how much work they are?”

“Sorry for having standards.”

“You're going to be the thing that's lumpy in a minute!”

Andrew laughed. “Alright. Wow, amazing, never has there been a more sincere expression of familial love. I am humbled beyond measure by the strength of your devotion, and the chalkiness of this pasta.”

“Thank-you Leyley,” Ainsley cut in.

“Thank you, Ashley,” Andrew copied, as his little brother's round gaze fell on him.

“That's more like it!”

The two Graves siblings laughed as Ashley pretended to give Andrew a noogie. Ainsley was just poking his food around with his fork, gazing seriously down at his plate by the time they stopped horsing around.

“Thanks for cooking too, Ainsley.”

He looked so surprised and his eyes flickered to Ashley for a moment, who came around the table, hair bouncing.

“Yes, my little helper. Although he didn't do much.”

“Ashley did most of the work,” he confirmed, letting his face be squished by her hands.

“That's fine. Ashley didn't help me much at your age when I was cooking. Maybe having you around forces her to look at a recipe: it's turned out way better than most of her cooking.”

“Hey!” Andrew laughed as Ashley pretended to punch and pull on him. “I warned you!”

“I- I think it turned out good too!” Ainsley said pretty loudly, face turning a bit red.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks, little buddy.” He leaned across the table to give him a pat on the head. Ainsley ducked a little, face still flushed. Ashley side-eyed him before knocking her own head under Andrew's hands. “Ah-! What the hell Ashley.”

“Come on, Andy, play fair.”

“You don't need any!” He growled, messing with her hair. “Geez,” he complained, petting her.

She smiled serenely.

They finished their meal and Andrew recalculated their food needs. Aside from the important canned meat, the noodles were a good use of their flour they had hidden away at the back of the cabinets. It was courtesy of Ainsley, since it was all packed neatly into a little box their dad had stolen from work. Their little brother spent no shortage of time reorganising cupboards every few weeks, able to make an entire month's shopping trip squeeze in like it was nothing.

Not that space was an issue anymore.

The empty boxes at least made calculations easier and Andrew sighed before settling back on the couch, checking the time.

The pasta had been lunch, meaning he needed to kill six more hours until dinner. Ideally they should cut back to one meal a day, but transitioning too quickly wouldn't be good for Ainsley. Probably.

Ashley took her spot next to him on the sofa and Ainsley stood a little ways off, hovering nearby until Andrew gave him a nod and he joined them on the sofa.

Ainsley put in another tape and fast forwarded through the beginning of another one of Grandma's vacation weddings before hitting play as a title card drifted onto screen. It looked like an actual movie, one people paid to see.

“Be still, be quiet as a mouse; or you might not survive, the Danver house!”

It was some sort of horror film for children. No blood, just creeping unease. Andrew was surprised to find it actually got him at one point. In fact all three of them jumped as music burst from next door. One of his siblings squeaked, and he didn't think it was Ainsley.

“Again?!” Ashley complained. “What's with this guy? And it's over again!” She complained as soon as it was turned off.

“I don't know; and I don't care.”

“Ugh. Whatever. Move, I'm cold.” She tried to squeeze herself under Ainsley's blanket as well as her own which Andrew blocked her way towards.

“Wear a sweater then.”

“Gasp. How will people see my fat tits then, Andrew. Did you even think about that?”

“As if a sweater would be able to hide them.” He groused, then at Ashley's teasing smile quickly corrected himself. “And don't talk that way about yourself around him. Besides, a blanket covers you up way more than a sweater anyway.”

“I like your clothes, Ashley.” Ainsley piped up before Andrew had a chance to steal his blanket back off of her.

“Aw, Thank you Ain-Ain. You're the only one who loves me. Do you wanna share your blanket with your big sister?”

He took it off and offered her the whole thing, making her giggle.

“No, we'll share it.” She petted his head and situated him in between Andrew and herself, cuddling up before sighing dreamily as the film started up again.

The film occasionally cut to shaky, almost sepia toned segments that Andrew thought were quite artistic. They were dull and naturalistic, introducing people and their names in short bursts, sometimes their jobs and if they had kids. It was something he'd never seen a horror film do and it almost built on the horror, not knowing if these people were who the house had already claimed as victims, or perhaps who was haunting the house. They showed up without warning and ended just the same, drawing artificial tension to a scene and making the jumpscare at the end be twice as surprising, as he leaned forward at someone who seemed familiar before the scene cut back with a loud BANG that made them all jump. They all blamed each other on who had jumped first and set the rest of them off but still, it made him wish he could have taken that film course in uni, and not just business studies.

In fact he still thought it was intentional right up until a cut happened mid speech to a wedding venue, people standing around and looking around until the wedding march music started and an old woman started walking down the aisle.

“That's grandma,” he barely managed to choke back his surprise.

“I told you I didn't tape over the important bits,” Ainsley pouted a little, looking incredibly serious about the whole thing.

Andrew watched, stunned into silence, the whole sequence of Grandma getting to the podium, the captain's short and sweet intro into the wedding vows, and the marriage kiss. Ashley then got bored enough to take the remote and fastforward through the wedding traditions, interlocked arms drinking from coconuts, cutting the cake, a tango for the first dance, and the bouquet spontaneously bursting into flames which she rewound to watch the full sequence.

Apparently Grandma always hated bouquet tosses, since the girl who got it always got so uppity, and decided to play a prank where it harmlessly caught fire after she threw it, like a flambé. The flowers were mostly okay and Grandma passed one out to every lady there, regardless of age, which Ashley sped through with a scowl. They also broke a champagne bottle against a yacht at some point before the movie came back.

The movie lost all its charm for him at that point, even if it was a pretty good otherwise. There were a few more cuts that Ashley skipped with prejudice but the movie was basically over and the end credits played without anything being solved.

Ainsley shuffled with a vague uneasiness. Ashley ejected the tape.

All three sat there.

“So, show's over.”

“Yep.”

“Nothing to watch now…”

“Not unless someone grabs another tape…”

“...”

“Do you even want to watch anything?”

“Do you?”

None of them moved and Ainsley glanced between the two of them, snug in the blanket.

“...”

“...”

He ruined their silent war of attrition by starting to slip out from between them. Andrew pulled him closer and sat him back, instead yanking the blanket away from Ashley and sticking his legs behind her as she lurched forward.

“Ack!”

She seized the arm of the couch to keep from tumbling to the ground.

“Oh would you look at that,” Andrew drawled as she found her footing, “you're already up. Could you get a different tape?”

“Ugh! I have to do everything around here! You're lucky I love you, or not even using Ainsley as a shield would save you.”

“Thank you so much for your love and consideration, I don't know how I'd live without it. Now less whining, more tape finding.”

Ainsley went to say something but Andrew snuggled him close, tapping the corner of his mouth to keep him quiet. He spoiled Ashley too much, and even now she slowed, waiting for him to volunteer to take over. Seeing that he wasn't, she huffed and actually got to work.

She dug through the tapes, choosing one at random and squashing Andrew's legs as she got back on the couch and scratched her way under the covers.

The tape flickered and seemed to be of lower quality than the previous ones but Andrew was mildly surprised to find that the show Ainsley had taped was something he'd been meaning to watch but it was always played too late at night for him to catch it.

“...” He couldn't figure out what to say and just held Ainsley closer, ruffling his hair.

The show wasn't bad, and no worse than the news in what it talked about. He ruffled Ainsley's hair as the show ended, his younger brother dozing, too young to enjoy the political thriller. Ashley seemed equally bored but let him enjoy it, glued to his side.

The static buzz of the television woke Ainsley up and made Ashley raise her head as well. The tape rolled over to what had been originally put on it. The television beeped before the bright blue and pink hues of a tourist trap motel came into view, with a child Leyley waving frantically at the screen before her mom forced her to hold a corner of the sign.

The Graves's family vacation. In smaller letters underneath: Sponsored by Blorfochunks™.

They were clearly reading off a cue card as they cheered and thanked the hotel for their wonderful stay, although they obviously had just arrived.

There were small clips taken when nobody had been paying attention, interspersed with faked promotional material. Leyley's ice-cream tower featured his mom letting out a laugh, which never happened at dinner but was cut as if it did.

“You used to be so happy back then,” Ainsley said, curled around his knees and watching with his serious, sad expression.

“Yeah… yeah.” They looked happy in the video. Mom and dad certainly looked happier than he'd ever remember seeing them otherwise. He didn't want to ruin this for him and stayed silent as Ashley squirmed a little. Andrew shot her a withering glare over his head.

The stingrays, the pirate ship from far away. It brought back a lot of memories. He didn't remember how small they were back then.

They quietly let the tape play out, wishing they could be enjoying the tasty drinks or pool too before the five minutes of footage ended. After a minute of a black screen the next episode started to play.

--

(Snippets removed)

--

We're going to die here, you know.”

“Don't say that.”

“Me, you, Painsley”

“No we aren't. And don't call him that. For F- God's sake, he can hear you.”

“That's never stopped me before.”

“Augh.” Andrew turned over, too frustrated to even look at her. “You can never stop being just the absolute worst, even starvation can't slow your descent into absolute bi- iiiii- ig jerk. ‘Itude. Big jerkitudery.”

“Ooh, nice save. Just call me a bi-” “Ashley!” “-ch. We heard worse at his age.”

“Yeah, and look how well That turned out for us.”

Ainsley was somewhere around, and the walls were certainly thin enough that their younger brother would be able to hear everything they were saying. The quarantine chose the worst fucking possible moment to take into effect. The one weekend when mom and dad had dropped their seven year old brother into your hands and you let him drink goddamned watered down orange juice.

Arguably that was better, because your mother had told you she was going to split it with your father and not to let him have any. At least this way he didn't get a full dose.

The apartment was cramped, even before their younger brother came. He got put into their room when he turned two, and even now his bed was just a converted crib, but he still fit.

…Going so long without food probably meant that he was going to fit in it for a while longer than intended…

That can't be healthy.

Andrew dragged himself up off the floor to go find him. He was exhausted but there weren't that many rooms to check.

Andrew found him curled up under the covers of their parent's bed, as a solid lump in the middle of the mattress. He sighed to himself before crawling under the covers, meeting the quietly sobbing eyes of his little brother.

“...”

“I miss mom,” he sobbed.

“I know.” Andrew didn't have any words of comfort for him, but he still leaned lightly against him. “C'mon. Come join Leyley and me.”

He helped wrap his brother in blankets and despite his fatigue, carried him the short distance to the front door.

“…Really?” Ashley glared at him but he ignored her. “Typical.”

Ainsley sniffed against his shoulder, trying so hard not to cry it was making his whole body shake. Andrew grimaced and tried not to let his frustration show. They really couldn't afford to waste the salt right now.

“Tell him it'll be okay.” He ordered his sister.

“It's not.”

“Ashley,” he growled.

“You want me to lie? To a child? Andy,” she tutted. “That's just immoral.”

“If you don't he'll just keep crying.”

“Hmmm, I don't know, he'll stop eventually

… one way or another.”

Andrew gritted his teeth. “Would the ever magnanimous Leyley please have the common decency to comfort her little brother?”

“Try again.”

“Oh Leyley, the glory of familial bonds can only be appreciated by your mastery of words. Please grace our ears with your melodious voice and bestow upon us your mercy, unworthy wretches that we are to hear it.”

“Better.” She rolled over to assess him, tilting her head. She sat up and put her head against Andrew's chest too, smushing it in an attempt to get between Ainsley and him.

“What are you-?”

Ainsley lifted his head to look at her and she smiled.

“Hi, baby.” She leaned forward and licked his face.

“Ashley!”

“Hmm, not as salty as I expected. You'll be fine, Ainsley.”

Their little brother's face was still furrowed but his shaking had changed to hiccups that jerked his body and tears that leaked out with every blink.

“Wanna come to big sis?” She spread her arms and Ainsley paused for a moment before sliding over to her. “Yeah, that's what I thought, I'm much softer than Andrew huh? Much nicer to touch.”

“Don't phrase it like that.”

“Like what, Aaaandy?”

“Don't call me that, we're not kids.”

“Hmm, well one of us is.” She licked him again, getting the other side of his face.

“Would you stop!” He snapped.

Ainsley was more confused than anything, but simply lowered his head onto Ashley's shoulder.

“Thank you, Leyley.”

“Oh! Of course!” She cheered. “You're soo welcome Ain-Ain. I love you!”

“I love you too.”

“Aw, you're so sweet, unlike Someone I know.”

“...” Andrew just gritted his teeth. Trying to breathe out the anger and frustration. Don't yell. He told himself. You can't afford to yell at her.

He was filled with the violent desire to yank Ainsley away from her, to get up in her face and just shake her. To scream some sense into her head.

He got up and laid down on the couch instead.

“Yeah, just abandon me with all the work, like you always do!”

“Fine, Ashley,” he growled. “I'll take him back. You can keep whining on the floor by yourself.”

“That's not what I said,” she snapped.

“It's what I heard, so give him here!”

“No!”

She hugged him tighter and swung him away, which smacked his head on the door.

Ainsley yelped and held his hand over the bump. Ashley froze looking up at Andrew's face.

“H-hey I didn't mean it. Are you okay? It was an accident. Don't cry. Shhh. Leyley's here. Poor baby.”

“I'm okay,” he said, his voice shaky. “Tell Andrew I'm okay. I'm not crying.” He squeaked with an unconvincing sniff.

“Give him here,” Andrew ordered and plucked him off the ground as Ashley held him out. He bounced him on his shoulder, even as all his muscles screamed at him and his stomach grumbled.

How three adults were supposed to live off the meagre amount the guards had given them their first week was laughable. They were just lucky they hadn't realised Ainsley was a child or they would have gotten even less. It was only because of it that they had eaten anything in the last three days. Even with Andrew subsisting mainly on half packets of ramen seasoning in water instead of food it still hadn't lasted long.

They were at their limit. They needed food.

He gave up, sitting down, head spinning a little as he patted his younger brother's back.

“Maybe we're not putting enough in the water Andy.”

“Maybe, maybe…”

He was so tired.

He didn't know when it happened but he fell asleep like that, Ainsley on his lap like a heated blanket. Only awoken by the sound of his sister screaming.

“-You're not going to feed us anyway! We're going to starve to death you bastard!”

“Yeah? You really want to take that chance?”

Andrew sat up without thinking, Disturbing Ainsley who had been covering his ears and uncovered them to hear it all. Not that his hands had been doing him any good anyway. It jolted him off his lap and as if in slow motion Andrew missed his window of catching him properly.

“...That's right you fucking bitch, you better do what I say or else-”

They didn't get to hear the rest as Ainsley started wailing in pain and Andrew snapped his hand over his mouth. “Shhh- shut up Ainsley.” He whispered desperately. “You need to be quiet.”

“What the fuck?! Do you have a baby in there?”

“Oh what, you're going to starve us extra hard now?”

“Shut up, shut the fuck up!” Andrew hissed at them both. Their little brother just continued wailing into his hand, pulling at it and trying to get it off his face.

“He's hungry, you're not going to get him to be quiet!”

Andrew gave up, letting his hand drop and holding him tight, as if that would help.

“.... aw man. That's fucked up,” the guard sounded distressed.

Both siblings glanced at each other. There was a chance.

“Please, at least give us something for him.” Andrew moved to the door, fatigue forgotten as he carried Ainsley, his smile wide. “I know we shouldn't have let you think he was older so you'd give us more food. We were scared.”

He jolted Ainsley, “keep crying” they both mouthed at him, as he tried to calm down. He wasn't a good actor and Andrew pushed his face into his shoulder to muffle him. “Just wail into my shoulder,” he whispered, pretending like he was trying to keep his quiet. A few bounces did the trick to keep it sounding natural.

“Shit… they didn't say anything about babies. How old is he?”

“Six-” Ashley said the same time Andrew said “four-”

“What?” The guard asked as the two of them glared at each other.

“...How long have we been here?” Ashley asked as she flipped him off. Andrew tried to do the same but it was hard while holding a seven year old, no matter how small he was. Andrew tried not to drop him as Ashley took over negotiations.

“Uh, two months I think.”

“See? Six months old. My brother can't count.” the guard didn't say anything quick enough and she pushed on. “He hasn't seen his mom in ages and there's no food left in the house. Anything will do.”

“I can't let a baby starve- I'll be right back okay?”

They heard his footsteps shuffle away hurriedly.

“Yes! Painsley is useful for once,” Ashley cheered. “Finally!”

“Fuck’s sake. I said stop calling him that!”

“ooh, naughty word, you have to put a dollar in the swear jar.”

“Oh yeah, what jar do I stuff naughty girls in? The trashcan?”

Ashley laughed. “Ha, good luck with that!” The piles of trashbags obscured any notion that there was ever a rubbish bin, or any receptacle for garbage. “You'll have to find it first.”

“Maybe I will.”

“You won't.”

Andrew laughed, it wasn't really funny but he couldn't help it. The promise of food was such a relief. Still the joy faded quickly.

“Do you think he's actually coming back with food this time? He will, right? He has to…”

“Relax Andy, our little baby here is going to make sure of it.” She made kissy faces at Ainsley and Andrew pulled him away.

“He might not if he doesn't actually see a baby.”

“Ah.”

She didn't seem to have thought of that and Ainsley pulled himself as small as he could manage, rolled up in a little ball. Even so he wasn't quite baby small. “Good?” He asked, peeking out of the banket.

“Uh, no.” Ashley informed him critically as Andrew got up and tried to figure out how to make him look smaller. “Try turning him?”

“What do you think I'm doing, woman?”

“Well twist him more.”

“What do you want me to do? Break his leg?!” he snapped, trying to fit Ainsley on his hip in a way that wasn't obvious he was a school aged kid.

“Move the blanket like this!”

They fussed over how to hold him, yanking him about and contorting him until finally the guard was back, out of breath, and sounding like he'd slammed into the door.

“Hey.. hah. I'm back. Whew. Those stairs are… pretty long. Hahh. Step away from the door.”

Andrew just had his back to the guard, pretending like he wasn't sweating as he held Ainsley's full weight in his arms. Pretending he was soothing him like he was a real baby. He had practice with it.

“‘Ean in'o my oulder,” Andrew stage whispered and Ainsley immediately ducked his head and tried to keep up his poor acting.

Ashley didn't really listen to the request, but was far enough away that she wasn't hit by the door at least.

“I thought I told you to back up.”

Ashley actually did so without saying anything. Was something wrong? He couldn't see.

“That's better.”

The guard's footsteps were heavy and there was a thunk as something heavy was put down.

(I got bored.)

---

--

Ashley memory.

--

She looked down into the crib at the squirming creature within it. It was ugly, weirdly blotchy and smelt like ripe milk.

Yet another thing to take up space, make a mess, and get blamed for if it started crying. It's like her mom was TRYING to ruin her life.

Leyley grabbed its cheek. It was kind of soft, she guessed. And she let go to brush her finger along it “properly” so she wouldn't get scolded. She used the side of her finger so she wouldn't disturb it too much. If the stupid thing woke up before her mother got back from the store the whining would be the last of her worries.

She boredly kept at it, eyeing the clock and waiting for mom to return with the dumb baby medicine. “I bet she expects you to have bruises by the time she comes back,” she told him. “You're lucky Andy’s at work or I would. It'd serve her right.”

The baby squirmed and she almost pulled back but was stopped by the tiny hand gripping hers.

Its grip was soft and weak. It started to wail when she pulled away only to quiet down a bit when she let it hold her finger again.

She petted his head with her other hand and hummed a bit when he opened his eyes to blink at her. “You're needy.” she told him.

He pulled her finger closer, gripping it with both hands. “You're a pain.” She smiled, brushing his cheek again as he failed to drift off to sleep.

-

[saltydogsmut]

Now Andrew is only supposed to be roughly 2 years older than Leyley. So why is she so childlike? 

In decay part 1a she doesn't understand why ripping up homework isn't a valid solution to Andrew's problem of having no time to do it. Which is uh...

If we stretch things a bit, then she could be 5 while andrew is seven, having a birthday that puts her in school earlier, but thats assuming they start school at 6 years old. But as nemlei is finnish, there's a more interesting answer.

Finnish schools start at age 7. 

If we assume the graves were too broke to send Ashley to preschool, but were able to send Andrew since they had more support back then, then that means it's possible Leyley had no socialization outside her home and thus Andrew, until then.  (I doubt they would have seen much wrong with leaving her in front of the tv while no one was home for a few hours).

That means at 7 years old Leyley has no concept of consequences or how to interact with people outside of Andrew. She repeats everything she hears and isn't used to socializing enough to care when her chances to are taken away. Nor has Andrew ever had responsibilities bigger than her. 

Developmentally she's vastly behind her peers. Think three to four. Its no wonder she's so irresponsible in that flashback, she's never had a chance to know better. 

And depending on when they transitioned from grandpa graves house to their apartment that may be the cause of why she wasn't sent to preschool while Andrew was as 1: they may not have wanted the kids alone with him and 2: in Finland in the 1970s free or low income schooling was a rollout system depending on regions. Meaning it might not have been in the budget anymore. 

Especially as Mrs graves likes to pretend they are well off, she may have been saving up to put Andrew into /learning school/ and not just /people school/ at age 10. Only the former allowered for university education and not just tertiary schooling, but it cost money. This system was unfair and part of why the free education rollout 1970-77 was important. Also why Renee was so smug about having a degree/going to university, since learning school placements were very competitive, despite the fact they costed money.

Mrs graves would never let anyone go to their appartment and prove they were poor. So Ashley has only likely been to three places in her (social) life. The appartment, grandparents, and now school. 

So uh. Yeah. Turns out if you stick a kid in front of a tv for years with only another child to look after them they're a bit fucked up. Who knew! 

[saltydogsmut]

.........Man that decay route huh?

Reading back over my old posts I feel like i clocked quite a few things offhandedly. But oh man, that grandparents house scene with one blow after another...

Im going to have to read a child psychology book for that one. She's supposed to be 6+ there but has the mentality of someone much younger there. And the fact they straight up don't parent andrew and put all the punishments on him, WHILE STILL treating Ashley like some kind of ... ifk housepet? Like she's obviously going to destroy everything she touches. Oof.

I like the commitment to non(physical)violence, and i can only assume the boarding school uses it if mr graves is so against it. And the irony of this church nut having cannibal demon summoning grandkids is super funny.

And the fact spirit andrew just like, Knows, his father ghost loves him is uh...

Like, is it bc his father gave him money as a kid but when he lost his job he lost his ability to do that and thus had nothing left to prove it is????

There's just so much to unpack here.

Im not going to do it bc oh my god. But ill see if i can find one point to chip away at. I feel like ive already covered most of the other topics previously.

[saltydogsmut]

whats even the point of drawing a pair of huge juicy honkas if youre not gonna show off their softness and weight??

[saltydogsmut]

got a good grade in physical therapy because i ordered a sex toy life is fun

[saltydogsmut]

This obviously needed its own post and here it is, a collection of blog posts and resources I have found and used for my own writing, I hope they help you too! Go forth and write that spice!

The Smut Writers Dictionary By @maybeeatspaghetti Seriously, how many different way are there to write cock? Does anyone else wonder if they've used the word 'lips' too many times? Well, this is a good place to start!

The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut This is the first one I found and I go back to it frequently! There's also some great information about specific areas of sex that may not be common knowledge for first time writers!

How to Write Smut By @urfriendlywriter Another great source of information from different verbiage to use and a few tips to hel you along (giggity)

Smut Thesaurus By @prurientpuddlejumper just what it sounds like and you can never have too many words at your disposal.

6 Steps to Writing Better Sex By @chaoschaoswriting If you're at a loss or just want some more help this is antoher fantastic blog!

Writing Prompts NSFW By @seidenbros Need some dialogue? Or a story idea? Have a look!

#100 NSFW/Smut Dialogue Prompts By @a-cure-for-writers-block More? More. This is also a fantastic writing blog with lots to offer!

Intimate + Sexual Headcannon Questions By @petalsprompts Good questions to ask your characters to get to know them better and make more well rounded characters!

Smut & Mature (18+) Master List By @pendarling A great list dialogue prompts, scenarios, and helpful bits!

Poly NSFW Alphabet By @smaoineamhsalach Another great way to get to know your characters and maybe a handful of ideas for story ideas.

Kink Prompts Another from the previous blogger above and I didn't know what half of these are! I'll work on a kink dictionary next!

Writing Smut 101: Overcoming Smut Shame @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 There's a lot to be said for this particular subject! It's hard to write stuff like this, so how do you get over it? Start here!

How to Write a Kiss Scene By @youneedsomeprompts Yes!!! I still struggle with this one! There's a thousand ways to kiss, find your favorite!

Smut Oneliners By @deity-prompts you can never have enough one-liners!!

How to Write a (Great) Sex Scene Another great article for new smut writers

9 Tips for Writing Steamy Scenes More tips to help you wirte good steamy stuff!

How to Write Erotica and a Damn Fine Sex Scene A WEALTH if information on writing, structuring, and helpful tips!

@saradikahas a fantatic blog with graphics for you to use to add some fun to your posts. Things like MDNI Banners, 18+ Content Warnings, Support Your Favorite Writers and Reblog banners! They are free to use but she does ask that you reblog her stuff if you do! She's also a very talented writer and she writes some AMAZING Din Djarin stories!

Gay Sex Positions Guide This is a WONDERFUL adition and thank you so much @b7bubby for bringing this to my attention, I didn't have any resources for writing M/M fairings but this is a much needed addition to the spicy community! i've never written an M/M pairing and I feel like such an idiot for overlooking the need for a resource like this!

Writing the Perfect Kiss Scene provided by @writers-potiona fantastic little guide to writing better kisses!

If you find any other great smut writing resources feel free to tag me so I can add them to this list! Good luck with your writing! Now go write that story and LET THE SPICE FLOW!!!!

[saltydogsmut]

Done writing my smutty gay one-shot.

[saltydogsmut]

The tragedy of my life is that I keep acquiring and displaying fetish art and having to be corrected by my friends.

Most recently, a friend came over my house and saw my computer background and went, "Wow, um, I didn't know you were into that." To which I look at the picture of the well drawn muscular female minotaur in historically accurate Greek clothing and I start geeking out about how I love the detail the artist did with the clothing and I point out the period appropriate folds and pins, how the artist even inserted the native plant that was used to dye the clothing this particular shade in the background, and even how the belt has technology AND historically accurate weaving patterns on it.

Then I start explaining how I love the muscular choices of the minotaur, that I was so impressed with the artist's anatomically correct depiction of the muscles converging into the neck. That many people get an upright cow's neck wrong because cow's don't have collarbones, so it can be very difficult to merge the upper arms and a chest of a human with a cow's body. I draw her attention to the beautiful way they've merged the pectoralis major so smoothly while also staying true to how muscular they've depicted the rest of the body.

I finish up with my thoughts on the artist's bold choice to depict the minotaur as a female, and despite the underlying themes of a minotaur being violence, child murder, strength, and muscles. I segue into how unlike bulls, cow are perceived as mothers. That they are the major source of milk in human culture, and that idyllic depictions of them in a field usually depict calves frolicking nearby, yet the minotaur kills and eats children.

I finish and there is a long pause.

"Urban, this is fetish art." and she takes me to the artist's twitter and god dammit it's fetish art, not a bold statement on cultural perceptions of women and violence throughout history. I have been tricked again.

[saltydogsmut]

Another five page kinky comic I drew last year! This one’s about getting started with wax play. Be safe and have fun!

[saltydogsmut]

Ashley is "very not good" and "in fact very bad". That is what the promo card tells us.

The flippant attitude to cannibalism and murder, the abuse and manipulation of Andrew, and constant death threats to Julia prove that, so why do they need to say that? Isn't that enough to prove that she's a bad person? On the same promo, we are told Andrew "exists" and is a "doormat extraordinaire", which while true, is a lot more complicated than it looks. He does not just "exists", he was the one who raised Ashley thus one of her "creators", and he is not that much of (if he ever was) a doormat extraordinaire, he lets Ashley make the choices because it's what he wants, and has asserted power several times throughout the game for his and Ashley's benefit. So is what the promo says about Ashley completely true in light of that? Is the truth perhaps a lot more complicated, as it was with Andrew?

Furthermore, it's quite odd how Ashley is quick to accept being called a "tar soul" and how she implies she's a bad person too when she and Andy buried Nina's body.

And in Decay vision, if she kills Andrew, she goes on a rant about how she's glad he's dead, despite it clearly being the worst thing she has ever experienced.

While it's easy to think that she's having a mental breakdown and saying stuff out of madness, I have seen someone (can't find the post though) argue that this is Ashley's attempt to continue her self-narrative that she is a "bad person". She believes no one likes her because she's a bad person. She thinks not even Andrew likes her, and she "has to" drag him the "good person" to be her level of the "bad person" to keep him stuck with her. And when she kills her brother, her parent, her best friend, her soulmate, her everything, she immediately jumps to the justification that she is glad that he died instead of being devastated that he tried to kill her, because bad people can't feel remorse and heartbreak from having to kill someone they love, right?

And I'm inclined to agree with them. Ashley's thought process of pranking Nina is that she'll have her back as a friend after she learns her "lesson", even though she isn't happy being constantly left out or avoided by her.

She didn't hate Nina then, she was afraid of being even more lonely than before if Nina takes Andrew's attention away from her. And her initial reactions to Nina's death was to go "oops", try to justify why she died, cover it up by burying her, and after she's buried, Ashley says that she can just forget about her by not thinking about her for a long time.

That is not the reaction of someone "bad" reveling in their victory of an innocent person's death and trying to get away with it, that is the reaction of a kid who went through something traumatic, not want to get in trouble for it, and trying to rationalize it with something that sounds like an adult in their life (Renee?) would say. Then their brain triggers dissociative amnesia because remembering it would cause great stress and PTSD. Given how stressful Leyley's life was and still is, it makes sense that's her brain's main coping method, and Nina's death was just another instance of it shunting trauma away in an attempt to keep PTSD from happening. It is likely that amnesia made Ashley quite forgetful, as dissociative amnesia does not affect just one singular event, it also affects other memories as an overprotective measure. This also may be why she develops such a flippant attitude to their crimes: joking about them helps her not have to confront the weight of what they just did. Thus, even that attitude being a marker of her being a "bad person" is more questionable. Really, her actions that have the intent to directly harm people are what her make a bad person, but I digress.

The idea that her flippant attitude is perhaps not a good marker of her being a "bad person" is best shown in Episode 1 after they eat the neighbor. Ashley is made aware that her devil-may-care attitude is quite abnormal and worrying for Andrew, which worries her. If she talks before going to bed, she gets visibly confused and worried at Andrew saying she needs to see a professional.

When he later asks how she's so unbothered by the cannibalism, she replies she says she compartmentalizes nervously, which she then follows up afterwards with a joke to not have to dwell on it.

That specific coping method of compartmentalization is the same thing Andrew's brain does in his dream in Episode 2, where it ends with him having a flashback of burying Nina.

In fact, it's interesting how we never get to see adult Ashley's every day psyche. This is not the same as seeing her thoughts and perspectives in the waking world, nor is it the same as the Burial vision where it's Ashley's self-narrative of her life from childhood to adulthood and how she potentially changes it. We never get to see her dream without it being a vision, a glimpse of what her mind looks like in the present processing her experiences in the every day and the past.

This is particularly crucial because while Nina appears while Andrew's brain is doing its standard compartmentalizing of Andrew's current stresses, the only times Nina appears in Ashley's head (outside of Burial vision) were flashbacks of when she is doing this as a child. While it's framed as the moment when Andrew "proves" his devotion to her, flashbacks similar to PTSD ones can happen alongside dissociative amnesia, and they do occur in dreams. Even though Ashley has forgotten Nina's name and eyes, she is always there, haunting her dreams.

This all suggests that the plot twist of our perceptions of the characters in episode 3 is that when we finally get to play Ashley in her normal dreams or see her mental breakdown (maybe if she kills Andrew?), we find out that she feels some sort of guilt for Nina's death and perhaps their other crimes. Even though she insists to herself she doesn't feel guilt about that because she is a "bad person", it is all a lie that she manages to convince to herself and the audience. This would be very shocking as we're in her head a lot of the time, so we'd assume she can't lie to us. But she has all along, just like how Andrew has to us.

[saltydogsmut]

Honestly, I think watching more reality TV might answer some of your questions about Renee.

There's just some really good examples of what happens in power dynamics and struggles, usually amplified by religion, that just empower some people to only care about themselves and say one thing while acting completely contrary to those beliefs. Not to the murderous degree seen in tcoaal thankfully, but y'know.

Tl;dr. This is super long, mentioning the unwed stigma of the 50s-70s, and against mothers in general. And waxing poetic about how love wouldn't add to Renee's character.

--

For Renee, she can and does display empathy really well. She has a lot of friends in her new community, and has letters from people in her old one saying that it was "all for the best" about Andrew and Ashley.

She knows how to position herself in the best light, and how to display the "correct" emotion about the loss of her children, as the letter is trying to console her.

These feelings may be genuine in the moment or they may simply be manipulation. It is possibly that for a brief while before she fully integrated into her new life she regretted giving up her old one, as maybe she found it too awkward or difficult to adjust to. Or it might have been a bit of guilt over hearing how her children were starving to death and that she would have done it again. Maybe her husband was beside her and she just didn't want to seem like a monster. Who knows.

Manipulative people are really good at saying what people want to hear in the moment, even if it's the opposite of what they profess behind closed doors. Her lack of reaction indicates that it is more likely to be this one, but it's possible she's just really good at compartmentalising.

For all her issues with her children, as an adult she was seen as highly competent and a good person to her peers.

...At least by the time she left.

As a teen mom, societally speaking, there could only have been a bigger stigma if she didn't get married. Her impoverished lifestyle was not helped by her husband losing his job, and her apparent (temporary) estrangement with her family early on in her kids' lives. In fact we can assume her entire life was spent in the same degree of poverty she experienced then, as she's surprised backyard bbq parties even exist.

With that we can also assume that her life lacked in community and she didn't have the best homelife, as many low income places have block parties and community aid, bbq stands and rooftop stuff, etc, but it's less common in areas with drugs, crime, and abuse, which are tied to more systemic poverty.

So the place she's living sucks, potentially her entire family as she was a teen mom not getting any help, society is mean to girls like her, and her new baby isn't helping.

All that means she was probably shunned by a lot of peers. She may have had to drop out of school to care for Andrew. Her husband may not have been ready to get married. Both their families might have been pissed about the judgment on them as bad parents for letting her get knocked up to begin with.

She may have had to sit by while their parents discussed if they could just send her away then adopt Andrew out when he was born. He was probably born in the 70s, and only a few years earlier the adoption rate for unplanned children was about 80%. When I say before the 70s there was a stigma, there was a HUGE stigma on out of wedlock kids. Like getting kicked out of school or fired. It was seen as a huge moral failing and there were no social welfare programs. In fact if you wanted the baby you might have to pay to live somewhere for "wayward" women, as some apartment buildings didn't accept that kind of "lifestyle".

This stigma was significantly reduced if the dad was still in the picture, even if you weren't technically married, but some places were more strict on that. A fair amount of family adopted children out to other family members and raised the child as a sibling or cousin of their mother instead. There were even adoption scams where they just claimed the kid died via childbirth and sold them off. Judges could just order you lost custody because you were a "loose woman". Wild times.

Thankfully by 1970 it became illegal to expell students for being pregnant, she she may not have been forced out of school automatically. By 1973 abortion became legal in many countries, but minors typically needed parental approval, which may have contributed to why Renee may not have had the best relationship with her parents/in laws if they disagreed on what to do. And about 1970 is when birth control became more widespread, so no more accidents after Andrew (potentially).

So the two get married and may or may not have done so without their parent's blessing and struggles for a while. But at least societally, it's clear it's a shot gun wedding. Two kids with a kid of their own? Yeah, no way they actually wanted this. They were just forced into it.

And that's why they had Ashley.

One kid? Clearly they don't love each other and are just irresponsible. Two however? That's intentional and shows they aren't just together by accident.

--

A thing you see with reality TV and people having kids too early is that the drama happening is very high-school considering it's women in their thirtes. There's just not a lot of time for self actualization and growth when you're looking after children all the time. Or when all your friends are busy with kids and you don't get to see them.

For Renee, she probably got a bit stuck emotionally for a long time. Especially with MR Graves as her husband, and a potential recession making him lose his job, with no safety net, and Ashley being potentially more demanding than Andrew, having more difficulty with learning, or simply being a more fussy baby.

Any bad behaviour from Ashley wasn't normal kid behaviour, but was an indication of Renee's failure as a mom to the rest of society, proving she's just an overwhelmed teen mom pushed into a shotgun wedding. A failure. So she was probably way more pressured with Ashley because she was what was meant to "prove" Renee was a capable adult now. That's why Ashley is "embarrassment", because she did normal kid tantrums and showed just how little parenting skill Renee had. That then compounded into even more behaviour issues as Ashley was iced out of the main family. Getting the worst chairs at family dinners, both in the dream sequence, then at the new house. Not having a party or celebration for her birthday.

Ashley did not ice Renee out. She was a neglected child who didn't appreciate the half assed ways her mom would try to connect with her and fail. It wasn't Ashley's job to fix their broken relationship. It was her mother's job to, and Renee denying that is simply showing how childish she is. She's only thinking of her perspective and not anything of Ashley's lived experience. (The R-rated film also demonstrates this. As she just chooses to keep it and never go back to the video rental store, instead of just dropping it in the return box. Leaving it unsupervised with her kids for months on end for pretty much no reason. She's kinda irresponsible like that.)

Andrew is then "Disappointment" because he wasn't extremely exceptional. He did well in school early on, but as he had to care for Ashley and get a high-school summer job his grades must have dropped to about average. maybe he got a scholarship, but not enough to let him move out closer to uni.

But it might have been Nina.

Andrew could have at least been normal and not killed a girl, but he failed to be her one not fucked up kid: Proving she's not a good mom. The reason she couldn't tell on her kids, besides the fact of why would she, is the social stigma. It would be all blamed on her. She was a teen mom, a neglectful parent who didn't watch her kids and worked instead of staying home with them. They would rip her to shreds for it. The family of murderers typically aren't treated well by the rest of their community, especially not parents of children who kill other children. And especially because criminal kids gets such media attention, it would get picked up everywhere. National attention on her life choices to try and get liency from a judge to send her kids to an asylum instead of jail for the rest of their lives.

No, i don't think she'd go to the police over just suspicion for this one. She has too much to lose.

Andrew being involved means she can't just blame it all on Ashley being a rare and terrible misfortune to her life. A problem child like everyone else sees her. It means that she's not a successful parent. And Andrew is proof of that.

---

That being said, I'm not sure Renee needs to have a deep love of her children in order to be interesting. She's plenty complex already just via the background alone of keeping Andrew in the 70s. She's a strong willed person, something even Ashley's dream memory mural showed of her mom while she was a baby. She's practically super human in that way.

Lacking love for her children is kind of more humanising than if she did. It means she's super susceptible to public perception and had them when she wasn't ready to, making her neglect/emotional abuse of them more understandable. As well as her decision to leave both of them behind, along with all the stigma they brought her.

Genuinely, her life IS better without them. And that's sad.

We see she's capable of genuine love with her spouse. If she didn't love him, then Ashley wouldn't exist. And it might be people questioning that fact that she even exists at all.

I like this view of Renee as it adds the culture around them as it's own character in a way. As in, any shifts in their reputation explicitly affects their relationship with her as their mom. It gives Andrew a reason to want to be seen as normal so intensely. As well as how Renee can't understand familial love, as her own was based off not ruining her parents reputation and reflecting well on them. Its very generation curse.

This isn't even getting into religion or my other diatribe about Renee's potentially viewing her own daughter as competition and homewrecker, but this is long enough as it is.

Playing through Chapter 1 with the info gained from Chapter 2 (Or I guess, watching playthroughs, in my case) helps shed a lot of light on certain details... but one thing that always struck me as strange even after that was the phone call between Ashley and Renee.

Here, it seems like she's showing genuine shame for what she's doing, or what she feels like she has to do... though exactly what that is, is left unclear. The vagueness of it all is, of course, to build up mystery as to what it could mean, which we find out more about in Chapter 2. And in chapter 2, we find out that Renee was... heavily implied to be very much in on what these quarantine people were doing. Selling their organs, using their deaths as an insurance scam, to the point of willingly and deliberately hiring a hitman to kill Andrew and Ashley once they escaped.

We aren't fully sure about how deep this conspiracy goes; If this is something the water company as a whole is pushing on a widespread scale, or just certain people within it, or even if the 'parasites' are real or not. (Though I think it's all but clear that they were just made up...) We know from flashbacks and the Grave's own words that Renee wasn't exactly the most 'present' mother figure. Yet when confronted about it, she of course, denies it. (To a degree, anyway.)

We haven't seen or heard much of any direct interactions between Leyley and Renee, or much of Renee in general, so we don't have too much to go off of. This could very easily just be classic Graves' Family Gaslighting here... but I honestly think there's some truth to what Renee is saying here.

(Is it just me, or are Renee's eyes in this picture... slightly more green than they are in the present day?) Anyway, as we see in the screenshot above, Renee doesn't seem very worried about whatever Andy is upset about. We know that Andy had the responsibility of raising Leyley from a young age, which is likely what this conversation is about. Her uncaring, nonchalant look here gives off the impression that she's more annoyed about the situation than concerned. (Or she just has a resting bitch face, who knows?) She claims she "Thought they were getting along, so she didn't want to see what was happening." when apologizing to Andrew. I'm assuming this mainly meant that she didn't want to spend the time and effort to raise her kids, and just put the burden of disciplining Leyley on Andy. She was never counting on Leyley being such a handful... But she does bring up a... well, not a great point but a point nonetheless.

Why... didn't she turn her in? Ashley's quick to point out that it was simply to cover her own ass, and save herself the embarrassment and trouble that would be; having your kids murder another kid, even if accidentally... but is that... really it? Considering Andy and Leyley were so young when that happened (I'm willing to bet Andy wasn't even 10 yet. At the most, he was probably 12-13, meaning Leyley was around 10-11...) I really don't think the sentencing for them would've been... THAT bad? I don't know about the laws for this kind of stuff, but kids accidentally killing another kid while playing an innocent game of hide and seek... It feels like they very easily could've played the "I'm just a little kid I had no idea what would happen I'm so sorry" card fairly easily. This probably would've led to Mr. and Mrs. Graves taking most of the heat, being their parents. At least, that's what Ashley claims Renee was actually concerned about. But... then... why was she 'sorry' when she told Ashley to stop calling her? If she saw her as nothing more than an embarrassment, why would she say that? Was she only doing it to come off as caring one last time? Was a small spark of regret and humanity poking through her facade as she left her kids to slowly starve to death and be harvested for their organs? Did she really 'try' with Ashley? We know through the "Mother's Intuition" preview video that we'll be getting at least 1 flashback from Renee's perspective, and we know that we'll be seeing many more flashbacks with the family when they were still together, and possibly seeing some of their extended family. (Staying at their grandparent's house, for example.) I'd very much like to know what *they* thought about all this. Their reaction to Renee getting pregnant to young, why Renee decided to keep the baby, (If that was even her decision to begin with...), why she thought it was fine having another, (Even if Andy was an 'easy child,' there had to be more to that decision, surely. Was Renee just that impulsive back then? Did she not see that having 2 children would just be more work? Why did she want to have another kid specifically???)

I really do think there's more to Renee than we've seen and heard so far. I don't think she's as heartless as some of her actions make her seem. I genuinely think that, at one point, she 'tried' with Ashley. But at some point, she gave up, and left Andy to pick up the slack. Maybe it's just cope, idk.

[saltydogsmut]

here we are, my third graves sibling. Looking a bit older than I would like but it is what it is.

it’s Ainsley

[saltydogsmut]

What kind of insane, like:

"Baby you haven't stomped on me today and told me you hate me and wish Andrew was here instead bc at least he's good for something. Are you okay pumpkin?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Everything sweetheart. Do you wanna kick daddy in the balls until you feel better?"

"....Yes."

"Okay."

--

Or like, Mr graves going feral and killing the wardens day one bc they thought Ashley was easy prey and that he wouldn't protect her? Or something else.

If We Ever Do Get A “The Coffin Of Ashley And Mr. Graves” Mod, Mr. Graves Should Be The Insane One.