sam-roulette

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hey if i started doing podfic versions of all my fics / the fics on the sam_roulette account, would anyone listen to them?

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7th stand user type of game but for the magnus archives. 5th archival assistant. play as an avatar trying to stop the s5 apocalypse so that you can nudge the archives toward your preferred end

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jon was hired at the magnus institute in the same year annabelle was turned into a web avatar. which could mean nothing

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I’ve trained my dogs to expect their dental treats when I offer them “the body of Christ”. Is this heresy or blasphemy?

A rare occasion where it's both! Animals can't receive communion/experience the sacraments because they have no souls. Additionally, I am going to safely assume you aren't a priest, so you aren't allowed to perform transubstantiation. Additionally, the Eucharist cannot be made of dental treats. Finally this whole thing is making a huge mockery of one of the single most sacred acts in Catholicism. Well done!

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ARTISTS FOR PALESTINE 🇵🇸 - ROUND 3!! On the 26th April and 3rd of May, I'll be doing art requests on stream with other notable artists to raise money for Palestinian escape funds.

This round's roster is very lucky to include returning artists including webcomic artist Graveweaver (I'm The Grim Reaper), @wolfythewitch, Cuptoast, Denimcatfish and more.

If you won't be able to make it to the streams but would still like to donate money, you can find a spreadsheet with hundreds of escape funds listed here. Alternatively, you could donate to one of three funds that I am focusing a lot of my efforts on.

Donate to Anwar's family (€8,000 from escaping) Donate to Thaer’s fund (€7,000 from escaping) Donate to Salwa Al-Shandagha ($9,000 from escaping)

As always, these fundraiser streams will always be available to watch over on my twitch channel here. Hope to see some of you there!

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why do i have a draft where martin and danny stoker are astronauts on mars

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Cannot stress enough how many copies of Agnes exist after The Original Agnes gets adopted as Ronald Sinclair's weird fire elemental little sister and she makes herself disappear from the map. All humans can wish for a dragon and that dragon naturally looks like the person's greatest love so now you jave these cultists who one after the other just Make A New Agnes to become their sacrificial lamb and then when that dragon inevitably buckles under the weight a new egg appears and the cycle repeats. What does that have to do to a person? To know you are an exact copy of someone's idealized version of your "original" self. To only exist to be sacrificed to a god of destruction. To even taste human love, however fleeting, and knowing that when you inevitably fail there will be another girl with your face.

Meanwhile the original Agnes is an older butch with heavily uneven hair she has to cut herself and a propensity to slip up from the mild-mannered general air she has into cursing like a sailor when shes pissed enough. And her first appearance in the story is looking at Gertrudes successor and going oh no .Am i a deadbeat?

One unfortunate tragedy of not having time to work on the dragon Jon eye eater au is that we havent been able to unleash Agnes Sinclair unto the world. Or the cult of the lightless flame's dragon agnes or the cult of the lightless flame's other dragon agnes or the cult of the lightless flame's other other dragon agn

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One unfortunate tragedy of not having time to work on the dragon Jon eye eater au is that we havent been able to unleash Agnes Sinclair unto the world. Or the cult of the lightless flame's dragon agnes or the cult of the lightless flame's other dragon agnes or the cult of the lightless flame's other other dragon agn

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The second both of Sasha's hands touched the glass, Tim’s hands pressed back, keeping her on the other side. Or, she supposed they weren’t really Tim’s anymore, per se- the feel of them bit into her palms, wet and cold like swathes of neon paint. The fingers were notched oddly, set with a new set of knuckles per hand, but they were still as big as she remembered.  “Well gee willikers, Sash!” The Fabrication said, voice never losing that distorted 50s radio show quality, “That was rude!"

A little Distortion!Tim TimSasha... as a treat

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Beast Without Burden Chapter Update!

In which an HOA meeting has dire consequences.

Read it on Tapas // Read it on Webtoons

Click here for image IDs of all published pages!

ID for the promo image is in the alt-text and below the read more!

Violeta’s narration reads, “When I went to the girls’ room-”

There are no panels. This page is a panned out shot of the inside of a dark bedroom. In the background, Violeta opens the door, spilling light into the room and revealing the shape of the crib in the center of the panel. Rita rushes into the room before Violeta, unheeding of her mother’s warning, and in the crib little Rosa is visible. 

The baby wails, her hands balled into fists against the harsh shadows of the room. Spilling from the darkened corners of the room are the distended, still-living lines of Danilo, now the Scribble, peering into the crib. 

In the center of its body, three exclamation points are printed. Throughout its body are shades and strands of gold, and Danilo raises an approximation of its head as it looks at its wife.

“There was a monster.” Violeta says.

One spindly black hand reaches for the baby.

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WIP

“Wow!” said Marius, carefully sidestepping the puddle of miscellaneous bodily fluids on the floor, “That is a lot of rabies.”

“You can’t actually contract “more rabies” than someone else. It’s a Boolean function; either you’ve got rabies or you haven’t.” Ivy idly said, leaning against the sink shoved into the corner of the examination room. Looking over the cadaver gently writhing on the table, she paused. “Though if it were possible, then yes, Martin has indeed contracted so many rabies.”

And what a dramatic display of said rabies too, Marius thought as he slipped a pair of gloves on. Martin was looking positively ghastly; skin going so grey that Marius was starting to see the individual pores slowly opening up, revealing Martin to be soft, gelatinous, and quite rubbery. It could have been passed off like he was touching the back of a particularly gooey stingray if not for the fact that Martin is still foaming at the mouth somehow. The contrast of the ever expanding amounts of paper white spit-brine and the brass of his wrists and fingertips was just the slightest bit disconcerting.

“It is a tad odd though, isn’t it?” Ivy murmured, looking over the corpse that was finally coming to an eerie stillness, “Amphibians by their nature shouldn’t be able to carry nor suffer from the disease. I thought that we’d come to the conclusion of his being primarily amphibious, but there appears to be something mammalian hidden somewhere in there- of course, those sorts of taxonomies are rather reductive-”

“- and you can classify a coconut as a mammal ‘cause it’s a giant hairy tit,” He shuddered a bit at the mental image. Marius prayed he would never see the day where he would have to see a coconut in real life. All those little papillae… the teeth... “Do we still have Raph’s notes on hand?”

“Memorized and accounted for.” Ivy said, “She’s going to have a field day with this, you know.”

“She’s going to want to cut him up live if anything,” Marius waved it off. 

“Fair enough.” Ivy said, “Cadavers don’t exactly make for lively dissections.” 

“They most certainly do not.” 

Thankfully, there wasn’t much Marius needed to do here- the bloke had gotten a nasty gash to the flank, but the wound had already started to heal before the whole rabies thing finished him off, so the most he needed were some stitches. Sewing skin and sewing fabric was basically the same to Marius. The only real difference was that skin was bloodier and also needed to be stabbed a touch harder, generally! Easy as could be.

Marius continued his examination, poking Martin’s currently very dead body and watching his head wetly roll back. His prognosis: gross. He started wiping up the foam, uncovering the human looking face beneath and thanking his lucky stars that the damn body wasn’t making any more of a mess. It just seemed wrong for the poor bastard.

“We’ll just get the kid sewn up and he’ll be right as rain,” Marius grinned, already pleased with an easy job and imagining what favors he could get out of this. Sure, Marius treated Martin every time any diplomatic meetings went south, but he thought this particular case was one the ship’s ambassador would really want to thank him for. 

(Marius also just so happened to be in the possession of two thousand little unassembled space ikea bookshelves. He also did not know why. But they were there, looking smug in their little cardboard fortresses and their Spedish. Mocking him. Tempting him with their wooden depths.)

“Mmm.” Ivy said in a tone that implied that not everything would, in fact, be right as rain. 

Marius turned to her, squinting. “You think my assessment is wrong.”

“Not wrong per se, just… underdeveloped.” Ivy said, “The rabies virus persists inside a dead animal for at least twenty-four hours after expiration- unless we kill it, Martin is still ah, full of rabies. If we leave it, he’ll die again after a few weeks. And since his regeneration appears to take about six hours to revitalize the damaged brain tissue, there is an 87.34% chance of his contracting the rabies virus again and dying after a few weeks, and so on and so forth, until such a time that his body spontaneously produces cells that have mutated partial immunity to the virus. At the current rate and due to the completely jumbled mess that is his genetic code, we could be looking at Martin continuing this cycle for… seventeen years.”

“Seventeen years?!” Marius exclaimed, “But I don’t want to operate on him for seventeen years! Think of all the inter-crew drama I’ll miss!!!”

..

[originally was supposed to be the first drabble in a “Martin Blackwood TMA is Actually the Martin in Hereward the Wake and also a Mechanism” au, except he’s just dead for most of this drabble. he gets better tho don’t worry <3]

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how am i supposed to function when i know this Oberon x Bottom vers of midsummer exists and This is how act 1 ends

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saw a comic somewhere where its mentioned that Jon in college plays Macbeth (idr where it is now) and the implications of that have been living in my brain rent free.

Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, does not set out to be the tyrant of a ruined world. he’s coaxed into it.

he’s manipulated into it, with the threat that if he doesn’t follow his urge to Know he will be less of the person he is, even as he slowly morphs into an entirely separate entity entirely. one slowly disillusioned by the horrors. one who, by the end, is sure that the prophecy of the fears- that he will set them free- and yet is thwarted by the invisible strings of fate which have dictated his life from the moment he read that first book, all those years ago.

his friends pull away. those he loves are killed or else refuse to look him in the eye, and he must only rely on the love of his life, his one anchor, even as Martin must bat away his own creeping madness

Jon has no choice but to be the architect of his own demise.

but he is King- why should he worry if Birnam wood is burning as it marches?

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For anyone who’s ever wondered who they’d be in a 19th century novel

The wait is over: 19th Century Character Trope Generator

I'm "Meddlesome Bachelor with 2,000 pounds a year" yes please sign me up

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BEASTS WITHOUT BURDEN is now live!

[Image ID: A medium close-up of Whit Valencia, a man with long hair and glasses. He wears and clear raincoat over his head. Rain is pelting down on him and he is pushing back his hair with his right hand, which is also holding up a flashlight and wears a bracelet with two pale gold beads. His left hand is brought up in front of him and he gazes down with an expression of trepidation.]

After being eaten alive by a monster, mock hunter Whit Valencia must discover the secret behind his resurrection. But as he seeks the celestial who brought him back to life, Whit soon finds that the past haunting him isn’t so easily exorcised…

Read it on webtoons // Read it on tapas

Click this link for image IDs for all published comic pages.

Updates will be coming every Friday!

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You ever find two weird dudes in a town and go Well This Might As a Well Happen?

[Image ID: two drawings of Whit, Xiyun and Angel in a simple cartoony style. In the first image the three are holding hands with Whit in the middle looking confused, Xiyun on the left holding a hammer, and Angel on the right holding a broom. In the second they’re standing further apart, with Whit holding a book, Xiyun with a hand on their chest and another on their hip, and Angel clutching two googly eyeballs and looking grumpy.]