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sammyshuntingbuddy · 15 days

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Kanej Headcanons - Touch

They might not be the physically intimate, can’t-keep-their-hands-off-eachother type of couple but the intimacy they can find in the smallest of acts like a brush against the neck or a caress of the hand cannot be put to words. They’re both so in love with each other it makes me sick.

Kaz loves holding onto Inej’s hand, he loves how warm and how alive she feels. By now he’s memorized every vein, line and callous on her hand, to the point where he knows the back of her hand better than his own. Inej likes how gentle, almost reverent he is with her, and the way he caresses her hand with his thumb.

Similarly, Inej loves holding onto Kaz’s hands, the hands she’d spent so long admiring in their scarred, unnatural paleness from being in his gloves so much. She likes how it makes her feel in control; The control that she’d never had in her days in the Menagerie. Kaz finds the way she holds onto his hand and intertwined their fingers together comforting. He still gets chill everytime, in the good way (most of the time, at least).

It’s comforting for the both of them, they like rubbing the other’s hand with their thumb while they’re holding onto it and on days where holding hands is too much for them, they make do with linking their pinkies together.

And there are still days where its too much, days where Kaz can’t tell the feel of a living body from that of a dead one, and days where Inej can’t tell the touch of the boy she loves from that of a customer at the Menagerie.

They understand this, and respect it. They have memorized each other’s tells, whether it be the way Kaz freezes up at the slightest brush against his hand or how Inej flinches and sighs when she’s held, even if she tries to hide it. But, they try to push past their traumas together nonetheless. It has worked too, compared to when they started.

Still, when it does become overwhelming they both know to let go and give each other the space; Coming to terms with this fact alone makes them feel so much safer and more comfortable with physical contact. They’re both helping each other heal and recover from their respective traumas, and its beautiful.

That being said, they are still just kids in love.

Kaz is still utterly entranced by Inej. He stops to stare more often than he’d like to admit and tries to play it off when she catches him. She can see through it of course, that armour means nothing to her now.

Not that she’s any better either mind you, you’d think after all they’ve been through and seen, and how often they hold hands, she’d be used to the sight of Kaz’s bare hands. She isn’t, and still turns red whenever he takes his gloves off. Kaz still hasn’t noticed, clueless as he is but Inej is convinced that he does it on purpose.

Sleeping together in one bed is difficult, not that they haven’t tried. The amount of physical contact can get too much, too many nights Kaz has woken up in a cold sweat, shaking from nightmares about the Reaper Barge, and too often has Inej nearly stabbed Kaz after nightmares about the Menagerie.

The solution? Separate beds.

They keep two beds next to each other separated by a small distance, that way they’re still close without quite touching. They still hold hands or link pinkies between the beds though it helps them sleep.

And on the days where they both can handle it, they push the beds together. It might take them a while before they’re comfortable enough to cuddle, but just the warmth and proximity is enough for the both of them for now.

Oh and Kaz absolutely does Inej’s hair.

It was therapeutic once they realised that its easier for the both of them when he touches hair rather than her skin. She finds it relaxing, and he is enchanted by her hair. She taught him how to oil it, brush it and braid it, and its almost a nightly or every-other-nightly ritual for them, Inej sitting there while Kaz does her hair.

I do think that they would eventually become comfortable enough to move on to more intimate things, but that would probably take a long, long time.

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sammyshuntingbuddy · 17 days

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(possibly) regretful financial decisions are nigh