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some aces are virgins

some aces love sex

some aces have sexual trauma

some aces don't want sex

some aces masturbate

some aces are teenagers

some aces are in their seventies

some aces dress modestly

some aces wear skimpy clothes

some aces only date aces

some aces don't want romance

and we're all valid : )

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When I was 17 and trying to figure out what the heck my sexuality was, the main, if not only, piece of advice I found online, even when I directly asked people, was to go out and experiment sexually with various people and see what gender I enjoyed sex with most. And years later, that still seems to be the advice most of us give when someone is trying to figure out their sexuality. And there's nothing wrong with doing that, and if that's what helped you, great. But I do think there's issues with this being the most prevalent advice.

There are a lot of reasons someone may not want to do this, various personal or religious reasons, comfort levels, a lack of interest in sex, not experiencing much or any sexual attraction, or simply being too young for this to be applicable.

I found the advice unhelpful for many of the reasons I just mentioned, and it left me feeling lost on how I was supposed to find out what my orientation was. It also left me with thoughts like how can I be a part of queer culture if I don't want to experiment sexually or be sexually active? Even looking at articles with advice on dating as a queer woman I saw bullet points like "It's okay to have sex on the first date!" there was so much emphasis on how it's okay to have very active sex lives that it left me feeling like if I didn't want that, I'd never be able to have relationships because there'd be an expectation of sex right off the bat. Don't get me wrong, sex positivity is important and we shouldn't shame people for their sex lives. But I feel like we don't don't talk about not being into that kind of thing enough.

I also didn't know at the time that I was asexual, and while I'm sex neutral and open to the idea of sex with a trusted partner, I don't have any desire to seek out sexual relationships. Not experiencing sexual attraction made figuring out my attraction a thousand times harder. I still don't know if I'm bi/pan or lesbian. I do refer to myself as gay or lesbian in some instances, but sometimes I say queer or just shrug and say "I like girls" or "I'm not straight" and some days I'm okay with the vagueness of that, but other days I feel the stress and pressure of having to pick an identity in order to have a community to belong to and be accepted. That stress and pressure doesn't get better when all the advice I can find on the subject just tells me to have sex and that'll clear everything up.

We put a lot of focus on finding out exactly "what" you are. And I don't think sex is the best way to do that. Lots of people have varying interest in sexual or physical intimacy, not just queers. My cishet friend told me she got a boyfriend but she wasn't entirely sure if what she was feeling was romantic, and that the idea of kissing made her uncomfortable. She doesn't identify as ace or aro, and she shouldn't have to. People can have a lack of interest in these things without a lack of attraction.

Another issue with this advice is that sexual and romantic attraction doesn't always line up for everyone. You may enjoy sex with all genders, but find you only have a desire to date one. So sexual experimenting wouldn't necessarily answer the question for you. Orientation is really complicated. I did mostly consider myself lesbian, but I occasionally find men aesthetically attractive, and I'm honestly starting to wonder if I'm actually bi but still feel uncomfortable using the term.

All this needlessly long and ramble-y text to say, this advice is simply useless to a lot of people. And while I can't speak personally for this part, I'd bet at least some people who enjoy sexual experimentation still weren't sure of their orientation at the end of it. This advice shouldn't be presented as the one size fits all solution.

If you're uncomfortable or uninterested in figuring out your identity this way, there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with not knowing. You don't have to know right now, or ever if you'd prefer that. It's okay to use vague terms. It's also okay to use whatever label feels closest even if it's not perfect. And remember, you're not locked into anything. You can always change labels.

There is no right way to determine your orientation. Everyone discovers themself in different ways and at different ages. It's not a race or a checklist. The most important thing is to be kind and patient with yourself and whatever you do to figure yourself out, be safe.

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bisexuals who love sex are awesome.

bisexuals who have a lot of sex are awesome.

bisexuals who enjoy threesomes/more are awesome.

bisexuals who have a lot of one-night stands are awesome.

bisexuals who only or mostly have sex with one gender are awesome.

bisexuals in friends with benefits relationships are awesome.

bisexuals who prefer no strings attached are awesome.

bisexuals who are into kink are awesome.

bisexuals are awesome.

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Reminder that transgender women are extremely valid, loved, and amazing individuals! And nonbinary people who lean feminine? Wonderous, fantastic, out of this world! 

You all shine so beautifully! Take care of yourselves, and know that you are loved and adored! <3

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I always just say morning because if it was a good morning I’d be waking up in a butches arms

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Hello everyone! 

I just came to say that after struggling a while with insurance that I finally, finally scheduled my top surgery next month! I’m crying absolute tears of joy. 

Just a reminder to everyone looking to do the same that you can absolutely do it! 

It gets better, loves. Fight on to be who you are. 

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Hello everyone! 

I just came to say that after struggling a while with insurance that I finally, finally scheduled my top surgery next month! I’m crying absolute tears of joy. 

Just a reminder to everyone looking to do the same that you can absolutely do it! 

It gets better, loves. Fight on to be who you are. 

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being bi is a good thing actually <3 hope that helps

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i have so much respect for aroallos, no you're not a whore, slut, hoe or any words like that (in a bad way), you're valid just like all of us, you're appreciated and accepted, i love you guys <2 /gen

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having more than one gender is great, it's like i'm a dual type pokemon

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Shoutout to ‘ugly’ trans women who feel discouraged from transitioning because most leftists only care about and support trans women when they look conventionally attractive and easy to fetishise.

Shoutout to ‘ugly’ trans women who are afraid to transition because they feel like they’re ‘not attractive enough’ to be a woman.

You are not ‘failing’ at womanhood, or being trans, because you don’t fit into conventional beauty standards. You are not ‘failing’ womanhood because you don’t look as attractive as some other trans women, and you are not ‘lesser’ than them.

Because unfortunately womanhood is directly associated with this idea that you exist to be consumed by others, that you exist to be palatable. Performing femininity can be a chore, an expensive one, that is quite inaccessible and difficult to achieve.

Expecting trans women to hyper-perform their gender roles flawlessly to be accepted is just blatant transphobia and misogyny. It’s everywhere.

So. Shoutout to ‘ugly’ trans women. I hope that one day, you will find the confidence to live happily and authentically, regardless of what cis people think. Their support should not hinge on how ‘attractive’ or ‘fuckable’ you are. We all deserve liberation.

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just a reminder that you don't have to put a label on your identity, you can be simply "not straight" or "not cis" and no one can speak out against that saying things like "isn't that just gay?" or "oh you're trans?" you don't owe people an explanation on who you are, you don't have to put yourself in a box, live freely, don't care about what people say about you because the only person who knows you and understands you entirely is you. <3

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More LGBT Bats! ♡♡🏳️‍⚧️

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all the love to femmes with chronic pain and/or mental illness who struggle to keep up with their hygiene,

to the femmes whose hands shake so bad they can’t do their own makeup or hair,

to the femmes who can’t wear certain clothes or use certain products because of sensory issues.

you are loved. you are beautiful. you aren’t any less femme because you struggle with any of these things. disabled femmes deserve more support. they deserve to be seen and understood.

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hairy fat queers are so fucking stunning. and i'm not just talking armpit hair and a little body hair with some pudge. i'm talking rolls on rolls with big happy trail covered tummies. i'm talking double chins and soft round jaws decorated with wispy sideburns and dainty neckbeards. i'm talking huge arms with bat wings, arm hair all the way up to your shoulders, wrapping around your back like wings.

you, fat and hair and queerness all, are a gift from god themself - no matter your identity or how you express it. nothing anyone says or does or thinks can change just how much of a beautiful blessing you are.

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bi women, my sisters, i love you <3 don't let the biphobes get you down

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Thank you butches and femmes for enriching our community. Thank you studs for blessing our community with your presence. Thank you transmascs and transfems for existing and enriching our community. Thank you trans and non-binary lesbians for all that you do for the community. Thank you androgynous lesbians for existing in our community. Thank you lesbians for existing and bringing so much love & care to the community.