sandriadreamin

[sandriadreamin]

I am the phoenix. Broken, I stand up time and again, rising from the ashes of each lifetime in firey flight.

[sandriadreamin]

Long ago, I was a wild rose, rambling far and wide, burning bridges, and walking away. I hid in those sharp thorns to protect myself while battling life along the way. Now, here I am today, an old hag struggling to survive in a world gone mad. I fight to comprehend this world of today, only to feel like the lonely dinosaur lost out of his time, longing to find a way back home.

[sandriadreamin]

Into the abyss, I dive deep into the darkness, sprinkling silver moondust to awaken slumbering dreams waiting to break free in a starburst of light, free to be.

[sandriadreamin]

Oh, my whimsical mind yearns to climb the majestic peaks of the icy Himalayan mountains to meet my dear friend amidst the blustering winds and silver mists. We soar with the first breath of dawn and fly through the dazzling sky to greet the sun rising over the snowcapped peaks, all silent and glowing in amber grace.

[sandriadreamin]

I stand here lost in my mind, my thoughts spinning so out of time. The wind begins whispering secrets in my ear, things I have forgotten as time speeds so quickly by. I stand here looking at the road I traveled, discovering the simple truth: I was always at the wheel of that crazily careening car. The astonishment slammed me like a hammer to my head, and I began to laugh until tears ran down this wrinkled old face. 

[sandriadreamin]

This stormy day serenades me with the rumbling thunder and angry gray skies now the rain comes falling singing its peaceful song. Like a loving embrace, you surround me in your misty arms whispering forgotten memories lost in time. Tantalizing visions just out of reach wispy tendrils disappearing as your fingers grasp they vanish like smoke on the wind. Like the music around me, they dance free in the storm calling my name.

[sandriadreamin]

Watching the news today, I became saddened; not that it was any more horrific than the day before, but because of the simple absurdity of the flying blame game from every side. Here we stand again, our country is mourning, and we drift so much further from the truth, simply because of the convenience of timing. I do not want to get noticed or stand out, but my heart cannot stand the silence anymore. The crisis we face is not a gun, for we have been weaponizing everything for a very long time. As for the hatred, it has been around forever; there is not any one person at fault. Our nation walks around with blinders on until there is a disaster, then they begin a free-for-all. And so begins that same ole cycle once more. To take that first step forward and heal our nation, the key is inside our hearts and minds. It is up to us to let go and leave the past behind us; there will be no room for fear and hate if we fill it with love and care. So today I make a choice and say it's not okay. In this world full of life, we are all a family; we should all stand together, hand-in-hand, shining as one bright light chasing away that darkness and despair that so many of us are tangled in. I send my love and prayers out on the wings of the wind to you all from the very depths of my heart. One more thing before I go, remember to move on if you do not agree; my thoughts are my own views. And after all, my goal is not to debate. I am a simple country girl, brought up to cherish all life. BB

[sandriadreamin]

"Why oh why can't I find the worthiness in my own eyes? What is it that I see looking back at me? This life has not been kind. Is it the broken pieces that glare so hostile out at me? It may be that lifetime of pain bearing heavily down on me. I cannot hide from myself what this world has done to me. Do I see all that failure when I look into my own eyes, the hidden weaknesses I cannot abide? I long to find the beauty shining in this old woman's eyes."

[sandriadreamin]

Riding down this ancient road, watching the view out the window, remembering those days when we weren't so old, feeling the heartache of once treasured memories, abandoned and empty, taken by nature when I still see cherished faces so clearly in my mind

[sandriadreamin]

Looking through a wounded child's eyes, the world's weight and pain never lightens. They can not understand that the evil is not their fault. They will carry it with them their whole lives. The damage began generations before we were born. It keeps circling back around us until we find and unlock that door, giving us the courage to walk back into hell and save ourselves.

[sandriadreamin]

I am color, I am light, I am a kaleidoscope shining bright. I will no longer allow this physical body to define who I am inside.  I will grow the garden I long for on my very soul. I will dig for treasures in the darkened earth of my heart and find that diamond I know is hidden beneath all the wreckage left behind. I have long been a lonely soldier. Fire and fierceness are all I have known my entire life never understanding humankind's ability to destroy lives. Finally seeing the purpose I hold in this life I choose to embrace the wildness inside no longer running in fear of the darkness behind my eyes. Anger is just fear turned inside out hardened forever frozen in time. Wake that pain embrace her and have a good cleansing cry grieve for the innocence lost too many times in so many ways we thought for sure you would never make it back again. But here we finally stand side by side together our past woven into our future one story at last.

[sandriadreamin]

I finally think I will be ok, I have been so lost since you went away, and I understand now it is my time to let go of the past, and accept myself. To turn from the world's distractions and all the smoke and mirrors going on today. I have more than enough of that going on in my head. I have been listening to self-judgment for way too many years, I am tired of the loathing I find in my own eyes. Why can't I see the beauty among the debris on the battlefield of this life? The brokenness is a puzzle I must create with my light just like Kintsugi I can create my story to shine golden bright. Accepting the cracks as the backbone of my strength allows me to stand upright during this lifetime of fights. I have finally earned my right to find the freedom of peace inside.

[sandriadreamin]

Fire and flame ease my pain Ashes take flight into the night Lonely winds howl out this fight My feet dance on sacred lands I scream my defiance, And I rise once again.

[sandriadreamin]

And so my life is changing 

I can no longer dance so lightly on my feet.

I am aging as quickly as can be

now this I am saying

so I can find my way to rise above this self-loathing

of the helpless beast, I now am.

Who am I to be complaining

about this life you give to me? 

There are so many others suffering 

find the gratitude in there

just because you see no peace on the inside

does not mean it is not here

dig a little deeper

your work has just begun. 

I will not hide from the darkness

the shadows are my friends 

the flames in their eyes will guide me

further than anyone else can.

we will walk through the fire and pain

traveling hand in hand.

[sandriadreamin]

As we begin this year's fanfare For all those vacations and BBQs That kick off our summer season,

Let's remember why we have Memorial Day .

Let us take the time to remember The boys, The men,

And the women who gave their lives so that we may stand here today.

Together, we all stand in the shadow of generations, Of family members willing to sacrifice everything for our freedoms and rights.

Is it time as a people to open our eyes?    Step out of the shadows and shine our light. If we all join hands, we can rise above that toxic noise shrouding the truth from us all.

[sandriadreamin]

I've been hiding from ghosts my whole life. I could never understand until my loved ones began to pass away. Looking into a mirror was never pleasing to me But now, it's heartacheEvery day, I see the people I miss looking back at me.

When will I accept who I am looking at? Why am I not enough, no matter what?

I see through the pain and suffering. Why can't I see the beauty shining through the debris?

[sandriadreamin]

Oh, I want to run, like when we were young, through the fields of time, Your hand in mine beneath a clear blue sky, the sun smiling bright. We were so beautifully wild, blazing through life, Never a care about what anyone said, Never a worry about what tomorrow could bring. We stand here today in the Autumn of our time. I will forever be grateful to have your love in my life. What it all comes down to for me: This is another layer of life we must push ourselves through, As we learn the limits that age sets on our lives,

And fight to stay side-by-side till the end of time.