sandyloambox

[sandyloambox]

Listen, I’m watching the animated Batman series for the first time and I just gotta make a real quick observation.

Millennials are all fucking reckless nihilists, so there's definitely that one time in Gotham where Harley and Ivy hold up a bank and some twenty-something pops their head up from the floor like "Hey, Miss Ivy--no, don't shoot me, I just have a question--I've been trying to grow roses and they're just not doing well, I've tried everything".  Batman shows up ten minutes later to Ivy sitting on the floor and having a serious conversation with some random kid about soil nitrogen content and what gypsum content the Gotham area tends to have.  Harley’s kicked back on the bank counter playing tiddlywinks with a roll of pennies while the hostages shoot nervous glances at each other and try to figure out if they’re gonna be shot for getting up off the floor.  The twenty-something is still lying on their back and Ivy’s sitting next to him.

“Hey, Bats,” Harley says happily, and waves to him.

“Hello, Harley.  Ivy, I don't mean to interrupt, but you are doing something illegal here."

"We didn't even take any money, now be quiet, I'm explaining how to acidify soil."

[sandyloambox]

It Begins (Good Version)

First brave good scaleyboi of the year spotted!

I was rage-watering my should-be-a-damn-garden-already-but-it’s-still-mostly-dirt-that-decided-to-bake-to-the-point-of-hyrophobia-so-I-couldn’t-do-what-I-wanted-to-do-today this afternoon when a li’l daytime lizard came down the wall from behind the euonymus shrub. From experience, I think they hear the water flowing through my mini trench drain irrigation, which sounds like a creek when the hose is running. Though I had stopped doing that part and was just letting water gush everywhere at that point, raining my fury upon the land.

I was very frustrated, okay?

BACK TO THE LIZARD. He gave me a looky-look. I stood still. He came closer. I stood still even though I was flooding a place I already rage-flooded like a vengeful rain deity.

Li’l guy hopped! off the wall onto the wet mulch of one of the three lonely areas I’ve completed-- Cucumber Area 1. The water there had just finished soaking down. He did a li’l wiggle-wiggle on his belly, licked a couple things, and hopped! back on the wall and watched me more. He was all wet from his mulch-bath LOL.

I want them to get used to me walking across the length of the garden while watering so I moved closer to him. He backed up but didn’t run away til I was within arm’s reach of him.

By July, they should be coming right up to where I’m watering and wiggling in the puddles and drinking while I watch, close enough to see their throats bobbing as they swallow.

Instant better mood.

My Disney Princessification is upon me.

[sandyloambox]

This year’s lizards and birds still fear me.

Did they not listen to their parents’ tales of Corisanna the Water-Bearer, She-Who-Moves-Slowly-and-Stands-Still-While-You-Drink, Chaser-Off of Cats?

They will learn come July. They will learn.

And my time as a Disney Princess will come again.

[sandyloambox]

Millennial Woman Yells At Wind

So I finally fought through depression and Adulting Tasks™ like filing my taxes and angsting over home repairs to get out in the garden again.

Got everything set up.

Got one significant task completed.

Started the main event, hoeing up the dirt in what will be the spaghetti squash patch to aerate and add some sphagnum peat, then finally plant the seeds for the back row sun reflection break and wind/sun breaks of sunflowers and green beans. I’m behind schedule. As usual.

SUDDENLY, HUGE GUST OF WIND THAT ALMOST BLEW MY GLASSES OFF!

DIRT IN MY FACE!

FULL 40oz CANTEEN WOBBLED!

calm

DIRT IN MY FACE!

I loudly not-quite-shout snarled “WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR JUST ONE DAMN DAY, SKY?” and quit for the day.

Because my fine peat would blow away before it hit the dirt. The seeds would blow out of my hands. I know this because it happened last week.

GRRRRAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH

Though, technically, it may be a good thing because the significant task I completed two times today has the damage from doing it more times than I can count last year Unhappy. I’m finally 100% done with hauling those heavy cinder blocks around, at least. So stopping is probably wise.

BUT IT’S STILL FRUSTRATING

[sandyloambox]

it begins

I don’t even have any squash seedlings out yet and I spotted a big squash bug on a post outside.

I would post a pic but I don’t wanna jump scare anyone scrolling, so here’s a link. Monsters. Their first several instars visually creep me out more than the adults, but the adults still creep me out.

It’s dead now, but this is it

it begins

this is the first salvo in my Garden War of 2020

EAT THEM, LIZARDS AND GECKOS, I’VE SEEN YOU WITH OTHER BUGS IN YOUR MOUTHS

ROAST THEM, SKY

I specifically wait til we’ve had a couple weeks of strong, hot sun to roast off some of the squash bugs before I plant squash. Worked last year. We shall see how it goes this year.

[sandyloambox]

hallelujah

I HAS ONE ITTYBITTY EGGYPLANT BABY

FINALLY

MAMA IS PROUD

It’s from the newer packet of seed that I suspected of being 0% viable after a round of failure so we shall see if any more sprout. Cross them fingers for me.

[sandyloambox]

asteraceae’s favorite sex position is the Fibonacci Spiral

asteraceae is a family of ruthless sex machines and unless the grass establishment realizes its full potential there is no force on this earth that can stop them

[sandyloambox]

Scream at the Sky Again 2020

We’re going to have a stupid early heat wave this year and I’m big mad for many reasons but the one relevant to this blog is I thought I had another month to harden off seedlings so they don’t fry-’n-die. But nope.

I wanted one or two roasty-toasty days to kill the bugs in the dirt before I put squash seeds in but not this early. The section I’mma use for squash isn’t even ready yet. And if any of my eggplant and cowpea seeds are viable, timing should have them sprouting when it’s in the 90s Farenheit so they’ll be tender.

UuuuUUuughHHHhhh I’mma have to water like three times a day.

And of course it’s the week I have three different medical appointments on, limiting my prep time in the garden.

[sandyloambox]

0% predictable

Me going out to the garden at 2pm: This is it. This is the year that I don’t prune the giant evergreen euonymus shrubs back too far like I have done every year for the past ten years. This is it.

Euonymus at 4pm:

Me at 4pm:

[sandyloambox]

I will not dig around in my peat pots with a toothpick to see if the eggplant seeds are doing anything. Won’t. Won’t. *eyes toothpick box*

I started some seeds indoors in peat pots 12 days ago. The cucumbers came up fine. But.

Ancient 2012 tomato seeds (American Seed Co.) I sowed for the helluvit: *two of four seeds sprouting*

New eggplant seeds (Ferry-Morse): *nothing, even though I put two seeds in each pot*

…

*digs in two pots with toothpick*

New eggplant seeds: *not even baby roots*

Did Ferry-Morse harvest seed too soon in the rush to restock after everything sold out? I don’t know how that works. The seeds look fine…

I’ll get another set of pots started and try old seed as a control. If the new ones don’t sprout I’mma contact the seller. I hope the other seeds I got from them sprout. I put the cowpeas, carrots, and a separate round of cucumbers directly in the ground, so we shall see in a week or so.

[sandyloambox]

LOL

this comment made me feel validated for being possessive of my garden beds:

Priorities: I have them

Dammit GoogleMaps Satellite View, what is the point of having Satellite View if it isn’t recent?

By which I mean I want to measure parts/fixtures of my garden that didn’t exist yet when this photo was taken without trying to do a one-woman measuring tape adventure across 65′ of raised beds

Why don’t I have a friend with a camera drone that can snap a pic quickly enough to not get noticed by neighbors and fined by the HOA lol

My brother wants to know why I want to keep this old house that needs a lot of expensive work done and I’m like I HAVE SIXTY FIVE FEET OF PREEXISTING SOLID RETAINING WALL RAISED GARDEN BEDS, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO GET OR EXPENSIVE IT IS TO MAKE

[sandyloambox]

Garden Accident Neighbor Feud Averted (anxiety in no way exaggerated the situation nope)

So today, my gardening included pruning this weird mimosa tree this house came with that keeps trying to grow into the next door neighbor’s yard. The wife once, like ten years ago, expressed displeasure with it going over. The flowers are messy, yeah. So I try. But once the growing season starts I can’t get to that portion of the tree without destroying a section of my garden so if the tree decides to visit them after I prune, whatever. BUT I TRY. Because I remember all-out neighbor feuds in my childhood neighborhood and please dear God no, not when I am an adult actually responsible for this shit. We already don’t have the best… well, any relationship with these people. We barely wave at each other. They’ve lived here since my auntie bought the house in the 1990s and they were friends with her but not us.

So I climbed up in the raised garden bed and was clippity-clipping and directing the branches to fall into my yard instead of theirs, as is my annual ritual.

Then either I messed up or the tree trolled me.

I clipped a big-ish branch, swung after the snap to direct it left, ???????, it went right instead… and over their wall.

Something that usually would have made me cringe but not worry. The husband wouldn’t care.

BUT!

The big branch spun on its way down, landed on its cut end at just the wrong angle, bounced into the deep end of their swimming pool, and sank to the bottom as I watched from above the retaining wall with a Surprised Pikachu face, arms holding 30″ lopping shears over my head.

My mind immediately brought up the ten-year-old memory of the wife’s Karen face as she told me to keep my tree trimmed so they wouldn’t get messy flowers in their pool (a legit concern, the problem was the delivery) and I remembered my childhood and my anxiety slammed all Red Alert buttons.

This accident would look like a defiantly petty flex in my old neighborhood.

In that neighborhood, the branch would probably find its way back onto my property in some “equally” petty way. Hopefully not one that caused property damage, but you never know.

The husband often comes out back in the evening so I was working and hoping and hoping and hoping he would come out and I could explain. But nope. I didn’t see lights on when I came in at dark, either. So I had Mom dig through stuff from Auntie until she found a business card magnet for the lady next door. It was obviously from the 1990s. Was any of the information still true?

Dialed the first number. Someone picked up. Male voice but tons of static. Got in a “hello?/hello?/HELLO?/hello?” with him. Woman takes the line.

Me: Hi, this is [Corisanna]. Does this number still belong to [Karen]?

[Karen]: ……Y-e-s-s-s?

Me, probably too fast: This is [Corisanna] next door. I just wanted to let you know I accidentally dropped a tree branch in your pool. And it sank. Not… huge, but not small. And it’s at the bottom of your pool.

[Karen]: I… what… whowhat?

Me: [repeats] So like. If you want to get it out now so your vacuum doesn’t… you know. Just so you know.

[Karen]: Oh. How did–? Oh.

Me: So so sorry.

[Karen]: I… thank you for… letting us… knowww…?

Me: So. So. Sorry.

[Karen]: O… kay…

Me: Have a good night!

[Karen], sounding like she’s in the Twilight Zone: You… too?

SUPER AWKWARD

BETTER THAN NEIGHBOR FEUD

I think she didn’t realize we still have their number LOLOLOLOL

But also she was probably picturing where my tree is in relation to their yard and trying to figure out how my dumb ass had managed to get a piece of it in their pool like

[sandyloambox]

Spotify trolled me in public(ish)

So I worked in the garden for another five hours today. I was still overdosed on the dudes chatting to each other in maybe-Russian from the six straight hours the day before, so I plugged my phone in on the patio and let free Spotify randomize my playlist. The one I titled “uptempo public” because it has radio edits so I can blast it at work without getting yelled at for explicit language.

For the first four hours, it was pretty much a normal “Nineties, Noughties, and Today!” radio station. A couple pretty Kalafina songs in Japanese, a couple French songs from Mozart L’Opéra Rock, but generally normal. Heard a couple neighbors puttering about, a couple hums, even Construction Guys were quiet during popular songs.

Then the sky went twilight and Spotify unleashed what it had saved for that moment. They’re each fine but I guess the combination??? Was??? Weird??? Like, a troubling narrative?

“Remains of the Day” (Corpse Bride)

“Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood”

“The Wedding Song” (Corpse Bride again)

“Shinzou wo Sasageyo” (English cover by Jayn)(lyrics/video)

“Cell Block Tango” (Chicago)

oof

“This girl done got did dirty but she’s determined to marry for love”

“Hey baby I know I’m an asshole but–”

“Happy wedding planning!”

“WE WEREN’T READY FOR THIS HELLISH EXISTENCE”

“MURDER TIME!”

It went silent in the other yards lololololol

My neighbors, possibly:

Me, definitely:

[sandyloambox]

Me: Why am I so tired today ugh I have gardening to do

My body: Girl you gardened for six hours yesterday wtf we aren’t really able-bodied we’re just faking it with meds give me a break

Me: It’s important to get these seeds in the ground ASAP because *gestures at world and supply chain bullshit* and the dirt isn’t ready for them so

My Body: *shrieking*

[sandyloambox]

Things I galaxy brain about:

my stories, this new blog, upcycling junk, cooking, my stories, introspective self-psychoanalysis about why I do a thing, same for other people I know, how to fix a thing, my stories, etc.

One of my fave things about repetitive, near-thoughtless tasks in the yard/garden is that I end up daydreaming myself into galaxy braining about something roughly half the time.

[sandyloambox]

Seriously, if you worry-bought vegetable/fruit seeds (totally valid decision with all the supply chain cringe) and are realizing you don’t know what to do with them, I can try to help you. Try being the important word LOL.

Don’t let seeds you bought go to waste if you can help it. Look up “companion planting” to find out what flowers/herbs repel bad buggybois and attract good buggybois. Maybe I’ll do a post of those. Without detail, I recommend cilantro, marigold, borage, sunflowers, and nasturtium. Three of those five are edible! Sunflower seed is edible!

my original tags on main:

scurried down to the community mailbox after dark like the hermit I am and

MUH SEEDS R HERE!!!!!

REPLACING OLD SEEDS WAS HARD THIS YEAR BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE DECIDED GARDENING IS FUN

DO NOT TRY TO ARGUE WITH ME IT IS BECAUSE FUN AND I AM HAPPY TO HELP PEOPLE WITH THEIR SUPER TOTALLY JUST FOR FUN GARDENS

…

…oh no now i have to do things to turn muh seeds into eating things

[sandyloambox]

Ooooo, now I have words for when I tear apart a sunflower head for seed and cuss at sunflower maggots!

I was ok with sunflowers until today