sanyaax

[sanyaax]

I love him. I will always love him.

Its fine if he doesn’t, he doesn’t have to.

Its painful, its beautiful.

It reminds me of home

[sanyaax]

One oppresses what one fears

[sanyaax]

To live life you have to…

Connect with your uncensored desires and instincts.

[sanyaax]

I wanna feel alive

I wanna climb a mountain

I wanna go in a jungle

I wanna live

I wanna be crazy

I wanna be reckless

I wanna have no responsibilities

I wanna just fking LIVE

[sanyaax]

You neglected my feelings just like my dad did. You scared me just like my dad did. You hated me just like my dad did. You made me feel worse just like my dad did. You called me weak just like my dad did. You made me cry just like my dad did. You didn’t respect me just like my dad did. You found me ugly just like my dad did. You ruined me just like my dad did. You controlled me just like my dad did. You ignored me just like my dad did. You left me just like my dad did.

But i kept forgiving you and him. I kept believing you, trusting you and your lies. I kept believing that you loved me. I kept torturing myself. I kept losing myself, i kept trying to please you, just like how i tried to please my father by being a good girl but it was never enough.

I was never enough for him and you.

When i left you, i left my father. When i rejected you, i rejected my father. I never felt more alive than that.

I might still love you and him but i don’t accept you or him

I don’t want you or my father near me. I don’t hate you but i don’t like you or him.

[sanyaax]

Maybe i am just not meant for it

Maybe i am just not meant for love

Maybe this is my fate

Maybe this is my life, to never be loved

Neither by my father or by any man

To always be the second option

To always left alone to rot away

I have accepted my defeat yk

[sanyaax]

The nice guy i dated.

What is a nice guy?

Its the type of guy who thinks he is nice but in reality he is a jerk!. He treats women on the basis of their attractiveness. If he finds you attractive, he will act all nice infront of you but slowly you will realise how toxic he is.

He would victimise himself, lie to you and criticise you for every little thing you do. He would compare you to other women to make you feel insecure. He would ghost you for days and days after you get attached to him. He will cheat on you and would blame you for being unfaithful

[sanyaax]

Man se jeena ya mar jana hai

[sanyaax]

What is Hardest part of being a woman?

Today i saw my mother laying on the bed, sad and depressed. Its nothing new, but today she seemed extra off. We talked for a while and I suggested her to do things that she might enjoy doing and she said “i can’t seem to enjoy anything”. That was the saddest thing.

She is a wonderful woman. She is the best wife, daughter, sister, mother anyone could ever ask for. She is everything that anyone would love and appreciate to have in their lives but then why does she feel such emptiness? Why can’t she seem to find happiness? She has sacrificed herself for others just like society says, then why?

I realised how important it is for women to never lose themselves in a role that has been set up by people and society. A good girl, good wife, good daughter, good mother but are you even good to yourself? Do you even enjoy filling up that role? It is hard to be different and to do the thing that everyone would despise you for. It takes courage to stand up for yourself and to speak up, its not easy to say NO. you know whats easy? To obey.

We idolise a woman who sacrifices herself for her children and husband but what about her? Who is going to look out for her? Who is going to hold her hands and tell her that its gonna be alright?

The hardest part of being a woman is losing yourself and your individuality. Losing the part of you that makes you. One day just like that you will be 55 and won’t even know who you are. If you don’t know who you are, how will you love yourself? How will you appreciate yourself? How will you find respect for yourself?

Never let society decide your fate. Never let expectations mold you. Never let anyone, either your children, your husband or your father dictate your life.

Find yourself, know yourself, believe in yourself and do things for yourself. You have one life, ONE LIFE!! Don’t let those dream die. If you have a desire, go after it.

[sanyaax]

[sanyaax]

I wanna live.

I wanna be no one’s daughter. No one’s wife. No one’s sister. No one’s mother. I wanna be no one.

[sanyaax]

On his bike

I wanna look in his eyes while i lay on his chest. Not a care of anything else.

We stare at the Moon and call it a night. Tomorrow i might live or i might die

In the morning when the sun shines, We follow the mountains on his bike

We live, we love and we die.

Now thts wht i call life.

[sanyaax]

[sanyaax]

Slayed

cause of death: who give a shit

[sanyaax]

Who are you?

Who are you when you are not your ego?

Who are you when you are not your work?

Who are you when you are not your beauty ?

Who are you when you are not playing in people’s fantasies ?

Who are you when you have no pride?

Who are you when you are not defined?

Who are you without society, family, love?

Are you anyone at all?

Would you even exist if everything in the physical realm was to be removed?

Would you still look the same?

Talk the same?

Go after the same things?

Who even are you!?

[sanyaax]

Love

I don’t really think that men and women know how to Love.

Women are so indulged in their fantasy towards sex that they mix up love and lust. When men find them attractive or give them attention, they think of it as love. They romanticise the whole idea of their personal fantasy and sex. Women lust over a man’s potential to come closer to her fantasy, she doesn’t love him. She loves the idea of him. She falls in love with her own imagination and She calls it love. When he starts treating her with disrespect, she cries.

She blames fate for giving her such a painful love. She stays stuck in the vicious cycle of trying to become this perfect woman that her perfect fantasied husband would love one day. Hope is her enemy.

On the other hand. A man lusts over beauty, perfection, mystery and unattainability of a woman. He lusts over a woman till she is not there and he thinks he is in love.

He confuses his greed with love. He wants to have that thing which seems so mystical, god like and alien to him. He gets curious and runs after it like a little boy. He keeps women on a pedestal. Once he gets her, the rush disappears. He sees her flaws, scars, ugliness and finds out tht this women is just like any other human. He gets bored and doesn’t chase her anymore. He tries to find love elsewhere but repeats the same cycle. He never feels satisfied because he never settles.

[sanyaax]

Oh my lover

Oh my lover, oh my dove,

Who needs a home with your endless love?

To die for you, to live for you,

To make you my god, my heart's only truth.

Who am I, if not your friend?

Give me your sorrows, your pain to tend.

All I need is your love in my life,

My purpose is to end your strife.

In your embrace, I find my peace,

With you, my love, my heart's at ease.

Together forever, we'll face the night,

For you, my dear, I'll always fight.

-me