sapphicrose4 - Tumblr blog

[sapphicrose4]

simple intimacies... putting on a girl's necklace, zipping up her dress, fixing her hair... they're so small but make my heart go wild.

[sapphicrose4]

tbh I just want a “fucking me with a strap on until I’m a quivering mess then we cuddle up with each other and fall asleep together” kind of relationship

[sapphicrose4]

[sapphicrose4]

Chivalry is not dead; it's a lesbian

[sapphicrose4]

Memorial To A Marriage (2002) by Patricia Cronin

[sapphicrose4]

I’m a 24 year old cis woman who’s been in long term relationships with only men since I was probably around 14 but like I guess I’ve always known? I recognized that I was attracted to other women as young as probably 8 but didn’t identify as bi until freshman year of college. I never officially came out of the closet but my close friends knew. I had always assumed that I would never want to come out of the closet because I didn't want my relationship with my family to change. Accepting this, I lied to myself that I was only sexually attracted to women, there was no way I would ever be in a relationship with one. I went from long term relationship to long term relationship with basically the first guy who would show interest in me after my previous relationship had ended. I became completely obsessed with the idea of marriage, and would always rush things and try to settle down really quickly. After the end of my most recent relationship, I began dating right away and began this really harmful cycle of online dating where I would instantly push things too far with the person I was talking to and it would always end after a week or two. At some point, I decided to change my preferences from men to everyone, and as I became more and more disinterested in men and having sex with men, I switched it to women only. I met this really funny girl, but I ruined it the same way I had with all the others. I decided to delete all of my apps and take a break, but she said something that kind of stuck with me. She was joking around, but had said “maybe you hate yourself because you’re actually a lesbian”. At the time I had joked it off and said no way, but its been almost a month and everything is kind of starting to fall into place. I always joke that I'm really good at dissociating, but it is kind of true. I've felt so disconnected from myself for so long and all of my memories feel like they belong to someone else and I’m starting to think it’s because I’m not the genuine version of myself. I’m not fulfilled in my career, my relationships, or really anything about my situation in life, and it feels like coming to terms about my sexuality is a good first step. I’m so worried though, I know that sexuality is fluid and that life is complicated and messy but in a stupid way I worry that I might be faking it or that I'm wrong for doing it. At some point I had an urge to google “is it okay to come out if you’ve never dated a woman before,” and I almost feel like people would think that I'm lying. I have had sex with women before, and I’ve definitely fallen in love before but it was never in a relationship. I feel like all of this is clouded in so many “what-if’s”. What if the only reason I'm thinking this is because she said that? What if my parents don’t accept me? What if you decide to come out and you’re wrong? All of it is so subjective and insignificant but I’ve never felt more sure of something while also being so confused.

[sapphicrose4]

oh my god. do you ever just wish you had a girlfriend to live in a cottage with. we could go to the farmers market and grow herbs together. we would have cats and chickens. we would be witch lesbians living in a cottage on the outside of town with a garden and tiny horses and oh my god I just need someone to be a cottagecore lesbian with me