sassysong-blog - Tumblr blog

[sassysong-blog]

Halp! I am outside of my genre and can't get back in!

[sassysong-blog]

Even sweeter!

[sassysong-blog]

I have made a sweet ☺️

[sassysong-blog]

Long time, no post, but look at this adorable space ❤️

[sassysong-blog]

Red Flags -- MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME READERS!

I was asked to recall my Red Flags. I can definitely say that one of the biggest issues I had with my longest-lasting relationshit (and no, that is not a spelling error) were the threats and projecting insecurities onto me. Here were some things I confronted them about. -When I informed them I was out with friends and that we didn't have a plan, that was apparently a huge mistake on my part. My friends and I like to go out and play it by ear, see what strikes our fancy. My partner insisted I was doing things I "wasn't supposed" to and keeping secrets. Since they went to a college a state away, in my hometown, we would have these arguments over text. Fun outings with friends would be ruined because I would have to participate in these arguments in order to avoid getting yelled at later. -God forbid I watch an anime and find a female character attractive. This character, by the way, was Gabrielle (I think that was her name) from Simoun. Also, can I just say that I wasn't allowed to like anime, watch anime, be a fan of the art style, or eat my favorite kind of Japanese candy. I broke those rules practically on the daily. I broke a lot of rules practically on the daily. -They had rules I needed to follow, but wouldn't admit it. When I mentioned the rules out loud, they would say "you're making me look like a monster here" or something along those lines. -My friends kind of liked them (...sort of), but mostly they mostly just tried for my sake. My ex would find ways to push them away in order to be alone with me. The thing is, though, I would be terrified to be alone with them. So, I'd cling to my friends who understood what they were seeing. The good thing about my friends is that they knew and understood that I would have to get out at my own pace. Intervening on my behalf wasn't going to work. It would be forceful, and it would only hurt in the long-run. -I wasn't allowed to make new friends, especially if they were attractive by my ex's standards. -If I communicated with any of my friends while I was with them, I "might as well go date them." Example: I invited them over for a movie, and they had to use the restroom. While they were in there, I pulled out my phone and shot a quick text to a co-worker of mine who was asking when I'd be free to look at a proposal she was writing. I sent a few times, she picked out a couple that worked, we settled on a time. I got a "Thank you for your help!" And I sent "You're so welcome! Anytime!" <--- My ex walks out of the bathroom, sees me on my phone as I'm typing that message, and automatically goes into an indescribable rage. I'll spare the ugly details. -We take a break for a few months because things are just not working out. In the meantime, I have to keep my relationship status on Facebook "or else," but I'm free to see other people "not that anyone else would take a spoiled brat like you." Whatever. Dear god, the obsession over social media. I want to keep my social media page the way I want to keep it. I don't WANT to have a relationship status up in the first place, but it was apparently so damn important that it took precedence over everything I could ever do in real life. -I have to recount the horrific tonsil stone incident. They realize they have a tonsil stone one night, and ask me (someone who does not want anything to do with that for good fucking reason), then forces me to try to take it out. I'm unable to do so without feeling nauseous myself. I start feeling sick as I'm trying to take it out. Apparently, I went completely pale. Apparently, this was hilarious. While I was shaking and trying not to gag and trying not to be nauseous, they kept laughing at me. I tried to leave them after that, I tried to leave many many times. They said "Fine, but I'm telling everyone you left me because I had a tonsil stone because I see no other reason." Another exhausting argument later, and I'm too drained to follow through and leave because my ex wouldn't fucking leave my house until I gave in. Of course, that's not all that happened. I'm seeing someone else now. This person is being very patient and sweet with me, and I'm grateful for all they've done. But, here's the thing. We were actually just talking about the fact that I apologize for a lot of things that don't really make sense and I still feel like I have to ask permission before I go out sometimes. It's not exactly a matter of healing either; it's about breaking a habit that's been instilled in me. I feel better now than I have in a long time, and it is a process. It's all a part of getting through what I need to get through.

[sassysong-blog]

at 8:30 precisely, the frogs beyond the hills scream

[sassysong-blog]

Is it ok if I ask for writing tips every now and then? I'm doing p good in school but English language arts is dragging me down a lOT

Anytime, sweetness!

[sassysong-blog]

Damn damn damn damn...

This image hurts my brain more than the original debate ever did. Brains are dumb.

[sassysong-blog]

To all of those who say that Transylvania University aka the school I go to doesn't exist. Boom. This is where I am graduating from on the 27th. This is where I'm getting my degree. This is the place where I prepared to grad school, got in, and then accepted merit aid. I couldn't have done that without my favorite Transylvania University professor who employed me at The Writing Center. Want to deny what happened to us awhile back with Mitchell Adkins, someone I actually knew? Too fucking bad. We're not taking back our memories just because you didn't believe us.

[sassysong-blog]

You are beauty, you are grace, and you have a squad of people who will defend your place.

Awww! I'm so lucky!

[sassysong-blog]

Where'd you get that fine personality?

Well, 😅 that's an interesting question you have right there. I want to say part of it came from all the books I read. When I was younger, it was The Important Book that reminds you that "You are important because you are you." When I was older, it was The Blue Castle by L.M Montgomery. When it came to tv and movies, my first crush was Wonder Woman. So, there's that. There was the music I listened to, a lot of it was Fleetwood Mac. Songbird and Don't Stop (despite the fact that it was a Bill Clinton campaign song) were my top two. Of course there was The Beatles, Dire Straits, and a shit ton of pretty much everything from the 18th Century-20th century. I have this awkward, but also kind of rebellious independent streak. I have literally no idea where it came from. I say this because whenever I find myself doing something that is considered independent, and someone else thinks they have to do it for me...let's just say that's lead to more awkward moments than I care to mention. It usually leads to me making a face, scratching the back of my neck, and looking around for an answer to "how do I say I've already done this without totally blocking your flow?" on the floor of wherever I happen to be standing. That being said, I wouldn't call my personality "fine," but thank you. However, there is a point to my personality's existence, just as there is yours. Remember, "you are important because you are you."

[sassysong-blog]

It's the fact that he put the period after "The" that makes it better.

what's your favourite tree?

I want to say The. Larch.

But the truth is probably the California Redwood, or the Baobab.

[sassysong-blog]

A Bad Joke

A Mexican, a Colombian, and a Jew walk into a bar...

[sassysong-blog]

A Friendly Reminder

I have no interest in being polite or heterosexual

[sassysong-blog]

Been sharing a lot of gentle compassion recently. But a reminder sometimes self-love looks like this.

[sassysong-blog]

HOLY SHIT THIS IS TRUE 

[sassysong-blog]

How do you feel about being in love?

In love, I don’t feel like I’m being used or threatened. I feel better about myself, and I love making the other person feel better about themselves. I remember times when I “had” to say I was in love because I was being watched. Love isn’t like that. I know that, say what you will, because of how I am with my friends. My friends are probably some of the most genuine people I will ever know, and I love them with all my heart. It’s because of them that I know how I want/need to be treated. 

With you, I don’t feel like I’m being used at all. Quite the opposite, I feel like you care enough about me to see through the difficult parts of my life with me. I know you don’t think I’m lesser because of what I have been through before. You’ve been a strong support through so much. I feel a real connection with you that isn’t forced. Maybe it’s because of our shared history and the things [which I will keep to ourselves] that tie us together.