satanahecallsme

[satanahecallsme]

Blade/reader fan fic

Note 1: don't expect good quality, wrote this mostly for myself. Note 2: self indulgent, written in first person because I genuinely couldn't formulate it in third person (I tried and failed, only the first paragraph is in 3rd person). A little bit of comfort??? I can't tell.

Amount of words: a lot, may contain misspellings or typos I didn't notice.

Background for the story, just so it can make more sense: reader and Blade aren't on very good terms but previously had many✨romantic✨ encounters. Also, reader is a little bit jealous on Kafka but knows it's just an insecurity which is why it's not mentioned a lot.

About me here (might be useful)

Many years have passed and you still haven't changed in better. You're still the same cheap copy of a human that's not healed or hasn't done anything to get better. How do you define being better? What is better? What is normal?

Sitting in the bed, laying down, I think of who I am and I don't have the answer. For how long haven't I slept? Or eaten properly? Am I hungry or I'm craving…? No. I can't have that. Being desired doesn't mean that I'm loved. Yet I'm not even desired, I'm just a plan B. But by continuing to walk through this thought I will dive deeper into my misery.

There's someone behind my door, standing there. They'll leave. The door should be locked, unless it's him. We exchanged keys just to make it easier when leaving, I was scared that someone will get into my place if the door wasn't locked all the time, which is why I was scared that it could be him that was behind my door right now.

I don't want him near me. He'll tell me to get up, that this should be my last problem, unfortunately I failed and this became my biggest problem, that there's no reason to stay miserable. Only metaphorically, somehow I found comfort in washing my body. No matter how much I wanted to be shown love… I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want to give him another occasion to bring me down to another kind of misery. I didn't deserve to be lov-… . I had to run away from them, I will tell only Elio why I will leave, I'll hurt the others if I keep staying.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I look directly in the direction of the hand and see Blade.

Was I angry that he was there? Disappointed in myself for not pushing through my problems, for not being strong enough? He shouldn't see me like this.

His hand moved to my face and I moved my head back a little, until I had no choice but to let him put his palm on my cheek. I closed my eyes. I didn't know to tell him to leave. Now both of his hands were on my face, pushing me towards him. The mattress moved a little and I knew he sat on the bed.

Slowly, gently, he grabbed me and put me on his thighs, holding me up. “Why are you here?” I whisper as I let my head rest on his shoulder.

“You disappeared.” He said.

His left hand went to my head, through my hair. He leaned his head down to look at me. “When was the last time you changed your pillowcase?” He stayed like that for a few more seconds before speaking again. “I'll change them.”

He let me down on the bed before walking to one of the drawers I had in my room. He looked in it and got whatever he wished for, then changed the pillowcases. He went back to me, this time forcing me to get up and walk to the bathroom. Moving my hair from my face the best he could, he tried to wash my face. “You can't bring a dirty face to a clean pillowcase.” He whispered.

Well, he tried to wash my face, all I let him do was put my akin care products on my face. “How do you know-” I started to ask.

“I watched you do this.”

“How sweet of you.” My sarcasm was easy to notice. But I still didn't understand why he cared about me right now. He didn't care about me in general. No matter how much I tried to make myself likeable to him so he wouldn't shove remarks and unasked opinions at me.

“What do you want to eat?”

“I'm not hungry.”

“I can tell you're starving.”

“Your flesh is sufficient.” I

To my surprise, he pushes up his sleeve and moves his arm up for me to feast on. “I was joking.” I say, almost disgusted.

“Didn't you say my blood is good?”

“I didn't mean to-” I start to explain.

“Go on. You know-” He interrupted me.

“Same. You forgot that.”

“Starvation isn't the answer.” he murmured.

"I know that.” I looked at his hand. Fairly enough, it was a good looking arm, but not worth destroying. I walked past him and went to my kitchen to look in my cupboards and fridge. He followed me.

“Come with me. You have nothing in here. I'll cook for you something.” he spoke in my ear as he held me in a hug from behind.

“Don't bother.” I whisper. I didn't want his pity or help, I knew he wanted me to be in a good mental a d physical state just to fuck me. “I won't give you what you want.” I whisper.

He didn't move. “Let me help you for once, at least.”

“Don't waste your time.” Fuck with her, you don't hate her.

I felt how he shook his head before kissing my temple. “I missed you.”

“You missed my body.” I almost screamed.

“I missed YOU.” he didn't scream, only accentuated the word. “I realised that I was horrible to you, for no reason.” he hugged me tighter. “Let me prove that you deserve love and care. I might be late, but let me take care of you before you think of leaving.”

“Y'all don't need me.” I whisper to myself. I wasn't important in any script, so why shouldn't I leave?

“We do, I do. Let me do this, please.”

[satanahecallsme]

Why the fuck did I think it was a good idea to write a fan fic in notion???? I can't fucking copy paste the whole fic here because instead of copying the whole thing I'm selecting, it copies only a phrase which is DEFINITELY not the entire fic. To be fair I might be doing something wrong but I can't say I give that big of a fuck for something that should work properly for my 1800's brain

[satanahecallsme]

I got back into tool, but I know it won't be for long. The current songs I'm obsessing over are wings for marie and 1000... Idfk the entire title.

Unfortunately few tool songs satisfy me so these two will me in my song rotation for a while

Fuck tik tok for making me try Tool again. I knew about this band for at least 1,6 years and I tried it but fuck the dude who recommended me Tool for not giving me a starter song because the one song I tried wasn't as good as the live version Sober.

Ok so I listened to the live version of sober. Now what? Do they have any other song that can make me go WHYYYYYYYYYY *fry scream* ? Hopefully because I love basse guitar.

Ironically, the dude that recommended me Tool has some past altercations with drugs so... Yippee (that's a joke)

[satanahecallsme]

I went to an even to be a volunteer a few week ago and in the last day I had there, a girl arrived, another volunteer who was higher in the ranks from what I understood, and my god since then I remember her from time to time because I got a crush on her.

I don't usually get crushes on girls because my taste is based purely on how much they interest me or, let's say, "aura", so I can like a girl that's completely opposite to me just because something about her caught my attention and interest.

Anyway, we exchanged maybe a few words and I still didn't know her name because those around her already knew her which is why no one asked her for her name (it was my first time volunteering in general and I knew only two people who weren't even in the same group and shift as me).

For a few days I tried to find her on Instagram (because that's the best place to find people that are in that volunteering organisation) and I couldn't find her for two reasons: I didn't know her name and I didn't see any profile picture with her face.

TODAY I FOUND HER. By mistake. I was trying to find someone else on one of my friends posts and I decided (out of curiosity) to see who else liked one of his posts. And one of those people was her.

I still don't know if she's into girls. She may be part of lgbt. I was too shy to ask her anything when I had the occasion and if I follow her now I'll feel like one of those dudes who slides into a girl's dm's to send her a dick pic or some random shit opener that won't work.

BUT AT LEAST NOW I KNOW HWR NAME.

[satanahecallsme]

I'm making this whole post because I may or may not start posting my fan fiction because sometimes there aren't enough of the character I want and I know for sure I'm not the only one wishing for more. I'm doing this only for the starving ones, sometimes even mediocrity can ease a bit the pain (personal experience, it gives ideas).

This post is made as an explanation to why I'm doing this shit and how I intend to do it.

Before I start, I have to mention that I'm not used to posting fan fiction so I'm quite unfamiliar with fandom and tag stuff, which might lead me to saying the wrong term. Please correct me if I say anything wrong or if there's a better term.

Unfortunately (for my case, in my opinion) 90% of the time I read reader insert fan fiction. Rarely I read something that isn't in this category because it doesn't satisfy me, if I do get a recommendation I will try it widouth problem (unless the subject is something I don't like).

Because I do have imagination but lack writing skills and ideas for any character that isn't an oc it's hard to come up with scenarios or a proper story to include my character in, usually it's not even me I'm imagining but an oc that is mean to represent me. Which is why sometimes I take inspiration for the fan fiction I write from different sources, I will always mention where I got inspired from.

SO. When I write something that is reader insert I do write it with my oc in mind, which is why I don't intend on ever doing requests (unless I say otherwise at some point). Even if it is written with oc in mind I won't give any indication that it is an oc fan fiction, always reader. No (random girl name) x Michael afton in my territory (this is a random example I came up with, please don't kill me over it). The reader will always be neutral (meant for any gender, I'll use only they/them pronouns), no description of clothing, height or weight.

In case it has to be said: no translation, posting somewhere else, no copy-paste of my work. If I ever post a fan fic over another platform I will mention where and my username/a link to the fan fic.

[satanahecallsme]

Small note: if anyone knows a way to match better your foundation while being in the store please give me some tips, I'm tired of hearing my parents comment about my face. (Although it's hard to believe this will get to anyone because I don't really use tumblr for speaking with people)

If I hear my parents say one more time something about my face or the foundation colour that I use I'll make them wear the one they say it looks good on me because I'm fucking orage when I should be blue and lighter because this shit is at least 3 shades darker and definitely not my tone.

I swear they are lying to my face because they keep saying it looks good. I've tried to invite them to my room and the bathroom to see it in another light and I'm trying not to turn this into a "this is what you do and this instance is proving it" thing to prove that they never believe me.

I'll speak with the shades the company I got ut from has because it's easier. My sister is a 107 OR 107 (I can't remember anymore) while I'm lighter than her (surprisingly if you see us in real life). I tested her's almost a year ago and slowly realised that it was too dark for me, so now instead of getting the 107 I got a 105, thinking that it will look alright. No. It's horrible. I'm sure I said that before.

I've combined my "goth" shade (it's not pure white but close, I use it when I want to do a gothic look) with this one and I look more human. Lately I've been using my concealer which is darker than my "goth" foundation but still "dead" (in their eyes, iin fact it's very close to my skin colour and tone).

For a small reference:

"Goth" foundation: l'oréal infaillable 32h fresh in shade 010 neutral undertone

Concealer: essence stay all day 14 h waterproof in shade 10 light honey

The new foundation: Maybelline fit me matte poreless in shade 115 (i just realised that my sister's was either 107 or 117, what the fuck did I do)

[satanahecallsme]

This is one of the most romanian things I've read in a while and I love it

Dracula and Alucard to their loved ones

[satanahecallsme]

Fuck tik tok for making me try Tool again. I knew about this band for at least 1,6 years and I tried it but fuck the dude who recommended me Tool for not giving me a starter song because the one song I tried wasn't as good as the live version Sober.

Ok so I listened to the live version of sober. Now what? Do they have any other song that can make me go WHYYYYYYYYYY *fry scream* ? Hopefully because I love basse guitar.

Ironically, the dude that recommended me Tool has some past altercations with drugs so... Yippee (that's a joke)

[satanahecallsme]

I told myself when I uninstalled Genshin: 'I will come back to you when I will get bored of HSR.'

Today: genshin installed because I missed Scaramouche.

Me now:

Surprisingly it took me a long time to get used to the key bindings of hsr because the ult is e in hsr but q in genshin and now, only doing my today's commissions, I realised that I have muscle memory for genshin. (I mean I know I am playing genshin since late December 2020 but I wasn't expecting that.)

[satanahecallsme]

I just remembered that last night I used my pillow as a blanket because I didn't have a blanket. (I still don't have a one.)

[satanahecallsme]

If a child (under 12 years old) is asking me to show them my drawings, even after saying no, I run. Especially if it's a group of 3th graders.