savagewilderness

[savagewilderness]

Some fragments of Memnoch The Devil.

This one is for Armand and his faith.

"We know you believe it's true," said Armand. "Yes, you believe it completely. You bore witness. I believe it's true. All of my long wandering through the valley of death, I've believed it was true!"

"Don't be a common fool," I said bitterly.

But I could see the flame in Armand's face; I could see the ecstasy and the sorrow in his eyes. I could see the entire galvanization of his form with belief, with conversion.

___

"You love him," said Armand in a hushed voice.

"I love him. Yes, I think he's right about everything. But I don't believe in anything!"

"Why didn't you accept?" asked Armand. "Why didn't you give him your soul?"

Oh, how innocent he sounded, how it came from his heart, ancient and childlike, a heart so preternaturally strong that it had taken hundreds of years to render it safe to beat in the company of mortal hearts.

Little Devil, Armand!

"Why didn't you accept!" he implored.

___

"If you let me," said Armand, his fingers slipping up to my collar, "if you let me drink, then I'll know...."

"No, all you'll know is that I believe what I saw, that's all"  I said.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I'll know the blood of Christ if I taste it."

___

Armand was shattered, broken, on his knees, the blood tears running straight down his cheeks, horrid streaks on the white flesh.

___

"Armand, take hold of yourself. You cannot surrender to this," he said.

His voice was sad.

But Armand was lost.

"Why?" Armand asked. He was just a child now on his knees.

"Why?"

This is how he must have looked centuries ago when Marius had come to free him from his Venetian captors, a boy kept for lust, a boy brought into the palace of the Undead.

"Why can't I believe it? Oh, my God, I do believe it. It is the face of Christ!"

___

We ran together, already blinded by the light, and behind me I heard Armand's voice ring out over the crowd.

"Bear witness, this sinner dies for Him!" The scent of fire came in a fierce explosion! I saw it blaze against the glass walls of the towers as we fled. I heard the screams.

[savagewilderness]

Posted on instagram & too lazy to type it out again…. 😇

[savagewilderness]

Write your super-spontaneous fics too! I can’t believe I did two like that in Nickistat week - things I had not intended writing beforehand & which I’d never have written so quickly (or maybe even at all?) otherwise!

Mine were

That I wrote & posted the second night

&

That I literally began in the morning & posted that afternoon… Bonkers. I definitely don’t think I’d have ever written this scene except that I wanted to add another work & I knew it had to be something simple to achieve in one day.

Anyway, I’d never write that fast had it not been for the event having a deadline… but there was something about it - having to think of a short, boundaried idea. Knowing it needed to be finished in a short time no matter what.

Kinda liberating in a really odd way…?

Also, I loved @thechthonicherbalist fic (& it’s way more thematically interesting than mine!) so you should read it! 🥰✨👏

A little Blush (NickiStat)

⇒ Read on Ao3! ⮺

Relationship: Nickistat (Nicolas de Lenfent / Lestat de Lioncourt)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences (SFW)

Summary: Lestat is remarkably unskilled at putting on his makeup when he first starts to play theater in Paris and has an existential crisis over it - Nicki decides to help him.

Excerpts: "So much of me felt raw, exposed [...] I did not notice that I had begun to cry until hot beads of tears were streaming down my cheeks, smearing the white greasepaint [...] “Lestat?”, he whispered, deep concern marking his voice, as he softly stepped towards me; his warm and slender hands reaching for me, to cup my face, my cheeks without hesitation [...] Without a word, his fingers flew to the pockets of his britches, pulling out a fabric handkerchief that he wiped his hands clean on. Then he brought the cloth gently to my face [...] ”Just tell me”, he breathed, his lips finding mine and I kissed him back as his arms wrapped around me, pressing me close. It was such a comforting feeling to have him here against me [...]"

⇒ Read on Ao3! ⮺

Notes: A quick, second fic for the Nickistat Week, inspired by @savagewilderness Instagram story in which he encourages everyone to try and write at least something short spontaneously! I tried that and I'm quite happy with the result. :3

[savagewilderness]

Oh, yes!

I'm always here for some sensual paradise/garden imagery, and clearly, so was Anne Rice because there's A LOT in these books <3

Watercolours, gouache, coloured pencils

[savagewilderness]

Nicolas' Turning Random thoughts...

One horrible realisation I've had from exploring Nicolas' turning...

There's zero rapture in it. And that's how Anne Rice wrote it. Anne, who writes rapture in all other turnings I can think of, no matter how unwanted, no matter how violating, how like rape, how much the predator is a monster... she writes rapture. She writes ecstasy even in most deaths of humans (for the vampire, but often for the victim, too.)

But Nicki's turning? There is no rapture for Lestat, and none for Nicki...

And there's lots to unpick in it... but most tragically of all... I feel like although Lestat deeply loved Nicolas, I feel like it might mean that Lestat did not love Nicolas unconditionally...? Which I just hate the thought of... and yet...

He loved him, yes. So much so he thinks about him still now. But how does Lestat think of Nicolas for eternity? I think Nicolas remains kind of what he was here already - a cipher to Lestat's own (fear of his) lost humanity.

But I think Lestat in that baby-vampire era needed Nicolas to remain his last attachment to his own humanity. If Nicki was still human, somehow Lestat still had a real, tangible connection to his own human self? Lestat could somehow feel human still.

And so he must keep Nicki away from all supernatural things not only to protect his life - but to keep his fully human nature uncorrupted?

And I think this need was greater than his love. And in a horrible way it ties into Nicki's deepest fear....

Lestat perceives art as good if it moves and if it is *human*. Nicki, though, feels he has failed if Lestat/anyone *only* hears beauty in his music when it is hewn from despair. All he needs is for his music to be true... and his despair is not beautiful. So if what is heard is only beauty, Nicki feels unseen.

But I think Baby Vampire Lestat holds human Nicki as beautiful even as he knows he is destroying him, even as he sees his destruction occurring... he sees Nicki's destruction even as somehow beautiful art - as it is still human... Nicki is still human... right until it is too late.... and there is only death or dissolution for Nicki…

And that's literally an escalation of Nicki's fears about art turned into Lestat's perception of his entire self?

And, like - think on Lestat's joy when he stands outside Nicki's apartment and Nicki still senses Lestat's *human* self... Lestat *needs* that from Nicki... and I think he thinks he can somehow preserve or save or rescue that Nicki... but really the human Nicolas died the same day the human Lestat vanished with no explanation. That's when Nicolas, too was set on a new path that only gets increasingly impossible for there to be any good end to.

And then in turning Nicki into a vampire, Lestat is literally killing everything he loves about Nicki... and confirming Nicki's own deep-seated fears that all he is is a chasm of evil at the same time. Lestat essentially is murdering Nicki and the irony is it sort of would have been kinder to both Nicolas and himself to have just killed him. But he cannot as he does love him...

And Nicki, I'm sure would imagine there would have been rapture in his turning... as I am sure he knew that rapture even when violated and tortured by The Children of Darkness. We know he did, because Lestat comments on it.

And I'm sure Nicki would imagine the feeling would be deeper with Lestat.

And I am sure Lestat would imagine it would be so with Nicki for him too.

But it isn't - not for either of them.

It is HORROR. It is DEATH. It is the murder of a soul in a way vampire turnings aren't usually....

I mean.. we can also say that at this time, Lestat was so young in mortal years and a baby in vampire years, and had suffered a huge amount of trauma himself. So he always is trying to protect Nicolas by staying away from him.

But there are plenty of times before he turns Nicki when Lestat shows he understands how he is driving Nicki mad in how distant to him he remains. But he doesn't do anything at all about it.

The thing is, Nicolas' mind was always fragile and he would never have lived long - as mortal or vampire... but the real tragedy as I see it is not Nicolas' death... rather that it ended without love. Because there was a way that even though Nicolas was always destined to die, love did not need to die. It could have ended in love. There was a way that could have been.

Well... these are just random train-of-thought thoughts I have been having. (Not present in the thing I am writing at the moment... but rather just inspired by my horror at the mutually terrible and utterly alienating and death-feeling, revulsion of Nicolas' turning... which... y'know ENJOY when I eventually get around to posting that.... It is awful. For everyone.)

But even if you disagree with all of this.... are there other vampire turnings that involve zero rapture to them? Working on this one, I note that even from Lestat's description of Nicolas' turning, once he has made Nicki a vampire - in the very first second - when Nicki can't yet stand to support himself - Lestat himself describes that he holds Nicki up at arm's length... like the instant Nicki is a vampire... Lestat is utterly revulsed by the sight of him already - immediately as he turns him. And I am sure Nicki would feel that too.

Of course Lestat is repulsed! Lestat has killed what he loved in Nicki - his humanity... His soul... And yet, Nicki's humanity was destroying him...

And that was not art. It was REAL.

THE TRAGEDY!

Well, this is just train-of-thought commenting here... but y'know.

And it is no criticism of Lestat... he was a baby vampire and really young as a mortal... and Nicki always tried to his the depth of his darkness from Lestat... so it isn't Lestat's fault that there was so much he didn't know. But it's still Such Tragedy.... no?

But I am sure many disagree - I'm intrigued to hear your thoughts of the lack of rapture in Nicolas' turning for both parties... and on your thinking on why, or on other such turnings that come to mind where it was this way...???

And also... the utter lack of intimacy in Nicki's turning... even though Vampire Lestat does feel both lust towards human Nicki and obviously vampiric predatory desire.

Oof... there's so much going on, isn't there!

But it's that complete lack of rapture... and that instant revulsion... and I guess only added to as Vampire Nicki is pure-vampire... he *is* Lestat's greatest fear. And Lestat created that....

It's so Gothic and AWFUL!

And why... because often the implication is that the rapture and ecstasy is something inherent in The Blood... but... rather... maybe rapture in Anne's vampire turnings isn't just biological or supernatural, but requires some kind of authentic connection or recognition.

Even Magnus, total monster that he is who rapes Lestat into vampirism, sees something in Lestat and grants him immortality as dark gift.

But Lestat, in turning Nicolas, is acting against his own deeper knowledge of what Nicolas needs... He's enacting a kind of spiritual violence... is it that that poisons the very essence of the transformation?

The absence of rapture becomes a symptom of the fundamental wrongness of the act itself?

I always wonder - that line in TVL where Lestat says it "seemed" that Gabrielle said to Lestat "Do not do this thing..." But Gabrielle doesn't actually *say* it. Does Gabrielle speak it in Lestat's mind?

Or was it always actually in Lestat's own mind? Did he know... probably on a level he couldn't consciously admit to himself that he shouldn't turn Nicolas?

But of course.... what else could Lestat do? I mean... could Lestat himself have survived either killing Nicolas, or leaving him as a human and having to watch Nicki's descent go beyond what even Lestat could perceive as artistic beauty into his eventual utter destruction?

No. I don't think Lestat could have borne it....

But that's the thing.. it's a tragedy for Lestat... but for Nicolas it's more than that.  It kills love.  It annihilates love.

Think about what Nicolas experiences: the person he loves most, who claims to love him, who he's been desperately trying to reach and understand... that person ultimately sees him as something to be preserved like a beautiful object rather than truly known. And then, in the act that should be the ultimate intimacy - the sharing of immortal life - there's nothing. No rapture, no connection, just immediate revulsion and distance.

For Nicolas, it would confirm every terrible thing he believed about himself - that he's fundamentally unlovable, that even his music (his soul's expression) is misunderstood, that what others call love is really just their own needs projected onto him. 

What worse could you do to someone that you genuinely love?

Gosh, I hope Lestat never thought about it this deeply from Nicki's point of view (happily, Lestat generally avoids this degree of introspection other than of his own mind I think, so hopefully he remains oblivious to this level of Nicolas' experience... if you're out there, Lestat DO NOT THINK ABOUT IT, hahahahahah!)

And again... Lestat was simply young and in an impossible scenario and traumatised and didn't have the capacity to do more than he did.

But it doesn't alter the result....

[savagewilderness]

Disclaimer: I’ve no idea the image source.

But it looks like a song? Vocal line, piano part & some lyrics on the middle two staves…???

(And it’s not Come to Me…)

[savagewilderness]

Wow, I've made Nicolas' turning so awful... but the thing is... how could it be anything else.... but I didn't know until it became what it had to be that it would be *this* bad.

It ain't edited yet, but... OH... 😭

[savagewilderness]

See? Huggable art!

Available here.

[savagewilderness]

MARIUS, THE ANCIENT ONE: LESTAT IS SEARCHING FOR YOU.

IT IS THE MONTH OF MAY, IN THE YEAR 1780 AND I GO SOUTH FROM PARIS TOWARDS LYONS. PLEASE MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN TO ME.

hehehe… Lestat’s postcards to Marius… I hope he carved these in stone on telly!!!!!

Also, Lestat wrote it on a Jimi postcard as he & TV-Nicolas are both members of the 27-club.

Lestat in his beautiful sorrow by @toriangeli

[savagewilderness]

It’s 6:44am, good morning &…

😇

[savagewilderness]

Decided to post chapter 1 of this first. There'll only be one more chapter... but I need to edit that still... Also... what category should this be in? If anyone would like to help me know. As in Teen or Mature? I don't fully knowwwwwwww... I dunno how you're gonna let me know as this one isn't particularly one I think anyone will want to dive straight into... I mean... you *can*... if you are into just diving instantly into fragmented dissolution of the self right in the middle of a scene...!!?!

So, like there's no sex... and not even any violence (obviously there's a turning in chapter 2, but that's it)... but it is dark... so I wasn't sure if it should be M anyway... but then I think I rate it M and everyone's gonna think they're getting some lovely sexiness or something... and... you aren't! NOPE. Not a BIT. Nothing. Bite your hand off instead.

Soooooooo??????

Chapters: ½ Fandom: Vampire Chronicles Series - Anne Rice, Interview with the Vampire (TV 2022), Interview With the Vampire (Movie 1994) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Nicolas de Lenfent/Lestat de Lioncourt, Nicolas de Lenfent & Gabrielle de Lioncourt, Gabrielle de Lioncourt & Lestat de Lioncourt, Armand & Lestat de Lioncourt, Armand & Nicolas de Lenfent Characters: Nicolas de Lenfent, Lestat de Lioncourt, Gabrielle de Lioncourt, Armand (Vampire Chronicles), Florence the Dove Additional Tags: POV Nicolas de Lenfent, Book: The Vampire Lestat (Vampire Chronicles), Canon Universe, The workings of Nicolas de Lenfent’s mind, Hurt No Comfort, dissolution of the self, I bet loads of people are searching for that tag, Character Study, Anne Rice - Freeform, Psychological Horror, Body Horror, Dissociation, Trauma, PTSD, Mind Break, Loss of Identity, Existentialism, Vampires, Vampire Turning, Gothic, Torture Series: Part 5 of Nicolas de Lenfent - Procession to The Witches’ Place. Summary:

Welcome to Nicolas de Lenfent’s Hellscape. Steel yourself… 😭

This story follows Nicolas de Lenfent’s perspective from midway through The Children of Darkness encounter in Les Innocents (with Lestat, Gabrielle and Armand) through to Nicolas’ turning and becoming a vampire.

Content Warnings: Extreme psychological disintegration. References to past torture. While this work does not include significant on-page violence beyond vampiric turning, it is thematically very dark.

Themes include: - complete dissolution of the self - suicidal ideation framed as relief - psychological horror - body horror - mental instability and hallucinations - trauma, PTSD - enmeshment - loss of identity and reality

This is not a happy bedtime story.

(And if you came here hoping for one… I can only assume you’ve never met Nicolas! 😈)

[savagewilderness]

Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Vampire Chronicles Series - Anne Rice, Interview with the Vampire (TV 2022), Interview With the Vampire (Movie 1994) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Nicolas de Lenfent/Lestat de Lioncourt, Nicolas de Lenfent & Gabrielle de Lioncourt, Gabrielle de Lioncourt & Lestat de Lioncourt, Armand & Lestat de Lioncourt, Armand & Nicolas de Lenfent Characters: Nicolas de Lenfent, Lestat de Lioncourt, Gabrielle de Lioncourt, Armand (Vampire Chronicles), Florence the Dove Additional Tags: POV Nicolas de Lenfent, Book: The Vampire Lestat (Vampire Chronicles), Canon Universe, The workings of Nicolas de Lenfent's mind, Hurt No Comfort, dissolution of the self, I bet loads of people are searching for that tag, Character Study, Anne Rice - Freeform, Psychological Horror, Body Horror, Dissociation, Trauma, PTSD, Mind Break, Loss of Identity, Existentialism, Vampires, Vampire Turning, Gothic, Torture Series: Part 5 of Nicolas de Lenfent - Procession to The Witches' Place. Summary:

Welcome to Nicolas de Lenfent's Hellscape. Steel yourself… 😭

This story follows Nicolas de Lenfent’s perspective from midway through The Children of Darkness encounter in Les Innocents (with Lestat, Gabrielle and Armand) through to Nicolas’ turning and becoming a vampire.

Content Warnings: Extreme psychological disintegration. References to past torture. While this work does not include significant on-page violence beyond vampiric turning, it is thematically very dark.

Themes include: - complete dissolution of the self - suicidal ideation framed as relief - psychological horror - body horror - mental instability and hallucinations - trauma, PTSD - enmeshment - loss of identity and reality

This is not a happy bedtime story.

(And if you came here hoping for one... I can only assume you've never met Nicolas! 😈)

[savagewilderness]

Double chess and ends of days. Did a rubbish bit of For a Young Violinist with it too, so thanks Sir Daniel Hart!

[savagewilderness]

I have finished my first draft of Nicolas’ turning, from his perspective & I think I might have written literal Hell???

You’re WELCOME!!!

Hell!

Annihilation!

It needs a lot of work yet, but OH MY IT IS DARK!

HOW MAGNIFICENT!

Magnificent Evil!

[savagewilderness]

"Tomorrow ... tomorrow night," I think I stammered. That line came back to me from Shakespeare's Macbeth.. . "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow..."

What is vampire life if not for that eternal pull?

Those who do not survive eternity, can they simply not conceive in the fantasy of tomorrow, only reside in the horror of now?

Oh gosh… I didn’t realise I was so zoomed in 😂💀. Oh well! Lestat must’ve wanted his close-up!

Lestat’s got his ghosts out! They ain’t ever going away! 👻

Lestat by @toriangeli

[savagewilderness]

Also: hopes for a Flying V violin like mine (but more snazzy coloured than mine!) in Lestat’s band! I can’t play it at the moment as it has two broken strings & I don’t have an F string.

[savagewilderness]

Hopes for Rockstar Lestat!

Love you for eternity, Freddie!