scaredoflizards

[scaredoflizards]

Gonna braindump tophabe thoughts because i’m trying to figure them out… don’t mind me.

Some part of my brain wants to explore Topher crushing on Abe through having this very deep insecurity that Abe is too good for him because Abe is so genuine and sweet, then trying to over-compensate by pretending he’s so woke and well-liked to impress Abe so Abe will need him because Topher can’t fathom Abe just wanting to be friends with him, so tries to make himself useful and needed.

Then, when Topher felt that wasn’t enough, also began blackmailing Abe because he’s dysfunctional and doesn’t know how to be normal about wanting someone’s attention and asking them to hang out and was scared Abe wouldn’t need him if he had Joan. To Toph, the idea of someone liking him for being himself is unfathomable. There has to be something the other person can benefit from by keeping him around, or they have to be forced to still talk to him (like through blackmailing) or they won’t interact with him. These insecurities are directly based on past experiences he has had with the other teen clones, but then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where he pushes people away by treating them poorly in his attempt to keep them in his life.

Also I hc Topher secretly finding the fact that Abe has gotten called out for being problematic really hot because Topher is masking his own shit to fit in, so the fact that he isn’t much better than Abe (actually he’s worse) makes him feel a sense of solidarity, but seeing Abe face consequences for being himself speaks to that repressed side of Topher that also longs to be himself instead of making his entire identity an “ally” to fit in (and probably have an outlet for his anger because he can justify bullying people online for being problematic, let’s be real).

I think Topher is both aware he has a crush on Abe but also denying and repressing it at the same time because he doesn’t truly believe he has a chance with Abe and isn’t ready to accept parts of his own identity.

I think Abe on the other hand is as oblivious as usual to Topher’s crush, but unlike when Joan had a crush on Abe and would practically confess it over and over while Abe didn’t get it, Topher isn’t going to confess his feelings. He’ll just find excuses to talk to Abe or hang around him even if it’s to be unpleasant because he doesn’t feel he has a shot anyways but at least he can ride on Abe’s back even if Abe finds him annoying, he can use the fact that he is unlikeable to push boundaries to get any attention from Abe.

I think the reason Topher invited Abe to hangout was because he took an immediate interest in Abe when they first met and swapped shoes and Abe showed enthusiasm about learning about Topher’s clone father. It was probably the first time (at least in a long while) someone didn’t look at Topher with disgust and I really think he fell for Abe hard and fast then and there, but it took him a bit to realize that’s what he was feeling towards Abe.

I think Topher would eventually be the one to confess, and I imagine it in a scenario where he’d drive Abe to such a breaking point that Abe would finally try to cut him off for being “toxic” (influenced by Joan because she notices Abe’s lack of boundaries) and Topher would have an internal meltdown about losing Abe from his life so would panic. It’d be a messy confession where he maybe also spills a few fears and insecurities about Abe being this person who he felt was way out of his league.

Abe would be confused at why Topher treated him so bad because he already liked Topher before he started blackmailing him, etc.

I don’t think Abe would know what he feels towards Topher though. I think he does like Topher but never had to analyze his feelings beyond understanding he feels there is good in Topher because he was clearly drawn to him enough to keep hanging around him.

I think Abe’s inability to give an immediate answer would put Topher in a really anxious and fearful position while Abe figures things out. What he feels for Topher is very different than the superficial attraction he had to Cleo or his friendship with Joan. He needs time and space and Topher wouldn’t be good at giving those things now that his secret is out.

Maybe… i’m still tentatively feeling all of this out… i’ll stop there to think on it more. But now I am zzzz

[scaredoflizards]

I saw scaradookdook's trans girl toph drawings and she lives rent free in my head now.

[scaredoflizards]

((Account not dead, just taking a mini-break from art because I just moved so all my time/energy has been going to unpacking + getting settled somewhere new))

[scaredoflizards]

The other week I got a little tipsy at a rain forest cafe then doodled these

[scaredoflizards]

Kinda lowkey HC one scenario that abe and topher date and it’s super toxic so they break up and then reconnect a few years later when topher is better as a person bc that relationship failing made him want to be better after reflecting back on the falling out bc he rly did care abt abe and felt like losing him was the biggest mistake of his life

[scaredoflizards]

Thank u everyone for the follows!!! ❤️ this is a side account so i can’t follow back with it and probably won’t interact w/ the fandom much for personal boundaries, but I do lurk and enjoy all the art people make ur all so awesome and talented!!

I have more stuff I wanna draw later when i have time irl

[scaredoflizards]

ftr i actually love lizards, my username is a lie

[scaredoflizards]

park doodles,, fascinated with this gremlin

[scaredoflizards]

platonic cuddling

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smug bastard

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[scaredoflizards]

gonna post my clone high fanart here lets go