scout-poetry

[scout-poetry]

we cling to time's dying light like flies

when the year's jaws clasp shut and my head peeks out of those ivory teeth just how would I face those epochs clawing its decaying halcyons into my aching memory?

as this fabricated world folds into forgotten faces smiling at me from that airplane window how can I put these two hands together and say that I've held these moments close enough to the edge of tears? how could I have brought these non-endearing exchanges of words to each elusive catharsis?

you will not see me when I free myself from that glass cage running your fingers through those rotten daffodils and forget-me-nots, tracing that lingering scent I have left

those years cave into my soul like hooks that pull me into yesterday knives that cut from my skin and through that thin barrier keeping me from eternity

so when you do find me there will be no more flowers no more blood stains or plucked feathers no shattered glass or poorly penned letters only the hollow cage I nor anyone could have filled, that flawless opening i have slipped out of, that throbbing heart, and that insipid breathing corpse i have killed

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Sorry for Spilling This Much Blood

I’ve killed myself too many times The smell of my blood has lost its human flavor, That thrilling hunger I once had, That teeth-sinking-into-flesh-and-bone

All these cuts have sealed themselves in Some false sanctuary of dead sins Like eyelids that can never open again

Scar tissue blinded in stitches, Only inches from that surface too bright for healing

Inside of me, I’ve closed those black underworld gates Thinking I’ve escaped hell, Thinking I’ve “healed”

I’ve run so far away from myself, Cursing at every step And now it’s so unbearably cold Without that human warmth,

Because in desperation, the only source of life Is that disparaging human breath Sucking in that putrid stench of life

Pardon the nihilism but, Staring into that crimson river and Scratching my frozen skin Please help me find any other reasons to live

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suffocate in the walls of truth

lies found scattered beneath that thin veil of belief reasons built upon reasons like bricks to a castle guarding some sacred sincerity;

a truth too precious to be exposed to those genocidal human thoughts; truth so cold to human flesh that warm human blood runs dry; truth so bleak, drowning out all the oxygen like some brittle glass cage so delicate and almost perfect so sensitive to my airless, strained breath fogging the walls, blurring my vision like teargas

but now, between these screens, staining my lungs, in this hollow glass chamber as i suffocate the truth I have hidden—just two confessions shy of shattering that barrier—has become the toxin that loves me absolutely

[scout-poetry]

Crimson Sunset

The sun bleeds through the deep blue veil of the sky, Pouring itself over the ocean And I cannot help but swallow the waves

The waves brushed back, each step shallow into Brown sand and black stones holding truth below Tidal hands gripping my knees

I cannot drown in the needless pleas of the currents Whispering to me with every pull and heave Tugging violently from shifted winds, shifted weather

Lifted sins washing from lifted treasures, waves-sent-awash Too fragile to stand against that aching red day of ages; Red blood-clot sun, scarred feverish sky,

Split these sanded eyelids as the split waves pull apart, tear my brittle skin from skin and let these open wounds Become the sacred fruit of human despair

[scout-poetry]

Yesterday Choking

Tomorrow morning, When I rise to the screeching alarms of white windows, My newborn eyes wince at the slightest blush of dawn

Picture this, A life drowned in that hyper-sensational spur of Emotions too heavy to name, Swallowed in the saturated sirens echoed by Gurgling mouths

I have been spit out As that pearly white spot lost in those pearly white bubbles Popping like hell Do not tell a soul, But I have not grown to fear that insidious image of Smiles and hands reaching into picture frames

I, with eyes, knife-plunged, Dizzied by that recurring blur of past visions, Respire Breathing in that sultry breeze---gas chamber--- Blinking at the truest breadth of air

I have slept through hollow nights of oxygen-stripped chemicals In barbed-wire-trapped lungs, only one convulsion away from that Declining distance between now and then---senseless heaven--- Somewhere in that distance, I have lost my tongue

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Obscura

decay seeps from the vanishing point of truth sleeping under the spell of entrancing words laced in poison

that poison is the blur, the boiling stir in the waters calling upon sweet names, curses ringing like promises---

I have given you the utmost truth, I have given you my blood, my eyes, these hands scarred in the lies

obscured, obscured, obscured… look closer into that wicked lens, can you see me?

between those black lines, cracked in the pavement, shattered glass piercing the grey smoke rising; cerebral apocalypse

blinded by the false honor, moral torment, linking the rusted chains of ruined kingdoms burned in the search for deliverance

[scout-poetry]

sweet nothings

moonshine draped upon pale skin as silk curtains sway to that cicada hum do you see those city lights sprawling across the night sky confusing themselves with starlight?

come closer into these blankets and let the empty room stretch its darkness over the bed frame, dawning over the nightstand, over the spilled drinks on the floor watch the moon wink at you as I whisper

secrets you'll never need to remember, promises I can never keep, and vows I cannot return darling, let me be the messenger from the universe to your soul

so when tomorrow's sun rises he will not have to see the pretty shadows and the cosmic dust we have left in these sheets from that one special night when invisible stars danced in our midnight dreams

[scout-poetry]

(spilling out)

have you ever felt that feeling where your heart breathes? no, not just a pulse, not just blood pumping through your body, i mean when your heart literally ebbs and flows in harmony with your emotions (i can barely believe it myself, i know) when your heart bellows with your chest, your stomach every inhale just expanding and opening into space

my heart has surrendered to me, it has surrendered to you would you call it love? (i probably wouldn't anyway)

i have clung to these secrets for too long and now just the smallest cut, the smallest scratch below the surface destroys everything i have built to protect myself (and yes, it does hurt)

but no euphoria has been greater than allowing myself to be human; collapsing this rusted armor, (i have stood too long in the rain) tears that have evaporated into clouds that dawn before my grey sky (because all the color has died out)

that sheltered, little person inside just weeps and weeps (screams drowned in the noise of that echoing facade) now i am cursed with the truth, as i have always been and to you, dear reader, i must also apologize (as i have to myself countless times) for being so vulnerable yet so unperturbed, so fragile yet outwardly unbreakable

(will any of this ever sound any less self-defeating?)

maybe i'm just weak behind that concrete fortress i have carefully built upon false beliefs (it has proven to be effective, though!) helplessly crawling beneath those heavy words i have said so lightly

just being me is tiring and maybe that's enough

but my heart still breathes (when will it stop?) and i may think of a million more verbs for it until i am satisfied

until my heart rips from my chest bloodied and all (sorry for the image) as i hold it in my frail hands (beating so violently) and watch those veins sever, freeing all the hideous secrets this weak body has concealed

[scout-poetry]

sympatheia

the cosmos whisper to me 

   that primordial bond that brings

   one thing that cannot be named

it cannot possibly be god

   something more than divine reasoning

discussing such things add no

   further depth to that spiralling

descent into truth

   rather, 

one must find that enlightening ascensionism

   perfect apathy to disorder and reckless

passions, perfect ataraxia—disregarding

   those human temptations regressing

you into your primitive history

   destroy everything that is not life

and marvel at the beauty that

   nature brings 

woven together like sacred geometry

   some unexplainable mathematical truth 

everything in that universal disposition

   connecting our fingerprints to that

galactic identity

   we are citizens to that infinite oneness

      and we have only been sleeping

[scout-poetry]

Stellar Collision

"Tell me what the universe has told you, And I will show you things it has never given," She told me, pouring her eyes onto the moon, I never believed her until I saw the truths I was living And the lies that have frozen its ugly traces in time. "You cannot speak from the godly omniscience you preach," I told her, laughing. "But I can give you a glimpse into the prime Sensations that only two lovers in the same world can each Find within themselves." A smile and shallow silence followed. She held my hands and I held hers, "This night sky has drunken you! No more shall you be hypnotized under this earthly light so hollow!" She shook her head and inched closer until all worshipped her truth So I looked into her as if she shone brighter than the star-painted sky And just before I could tell her that I love her, her ecliptic lips met mine.

[scout-poetry]

Ordeal

In the misty hollows of drowned screams and cries Echoes the resounding trills of words and names I cannot begin to remember. My red onion eyes Cross the sheltered sky in broken vision, broken frames, Broken mirrors shattered in some intimate apocalypse Where demons ascend to godhood, and where I stand Upside down, grasping the velvet blade I've eclipsed Into suicidal exchanges of phantoms—their skinny hands Sinking into my chest, prying my ribs apart Like two chamber doors, collapsed lock and key, Relentlessly releasing the bloodthirsty crows And now the blood-clots and stained-glass shards Impale the bodies, suffocating every helpless plea As the pale moon wanes before my blackened soul

[scout-poetry]

Devil Lust

Your desperate breath stings on the hairs of my neck Restless like a black dog straining on the leash You worship me as the blood-borne reverent Sinking your gnarling, ravenous, beastly teeth And I cannot help but quiver and shrink further Into the bed sheets, the needles, the ravine Slowly—slowly twisting the blade deeper From this heart-slashing, slaughtered scene Do not tell me what love means nor what it can do For I have lost any reason to believe whatever it is That has brought me under your blade and through This blasphemous descent from heaven to this But I do not whimper, I do not wine So give me hell and I will give you divine

[scout-poetry]

Autumn

Her hazel eyes grow greener by the day But not losing that touch of brown Her cataract glow below flutt'ring rays Blinking verdant tones over birdhouses Her umber hair—from which autumn leaves Fall and crumple under squirrel-sung notes Of mornings I have hidden in the fur of my sleeves— Heave winds that sprawl across the undergrowth So how do I begin to unravel these intertwining bonds That tie you to these red trees just to keep you here for me? I have resolved no other truth than what lies beyond These ephemeral months neither you nor I can ever plead Yet here we are, mythical creature, with your hands in mine, Feel this mortal warmth as we are swept with the sands of time

[scout-poetry]

Death Prevails

From now, each moment must be brought to its death each word sung in truimphant harmony, every sentiment bent to be true, so let our scars prove this life we have stitched together so gracefully the blades shine beneath the waking dawn of days forever forgotten like seaswept waves turning waning moon phases and broken clock-faces we have held so dearly, yearning for half-hearted promises and leftover memories lined in the golden frames of youth these things we might never find as friends nor enemies but beings bound to that neverland-borne eternal truth but if these words be you and me we have sworn no greater destiny

[scout-poetry]

Memento

These actions cannot convey enough passion And my words cannot mean any more than Temporary remembrances and recollections Lost in the tangled strands of time—

These moments strung together through Endless months and seasons, folding like Sanded pages stained yellow but still Gold in touch

Such reasons put to rout all that is superficial And all sincerity falls onto our skin like soft kisses

But they will never be enough; And our hands can never be warm enough, Our cups never full enough, Our stars bright enough, Our words true enough, Our forever long enough,

So let life pick away at our breathing corpses As we search for that same meaning in the wrinkles of our skin, the picture frames, the letters…

Because this age blinds us to all that is death With every breath, we absorb life like helpless Children clinging to nature's ever-giving breast As we surrender our lives to fleeting impermanence

[scout-poetry]

Goodbye Summer

The August sunshine glows faintly Almost resembling our nostalgic, Midsummer days and days long gone

Along with them, I have thrown Treasures and trinkets from the Seaside to be swept away into Autumn's forgetfulness

Moments strung together by Pictures and conversations lined In that golden-yellow hue of Ephemeral sunlight

And now, before this sunset Closing into usual impermanence, Beside sandy seashells scarred With waking memories now Declining with the seasons

The ocean glimmers with pearls Twinkling like warm tears

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Kaleidoscope Portrait

The crack in the mirror fractures And fragments of my expressionless face Diverge into shards and frames Oozing in vibrant azure and lavender--- Twisting my image into sapphire shapes And amethyst-tinted stained glass of Illusions in vivid patterns shattered In the kaleidoscope of me