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Unexpected consequences of writing heterosexual hurt/comfort: I now have to write heterosexual fluff

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do you think the first bug to pollinate a plant was classified as a monsterfucker by the other bugs

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Some little babies I’ve gotten to hang out with lately + my forever baby doing a big snooze

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sketching out a devastating concept re: exu calamity

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You're about to close on your very own, suspiciously affordable and comfortable house. Just before you sign the contract, the realtor shows you the required legal disclosure: your new house is haunted by the type of presence you'll get from this spinner wheel.

Of course it is.

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STORY TIME:

So back when I was on my gap year in Israel I was friends with a kid whom I can only describe as a Jewish redneck. The fact that he's Jewish isn't relevant to the story, but it adds to the humor for me so I'm including it. So the guy worked as a camp counselor at a boy scout camp I think in South Carolina, where he was a dirt bike instructor. One day he was leading a group of kids around the course, when they ran into a copperhead in the middle of the track. The counselors debated shooting the snake just in case, but it wasn't hurting anyone, so they figured that the best thing to do was just get it off the track and back into the woods. So my friend grabs a shovel, taps the snake so it curls up, scoops it up with the blade, and just YEETS the snake back into the woods.

Which would have been hilarious enough, except then they hear someone a bit further back on the trail shriek "JESUS CHRIST!" loud enough to wake the dead. About a second later, another counselor who had been leading a different group a little behind theirs comes up, pale as a ghost, and tells them "Did y'all see that? The snake just flew into the woods!"

People are so stupid about snakes. If there's a little black racer chilling outside just leave it alone, you don't have to kill it, it's probably dealing with all your pests for you, jesus christ

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"More than Jews have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews," -Ahad Ha'am

Welcome back to DJ's Jewish American Heritage Month nearly-almost-daily fun facts!

Day 4: Chanukah is not our most important holiday -- Shabbat is! 🕯✡🕯

If you all had to guess what the most important holiday on the Jewish calendar was, I bet most of you would say Chanukah. The more learned among you might say Passover or Rosh Hashanah, not entirely incorrectly. Some Jews might suggest Yom Kippur, which is often the only day on the Hebrew calendar in which unobservant Jews attend synagogue services. We actually do have a ranking system for their holiness, but that’s besides the point here—I’ve just fed you a trick question. The most important holiday in Judaism isn’t even a consideration to most gentiles. It’s the span of time from Friday night to Saturday night, otherwise known as Shabbat.

Shabbat is a weekly holiday that starts as soon as the sun sets on Friday night. 18 minutes before sunset, the women of the household gather together over the Shabbat candles (unless there are no women in the household, in which case men are permitted to perform the mitzvah instead). We light the candles, then waft the heat to our faces, and cover our eyes to say the bracha:

Baruch atah adonai, eloheinu melech ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav, vitzivanu l’hadlik ner shel shabbat.

When we’re finished, we say “Shabbat Shalom!” and embrace. In my family, the song “Shalom Aleichem” is sung to welcome the angels to our celebration. A blessing is said over the children of the household, then over wine, then over two loaves of challah which are covered with a decorated cloth and sprinkled with salt. Then it’s time to eat!

Shabbat is simple, but it’s effective. It’s a time for gathering with our family, singing, and having a special meal together. It’s also a time for creative solutions to a number of prohibited activities. There are 39 types of prohibited labor during Shabbat, including many things that a modern person would not consider "labor", such as erasing or untying. There is also a prohibition on making anyone or anything else work for you, which means exactly what you think it does: no cars, no electric lights, no cell phone. Not even elevators. In Israel and in Jewish businesses, hospitals, and community centers, elevators will stop at every floor on loop from Friday night to Saturday night in order to allow movement between the floors for observant Jews who may need the accommodation, as the rabbis have determined that you cannot be making the elevator work for you if it’s going to each floor of its own volition. You can’t light or extinguish a flame, including electricity. This is exactly as inconvenient as it sounds. Orthodox households will sometimes turn on lights in the kitchen and living room before sunset and leave them lit until the next sundown. It would be great if there was a way to get around the transportation issues, but generally, one walks. I don’t personally observe the labor prohibitions, but that’s not to say that I don’t respect them. Even at my non-Orthodox synagogue, my family and I prefer to walk to the Saturday morning services unless there’s a time or health related reason not to.

Shabbat concludes with the lighting of the braided havdalah candle, which is lit when three stars can be observed in the sky and then extinguished into a cup of wine after a small ritual. A bit of lore around Shabbat is that Jews obtain a second soul, a piece of the shechinah (the feminine aspect of G-d), during the holy day, and gracefully relinquish it when the light of the havdalah candle is snuffed out.

So this all sounds pretty standard. How is it the most important holiday of Judaism?

Its observance is dominant of all other holidays, including the holiest day of the year, Yom Kippur. Everything is suspended when Shabbat begins. Funerals are delayed, weddings are scheduled away from them, and other holiday observance is altered to give Shabbat its grace.

It’s a unique function of Judaism to have the day of rest be the most important of all observances, especially since it happens weekly, and can make other holidays more cumbersome to observe. The keeping of Shabbat is often said to be what makes Am Israel a nation. Thousands of years of Shabbat rituals have kept our people united over long distances, reminding ourselves of who we are and where we come from once a week, every week, no matter where we go in the world. Things change, but Shabbat stays the same.

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Reblog and you’re guaranteed to be successful at whatever you do next!

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I’mma sing you a sacred psalm

On your knees, pray along…

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We did a Hatchetfield marathon recently and my decade-long on-again off-again Starkid obsession came ROARING back!! Grace Chasity was designed to appeal to everything I love to paint, so naturally here I am ✨

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it's been a million gazillion years but it's finally done! my animatic of the mighty nein by critical role!!

youtube link: https://youtu.be/j4oAUV2w_BE?si=4odLRScVsBJTs_uL

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People are so stupid about snakes. If there's a little black racer chilling outside just leave it alone, you don't have to kill it, it's probably dealing with all your pests for you, jesus christ

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I'm actually gonna plead the case for Jews for Jesus Blues. I am absolutely OBSESSED with this song, and I think you might have the wrong idea about it.

So the lyrics start out very Christian:

I was searching for something I could not describe So I stared at the sun till the tears filled my eyes

Classic "finding Jesus" stuff. But then we get into lines three and four:

Well, I thought I was empty so I paid the cost But now that I'm found I miss being lost

Already, that's pretty weird. The speaker seems to be expressing regret over becoming Christian or messianic or whatever the song is referring to.

The next verse is structured pretty similarly:

Well, I opened my heart and I let Jesus in With the promise that I would be free of my sins But I only felt guilty that he died on the cross Now that I'm found I miss being lost Now that I'm found I miss being lost

We start out with classic Christian platitudes, but by line three we can see that these are not the words of a man who has embraced Jesus with joy. This sounds a lot like a vulnerable Jew who got suckered into a messianic sect, and is rapidly realizing that he's not any happier as a Christian than he was as a Jew. The line "but I only feel guilty that he died on the cross" also might imply that the singer is having trouble specifically with the antisemitism inherent in the story of Jesus, and is possibly even dealing with some vitriol himself, either from the church or his fellow parishioners.

Then we get into the last verse:

Well, I don't wanna suffer and I don't wanna die I want the clouds parted in endless, blue sky But someone up there has a different plan

This section is tricky, because it sounds like our singer does believe in Jesus somewhat. It sounds (at least to me) like he's desperately holding on to the promises the church makes. But "someone up there" is thwarting him. If I can get a little red-string-and-thumbtacks here, I think the speaker might be specifically referencing (either accidentally or on purpose) the common Jewish belief is that Jews don't get a choice about being Jews, even converts: Every single Jewish soul, born or converted, was chosen by God to receive the Torah at Mount Sinai.

And now we get to the line in this song that absolutely wrecks me every time I hear it:

Now that I'm saved, I wish I was damned Now that I'm saved, I wish I was damned

That's it. That's the crux of the song. It's not about religious fulfillment, it's about regret. Nothing, not even the promise of salvation and eternal paradise, was worth the singer turning his back on his Judaism. Nothing was worth him leaving his people.

I fucking love this song. And considering how Jewish Welcome to Night Vale is, I think it fits in to the podcast in a really perfect way. In a world where antisemitism feels as unstoppable as a force of nature, what better way is there to talk about it than as a weather report?

Was listening to welcome to nightvale and as many listeners know their "weather" is actually just music from various indie artists. One episode the weather comes on and its a whole fucking song about being saved by jesus...feels odd because religion had never shown up on the podcast before but...whatever Christians can exist. Than at the end of the podcast they announce the name of that episodes weather and the song is called ...... "jews for Jesus blues"

I fucking hate it here

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When you gotta take your fake mom to the PTA meeting

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Everyone shut the fuck up and look at my son he is 2 inches tall and is The Ball

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AND WE DON’T GIVE A 👏 WHAT YOU SAY 🐸🏕️🚩🍂🍃🌄

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Won't lie, I imagine Kai telling them no in the moment, but then, by the time Yasha and Beau get home, he's already broken in and is eating a sandwich with his feet up on the kitchen table because, "No take backsies."