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Amber

(idk what this is. just thought i'd share it yano?)

***

“Do you like her?” Cole asks one day in a light-hearted tone, after they’ve both talked to Amber, throwing him a knowing glance.

Kutner huffs, although it ends up sounding almost like a laugh. “You know I don’t.”

“Are you sure?” He narrows his eyes, sounding amused, like he doesn’t believe him. “From the way you talk and look at her, it really does seem like you feel something for her…” He trails of. Leave it to Cole to think that he had a thing for Amber, of all people.

He shakes his head, chuckling. “It’s Amber, man.” He adds, looking at him in disbelief. “I mean, yeah, she’s a babe but she’s also….” he searches for the words, “cutthroat. Scary. She might try to kill me for the fellowship.” And also really smart. And fun to annoy. And he’s actually kinda into her being scary. Or he would be, if he liked her.

“Sure. You really sound like a 12 year old, you know?” He retorts, in a you’ll-understand-when-you’re-older way.

“I do not.” He pouts. Which, he’s not exactly proving his point, but he does not like her. At all. And what does Cole know about liking people, anyway?

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Christmas Stars

– 3,962 words

Amber Volakis hates Christmas. She hates how it reminds her of how alone she is. Lawrence Kutner loves Christmas. He loves how exciting everything is, how one day of the year people are nicer to eachoter. And he loves giving people gifts. Patients dying during Christmas, that's kind of lousy, though.

***

rewrite of It's A Wonderful Lie where Amber is also on the team.

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electricity!

Kutner shocks the patient in Mirror, Mirror back to life, and knocks himself out in the process.

(726 words)

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rewatch posts are kind of on the back burner. indefinitely. I'm in a weird place mentally (although, when I am not?) but I do want to continue them in the future! But I really can't at the moment! ^_^

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OCCAM'S RAZOR

"I am so glad you work here," House tells Foreman about halfway through this episode, and sure enough: if the first two episodes were mostly concerned with establishing the characters and setting of the show, now we're really digging in to one of the show's main themes: House and Foreman and the push and pull between them.

Where we saw Foreman questioning House in the past two episodes, Occam's Razor is really where he starts to push: first in his flat disbelief that House's theory of the case is correct, and then in his attempted coup of Cameron and Chase — a coup that, interestingly, works. We know that they've both been in this department much longer than Foreman (six months and a year respectively), and yet when Foreman pushes them to defy House they hardly hesitate — honestly, what was the department like before Foreman? @housemcee makes a case that they might not have had any cases in quite a long time, and honestly? Given how complacent Cameron and Chase are…

On the one hand, it's a little silly: Chase is already treating Foreman with a vague disrespect, and we know from the future that Cameron is not a fan of anyone besides her being in charge; would they really be fine with the guy who has been here two weeks giving them orders? On the other, it really continues to demonstrate what the show is not at all subtle about: this is Foreman's story as much as House's. He is the one here to learn, who House is openly delighting in pushing at and mentoring; Foreman is the one who challenges House so that House can take him in and teach him. It's… not subtle. It's far more than Cameron and especially Chase have gotten, at this point in the season at least; where Chase has yet to have a conversation or direct exchange with House, where Cameron has had several and Foreman is getting episodes worth. Foreman shares the most screentime with House of anyone at this point, besides perhaps Cuddy. But no, he's not House's favorite at all.

While we see Foreman try to outmaneuver House, taking charge of the team to solve the case his way, Foreman's victory does not last long: House reveals he knew what Foreman would do, and later plays him a second time when Foreman is on the verge of heading home for the day. The show doesn't dwell on either scene, but the implication is clear: House is still in charge, and Foreman has a lot to learn. But he is already learning.

I think this week's case is the weakest we've had so far, with Brandon's character and surprise engagement story pretty irrelevant — a lot of tension goes nowhere, and even the reveal that someone gave him cough medicine isn't exactly the twist of the century, and a lot of his family drama just sort of fizzles out; where Rebecca was a direct parallel to House, and where Dan at least got to be a statement on lies and the show's obsession with paternity, Brandon… is sick. And to be clear, that is fine, and a direction the show will continue in over time. Still, it's interesting to see the show trying to find its footing, and balance how much it cares about the patient versus the mystery. Mostly, the case is an excuse for Foreman to doubt and House to be very certain of himself — only for House to doubt. I like the late-night study session he partakes in. Boy do they drop that habit of House's later on, replacing it with flashes of genius or chats with Wilson or both — which is a shame, because I think it adds an interesting note to House's character: not just an obsessiveness, but an obsessive drive to learn. We see it again at the end of the episode, when he searches the pharmacy for the right cold medicine to prove him correct. (I guess neither Cameron or Chase thought to tell him.)

We're really starting to get character dynamics down, with just about every pairing of the cast (except Chase and House, unsurprisingly, and Wilson with… most people) having had interactions at this point: we see Chase is casually disrespectful to Foreman, who returns the favor; Foreman meanwhile is quite complimentary (if teasingly) towards Cameron — and you know he regrets instigating that relationship every day. House and Foreman's relationship once again takes the forefront, as mentioned, but the show finally seems to be getting a feel for how they want Cuddy and House's dynamic to work.

Frankly, House and Cuddy are fantastic this episode: their banter feels less antagonistic and more natural this episode, with House pranking her and Cuddy not only keeping up, but outplaying him: first by sending Wilson to do her consults, and then with her brilliant "this is fun" speech: rather than the uptight administrator she was in the Pilot, Cuddy is now thoroughly someone who not only can keep up with House, but enjoys the game as much as he does. She's fantastic, and while I don't think they had planned for House/Cuddy yet at this point… Wilson bringing up the possibility of the relationship in this episode is interesting: it certainly feels more plausible already.

Speaking of Wilson, he continues to not really exist: he did take time out of his job to check on Brandon, which is funny of him, but mostly he exists to vaguely annoy House with his doubts and trite mockery; he really is a blank slate so far.

Cameron has a fantastic showing this episode: she's so silly, from her winces at Brandon's family reunion, to her effortless trolling of Chase (trust me, I'm getting to it). She and Chase don't really have much to do besides flirt this episode, which is something of a pattern — the sidelining, not the flirting — in these early episodes: Foreman really does get the lion's share of the attention and development. But it's nice to see a different side of Cameron: she's a bit less serious than she often defaults to, even if she's predictably offended that she's not allowed to make sex jokes at work.

Poor Chase is still stuck being the dim one of the group: while predictably he does a fine job taking care of Brandon once he's confined to the ICU, Chase is otherwise stuck being a bit of a idiot this episode: he can't stop staring at Cameron (like that will ever change, lol), and his big moment in the pharmacy — even though Chase is correct — leads to him looking like the fool. Even his annoyance at having to work overtime isn't a good look; while he's never made to seem incompetent, Chase hasn't had any real wins since his x-ray idea in the pilot.

But, okay, I put it off long enough — let's talk about the CamChase of it all, because this episode absolutely starts that arc, even if nothing really comes of it now. We've already seen that the two of them get along and are comfortable with one another in a way Foreman hasn't joined, and last episode even had some minor call-it-flirting with the whole "compliment Cameron's necklace" thing. I can't pretend that this episode is really setting up their future romance, but it is funny how well it parallels their later arc. Chase flirts with Cameron a bit ("Have you ever taken a life?"), only for Cameron to escalate dramatically: he gives her an inch and she takes ten miles. When Foreman tells her that Chase has no interest in her but can't stop staring, Cameron is offended: this goes both towards her stance in the Pilot — she wants to be taken seriously, not as a sex object — but also speaks to her and Chase's existing friendship: she does not want to be a sex object to him, and does not like Foreman reducing their relationship to those terms. Her choice to escalate is 100% Cameron — she likes to push and prod at people and understand them just as much as House, although it's always funny to imagine her endgame. What if Foreman hadn't walked in just then? What was Cameron after? I doubt she knows either. But whether it be because she and Chase are already comfortable with one another, or because Chase is clearly the lowest on the Diagnostics social ladder, she does not hesitate to harass the hell out of him. It's not really something I can imagine Cameron doing with anyone else, and that's also a theme of the two of them we will return to.

There's a deleted scene in this episode that exists in script form that I adore, and quote constantly, and that the show itself reuses in theme in regards to Cameron. It takes place after the coffee machine scene but before Chase shoots his shot at the end of the episode:

Imagine if they'd left this in. Not only is it strikingly similar to Cameron's Joe story in Spin — control is more important than feelings — it's rather similar to House's own argument of "rationality" over feeling. When House argues his apathy, it's hard to believe him: Cameron on the surface is much, much better at fighting her desires, but it does raise the question: is she really? And why does she struggle so much to keep in control unless she's fighting what she desires? For all that Cameron in this cut scene says she keeps it to herself, she, uh, clearly isn't. She sexually harassed Chase at the coffee machine, and is eager to inform him now that she wants him but will not be indulging. For Cameron, denial is the point… and for Cameron (and for House), feelings win over justifications every single time.

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okay so

INTRO POST FOR THIS BLOG

Hello. I'm Cory Lee. I am 18. I go by any pronouns. My main blog is @maudlin-scribbler and this is a blog for fanfic and analysis and rewatch posts and that kinda thing

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Wrote fanfic again. Basically, what if Kutner was the one that got on the bus, somehow. (It's technically part of an AU where 1) Cuddy and Wilson are dating instead of Amber and Wilson and 2)Amber remained on the team and 3)Amber/Kutner is kind of a thing. This is just a what if, though, and not part of the actual AU that I have yet to write)

“You’re not getting them back.”

House was…drunk. Drunk enough to not see the bartender taking his keys away coming. Annoyed, he sighed and went to call Wilson when he saw that his battery was dead. He tosses it aside on the counter and calls out to the guy:

“Hey!” The man turns to look at him. “You take my keys, you gotta give a phone call.” He, clearly annoyed, gives him his phone.

He first dials Wilson. Who doesn’t pick up. He figured — he’s either on call or getting all lovey-dovey with Cuddy. He doesn’t call Cuddy.

He thinks of who else to call. Foreman? No. Cameron? Nah. Chase? Maybe, although he’s probably also busy with spending every moment with her.

So he dials Amber. She doesn’t pick up either. At first. The second time, someone does, though.

“Hey, CB—”

“House?” That’s definitely not Amber, is his first thought.

“…Kutner?” Strange. He stores this information for later.

“Uhm, yeah.” He says awkwardly, his voice like static.

“Find CB. Have her pick me up.”

---

After what feels like forever, or maybe just a half an hour, he hears the bar door open, Kutner bursting through the door. He looks around, and finds him, walking hurriedly to stand at his side.

“I said to find CB.” He whines, rolling his eyes.

Kutner looks to his side, letting out a sigh. “Amber’s at work. I though I could pick you up.”

He gazes in Kutner’s direction, intrigued. “C’mon, House, it’s time to go.” He says, impatiently. He looks tired, unlike himself.

“Whoa!” He needs to loosen up, he thinks. He calls out to the bartender “Another round! And a drink for….” he looks at Kutner “…what’s your poison?”

Kutner rolls his eyes. “Not right now.” He turns to the bartender. “We’re leaving.”

“We're leaving, we’re leaving, we’re leaving….what crawled up your ass and died?” Usually Kutner would be amused at him. Instead, he only huffs. Looks at him, with a neutral expression.

“Cosmopolitan.” He finally answers.

“Cosmopolitan, really?” He shrugs. “I’ll have another, and he’ll have a Cosmopolitan.”

“House, didn’t you call for a ride?” He says as he sits next to House, seemingly accepting his fate. He opens his mouth, but doesn’t say anything else.

“Yeah, yeah, well, why were you at Amber’s place?”

“Um, I wasn’t.” He deadpans, looking at House with a bored expression on his face. Well, at least he’s still a shameless liar.

“Right. So you and Cutthroat Bitch, huh?” He notices the bartender finally putting their orders on the counter.

“I guess.” Kutner shrugs, though he does smile, and takes his drink in his hand. “One, and then we leave, alright?” He states.

They clink their glasses together, downing their drinks. House, of course, finishes first, and Kutner second. House is still not satisfied, though. He calls out to the bartender again, wanting another round.

Then, Kutner sneezes. Rather loudly , covering his nose with his sleeve. “Could I, uhm, have a napkin?” When the bartender gives his one, he wipes his nose, and sneezes again into it.

Meanwhile, House gets up, leaving his cane behind and Kutner to pay the bill.

“Where you going?”

“Think I paid?”

“House, where are you going? you can barely walk.” Kutner goes to grab him, putting House’s arm around his neck, helping him stand up. He’s looking at his face, resignation in his eyes. House draws his own face closer to his.

“Go home to your bitchy wife. I’ll take the bus.”

In the back, the bartender gets Kutner’s attention, as House knows he would, to pay for the drinks. Kutner mutters out a Great, lets go of House, and sighs yet again.

---

When Kutner finds him on the bus, he’s holding his cane. He seems a tad more genial, like he usually is. “I think you forgot this.” He hands it to him, and goes to sit on the opposite seat to him.

“You don’t give up, do you?”

“Yeah, I’m a stubborn jerk that way.” Kutner grins.

“Why’d you call Amber to pick you up?” Kutner inquires.

'“Figured that she cared enough about the job.” He answers. Then, “You doing this for me or Amber?”

He shrugs.

“I’m surprised. You found something resembling a soul in her?” House may be drunk, but he can recall that during practically every differential Amber would have an idea, Kutner would have another idea, and Amber would call him an idiot, and repeat. It was starting to get boring, honestly.

And it was a brilliant way to hide whatever infatuation was between them. Damn.

Kutner turns to look at him. “She grew on me.” He sounds sincere when he says it, too. It would be almost romantic, if he didn't sneeze immediately after. “Fuck!” He grumbles.

"You got a napkin?”

“I got a sleeve. Two, actually.” He observes Kutner. “What’s wrong, CB sucking the life outta you?”

Kutner rolls his eyes at House’s comment. “I think I’m getting the flu. Damn it.”

And then he sees him rummaging through his pockets for a pill. Amantadine.

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PATERNITY

If first episodes are all about introducing characters, second episodes tend to be more focused on establishing them. Interestingly (to nerds like me), the original script for Paternity is available online, and reveals it was written to be the fourth episode, not the second — I think switching the order makes sense, though.

But first, a quick tangent. The order of episodes according to scripts is Pilot, Socratic Method, Maternity, Paternity, Damned if you Do, and then Occam's Razor. I have no idea what order they were filmed in, but there's some fascinating potential: Socratic Method is another episode where House bonds very strongly with a patient, which would have been an interesting introduction to the character. We also would have learned about Chase's seminary days before his mother, which is also kind of nuts when you think about it — House's good boys do what they're told line coming after an episode that has already proved him right. It also explains why Foreman spends part of Socratic Method still going around asking questions about House — it's his second case/week on the job.

But I think switching the episodes around was ultimately for the best, because Paternity does a lot to fill in certain gaps from the Pilot.

To start, Chase is actually given characterization here. He's much more energetic and engaged than he was in the previous episode, and his asskissing is established repeatedly and in fine form: Chase is shown to be largely clueless about the case (he struggles with a medical crossword, he offers no insights or information to the differentials), but makes up for it with his perceptiveness, a trait that is established here and will keep showing up for the series. Chase might not have a clue what's going on, but he knows House does, and is able to (accurately!) guess the answer; in a throwaway line, Cameron also mentions he asked the parents not to sue the hospital and they listened. He's still not shown to be all that bright, but now we have a feel for who he is: a suck up, rather charming, and very observant.

Cuddy also feels more like "herself" in this episode compared to the last. While she's still stern and much more distant from the cast than she will later be (although not as blatantly as Wilson, who actually seems to have a job this episode), her getting in on the paternity bet is absolute Cuddy, and overall she seems to be having more fun dealing with House than last week, which is a pretty crucial distinction! As she herself points out, she hired House for a reason; she likes and respects him. She is antagonistic, but not the antagonist.

Cameron is also, briefly, fleshed out: she is still earnest and eager to help, although still a bit thin-skinned (she takes quick offense at House's assumption she is an only child). We also see a hint of her manipulative/sneaky streak in this episode, forging a letter in House's name to force him to deal with a patient: Cameron is such a wide-eyed idealist it can be easy to forget she's pretty pragmatic and quick to take action if it's for a larger good.

Foreman, as usual in these early episode, is given the most to work with. He and House lead the differential, and where neither Chase or Cameron offer useful ideas, Foreman is able to figure out treatment a couple of times — most notably at the end of the episode, when House defers entirely to his expertise in curing the kid's measles. It really is the House and Foreman show at this point. The show immediately pairs them: in this episode and the last, they are carrying the bulk of the differentials and patient care between them, with House as mentioned deferring to him and soliciting his advice and expertise in a way he really doesn't often do with others, at least not so frequently. In one of the least subtle scenes in the show, he even stops to make Foreman coffee, not even bothered to ask Chase and Cameron if they want any. House!

Even House seems a bit more "right" this episode: he is snarky, less withdrawn and more engaged, and overall sharper. The case helps: where Rebecca was (by House standards) fairly dull, Dan gives him a lot more to react to. To start, House made a point in Pilot about patients lying, but the only lie of the episode was Wilson's (and we can discuss that), but Dan's parents aren't just lying, but lying about important medical information; if House hadn't distracted himself with the paternity bet, well…

Patient histories, in the literal sense, is something of a theme in this episode. Cameron (surprisingly) fails to take a good family history — she forgets to ask about head trauma (!) — but her lapse leads to House taking the case; one clinic patient is lying about his medical record and motives, and Dan's parents are omitting the truth because they don't think it matters. We're really getting the full spectrum here, and there's something to the fact that House himself doesn't seem to differentiate between lies of omission and white lies and big old falsehoods. There's also something to the fact that while House gleefully spends the episode joking about how devastated Dan and his father will be by the "reveal" he isn't the father, both parties knew all along. Is a lie still a lie if everyone already knows the truth? This will come up! A lot!

(As will, of course, House's near obsession with the concept of wives cheating on their husbands and men unknowingly raising bastards. Hmm! Wonder why!)

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I couldn't stop thinking about amber/kutner and the fact that kutner canonically asks amber out off-screen, which led to this. as always, my main blog is @maudlin-scribbler

(been fiddling with this for a few days, i'll probably post it later on AO3 after i fiddle with it some more)

---

He sees Amber for the first time (after the games are over, that is) a few week after. They run into eachoter at a small café near PPTH, and she’s in front of him in the line.

She seems happy — happier than she was — and he’s glad for it. He hadn’t said anything, then. Didn’t linger after she got fired, that day, but he wished he had. He had felt good about not getting fired, but he had felt bad, too, about her losing. She had certainly fought for it — was probably more, well, cutthroat, than he ever would be.

“Amber?” He blurts out, and she turns to look at him, quizzically.

“Kutner.” She tilts her head, looks at him, curiously, almost gently. He honestly finds it kind of jarring, he thinks back to the competitive winning-driven woman, to the woman on the verge of crying when she lost, shaken and distressed, like she had pinned her whole self worth on the outcome. He has trouble bridging the gap. It’s, kind of, alluring. “Well?”

“Right — it’s good to see you.” He coughs. He doesn’t know what to say, a general problem in his life. Always seems like he’s got a foot in his mouth. “How you’ve been?”

“Good.” And she sounds like she means it. “How’s working for House?” Amber asks back, amused. “Has he had you dig up any more graves?”

He laughs. “Great, really —” he stops himself “I mean, not that great.”

“Kutner, it’s fine.” She chuckles. “ I’m not bothered by losing the fellowship.” She adds — “Not anymore, anyway.” She sounds sincere, for the most part.

“It is a lot of fun, I gotta say.” He grins.

---

They find a table after they get their orders — she gets an iced coffee, even though it’s still winter (and he wonders how she can drink that, but he supposes she knows what she wants), and he gets his regular, which is just coffee with cream and sugar — and they catch up, he supposes. He didn’t think they were the kind of friends to do so, or that they were friends at all, but he does like her, so.

He tells her about their latest cases, and he can see Amber’s passion shine through, and he can see, too, a part of her that still is…upset, about losing, about the job. It’s not a fresh wound, but it’s not ancient history, either (nothing really is).

Working for House is fun and it’s insane and it’s something people fight over (a part of him still can’t quite process what he’s won, and when it’s quiet and he can’t sleep he thinks about the fact that he should be jumping with joy and be grateful for the opportunity he’s won, and it’s exciting but it’s not. He feels guilty and out of place, but that’s nothing new).

She tells him, too, about her work, and she sounds proud, fervent. A job at Princeton General, a good position.

“It doesn’t beat the fellowship, thought.” She admits, and sighs. She’s finished her drink, by this point, she she fiddles with the straw. He figured, thought. House is a mad scientists and they’re all just flunkies working for him, but there’s nothing quite like it. It makes you want to keep coming back.

“After working for House, even the most exciting jobs are so mundane. I couldn’t imagine working a regular job again.” He says. “But, uhm, I’m sure your job is fun.”

She smiles. He likes her smile. He smiles back. He tries to, anyway. He’s suddenly grateful for his usual ability to not wear his feelings quite on his sleeve (not that most people seem to notice when he does, anyway).

He breathes, in and out, and he curses his tendency to sometimes blurt out the first thing on his mind when he wonders out loud:

“Wanna go out with me?”

— He almost regrets it before he says it, but he figures it’s worth a shot, too. She’s a babe, and a little aggressive, but he kind of likes it. He’s maybe a bit too nerdy for her, but they’re way past college so he doubts trivial stuff like that matters anymore —

For a second, Amber looks stunned, and Kutner kind of wants to hide himself at the bottom of his now empty cup, but then she has this almost…apologetic look on her face.

“Kutner, I—”

“—You aren’t single,” he guesses, looks back at her “Are you? Shoot, I probably should have asked that first, right?” He laughs at him, and she laughs too — her laugh is far softer than he’d expected when he first met her — and then comments:

“I just started seeing someone a few days ago, actually.” He then thinks that it’s probably one of the reasons for her awfully happy demeanor. Happiness suits her, he thinks.

He’s silent for a few seconds, then inquiries, — because curiosity might have killed the cat but he’s not a cat and hardly cares about dying —, searches in her eyes.

“Anyone I know?” He leans in, conspiratorially, childishly. She rolls her eyes, but for what it’s worth, she leans in too, albeit rolls her eyes.

He wonders if it’s Thirteen, because everytime they talked it felt like they were a few moments away from shutting eachoter up by kissing — more on Amber’s part, thought —, and guesses that it’s probably not Taub (the guy’s a serial philanderer but he never truly seemed into her anyway). They hadn’t talked much about her, but he sort of wants to think that maybe they grew to like her too, although he also kind of doubts it.

“Maybe.” She finally answers. “You’re not gonna believe who it is.” The way she says it, it’s almost kind of…intoxicating (which is probably too dramatic a word to describe her, yet it perfectly fits). He thinks about how kissing her would be like, but it’s far too late now.

“Who knows, maybe I will?” He retorts.

“Promise me you won’t tell House.” He nods, actually intrigued at the playful secrecy. And for all his observational skills, he doesn’t land on:

“Wilson.” It’s almost a whisper, her lips quirked up in a grin.

“Wilson — House’s best friend Wilson?” House’s conscience, the guy who buys all his lunches, the guy he goes to see monster trucks with, that Wilson? He almost shouts, and feels like he’s gonna jump out of his skin at the surprise.

“I told you you’re not gonna believe me.” She remarks, playfully.

He doesn’t really feel that bad about the rejection, he supposes, although sometimes he does have trouble feeling what he’s feeling, sometimes runs away from it, intentionally or not — escapism, he thinks, detachment, clinically — , and he’s nonchalant about it, doesn’t let it get to him, even talks genially about hoping to run into her again, as friends.

He dusts himself off, and thinks about the mystery that Amber is, and almost laughs thinking about how House is gonna react when he eventually finds out, and thinks that he’s probably gonna find someone else, or something else to focus on. He always does, in the end.

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Paternity

Is a lie a lie if everyone knows the truth?

---

I've decided that in order to make this more coherent, I'll try to only focus on the parts of the episode that interest me the most.

This episode is, at its heart, about Lying. Falsehoods. Specifically, Paternity. Is a lie a lie if everyone knows the truth? Is it better to pretend to believe the lie to keep the peace? As it turns out, no. Everybody lies, even House, especially House, but patients lying to him makes his job harder than it needs to be.

Dan was adopted very soon after being born, and his parents loved him, but never told him, figured that it was better this way, although in the end, it's because of this that he almost dies. House's near obsession with his paternity and the morally reprehensible bet at first is the thing that saves him.

And let's talk about this. Way later in the series, House's obsession with paternity, with moms that cheat on their husband, husbands that raise children that biologically aren't their own, will make a lot more sense. It's sort of a...motif that keeps repeating. Hosue clearly has some feelings about it.

(If you'll allow me, I'll talk about information we get from later episodes, so if you haven't watched the rest of the series and do not want spoilers for like season 5.....)

Dan figured it out when he was younger, was smart enough to do so like House did, that his father (and mother, only in Dan's case) were not biologically related to him. They both figured it out because they had something that their father didn't (a cleft chin, a birthmark). 12 year old House told his father, which led to one whole summer where his father didn't speak to him at all, on top of the other kinds of abuse that House went through his childhood.

as I have already said, Dan didn't tell his parents. He loves his parents, clearly has a better relationship to them than House ever had with his. Both House and Dan were raised by fathers not biologically related to them, they both figured it out, they both played lacrosse (which House also clearly has feelings about, as he goes to see Dan's game and looks quite happy). I would like to mention that the way House speaks about Dan's hallucinations makes it seem as though he has firsthand experience with it himself. And if he doesn't, those who have watched the rest of the series are rest assured that eventually, he will.

House is snarkier and more reactive in this episode, and the episode is somehow less and more lighthearted in tone than the Pilot.

(I would like to mention how when Dan's missing, Foreman calls House, who is sort of annoyed at the fcat that he was called, yet as someone who is disabled, he cannot be of much help. He's not good at sitting around doing nothing, and would rather be called if he's able to actually do something to help)

---

Cuddy is a delight in this episode! In this episode she and House are more prone to ribbing, a fun continuation of their dynamic in the pilot. She's slightly less serious, the exact kind of person suited to House's insanity, who will play along with his games. Something that I keep mentioning is that she will throw any comment he makes right back at her, something that House clearly likes. She also participates in the paternity bet!

(I like how in those early episodes, Wilson will look at House and Cuddy, slightly intrigued at their dynamic, probably wondering if there's something more, something unsaid beyond House's offensive comments adressed at her and Cuddy's responses in kind. Wilson knows almost everything about House, but I doubt House ever told him about his past with Cuddy. Of course, the explanation probably is that at this point the writers hadn't yet thought of it lol)

---

Chase has a far more stronger characterisation in the pilot. He doesn't have Foreman and Cameron's smarts, not quite, but he has the perceptiveness and creative thinking that does help. His asskissing also does help a lot, too. He's the one that convinces Dan's parents not to sue.

---

As always, House and Foreman have some weird thing going on. House MAKES HIM COFFEE. In House's world that's borderline a declaration of love(or admiration). To me, at least.

I am nor the Foreman guy, so that's not something I will discuss in detail, although I will direct you to @all-pacas's rewatch post (hi!) for this episode, who discusses Foreman in more detail(and Cameron. And Chase. Their thoughts on the ducklings are very interesting). I will mention, though, the fact that House keeps reffering to his expertise as a neurologist, and the moments where Foreman is the one to figure out the kid's treatment, and the scene where he talks to the kid's patient and to Dan.

---

Cameron is kind of different from the Pilot, yet still herself. She answers House's emails, but also forges a letter in his name (in the scope of helping a patient, but still. The things Cameron will say and do because she thinks it's the right thing is very fascinating to me).

---

Wilson is....he's interesting, yeah, but he's also. How do I put this? He was mostly there to be pretty. He tries half-heartedly to be House's conscience (at the start he reprimands him for not working in the clinic and is baffled that House has no cases, and later at the paternity bet). Again, half-heartedly.

---

Conclusion(s)? House's daddy issues are There despite not being adressed yet, Wilson is there to be pretty and to make half-hearted attempts at being upset when House is being his immoral self, Cuddy is there to also be pretty and to have fun dealing with House for the most part, Foreman is there because he is the smart one and House's favorite guy, Cameron is there to help patients and answer House's emails, and Chase is there so they don't get sued.

(and I would like to mention that I really like the song that plays at the end. I love music <3)

[scribbling-md]

house md rewatch: 1x01, "pilot"

they were all so young! and so orange!

the top of my notes called this one the "smorgasbord of themes" because they had a lot of messaging to urgently shove inside a potential-laden first episode, but i think they captured all the major players: everybody lies, house as god, "you can't always get what you want," and the puzzle and/or/vs. the patient. rebecca adler, the patient, introduces lying in house md before house himself does when she tells her students that they should "never keep anything from [their] parents."

regarding house's characterization, he gets a little lost in the harsher genre-ification of this episode; while he's obviously, clearly the main character, he services the mystery, rather than the other way around. "pilot" doesn't just prop up the medical plot (remember those days?); it centers the episode's tone around an external, viewer-response medical anxiety. the episode ramps up the MRI noises, every choke and gag is exaggerated, and every shot leading us into melanie's insides is long and paired with dramatic orchestral music. given that day-one audiences didn't know whether the illusive dr. house was capable of solving the case just yet, the sympathy engendered for melanie is more powerful than most patient stories in the remainder of the show.

another notable difference regarding house's characterization is his immediate anger episode in cuddy's office when she revokes his 'authorization' (very vaguely termed lol). he immediately starts screaming and yelling - and she immediately condescends to him, which was familiar and funny - and it feels, to a retrospective viewer, very preemptive. as the show progresses, so do the lengths it takes to make house truly angry like that. i'm very glad they dialed that back so much.

# not my greg house ^

cameron, foreman, and chase had instant chemistry, and their teamwork when traching/venting rebecca does so much character work is such a short, tense amount of time. foreman is overly technical and fails to relate to the patient, while cameron levels with rebecca, and, later, chase treats rebecca carelessly, but is the one to effectively trach her in time. the most functionally dysfunctional polycule of all time, truly.

and they each come to embody their own mini house-complexes in "pilot," too! again, foreman is overly technical and slightly alienating; cameron, while abundantly kind, is overly obstinate in her convictions; chase is all about those last minute eureka moments that don't always make up for what goes on in the interim. overall, i would say chase is the most unassuming and underutilized character in the pilot.

transitioning to my favorite core theme - house as god and house md's treatment of faith. i've always been fascinated with the dichotomy house balances - or fails to balance - between loneliness and godhood, a title that his "followers" give him, but one that he clings to for legitimacy. he claims in "pilot" that "humanity is overrated," which is why he removes himself as much as possible from it. next to "everybody lies," this is the show's most consistent motif, and that it was made apparent so early is pretty awesome.

what was compelling about house/god/faith in "pilot" was the introduction of his favorite diagnostic method: treatment. treating the illness before we know what it is for certain. in a paradoxical move, house md demands we have faith in faith; house insists to cameron that he "has no reason to think that it's vasculitis, except that it could be." the episode gives us no recourse; we, along with the ducklings and company (don't worry, i haven't forgotten about wilson) have to go along with him. and the source of their belief and devotion, however reluctant, isn't even sure of his own reason, so he has to have faith in himself, despite being fully opposed to the idea of faith.

does that make any kind of sense? house is treated as god, needs that faith and adoration to validate himself, but also hates the very premise. this exact dilemma comes up in a later episode where wilson begs cuddy NOT to tell house that his diagnosis on a whim was a success in an attempt to deconstruct this problem.

now for some wilson thoughts :)

in "pilot," wilson is either giving uncanny valley, who-is-this-and-what-have-you-done-with-doctor-james-wilson, OR he's giving the most promising glimmers into the best the show has to offer over the next 8 years. one of the funniest parts of the episode is that he's treating rebecca at all because, 1) he's an ONCOLOGIST, and by the time they've figured out that it's not cancer, he's giving her another routine exam, and 2) if rebecca really was his cousin, he probably shouldn't be so involved in the case. not that PPTH cares about that sort of thing after awhile, but this is the pilot, after all.

it's very clear that the showrunners weren't sure what to make of him yet, which is so, so funny and actually gives rise to the show's most brilliant character (IN MY OPINION). thus far, he's personality-less apart from wry, quippy, yet soothingly suave. but his choices and scenes in "pilot" already are cutting through house's armor, and i can't decide how intentional or self-sabotaging this was.

for example, his scene with rebecca, demarcating the second act in the episode, undoes the character work we've accomplished with house so far. apparently, house does care about wilson by an external metric: rebecca's. care and love are not about someone's words but their actions, and wilson agrees that in that regard, house does care about him. the idea sets rebecca at ease about her elusive doctor, at least until she goes temporarily blind lol. yt by the end of the episode, "pilot" reassembles all of house's godhood, alienation, anti-humanity, etc., acting almost as if this conversation never even happened. it's really odd. i love it.

though i suppose it bears mentioning that it's wilson's white lie about rebecca being his cousin that pokes a lasting hole in house's rejection of humanity: "it got you to take the case."

and i can't forget house and wilson's inaugural conversation: "people don't want a sick doctor." "and I don't like healthy patients." who is the universal recipient and universal donor? who is house's keeper, responsible for his happiness? who has a problem with caring too much for a person and then resenting them? that's what i thought. hilson or not, their very first words capture their dynamic in literally 2 sentences. bound for life, wrapped up in the tragedy of house's internalized shame toward his disability, too.

speaking of hilson (season 8 spoilers below):

i don't know how to organize all of this effectively, but if the series finale wasn't planned, then they still wrote such a cohesive show that they could reference the fabric of their pilot episode and reflect it successfully in their parting message. one of the best ways we can measure house's growth is his treatment of rebecca adler's decision to die versus wilson's 8 seasons later.

house condescends to rebecca that everyone will die, that it's always ugly, and that "we can live with dignity. we can't die with it." this doesn't convince rebecca to accept more treatment, however, and house is forced to surrender. he's solved the case; the job is technically done. yet when wilson is undergoing Mega Chemo in 8x19, he begs house to help him keep his dignity by letting him die in house's apartment. house agrees.

in what i think is a direct parallel to wilson's cancer diagnosis, rebecca rejects further treatment because they have no proof in their latest diagnosis, a tapeworm. this reinforces the need to operate off of faith twice removed. in 8x20, meanwhile, the proof of wilson's cancer is what's killing house and demolishing the very premise of godhood as he's known it (i rambled about that here). in rebecca's case, absence requires faith; in wilson's, presence revokes that faith.

even foreman pleads for a real solution: "there's got to be something we can do. Better than watching her die." and wilson delivers the news about rebecca denying treatment: "she wants to go home to die." and, then, cameron with the steel chair: "because you respect her, you're going to let her die."

so, in total, i am super impressed with all that this episode manages to accomplish. it was way too orange, house was pretty one note as they were leaning extra hard into the sherlock side of things, and wilson is just kinda there??, yet it really is bursting with potential.

i didn't expect to write this much and have no idea if these posts will always be so long. i'll never get thru this if that's the case lol.

[scribbling-md]

pilot

so, i've been very much in the mood to rewatch house md, and i figured, rather than continuing to hijack @housemddork's excellent rewatch posts — maybe i should just make my own? i figure anyone reading this knows me, but just in case: i'm @all-pacas, i'm very much a Kids Guy, my favorite characters are cameron and chase and foreman (in roughly that order) and i'll probably be more or less ignoring the guy the show is named after. without further ado!

as soon as i noticed this i was like. are you kidding meeeeee

-

But actually: let's talk about these shots. Rebecca, caged and running towards the camera; House, framed under bars of light, walking slowly, grimacing, limping. This is the most direct the show gets in paralleling the two of them, despite House and Rebecca only sharing a single scene, but it isn't the only parallel. Rebecca is suffering a mysterious and worsening condition, and yet her instinct is to refuse treatment, to die with 'dignity,' on principle. She is very interested in House's absence throughout the episode, and when they do meet tries to relate his injury to hers. She is not wrong, either: House refused treatment for his leg. He, too, suffered through days of incorrect diagnosises and pain.

House is often brushed off as only caring about the puzzle, not really caring about the patient or what they want. It's probably true to an extent, but the pilot also takes pains via Wilson to explain this isn't the case: he avoids patients because he bonds too easily with them (see: his very fast 180 into we need to respect Rebecca's wishes after they do finally speak), because he wants to be rational and objective but is not once he has the slightest connection to someone. This gap between House's view of himself and reality is… a theme of the show, let's say.

One of the things that interests me most about pilot episodes is the work they put in to introduce us to characters, the impressions they want to give their audience. It's almost surprising to rewatch the pilot and realize just how much of it is concerned with House's disability. There are lingering shots of his cane; he asks Cuddy is she plans on taking it away from him to keep him in place (and a deleted scene where Wilson does just that), and Cuddy in turn cracks jokes about his walking speed. Rebecca and both clinic patients bring it up, and indeed, House's very first line of the show is a complaint about his appearance: They all assume I'm a patient because of this cane, he gripes. And he isn't wrong (particularly in this episode), but again, it's interesting how much of House's own self perception is reliant on his disability: it is the first thing he expects to be judged by, and the first thing he defines himself as. And even in this episode, we see other ways it affects him: he assumes Cameron must also be damaged, and hired her for that reason (telling her her looks are a symptom, not the cause of her hiring), and we have hints he may have felt the same about Foreman.

Again, it's always fascinating how first episodes try to establish their casts. Wilson is helpful, sincere, and already casually manipulative; Cuddy is stern (she will loosen up in later episodes), but has a sharp sense of humor House appreciates, and keeps him on a tight leash. House is preoccupied with his disability, avoidant, impatient, and a good deal more somber than he will be in later episodes.

But, you know. What I really care about is the team.

The fact that the episode starts on Foreman's first case, and that he gets the most focus by far after House isn't a coincidence: in part because it's useful to have someone new to explain the world to around, but also because the show is already positing that this is Foreman's story as much as House's. We learn quite a lot about Foreman compared to the others as a result: he had perfect grades, went to a top school, is a car thief. He's also dubious, immediately critical of House's methods, and casually defiant: he eats his contaminated sandwich against House's advice, refuses (at first) to break into Rebecca's house, and speaks up the most during differentials. And already we start to see some of House's favoritism: he defers to Foreman's timeline of Rebecca's potential diseases, and is impressed by Foreman's corollary to patients lie, that labs screw up. While Foreman comes across as a bit naive — he is new — he more than holds his own.

Cameron is also fairly broadly sketched out: she is helpful, explaining things to Foreman, and already somewhat thin skinned: she bristles when Chase questions her about the patient, and again (justifiably) when House tells her why she was hired: she does not like being judged by appearances, and does not take pushback well. But we also see she is honest (maybe too honest, as Chase argues), believes strongly in giving patients hope, and her compassion is already a strength: she's the one to get suspicious when Rebecca goes silent in the MRI, and to insist they check on her; she is later the first to argue with House's steroids idea, and fairly strongly. For Cameron, patient care comes first, always. We also see some early signs of her admiration for House: while she does push back on him, she leaps to his defense while she and Foreman are searching Rebecca's home, and, again, is quick to explain House's methods for Foreman's benefit.

Chase… exists. He's definitely the least fleshed out of the trio, with the fewest lines by far, although he still has his moments. He's quickly established to be a smooth-talker, if not an outright liar: he changes the subject and tries to chit-chat when Rebecca asks him about her treatment, asking her about her family, where she grew up, and so on. He's also shown to be pretty flippant, joking in several scenes and rolling his eyes and dismissing Cameron's worries about the MRI; that said, Chase is also shown to be extremely competent when it comes time to cut her neck open, and in an early indicator of his "creative" (more than book smart or emotional) intelligence he figures out how to prove Rebecca has worms. Even if he's quite competent, Chase does not appear to be someone who tries very hard (where we learn about Cameron and Foreman's educational backgrounds in this episode, all we know about Chase is that his father got him this job).

Really, it's impressive how well the pilot holds up. While some characters get tweaked going forward, in particular Cuddy and Chase, the themes of the show and characters are already here and established. The ideas of dying with dignity, living versus dying, and the theme of appearances vs character in particular are strong themes throughout the show, as is House's disability as integral to not just his life but his views of himself. So too are the hints that House's apathetic facade is a facade (summed up by Rebecca in one scene — it's not what you say, it's what you do — and Wilson in another), and House's fascination with broken people. It's a strong pilot and a great start to the show. Even if everyone is incredibly orange.

[scribbling-md]

for the meme - amber and #27/hide?

Hide

She needs to find out what Thirteen’s trying to hide.

She can’t stop thinking about her — it’s kind of annoying, actually. She guesses that’s her plan, that she wants to be mysterious enough to gather House’s interest. And the more annoying thing is that it’s actually working.

She doesn’t know why she cares so much, why she finds herself thinking about her even when she’s trying not to. She tells herself that it’s simply because she wants to win (to figure her out — her weaknesses), and not because of any other reason.

Which is why she plants a collar — the collar from their last patient’s dog — in the examination room.

---

this turned into ambteen i think lol thanks for the ask <3

[scribbling-md]

i do plan on making more rewatch posts but I don't think they're gonna be an everyday thing since I Do have thoughts but writing down my notes + organising them into something resembling coherency does take a bit of time

[scribbling-md]

I couldn't stop thinking about amber/kutner and the fact that kutner canonically asks amber out off-screen, which led to this. as always, my main blog is @maudlin-scribbler

(been fiddling with this for a few days, i'll probably post it later on AO3 after i fiddle with it some more)

---

He sees Amber for the first time (after the games are over, that is) a few week after. They run into eachoter at a small café near PPTH, and she’s in front of him in the line.

She seems happy — happier than she was — and he’s glad for it. He hadn’t said anything, then. Didn’t linger after she got fired, that day, but he wished he had. He had felt good about not getting fired, but he had felt bad, too, about her losing. She had certainly fought for it — was probably more, well, cutthroat, than he ever would be.

“Amber?” He blurts out, and she turns to look at him, quizzically.

“Kutner.” She tilts her head, looks at him, curiously, almost gently. He honestly finds it kind of jarring, he thinks back to the competitive winning-driven woman, to the woman on the verge of crying when she lost, shaken and distressed, like she had pinned her whole self worth on the outcome. He has trouble bridging the gap. It’s, kind of, alluring. “Well?”

“Right — it’s good to see you.” He coughs. He doesn’t know what to say, a general problem in his life. Always seems like he’s got a foot in his mouth. “How you’ve been?”

“Good.” And she sounds like she means it. “How’s working for House?” Amber asks back, amused. “Has he had you dig up any more graves?”

He laughs. “Great, really —” he stops himself “I mean, not that great.”

“Kutner, it’s fine.” She chuckles. “ I’m not bothered by losing the fellowship.” She adds — “Not anymore, anyway.” She sounds sincere, for the most part.

“It is a lot of fun, I gotta say.” He grins.

---

They find a table after they get their orders — she gets an iced coffee, even though it’s still winter (and he wonders how she can drink that, but he supposes she knows what she wants), and he gets his regular, which is just coffee with cream and sugar — and they catch up, he supposes. He didn’t think they were the kind of friends to do so, or that they were friends at all, but he does like her, so.

He tells her about their latest cases, and he can see Amber’s passion shine through, and he can see, too, a part of her that still is…upset, about losing, about the job. It’s not a fresh wound, but it’s not ancient history, either (nothing really is).

Working for House is fun and it’s insane and it’s something people fight over (a part of him still can’t quite process what he’s won, and when it’s quiet and he can’t sleep he thinks about the fact that he should be jumping with joy and be grateful for the opportunity he’s won, and it’s exciting but it’s not. He feels guilty and out of place, but that’s nothing new).

She tells him, too, about her work, and she sounds proud, fervent. A job at Princeton General, a good position.

“It doesn’t beat the fellowship, thought.” She admits, and sighs. She’s finished her drink, by this point, she she fiddles with the straw. He figured, thought. House is a mad scientists and they’re all just flunkies working for him, but there’s nothing quite like it. It makes you want to keep coming back.

“After working for House, even the most exciting jobs are so mundane. I couldn’t imagine working a regular job again.” He says. “But, uhm, I’m sure your job is fun.”

She smiles. He likes her smile. He smiles back. He tries to, anyway. He’s suddenly grateful for his usual ability to not wear his feelings quite on his sleeve (not that most people seem to notice when he does, anyway).

He breathes, in and out, and he curses his tendency to sometimes blurt out the first thing on his mind when he wonders out loud:

“Wanna go out with me?”

— He almost regrets it before he says it, but he figures it’s worth a shot, too. She’s a babe, and a little aggressive, but he kind of likes it. He’s maybe a bit too nerdy for her, but they’re way past college so he doubts trivial stuff like that matters anymore —

For a second, Amber looks stunned, and Kutner kind of wants to hide himself at the bottom of his now empty cup, but then she has this almost…apologetic look on her face.

“Kutner, I—”

“—You aren’t single,” he guesses, looks back at her “Are you? Shoot, I probably should have asked that first, right?” He laughs at him, and she laughs too — her laugh is far softer than he’d expected when he first met her — and then comments:

“I just started seeing someone a few days ago, actually.” He then thinks that it’s probably one of the reasons for her awfully happy demeanor. Happiness suits her, he thinks.

He’s silent for a few seconds, then inquiries, — because curiosity might have killed the cat but he’s not a cat and hardly cares about dying —, searches in her eyes.

“Anyone I know?” He leans in, conspiratorially, childishly. She rolls her eyes, but for what it’s worth, she leans in too, albeit rolls her eyes.

He wonders if it’s Thirteen, because everytime they talked it felt like they were a few moments away from shutting eachoter up by kissing — more on Amber’s part, thought —, and guesses that it’s probably not Taub (the guy’s a serial philanderer but he never truly seemed into her anyway). They hadn’t talked much about her, but he sort of wants to think that maybe they grew to like her too, although he also kind of doubts it.

“Maybe.” She finally answers. “You’re not gonna believe who it is.” The way she says it, it’s almost kind of…intoxicating (which is probably too dramatic a word to describe her, yet it perfectly fits). He thinks about how kissing her would be like, but it’s far too late now.

“Who knows, maybe I will?” He retorts.

“Promise me you won’t tell House.” He nods, actually intrigued at the playful secrecy. And for all his observational skills, he doesn’t land on:

“Wilson.” It’s almost a whisper, her lips quirked up in a grin.

“Wilson — House’s best friend Wilson?” House’s conscience, the guy who buys all his lunches, the guy he goes to see monster trucks with, that Wilson? He almost shouts, and feels like he’s gonna jump out of his skin at the surprise.

“I told you you’re not gonna believe me.” She remarks, playfully.

He doesn’t really feel that bad about the rejection, he supposes, although sometimes he does have trouble feeling what he’s feeling, sometimes runs away from it, intentionally or not — escapism, he thinks, detachment, clinically — , and he’s nonchalant about it, doesn’t let it get to him, even talks genially about hoping to run into her again, as friends.

He dusts himself off, and thinks about the mystery that Amber is, and almost laughs thinking about how House is gonna react when he eventually finds out, and thinks that he’s probably gonna find someone else, or something else to focus on. He always does, in the end.

[scribbling-md]

I couldn't stop thinking about amber/kutner and the fact that kutner canonically asks amber out off-screen, which led to this. as always, my main blog is @maudlin-scribbler

(been fiddling with this for a few days, i'll probably post it later on AO3 after i fiddle with it some more)

---

He sees Amber for the first time (after the games are over, that is) a few week after. They run into eachoter at a small café near PPTH, and she’s in front of him in the line.

She seems happy — happier than she was — and he’s glad for it. He hadn’t said anything, then. Didn’t linger after she got fired, that day, but he wished he had. He had felt good about not getting fired, but he had felt bad, too, about her losing. She had certainly fought for it — was probably more, well, cutthroat, than he ever would be.

“Amber?” He blurts out, and she turns to look at him, quizzically.

“Kutner.” She tilts her head, looks at him, curiously, almost gently. He honestly finds it kind of jarring, he thinks back to the competitive winning-driven woman, to the woman on the verge of crying when she lost, shaken and distressed, like she had pinned her whole self worth on the outcome. He has trouble bridging the gap. It’s, kind of, alluring. “Well?”

“Right — it’s good to see you.” He coughs. He doesn’t know what to say, a general problem in his life. Always seems like he’s got a foot in his mouth. “How you’ve been?”

“Good.” And she sounds like she means it. “How’s working for House?” Amber asks back, amused. “Has he had you dig up any more graves?”

He laughs. “Great, really —” he stops himself “I mean, not that great.”

“Kutner, it’s fine.” She chuckles. “ I’m not bothered by losing the fellowship.” She adds — “Not anymore, anyway.” She sounds sincere, for the most part.

“It is a lot of fun, I gotta say.” He grins.

---

They find a table after they get their orders — she gets an iced coffee, even though it’s still winter (and he wonders how she can drink that, but he supposes she knows what she wants), and he gets his regular, which is just coffee with cream and sugar — and they catch up, he supposes. He didn’t think they were the kind of friends to do so, or that they were friends at all, but he does like her, so.

He tells her about their latest cases, and he can see Amber’s passion shine through, and he can see, too, a part of her that still is…upset, about losing, about the job. It’s not a fresh wound, but it’s not ancient history, either (nothing really is).

Working for House is fun and it’s insane and it’s something people fight over (a part of him still can’t quite process what he’s won, and when it’s quiet and he can’t sleep he thinks about the fact that he should be jumping with joy and be grateful for the opportunity he’s won, and it’s exciting but it’s not. He feels guilty and out of place, but that’s nothing new).

She tells him, too, about her work, and she sounds proud, fervent. A job at Princeton General, a good position.

“It doesn’t beat the fellowship, thought.” She admits, and sighs. She’s finished her drink, by this point, she she fiddles with the straw. He figured, thought. House is a mad scientists and they’re all just flunkies working for him, but there’s nothing quite like it. It makes you want to keep coming back.

“After working for House, even the most exciting jobs are so mundane. I couldn’t imagine working a regular job again.” He says. “But, uhm, I’m sure your job is fun.”

She smiles. He likes her smile. He smiles back. He tries to, anyway. He’s suddenly grateful for his usual ability to not wear his feelings quite on his sleeve (not that most people seem to notice when he does, anyway).

He breathes, in and out, and he curses his tendency to sometimes blurt out the first thing on his mind when he wonders out loud:

“Wanna go out with me?”

— He almost regrets it before he says it, but he figures it’s worth a shot, too. She’s a babe, and a little aggressive, but he kind of likes it. He’s maybe a bit too nerdy for her, but they’re way past college so he doubts trivial stuff like that matters anymore —

For a second, Amber looks stunned, and Kutner kind of wants to hide himself at the bottom of his now empty cup, but then she has this almost…apologetic look on her face.

“Kutner, I—”

“—You aren’t single,” he guesses, looks back at her “Are you? Shoot, I probably should have asked that first, right?” He laughs at him, and she laughs too — her laugh is far softer than he’d expected when he first met her — and then comments:

“I just started seeing someone a few days ago, actually.” He then thinks that it’s probably one of the reasons for her awfully happy demeanor. Happiness suits her, he thinks.

He’s silent for a few seconds, then inquiries, — because curiosity might have killed the cat but he’s not a cat and hardly cares about dying —, searches in her eyes.

“Anyone I know?” He leans in, conspiratorially, childishly. She rolls her eyes, but for what it’s worth, she leans in too, albeit rolls her eyes.

He wonders if it’s Thirteen, because everytime they talked it felt like they were a few moments away from shutting eachoter up by kissing — more on Amber’s part, thought —, and guesses that it’s probably not Taub (the guy’s a serial philanderer but he never truly seemed into her anyway). They hadn’t talked much about her, but he sort of wants to think that maybe they grew to like her too, although he also kind of doubts it.

“Maybe.” She finally answers. “You’re not gonna believe who it is.” The way she says it, it’s almost kind of…intoxicating (which is probably too dramatic a word to describe her, yet it perfectly fits). He thinks about how kissing her would be like, but it’s far too late now.

“Who knows, maybe I will?” He retorts.

“Promise me you won’t tell House.” He nods, actually intrigued at the playful secrecy. And for all his observational skills, he doesn’t land on:

“Wilson.” It’s almost a whisper, her lips quirked up in a grin.

“Wilson — House’s best friend Wilson?” House’s conscience, the guy who buys all his lunches, the guy he goes to see monster trucks with, that Wilson? He almost shouts, and feels like he’s gonna jump out of his skin at the surprise.

“I told you you’re not gonna believe me.” She remarks, playfully.

He doesn’t really feel that bad about the rejection, he supposes, although sometimes he does have trouble feeling what he’s feeling, sometimes runs away from it, intentionally or not — escapism, he thinks, detachment, clinically — , and he’s nonchalant about it, doesn’t let it get to him, even talks genially about hoping to run into her again, as friends.

He dusts himself off, and thinks about the mystery that Amber is, and almost laughs thinking about how House is gonna react when he eventually finds out, and thinks that he’s probably gonna find someone else, or something else to focus on. He always does, in the end.

[scribbling-md]

Pilot

hi! I'm tumblr user @maudlin-scribbler <- this is only a sideblog, one of the many masks i wear haha, and anyway I've decided to make my own rewatch posts because it seems like fun and I do have a lot of thoughts that I've always wanted to talk about. This is gonna be less an analysis at times and more me gushing about how much I love certain stuff, I bet

I have said this a lot, but House MD is a show that got me hooked straight from the beggining, y'know? I genuinely think that the pilot's one of my favorite episodes and very fun, features one of my favorite patients as well.

This episodes introduces and tackles a lot of House MD's themes and messages, Everybody lies, "You can't always get what you want", "It's not what people say, it's what they do" (Love's a verb, love's a doing word). I also appreciate the sherlock holmes references (Rebecca Adler) hah. Despite trying to fit all these in one episode, it's surprisingly coherent.

This episode starts with Rebecca, who introduces the concept of lying when she talks to the other teacher "I wouldn't lie to you" and when she talks to her students, telling them that they shouldn't lie to their parents. Which leads us to House.

What I really like is that House may be the main character, but Wilson is the first between the two of them to speak. And Wilson does just that -- lie. To House, so he would take Rebecca, who he claims is his cousin, as a patient.

and House! There is so much to talk about him!! Obvoously, as he is the main character (and one of my favorite characters!) I find really fascinating the way he sees himself, his "they all think i'm a patient because of this cane". in general the emphasis on his disability, especially in the pilot, is something that i have always found interesting. it's the first thing he defines himself as, and somethung he clearly has feelings about. in a deleted scene, wilson literally grabs him by his cane to stop him from leaving (interestingly -- but unsurprisingly -- wilson is the only one allowed to do anything to house's cane).

at first we are told that he doesn't care about patients (and says stuff like "Humanity is overrated"), hides away from the world and is miserable, that the only thing he cares about is the puzzle, the case.

And then we find that that's absolutely not true, that his problem is once he meet them and bonds with them he starts to care, he stops being objective (which is explicitly stated by Wilson, the one who knows House the best). That House cares, and while he might almost never express it in his words, he does in his actions. It's one of my favorite things about him.

I do want to mention how...sombre House is compared to the rest of the series, even the rest of season 1. Rather than the mystery be the patient, House is as much as a main character as he is the mystery, both to Foreman, and to the audience.

And House's conversation with Rebecca is honestly one of my favorite moments in the whole show, no doubt. I've seen someone say that Rebecca was probably one of House's favorite patients, and I tend to agree(She was, after all, Rebecca Adler, the Woman). She earned his respect. He saw herself in her. They mirror eachoter. She's scared she'll turn into him, she just wants to die with a little dignity, though there is no such thing. I absolutely love his speech about there being no dignity in dying.

one of my favorite characters in the show is cuddy, and while her chracterization isn't as strong in the pilot, I still love her character. it's established that she keeps house on a tight leash and whatever he tells her she can throw right back. house tells her "you can't always get what you want" and cuddy later tells him "but if you try sometimes, you'll get what you need", and it's one of my favorite moments.

and of course, I can't not mention Foreman! I like Foreman, and I love how in a way House MD is kind of the House and Foreman show at first, how important of a character is he, how this is literally his first case. How we learn that he went to the same med school as House, how they have multiple conversations and House clearly cares about his expertise. How House hired him because maybe, in some way, he sees himself in him. I also love his "Dr Wilson convinced you to treat this patient under false pretenses"e

Cameron is another great character, and while I am not the Cameron guy, I really do appreciate her. I find her explaining stuff about House to foreman really endearing, I really love how she thinks of herself as The House Whisperer, it's so cute lol. And I find the way she'd rather give patients false hope rather than no hope at all fascinating. Also I often think about the scebe towards the end, how House reveals that he sort of hired her for her looks (but of course, that's only half the story. He hired her because he deduced that she must be as damaged as she is beautiful) (and I love the other deleted scene where it's shown that she is the one answering his emails. everything about her is so endearing <3)

I would also like to mention Chase. Out of all the characters in the pilot, chase has the least going on of any character, but I do want to shout out the (ominous in hindsight) moment where the patient asks Chase if he is dr House and he says "Thankfully, no". Oh, my dear Chase.....

Alrhough he does also save the day with his idea! So he does have one thing going on