sebastiaaant-blog - Tumblr blog

[sebastiaaant-blog]

hendrix stared at himself on the flip-out screen of his camera, waiting until he was in focus before sitting back in his seat, taking a deep breath as he stared at the camera. “so, this is…really fucking weird. uh..” he stops, running a hand through his hair as he stares off to the side to try and collect his thoughts. he didn’t even know where to begin, having thought about this for the past hour and half before finally deciding that this was the best way for him to do it. “i was gonna write you a letter but then i remembered i fuckin’ hate writing.." he laughs, though it’s obviously fake. he was stalling again and even though he had made his decision, he didn’t truly realize how hard it was going to be.

"i’m not really good at expressing myself and i think you know that. you know me better than anyone, which i still think is pretty fucking weird but i stopped questioning it a long time ago. which is why…i don’t know, i felt i owed you some kind of explanation as to why i’m doing this." he pauses again, this time for a bit longer than before. "you have always been there for me, even when i was a complete dick to you and everyone else. seriously, why you decided to stick around is beyond me and i just want you to know…even if you don’t take anything from this - just know that i appreciated it.”

“i mean it. i don’t want you to think that you didn’t do enough…that you weren’t enough, alright? being with you was probably the only time i remember being happy after destiny died. even if they were brief moments, i still hold onto them and know that even towards the end - i had good times. you did that and i will never..ever forget that but..i am tired. i am mentally…tired, sebastian. my mind is constantly going, i mean, my head gets so fuckin’ loud sometimes that i just want it to stop…" hendrix stops talking abruptly, not liking the way his voice wavers. he takes a few moments before he continues on, his hands clasp together tightly.

"i’ve lost just about every single one of my friends and for what? so that when this moment finally happened, that..i don’t know, i thought that it wouldn’t hurt as much if nobody cared. like, if they all hated me then i wouldn’t have so much guilt in my heart - and it wouldn’t be so bad. …but if anything i feel worse because i ruined a lot of genuine friendships, once again i fucked up. and i don’t blame anyone, i can’t blame anyone but myself. i did this. everything that has happened in my life is because of me. i killed her. i killed destiny. no matter how you look at it, i did and i can’t take it back. i can’t change it - it’s done.”

“i’ve been pretending pretty much every single fuckin’ day since last summer and i’m tired. i lost my best friend, the first person to actually love me for me is gone. and i hate myself so much for the fact that i caused this, you know? and also that..the old me died the day that she did and now all that’s left is this shitty version of myself that can’t do anything right and i’m just…” he pauses to toss his hands up in surrender, his shoulders lift up and down in a swift motion. "i’m done. i’m..i’m tired of being…here.“ he shrugs once again, his tongue presses against the inside of his cheek as he sits in silence. hendrix was surprised that despite everything that was going on, he felt nothing but a numbing calmness. he had made up his mind and was at peace with his choice.

every once in a while there was a searing pain to his chest when he thought about what would happen when sebastian saw this video. how he would react. it wouldn’t be good, that much was for sure. "im sorry if this is all jumbled and confusing but i couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. i had to say goodbye..i have to. you are an amazing person sebastian tate, you truly are and you deserve to actually have a good life. everyone is right when they say i am a toxic person, the way that i am now i am doing nothing but bringing you down with me and it has to stop. and i know that you don’t see it, or at least, you choose not to see it but i do. …so, that’s why i made this video to say my truth and finally let it all go." his eyes take a final look around his room before he starts to nod his head. "so this is…goodbye, i guess." dre lets out an airy laugh, before he nods again. "goodbye.." he says for the final time before leaning forward and shutting the camera off.

[sebastiaaant-blog]

TEXT ✉ BOTTOM BAE

hendrix: told you to stop eating all those fucking honey buns bro

hendrix: it's nothing. just something i noticed is all

hendrix: lololol you right i'm pretty amazing

hendrix: idk why the others don't see it. (:

sebastian: but they're so good... why are they so bad for you?

sebastian: i mean. okay. i suppose.

sebastian: i'm serious. okay? i know you're not perfect, but you don't have to be. you say stupid shit, do stupid shit sometimes.

sebastian: but you're also hilarious, and loyal and amazing. so fuck that, you're great to me. no one else needs to see it.

[sebastiaaant-blog]

TEXT ✉ BOTTOM BAE

hendrix: you a big booty hoe

hendrix: nothing. forget it.

hendrix: apparently im useless lmfaoooooo

hendrix: so what you're saying is irrelevant

sebastian: don't look at my ass :c

sebastian: nonono tell me. i don't wanna forget it.

sebastian: you're not useless. i don't even think that's funny in any sense, or true.

[sebastiaaant-blog]

TEXT ✉ BOTTOM BAE

hendrix: big booty hoes duhhhhhhh

hendrix: truth and what do i mean about what?

hendrix: i didn't do a damn thing on twitter. just asked a real question that i wanted to know. people got butt hurt over it

hendrix: not my fault (:

sebastian: right

sebastian: what do you mean you understand me better?

sebastian: just let it go, okay? just let the drama pass. you're better than that

sebastian: and before you say anything, yes, you are better than that. they don't know you, but i know you. just let it go.

[sebastiaaant-blog]

Find more Seeds of Inspiration, Encouragement, and Wisdom on TheSeeds4Life and HPLyrixz 

[sebastiaaant-blog]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt (via observando)

[sebastiaaant-blog]

TEXT ✉ BOTTOM BAE

hendrix: i feel like i need to tell you that that..was not about me, but a friend. i like what i like...and what i like is sex.

hendrix: it could start with a d. deez nutz. idk. love me.

hendrix: im kidding, it doesn't. but you do you..take that high road! i'm glad i can call you my bottom bae.

hendrix: but i will say knowing this makes me understand you more now. like, everything makes sense.

sebastian: you don't have to lol i'm just saying what are facts, anyway. i know what you like.

sebastian: ....can you pls

sebastian: i'm sure everyone else is thinking it. like i don't see how anyone has room to comment or even be all that mad because everyone's getting exposed

sebastian: what do you mean?

sebastian: also please, just get off twitter. it's not worth it, alright?

[sebastiaaant-blog]

@junglefeverseb: but like also on another note my little sister savannah made friendship bracelets and she told me to offer them to people bc it's nice to do

@junglefeverseb: mb we can all bond over being exposed

@junglefeverseb: [ img: http://www.angelinthenorth.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/DIY-friendship-bracelets-2.jpg ]

@junglefeverseb: there's more where that came from

[sebastiaaant-blog]

@junglefeverseb: l o l

[sebastiaaant-blog]

TEXT ✉ BOTTOM BAE

hendrix: it is. (:

hendrix: a million? i was thinking like...one or something. not a million.

hendrix: don't lie to me sebastian anita tate.

hendrix: yes it does. it makes you a terrible fucking person. of course. half of these people deserve it because they need to be reminded that they ain't shit.

sebastian: ..well it's true.

[sebastiaaant-blog]

TEXT ✉ BOTTOM BAE

hendrix: i don't have an answer for you, babe...sorry.

hendrix: i am who i am.

hendrix: that makes sense i guess...and i say that lightly

hendrix: are you really though? you know you can talk to me about anything.

sebastian: that's a pretty damn good answer

sebastian: i mean... if you suck a dick and you still sleep with girls, that can make you like... a million things.

sebastian: i know that

sebastian: im fine. is it bad that everyone else getting exposed too makes me feel better about it? like... i'm not alone.

[sebastiaaant-blog]

TEXT ✉ BOTTOM BAE

hendrix: hey you, question

hendrix: is it gay if you dream about sucking dicks?

hendrix: also how are you doing

sebastian: ....what is wrong with you? xD

sebastian: i dunno. it's gay, alright. but i don't know if that necessarily means you're gay.

sebastian: i'm fine

sebastian: how're you?

[sebastiaaant-blog]

( >д<)

[sebastiaaant-blog]

“Was there an occasion for the drinking?”

“Fuck, I forgot what it is like to have a hangover.”

[sebastiaaant-blog]

“Nope. Not at all. Sorry.”

“it’s so quiet around here, don’t tell me you missed me.”

[sebastiaaant-blog]

hey friends i’m feeling a little downsome today and i don’t know why. so i might be a lil quiet today.

[sebastiaaant-blog]

{ text ✉ big bad wolf }

lennon: what? why? lol. he likes you bear, how many times do i have to tell you?

lennon: oh okay (: have fun

lennon: it did sound creepy but i get it. i'm here for it. haha

lennon: i love scary movies but i also don't like them? it's a complicated relationship.

sebastian: i can see it in his eyes lennon... he wants to punch me

sebastian: well thanks

sebastian: you get it... because you are creepy. o: kidding. sometimes you can be though. i mean that with love.

sebastian: it's a relationship you don't need then. what's the fight for?