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Episode 71: Part 21 of "Song of Myself" by Walt Whitman
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Episode 64: As Kingfishers Catch Fire by Gerard Manley Hopkins
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It would have been enough if you had left me without my job and forced me to focus on my healing. . In May 2011, I was forced to take a leave of absence from my job as an RA to take care of mental health. It was a dark summer for me as I was forced to process my pain and sorrow, unable to perform and “earn” approval. The story takes a positive turn from there, but if it never did, it would have been enough. The divine told me my pain was too important and real to push down, that I mattered too much to be left in my suffering. I was forced to find healing, and if nothing good ever came after that, it would have been enough. Dayenu. #dayenu #grateful #gratitude #30daysofgratitude https://www.instagram.com/p/CHjTDLJFgRq/?igshid=1439a8kea561b
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It would have been enough if the Divine had snatched me out of the pit of despair. Dayenu. That bench I posted earlier? This spot is only a few feet away. It was here I spent a long and terrifying afternoon with a knife and the intent to die. I had lost my debate with God, with myself. But the Divine pulled me out of that. I didn’t die that day. I didn’t even go through the attempt. Everything else that followed is a blessing. It would have been enough to be rescued a second time. Dayenu. #dayenu #grateful #gratitude #30daysofgratitude https://www.instagram.com/p/CHfyguFF1Za/?igshid=zgaa4msloyku
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I truly believe people are good. Even those that make my life harder. Those that make the world darker. Those that destroy and corrupt. Their actions are not them but born out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of scarcity, etc. Fear. But the Divine calls us into abundance and goodness. It wants us to see creation as fundamentally for us. That’s the invitation. It’s the good news. And it changes everything when you can dwell there. #spirituality #christian #spirit https://www.instagram.com/p/CHdRhavlDWX/?igshid=1x8iv3m3hfcen
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It would have been enough if the Divine had taken me out of the church and out to the ocean. This spot, this bench, is where I spent countless hours with God, talking to her, debating him, praying, worshipping, and mostly weeping. The ocean is where I learned that the Divine was everywhere. It’s where I learned or recognize her face in everything. It gave me a relationship with him, with everything. The ocean and my time there was why I can never be an atheist. There’s just no going back, and this would have been enough. #dayenu #gratitude #30daysofthankfulness #spiritualawakening #spirituality https://www.instagram.com/p/CHa8UDClu6K/?igshid=zbp92ojfcge3
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Dayenu starts with the basics and builds on that. It says what would have been the first moment of “it would have been enough?” If I had found the divine and a bizarre and crowded room with fog machines and strangers in skinny jeans outside of comfort zone, it would have been enough. That church hurt me. It exiled me. But it was there that I first felt the Divine. From there, she and I have danced for 13 years. Had she done nothing but present herself to me there, it would have been enough. #dayenu #gratitude #30daysofgratitude https://www.instagram.com/p/CHatrowFUUd/?igshid=7zxmpdf7n1dn
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I’m trying something new this November. Instead of 30 days of thankfulness, I’m trying 30 days of Dayenu. Dayenu is the Hebrew word that means “It would have been enough” or “it would have been sufficient.” It’s the practice of looking at what God has done for you and saying what would have been enough for you. It cultivates gratitude when you have to really think about what you needed. I know I’m a bit behind on 30 days, but I’ll start now, meditating on my life to find spaces where good happened and that would have been enough. #gratitude #30daysofgratitude #dayenu https://www.instagram.com/p/CHYVOJ4F4yW/?igshid=ueqylkzntnv3
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I originally had these both ties prepared for today. It was a little joke. Black with COVID molecules/particles. Or Red, White, and Blue. I woke up and picked Black today. Though it’s not decided, today still felt like a defeat. Even if Biden wins, To have even 49% of the country support Trump either because he’s team red or they actually approve of the job he’s doing is incredibly upsetting and disorienting to me. I’m disappointed in my country. I’m scared for our future. https://www.instagram.com/p/CHLTq8xlGQ7/?igshid=1h6d6dgs7wy75
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Get it done. Go vote. https://www.instagram.com/p/CHIvVR9lRUG/?igshid=72i1ogwzgp1g
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