selectivechaos

[selectivechaos]

u really do have to forgive yourself

[selectivechaos]

hi, you there who are or are thinking about spending all day in bed, it’s okay, I’m not telling you to get up. I’d just like to do a quick check in to make sure you’ve got everything you need to be comfortable and safe.

Have you gotten up to take any meds you need?

Do you need to open or close your windows or curtains/blinds to make your environment nicer? (Fresh air, keep the cold out, sunlight/darkness)

Do you have a water bottle or a glass of water easily accessible? (Can also be juice, cordial, a meal replacement drink or anything else)

Do you have any over the counter or prescription as required meds you might need, like painkillers or anti nausea meds?

Is your phone or laptop charged?

Are you wearing comfortable clothing?

Do you have enough blankets/pillows to be warm and comfortable?

Do you have any snacks like fruit or chips or muesli bars in case you can’t get up to make a meal?

Are you able to change positions in bed (or sit up if you’re able)?

Do you have any regulation tools like fidgets, ear plugs, or journaling/art books or low energy hobbies you might want?

Are you being gentle and patient with yourself and your body today?

Thanks for doing this check in with me. I like to have some of these things prepared on my nightstand, or all together in the same space in my room so I don’t have to do as much work on low energy days. It can also help to have someone else prepare or get these things for you if you’re unable. Hope you have an uncomplicated day.

[selectivechaos]

Gonna start quoting this when Selective Mutism relapses.

The book is Wren Martin Ruins It All by Amanda DeWitt. Wren's super curmudgeonly and I don't think I'd get along with him 'cause he reminds me of myself as a kid, but I love that his inner monologue is so loud and not sugarcoated.

This book definitely isn't for everyone and uses a lot of eloquently bitter phrasing, but I'm enjoying it 'cause it feels somewhat like how my brain structures my thoughts. I feel very calm and at home. It's also great that the ace community is getting more representation for guys.

[selectivechaos]

interesting words to use instead of "OCD"

finicky

painstaking

fastidious

particular

precise

scrupulous

conscientious

persnickety (it’s real word i promise)

accurate

meticulous

punctilious

exact

basically there are loads of really cool words out there, (persnickety!!) so you don’t need to appropriate OCD for your own use if you don’t actually have it!

[selectivechaos]

You don't have to change everything all at once. It's admirable to want to do better and recover, but you can't expect to be from one place to another right away. It's okay to have small goals, or even only one goal at a time. This should be doable and realistic for you. Do it in a way that feels right to you and try not to pressure yourself so much.

[selectivechaos]

having adult selective mutism is like the metronome meme because i can go from talking so much i genuinely forget to breathe and im speaking in 3x speed to the opposite end, staying frozen trying to force air out my mouth but it feels like it wont even get to my trachea. either way my throat hurts. not fun

[selectivechaos]

i never used to be a fan of the idea of showing or expressing gratitude. i mean like the whole thing where you write down what you’re grateful for and it’s supposed to be therapeutic. but like recently ive started thinking that i want to try something like it. i try everyday to challenge myself to do something. things others consider ‘small’ are hard for me. so a challenge would be like food shopping, leave the flat, go to work and get through it, or like take a shower, laundry etc. as long as i’ve done one thing, it helps me to feel ok. but i’ve noticed that depression has ruined my sense of reward/accomplishment. recently i got an award for my volunteering work, and i barely congratulated myself. i didn’t feel happy. i felt shocked, nervous about the ceremony, and relieved when it was over. but i didn’t take time to congratulate myself and process what i had actually accomplished.

so i’m gonna start writing it down daily. just a simple list of the things i’ve done that i think are worthy. and that includes ‘small’ and big things. i took a phone call today, which is fucking insane and massive. and i should be proud of that. so i just wanted to say: when you’re depressed it can feel like you don’t deserve anything at all. but you do, and you’re achieving things everyday just by being here. congratulate yourself.

[selectivechaos]

forever mad that some idiot named it ‘selective mutism’ like i have any say in the matter

[selectivechaos]

A comic about the spectrum of responses to stress - we talk alot about the more extreme ends of this and trauma, but the more subtle and every day responses can be harder to spot. if we can understand our own and other’s responses better, problems Are easier to confront and blaming is less likely to happen :) hope it’s helpful!!

[selectivechaos]

One day, you'll find yourself in a place of peace, doing what you love, surrounded by people who truly see you, and you’ll realize every step you took was worth it.

[selectivechaos]

Making jokes about a kid being mute is never okay

Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that makes speaking in certain situations extremely difficult. It's not a choice. It's not shyness. Drawing attention to a person’s silence or pressuring them to speak only increases anxiety and fear.

I hate family gatherings because there is always someone who makes fun of me for not speaking or draws attention to me because I spoke. I don’t like attention and nothing discourages me from speaking more than making it a big deal. My family treats it as a joke. Now I’m afraid to ask for help because I’m scared they’ll make fun of me or not take me seriously again. 

The way people react can make things easier or harder, so it's important to know what to do to help someone with selective mutism. Offering patience, understanding, and support can help create a safe environment where speaking feels less scary.

[selectivechaos]

"What does everyone else think?" Do NOT ask me for my opinion

Ive not talked once on this gc and dont intend to start now

[selectivechaos]

PSA in steering away from “going nonverbal” and “nonverbal episode” please also know that “situational mutism” and “selective mutism” are not the correct terms either.

SM is an anxiety disorder separate from autism. it has its own set of diagnostic criteria. unless you have SM the anxiety disorder, “situational/selective mutism” is not the correct term.

the terms you are looking for would be verbal shutdown or speech loss.

[selectivechaos]

Selective mutism cannon events

-the school bringing you out of form to complain about you not socialising

-"what could it make you feel more comfortable to talk"

-having to quickly scribble on pieces of paper to talk

-your friends not believing you because you've been loud around them all the time.

-"you can talk to me anytime even if it's Whispering in my ear"

-not ever getting help for it, because you literally can't speak out

-realising it's not the fear of being judged but the fear of being seen and attention being brought on you.

-sometimes not even saying a single word throughout the whole class

-being picked on and people giving you that "what's wrong with her look" when you don't talk

-the school literally not caring about you, because your behaviour and grades are good so your mental health must be good too

-that period when you could still talk but could tell you started fading, like being able to say less and less words (if that makes literally any sense)

[selectivechaos]

I have the strong urge to apologize to a random person for no reason and then go back to my wide-eyed staring.

[selectivechaos]

[selectivechaos]

it sucks how neurodiversity terms have become misused by neurotypicals, and then when i show my struggle with that actual thing, I get treated like I'm dramatic. I'm tired man :/ like no janis, you're not going non-verbal just because you stopped talking willingly. if you are non-verbal you cannot speak at all verbally. (I'm not non verbal tho so could be wrong) if you mean situational mutism, that feels like someone taped my fucking mouth shut, and I would not be able to talk then to save my life. I'm tired of seeing the terms non-verbal, overstimulated, hyperfixation, and the like misused. ughhhh