sentheiments

[sentheiments]

get to know me, pick some numbers.

1. selfie 2. what would you name your future kids? 3. do you miss anyone? 4. what are you looking forward to? 5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? 6. is it hard for you to get over someone? 7. what was your life like last year? 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? 9. who did you last see in person? 10. are you good at hiding your feelings? 11. are you listening to music right now? 12. what is something you want right now? 13. how do you feel right now? 14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? 15. personality description 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? 17. opinion on insecurities. 18. do you miss how things were a year ago? 19. have you ever been to New York? 20. what is your favourite song at the moment? 21. age and birthday? 22. description of crush. 23. fear(s) 24. height 25. role model 26. idol(s) 27. things i hate 28. i’ll love you if… 29. favourite film(s) 30. favourite tv show(s) 31. 3 random facts 32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? 33. something you want to learn 34. most embarrassing moment 35. favourite subject 36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? 37. favourite actor/actress 38. favourite comedian(s) 39. favourite sport(s) 40. favourite memory 41. relationship status 42. favourite book(s) 43. favourite song ever 44. age you get mistaken for 45. how you found out about your idol 46. what my last text message says 47. turn ons 48. turn offs 49. where i want to be right now 50. favourite picture of your idol 51. starsign 52. something i’m talented at 53. 5 things that make me happy 54. something thats worrying me at the moment 55. tumblr friends 56. favourite food(s) 57. favourite animal(s) 58. description of my best friend 59. why i joined tumblr 60. ask me anything you want

[sentheiments]

In my pasikat era HAHHAHAH

[sentheiments]

[sentheiments]

Hi Tumblr, I will be posting this video, to record my first biggest drama in my current workplace.

I got into a fight with a colleague because he crossed the line of having to respect my boundary of saying NO. The reason may be petty (for them) yet still chose to cross the line for their own amusement, really triggered me. If you knew me personally, I am such a lively and loud person. I usually take on jokes and is really easy going. But this time, I did try to express my discomfort or disapproval of something yet for them, they take it still as a joke.

To make things more clear than a crystal, I will share my side of the story.

After the lunch break, I was in the office so happy and things got crazy when I accidentally hit the like button when I was stalking my crush. So as the OA person that I am, my reaction was really big haha and it lead that colleague of mine to took a video discreetly, though I noticed it.

Some time later, I was just curious of my reaction, I asked him to atleast let me see then he told me that he’d sent it to the GC. I got alarmed because even though I am close with people in the GC yet I am not still very comfortable sharing my video nor any personal things to them , I feel like its not right to share my video. So I told that colleague of mine to please not send it.

Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: Please Sir, indi na pag send sa GC. If e send mo na indi ta ka ya pag sapakon forever.

Him: *Clicks, sent* ayte ari hu na send na, pero wala man ni internet.

Me: Dont dare me sir.

Then I hear another colleague playing my video sent in the GC and it sparked the the disrespect I was feeling and was fueled when I hear them having “fun” while playing the video. I got really angry because why would someone ignore your request for having to keep your things personal? Putting someone on a pedestal for their own amusement? Its a NEAUR for me 🫩

I got quiet.

Still, as “daskal” and easy going people they are, they’re trying to mend the situation by giving all sorts of jokes but to me, by saying “I’m making a big deal out of it” when it was intended for fun was adding more salt to the would. I know they’re trying to ease the situation, my colleague who sent the video keep on apologizing and deleted a video but at that point, I was too emotional to give a damn. I was just quite the whole time not commenting to them but still assuring that I was okay.

My action was really foreign to them because usually I am loud and talkative but that day, since the disrespect happened, I chose to give myself a break having to let them know through my silent treatment that I am not up for any sorts of jokes and I needed space. I stayed quite despite their nonsense banters for almost an hour or two.

But these people are so insistent to the point I bursted out because they wont stop pestering me. I eventually said a line that hurts the pride of the colleague who sent the video. I honestly feel bad after but thinking if I allow to treat me like a joke, they will always gonna make fun of certain situations and not being mindful of the feelings of people around them.

Again I feel bad about my reaction to that situation but at the same time, I think it was necessary for me to also express my truth so that people will still be mindful despite being “daskal”. While I was driving I was asking God for forgiveness because I chose to listen to my ways rather than forgiving on the spot. I was asking forgiveness for being very emotional at that moment.

I talked with the colleague of mine through the messenger, he DMed me first, he expressed his apology and at the same time disappointment because of my outburst. I apologized and explain my side of the story but its seems like He’s more hurt than I am. Indi nlng ko mag tell but that’s just how it turned out because apparently, he was still hurting sayings so many things on how my bursting attacked him as a person. I dont know anymore I honestly feel very disappointed in him because why is he shifting the blame on me when its his fault in the first place, he should be the bigger person. To make the long story short I tried to cease fire but seems like He’s not willing, so as of this moment, I DONT CARE.

Right now, I prayed and keep on praying for us to become better not bitter with each other accepting the fact that there are lapses on both our judgement so help us God.

[sentheiments]

Note: Made this video 11/10/2023

Dear You,

Hi, this will probably my last letter for you. 😊

Grabe, Imagine, almost 3 years taka gin journey bala 😂 Seriously, this is the kind of first love I did not expect to have.

Anyways, you were constantly in my prayers and sometimes, I do dream of you. I actually do not know what to say other than thanking God that I finally moved on. Its been one of heck of a tough push and pull journey with you. I cant stop my heart from hoping that one day we’d still be together. Although I am not certainly closing any doors but I’m also not opening one on doting myself on that possibility, because looking at our status now, it is totally impossible.

Dear you, thank you for allowing me to experience how to love the way I needed to. Thank you for giving me the avenue where I’d discovered myself of being capable to love someone the way Jesus does — unconditional and true. It never occurred even in the heights of my imagination that I was capable of staying true and loyal to someone who doesnt even know my feelings for him exist haha. How funny! I praise God, for allowing me to measure my capacity when it comes to applying 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, 4

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

God allowed me to realize nga grabe na ko ka loyal sa indi ko pa boyfriend, how much more to the one God reserved for me to journey with for the rest of my life. Praise Jesus.

Anyways, I’ve done all I could do to express my love and concern. I even swallowed my pride to reach out to you. Funny is that I felt sad when you did not my acknowledge my effort (as expected). Do you hate me that much? Were you that uncomfortable with me? I thought you were different from the other guys I encountered before, yet little did I know you were exactly the same. Although it’s not your fault, but that’s just how I feel.

Dear you, you are not perfect and I know you have a hefty share of baggages, traumas, and challenges. God allows me to have dreams of you sometimes even He reminds me to pray for you just so to have someone back you up in the spiritual realms. God loves you, and I love you but this time, I have already accepted the fact that there’s no tomorrow I can look forward with you, at least for now.

I will always love you as Jesus love, please always remember to pray and seek Jesus in whatever you do, wherever you go, ilaban mo ang Matthews 6:3O. “Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.” Even the girl you’ve keep on praying for. Au revior kuys, I pray that “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6: 24-26)

Bon voyage!

All the love,

Thei ❤️

[sentheiments]

How can I move on from you? Its harder than I thought it would be. 😊

[sentheiments]

Dear You,

Hi! Just want to drop by to let you know how much I am hurting that even in the middle of the night I find myself crying over a broken heart.

As I told you before, this was not your fault at all, its just probably my expectation of believing that we are destined to be together. Truth to be told, I was fervently hoping for that day to come.

However, looking at our circumstances now, I wasn’t even confident that we’d cross paths again. 🙃 And if we do, I dont know if we’ll still greet each other or act like we’re strangers back then.

I dont know how I ended up accumulating deep and unexplainable connection with you, we’re not even friends nor I haven’t even converse with you longer than 3 minutes. I dont know why is it like this?! Is because of those stares you so boldly and openly executed back then? Is it because of my instinct that senses your admiration towards me or perhaps I am wrong. Regardless, I still find myself affected and eventually developed a soul tie.

Maybe this connection I was feeling was one sided, I think I was the only one longing for you, feeling you, and greatly loving you. I think I’ve fallen deeper madly inlove with you that it hurts. Rght now my instinct was telling me that you’re going to introduce someone as your girlfriend soon. Honestly, I dont kmow how and what will my response be although I am prepared for that to happen because I dreamt about it months before you came home. Its just that right now, I cant help myself to shed tears. I dint even have a clear reason why I love you; I just know that one day, despite the fact that it is unrequited, I fell deeply in love with you.

I wish you all the best in your every decisions in life. I still keep on praying for you everyday. You dont have to worry about me, I have Jesus. Dont feel guilty as you pursue someone that will make you happy and complete. I’m very okay with it. Although right now, I just want to let you know that I am hurting, feeling disappointed about myself and feeling insecure because why it has to be her and not me?

Maybe, its all my fault that I did not reciprocate your effort upon giving me subtle hints. Perhaps my attitude of “kuno abi wala paki-alam” greatly affects your confidence and discouraged you for pursuing me further. I just want to let you know that there’s this trauma I’m currently praying for to work on with God. Or maybe you were thinking that I haven’t noticed it, believe me I can feel you stares boring deep into my soul. However there’s a reason why I am aloof with all the guys (Including you) I meet for the first time. Just so you know, I had been sexually molested and taken advantage when I was young. I needed a time to adjust before I can be comfortable with any guys I associate myself with, i need to make sure that you are not the same as those people who took advantage of my youth and innocence. I am really sorry that I have limitations at that time, although I cam feel your sincerity — or your just sincerely confuse 😅. I just really want to let you know the reason behind, I wasnt able to respond to those signals your implying.

Nevertheless, I will continually pray for you and love you as Jesus loves.

All the best,

Thei ❤️

[sentheiments]

Hello, dear you, ☺️

Today is October 27, 2024. Just dropping by to tell you this untold story that I cant share to everyone. I wanted to document this day just for me to have an anecdotal record that clearly my soul is tie with yours 🥲

I attended a service today at 2 pm. It was just a usual Sunday for me as I entered the center while greeting everyone I know. But when I am already settled down in my chosen seat with my friend, I felt like my heart was beating so fast and I felt really deliciously anxious. It’s a familiar feeling because this what I feel in the past years when you are around even if I don’t see you yet. I just know that your presence is there, and that YOU ARE REALLY AROUND.

Once again, I felt really anxious, I cant concentrate as usual because my mind was filled of so many thoughts — YOU for the most part 😪. I started looking around, thankfully I did not see you. But there is this feeling I cant shake it feels like my heart is screaming through my head that you are home already. I had to go to the restroom after singing the worship songs just to calm my nerves, my hands were shaking, I feel like I was out of breath. I had to pasuse for a second to clear my mind because I am certain, WE ARE BREATHING THE SAME AIR. I FEEL VERY SURELY THAT YOU ARE HOME. I don’t understand why am I so fixated on you knowing that everything is very much uncertain between us.🥲 I have prayed hard for you to be safe from all the things I dreamt and feel about your journey somewhere. I obeyed God about his convictions for me in relation to you.

Tonight, as I was writing this, I just confirmed your whereabouts by just randomly scrolling in my social media. INDEED I WAS RIGHT, you are really home. Praise God that you are safe and seem sound and calm. As I glance to your photo, I think you have lost the same glimmer that I saw these past years ago. I dont know happened to you yet I am glad that you are already home. And that God was there to guide as I prayed hard for you every single day. Praise Jesus, all glory belongs to him. Still, I cant believe why am I feeling this but I do hope and pray to wish you all the best in life.

See you around. 🫡

Love, Thei ❤️

[sentheiments]

Lord, I dont know what to do. I know I am doing my best but it seems like its not enough Lord. I feel like I am not doing any close to excellence. I feel really disappointed with myself Lord. I feel really bad that I cant represent you properly. I dont know why I feel like I am not good enough in every job/work that I do. I feel like my efforts are always in vain. Am I too sensitive Lord? Am I not blessed with intellect and sharp mind? I feel really underestimated Lord Jesus. I am really sorry dear Father if I could only just little. Lord, I am claiming 1 Corinthians 9:12, your power is made perfect through my weakness. Lord my heart is really heavy, I dont know where I could seek validation about what I feel Lord, I feel suffocated. I feel like no one understands me but you. Father God, I AM NOT REALLY OKAY. But if this is the path that you want me to take please be with me, I cant do this alone. I surrender myself to you. I cant do this alone. Tatay please help me papa God. Help me 😭

[sentheiments]

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." --Jeremiah 29:11

Since I followed Jesus, this was the verse I have kept in my heart, especially when I face unfavorable circumstances. Today was one of the days I highly doubt myself and my faith.

Not so long ago, I prayed to God to help land a job as ADDAS because it would financially sustain me and my family. I specifically prayed for that opportunity to open before THE END OF THIS YEAR. I have kept the faith even though I know it is quite impossible since the RQA have already ended. Then one day, a friend of mine, messaged me the link of that opportunity I was praying for. PRAISE JESUS! I was so excited that I was able to compile my requirements for a short period of time. I even passed it a week before the deadline.

I was really confident with my application because I know God is with me. The circumstance did challenge me to fix my eyes on Jesus when I let my family know what I was planning for. It really breaks my heart that they don't share the same faith as me. I was definitely bombarded with negative thoughts as I was facing the reality they were emphasizing to me. I know God loves me and is sovereign with every decision I make. Even though my decision is not perfect I know God is beside me in every step of the way. My mind is confused whether I follow my parents and conform to the standards of this world or stand in my conviction and follow the way of Jesus trusting that He causes all things to work together for good. But as I see my parents despair and the circumstances are not aligned with my prayers because last night his acquaintance working in SDO messaged him that she can't find my documents. It made me very anxious, and I was slightly panicking causing me to do things out of my own wisdom and strength which is not aligned with his word in Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean in your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.

But Praise God because as I was typing this sentiment, He spoke to me reminding me of my prayer above. He was able to answer that opportunity I was praying for, so what are the odds if He does allow it, I know that I will be chosen out of the hundreds of applicants for that role. He knows my heart, he knows my every cry. Now I know my choice, and that is to TRUST GOD more than men, and I will continue to do so as long as I can believing that HE CAUSES ALL THINGS TO WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.

PRAISE JESUS.

[sentheiments]

Its in the middle of the night and Im still thinking about you. Its been two years and I haven’t moved on 🥲 How are you? Do you think about me too?

[sentheiments]

Hi its been awhile since I dropped another blog here. It was just another life update of how God is faithful in my life amidst my lack as his servant.

I have been praying hard to God to allow me to move forward in my career. I was really thankful that He really is a God who truly knows my heart. Not many of you know, but I have a huge interest in human psychology and behavior. I had this hidden desire to work in HR department since I am really curious about how psychology works in different people as they engage with different stimuli in their environment. Yes people, God is good! I never expected I would be working in this very department now. A memorable milestone indeed! I was grateful for the opportunity that God had blessed me with. I am overjoyed with how He arranged everything to put me where my comfort zone is challenge.

Now I know firsthand that growth will really stretch you out. I’ve been to places I’ve not been, done things I’ve never tried, and encountered circumstances that challenge my identity as someone who claims to be a follower of Jesus. I have this complaint, “Lord? Why do I feel less? Not so long ago, I thought I was the best, but now Lord, I feel lost? I feel like I don’t weigh anything excellent worthy of praise. Lord? Why do I feel this way?” All along as I ponder upon these thoughts, God told me I was prideful, forgetting to fix my eyes on him, and sent my thoughts about eternal things not here on earth below. Yet my Abba is just so good that never failed to let his presence known, assuring me that He will never leave my side. (Isaiah 41:10) this was his word to me constantly.

As I face the obstacles of this new phase of my journey. I find it very challenging to get accepted by a wide range of people who all have different personalities. There have been moments when I've wanted to explode, but thank God for the grace. I'm learning how to abide more in your soft voice for without you, I really am nothing. His spirit softly reminded me all the time, "Isn't this what I wanted?" I am thankful and eager to discover what is ahead for me since I think that the lessons I am learning now will actually be useful in the future.

Take away:

He is actually exposing me to different kind of people that I will be shepherding soon. Lord help! Hindi ko kinaya ang reality. It was too much now, nevertheless I must carry on with this fight. It is actually an avenue to pray for them and show who Jesus really is. Thank you Lord for this Wisdom!

[sentheiments]

Every time you cross my mind, dear you. ❤️

[sentheiments]

Dear you, ✨

Hi again! Im so excited to write you a letter today! Waahh God has been so good with me. He allowed me to journey my unknown feelings towards you with a trusted friend, grabe si Lord! Praise Jesus.

I told this friend about everything — literal everything that has happened to us. Would you believe it, she actually prophesied that we have a future together. Haha anu daw? I dont want to believe it, I denied it at first but as the pull of impression was so strong, I eventually acknowledge it. God is good to the both of us, because while you are there loving someone else, and I am here extremely discouraged of our possibility of being together, He taught me to love you.

This is how my conversation with God went,

Me: “Lord parang ayuko maniwala. Ksi parang impossible naman non. Di nga ako gusto non eh, so bakit ako mag eexpect?”

Lord: (in a still small voice) “Love him, not because gusto mo. Love him, because sinabi ko. Paano ba ang love?

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures throughevery circumstance.’ —‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4‬-‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Love does not always mean you are being reciprocated. You love because I love you, and you understand how I love.”

Oh dba? I love you agad! 😂 Seriously, today I have this great realization, the lesson that I learned here is that loving people is expressing our faith to the Lord. We love them anyways even if it gets messy. Even if they dont feel the same. We continue to be kind and patient to them because we dont know their burdens. We never lose our hope, we endure, and stay hopeful. So there, even if you dont feel the same, even if it hurts, I will love you because the Lord said so.

Just to make sure, I asked the Lord again in prayer. Because the situation that I have in mind is far from my ideal perception about me falling in love.

“Ano naman benefit sakin Lord if mamahalin ko yun kahit di ako mahal. Parang unfair naman non Lord.”

The Lord replied and gave me this verse,

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.”

‭—Luke‬ ‭6‬:‭32‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Awesome! This is so freeing for me that God is teaching me to love you without reservation. The kind of love which has no hindrances, which means I dont look through the lenses of our circumstances, my or your lapses as a human being because of my trauma, but to the overflowing love of Christ. Amazing! This is my first time being in love! Waahh it felt great.

This kind of love is selfless and is not self serving because I am really assured that I will be okay regardless if you’re going reciprocate my love for you. I will love you anyway. But if you ever choose to be with someone else (which wag naman ksi by thinking about it, It really hurts). My assurance is I will be okay. For now, I am going to obey the Lord. I will be contented in loving you from afar, while you are hurting. I am contented loving you here, while you are out there grieving for others. I pray that this time, you will heal and be found completely whole in God’s perfect love. Now I can confidently say, you are the second man that I will ever love, syempre Jesus will always be my first, nevertheless, I am proud and confident to say to you — I love you with the love of Jesus. ✨❤️

[sentheiments]

Sun-kissed & beach waves 🌸