senyumjerapah

[senyumjerapah]

Insight - once upon a landmark in my 30s

I'm today years old when I realized that:

I know I prefer professional musician jobs, but I think I'm more than just a hidden orchestra member or something, I'd rather be the spotlight

I do love arts, but I can't help being the real tukang gambar tok nggak ada yang kenal, I need to be recognized as me, the colour, character, and everything I created should be noticed

I am such a good and sensitive, artistic musician, I love harmonies & colour, I need to do more balance between practice & performing but it means I have to cut out teaching almost entirely--cause artists do masterclass, not daily tutoring (it's pedagogue's task)

I need to make my own pieces--be it music or art, my very own pieces, my self awareness is awakened now, I must not be a shadow of anyone--I have to shine

Paleo, Keane, and Debussy are my soul awakening paths--also the cats in my life

[senyumjerapah]

a poem about adoring

even after years,

my knees are still weakened by the starring eyes

of a kind friend

feel like a symphony suddenly happened

in my core

[senyumjerapah]

I remember those simple and slow time when online shopping required some pause to go out and pay via the real ATM machine, with real, available money, later you waited for each order to arrive with such gratitude and excitement.

Oh the good ol' times.

in the pic : vintage antique necklace my aunt gave away

[senyumjerapah]

I still believe in the organic love--when you meet somebody offline or even if they're someone you're usually together, but then your bonding elevates to something else.

Where you just feel the vibe, the significant difference. And in between that, you're afraid that you're just being delulu, but it's not.

Where there are touches you can't avoid and you wanted to avoid cause you're too shy, but they keep happening just because the chemistry between you attracts each other all the time.

It's still the purest form of love I can imagine.

[senyumjerapah]

Sasriya - painting my life (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/story/366202395-sasriya-painting-my-life?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=KatarinaNingrum5 Pada suatu titik dalam hidupnya, Krisan Sasmitha Wijaya bingung mencari identitasnya sendiri. Dia menjalani hidup hampir tanpa rasa dan keinginan lagi. Tapi pertemuannya dengan kurator terkenal mengubah pemikirannya--dan mengajarkan bahwa perkembangan bermula dari dalam diri.

[senyumjerapah]

More about my cats & tarot's life ! I'm kinda new to tarot reading, before, I was just reading tarots interpretation from the internet world, hehe. But once I tried to read tarot & oracle cards by myself, I've become addicted!

(also just realized today that there is a profession called 'ritualist' from Rebecca Campbell's oracle cards' box)

Tarot used in the video : Affirmators! Tarot by Suzi Barrett--published by Knock Knock

Anyway, I hope it's lightening your life a little. <3

[senyumjerapah]

Haheng 1

In the age of early 30s, I've learnt so much about living. Even now I know that some cats have evolved and they could be allergic to tapioca and peas for some reason.

And sometimes we cannot really connect the hooman complex diet with cat's digestive system. After so many grainfree kibbles, I'm landing in Royal Canin sensible and they do just fine. Perhaps my strong, cute, sterilized domestic kitties have been built differently. They're not that hipster.

But their raw food diet still continues, cause they're obligate carnivore anyway!

on pic: my haheng creatures munching on pre-prepared raw food with chopped pumpkin as toppers

[senyumjerapah]

Comissioned works June :

1. Bomi & Eiji 💞

[senyumjerapah]

It was that one fated coincidence when I had to meet you and in such an intense way I immediately realized how we were something in the past—but somehow we crossed the line that—from the pov of the world—it’s just impossible for us to get together again.

And we repeated such wrong direction in our relationship again—perhaps the energy between us are always in a rush & unmanageable.

I have to break free, you have to grow & find yourself.

Then we’ll see the treasure between us.

My heart ache when I saw your photo today—cause I know we have to be us but we can’t do that now.

Surrender and be at peace.

Shall our glow always see & detect each other during this period of waiting. ✨🥹

Gonna miss you. But I’ll trust the universe!

[senyumjerapah]

23:23

Suddenly my mind got wild about you and me.

Imagine if our hands meet and when we stare at each other our fingers are tied together too.

Thinking how our chemistry is always there but why aren’t we together until now?

Did something block us from happening?

Oh this matter, again and again.

How can we reduce the suffering of love and desire?

[senyumjerapah]

[senyumjerapah]

slow morning

cat is still snoring

birds are chirping

and I'm listening

to the Universe's sound that's glistening ✨

[senyumjerapah]

Spread The Nice Vibe ! #animalrights #animals #cats #boys #tumblr #cute #illustration #kindness https://www.instagram.com/p/B-TUmtNB94R/?igshid=k3tza5zuxo7v

[senyumjerapah]

I've learnt to get rid of toxic voices

external ones, internal ones

I sharpen my ears

and my sense

to hear the melody instead of expectations

When I play I'm not a teacher

I am a performer and I am a quarter of myself

A quarter of the composer, a quarter of the instrument

add also a quarter of life's colour

Shall you feel the real music now.

[senyumjerapah]

must I roam in uncertainty

on a rocky road

fears and hopes come and go

shall we live with courage

because, life is meant to be lived

🐈💛

[senyumjerapah]

[senyumjerapah]

current bedroom wall situation--clean and pink 😆