seokgyuistforu

[seokgyuistforu]

we’re not friends | seokgyu (mingyu and dokyeom)

"you should know,

that friends just sleep in another bed. 

and friends don't treat me like you do.

and i know that theres a limit to everything,

but my friends won't love me like you"

-friends: ed sheeran

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

mingyu's only had the pleasure of living 16 years on this earth so far, and he never thought love like this would find him so early. seriously, his brain isn't even fully developed yet! feeling this much this fast could kill him, and that's exactly what it feels like is going to happen.

following his dream has not been a path of rainbows and sunshine like he thought it would be. everyday he is pushed to a new limit, and everyday he thinks it will be the last one before he gives up. yet, he never gives up. the main reason? it's not because of all the hard work he's put in so far. not the blood, sweat and tears poured into every waking hour. no. it's a boy. a boy with the same dream. mingyu hadn't given much thought to his sexuality before. he hasn't dated anyone. he hasn't fallen in love. he just assumed he was straight. what's a 16  year old boy supposed to do when they fall head over heels for another boy? mingyu is still figuring this part out, and very clumsily at that. it consists of him constantly telling himself that he's wrong about what he's feeling. that they are just friends. this is what it feels like to have a very best friend right?

"mingyu! it's your turn!" he hears the oldest member yell out. he blinks once to pull himself out of his trance. he was fixated on seokmin. yeah, the boy who changed it all for him. the one who threw his whole life for a loop. he picks up a microphone and heads to the middle of the practice room. seokmin sits down with the rest of the members and pulls his knees to his chest, patiently waiting for mingyu's performance. the green paint radiates off the walls and it makes him feel like he's going to be sick. he keeps it together, if only as to not embarrass himself in front of his crush. he manages to sing the song he's been practicing for the week without any mistakes. everyone cheers and shouts their praises. but nothing matters to him as much as what seokmin thinks. luckily he doesn't have to wait that long to find out. seokmin gets up from his spot on the ground and rushes over to him. 

"good job, mingyu! you sounded really good" seokmin easily leans in to give mingyu a hug. mingyu brings him closer, holding him in the hug for longer than he probably should have. 

seokmin, also only being as experienced as any 16 year old would be, was experiencing an inner turmoil that he did not anticipate coming with following his dream of being a singer. he knew he felt something for mingyu, but he could barely admit it to himself through as much as a whisper in his head. mingyu isn't as subtle about  it, and it makes seokmin constantly have a reminder of his feelings. mingyu's always finding an excuse to touch him. he holds his hand, he pulls him in for random back hugs and messes with his hair. 

his mind plays a flashback from a situation that happened the previous week.

"min, step away. literally everyone in all of Korea is puking right now because of the cuteness' mingyu calls out as he approaches seokmin. he had been talking to the camera that is filming them for their trainee show. he was doing cute peace signs to the fans, his big fluffy hair falling his his face. mingyu wrap his arms around him from behind and pulls him into his chest. he playfully drags him away from the camera, his hands staying put on his stomach. seokmin giggle along shyly, wishing he didn't notice the string of butterflies that erupted from being this close to him.

instances like that have been happening since the day seokmin joined. he gets so nervous he thinks he's going to have to quit the training all together. he may know nothing about love, but he's not stupid. he sees the way that mingyu looks at him. how even in a crowded room his gaze is upon him, unwavering. 

"thanks, minnie" mingyu says happily, loving the praise he received from him. "do you want to get ice cream on the way home? i still have some money left" he says. he is always trying anything he can to spend more time with him. as if spending practice time and living in the dorm together wasn't enough. to him it's not. he's become obsessed with this foreign, fuzzy feeling he gets when he's around him. 

"yeah! that'd be great" seokmin responds with a smile. seungkwan walks by and whistles suggestively as a joke. everyone has definitely noticed how the two of them act towards each other, but no one has directly addressed it. dokyeom's heart races in fight or flight and he pulls away from mingyu, moving to the other side of the room.what would happen if everyone found out? he manages to avoid him for the rest of practice. it's all too scary and new. he should focus on training. mingyu is just a really good friend. that's all it is.

he still leaves the practice room with him though, walking the many blocks to get ice cream. even after all this, he wasn't going to pass up ice cream. mingyu walks close to him, their arms brushing against each other with each step. 

"are you nervous for your performance?" mingyu asks. they all have evaluations this week and mingyu feels like he can finally breath after he finished his today. 

seokmin nods rapidly, "very. i feel like i picked the wrong song".

mingyu just smiles. he's not worried at all because seokmin has had perfect performances since the day he arrived. he still remembers the first time he realized that he might like seokmin in a way that friends usually don't. it was during his first evaluation, where mingyu stood there like a dumbstruck idiot at the sound of his angelic voice. 

"you sing like no one i've ever heard before. you're gonna do great" he says brightly. seokmin blushes deeply at the compliment. mingyu suddenly takes his hand in his and pulls him gently down the sidewalk. "come on! we're almost there". seokmin picks up his pace and catches up, the two of them finally arriving at the shop.

"chocolate? in a cone?" mingyu asks before seokmin can even speak. seokmin gives a shy nod, his head reeling at the fact that mingyu pays that much attention to him to remember that detail. once both of them have their ice cream in hand they take a seat at a table outside. mingyu sits across from him and tries his best not to stare at him like a creep. it's not going well. the sun is setting directly onto him and making his already jaw dropping features even more attractive. he looks like the personification of happiness and everything good in the world. his heart skips a beat when he notices a drop of ice cream on seokmin's lip. without allowing himself too much time to think, he instinctually leans over the table and brushes it off gently with his thumb. his thumb lingers briefly. he pulls his hand away quickly and murmurs a "sorry, you just, uh you had some ice cream there". 

seokmin is frozen solid in his position. he's never felt tingles like the ones he just felt with his touch. 

"mingyu" he says. his face is serious, traces of fear and worries laced throughout.

"yeah?" mingyu stutters, immediately just as anxious as the boy in front of him.

"we're not friends" seokmin says while shaking his head. he bounces his knee up and down, practically shaking the whole table.

"what? what do you mean?" mingyu asks, a deep frown taking over his face. they are best friends. everyone knows that.

"my friends don't treat me like you do" seokmin rushes out. there's no turning back now. they are admitting all these pent up feelings with words and they can never be unspoken. is he making a mistake? he notices the furrowed brows and the evident confusion on mingyu's face, so he continues. 

"friends don't look at each other the way we do. they don't hold hands like this. they don't sleep in each other's beds and pretend like there's not enough room and are forced to cuddle. they don't act like we do" he is whispering by the end. he looks down at the table, suddenly finding the design super interesting. mingyu is silent for a moment. he didn't know who was going to be the one to admit it first. he always pictured it being himself. he doesn't know what to do now that it's actually happened. 

"tell me i'm wrong" seokmin says with a newfound bravery. he looks up, meeting mingyu's eyes before quickly looking away. his ears heat up.

"you're not wrong, min" mingyu finally answers. he reaches over to take his hand and makes him look at him again. "we're not friends" he admits, whispering it in the same terrified manner that he did. 

"i really, really like you" he breaths out. he never saw it coming. he knows nothing of how to love someone, how to treat them well and integrate them into every part of your life. all he knows is that these feelings cannot be ignored any longer. seokmin doesn't drop his hand, but he can't stop it from shaking nervously. mingyu squeezes it gently, letting him know that it's okay. 

"i like you too, mingyu" he says quietly. like if he says it too loud it will be truly too real. he says it almost like they are doing something wrong. "but i'm scared" he admits. mingyu has never once judged him for sharing his thoughts, and he knows he isn't going to start now. 

"i'm scared too" mingyu admits. they keep the eye contact despite their beating hearts. "but i can't pretend like i don't feel anything. i can't stop thinking about you". at this, seokmin graces him with a smile that nearly melts him right then and there. 

"i feel the same way" he says. he feels ten times lighter already at his admittance. "do you think the others will make fun of us?" he asks, thinking back to all of the times that they already have. 

"who cares?" mingyu shrugs nonchalantly, not caring in the slightest. seokmin smiles at this, ultimately agreeing with his sentiment.

"so" seokmin says, drawing the syllable out. "what do we do now?"

mingyu thinks for a moment. "i want to take you on a date. like a real date. one like the movies where they go to a nice dinner and kiss at the end" he says proudly, grinning at his idea. everything he knows about dating is from the movies and dramas. it can't be that hard, right? neither of them have enough money for a nice dinner, but that doesn't cross their minds right now.

seokmin must have displayed his anxiety with his facial expression, because mingyu quickly adds, "i mean, we don't have to kiss after. not until we're both ready". seokmin also reels through all the movies and dramas he's seen in a sudden mental collage, and everything he's seen tells him that mingyu is perfect. 

he smiles at the gesture. "i would absolutely love to go on a date with you" he says. mingyu smiles unabashedly at his agreement. he's already mentally going through his closet and thinking about what he's going to wear! he knows that there's a limit to everything, but seokmin was right. his friends will never love him the way that he does.

[seokgyuistforu]

aftercare | seokgyu

"wow" mingyu breathes out, landing on the bed on his back. he wipes his forehead and only just notices how sweaty he is. him and dokyeom had fallen into a pattern when it comes to being intimate. dokyeom, with his more submissive personality had fallen into the role of a bottom pretty naturally. it stayed that way until tonight when dokyeom asked him if he wanted to switch things up. mingyu was extremely hesitant at first. he would be lying if he said he wasn't quite scared of how it would go. what if he hated it? all of this is new to him and they have been taking it one step at a time. dokyeom had checked with him a thousand times, telling him that he can tell him to stop at any given moment and that he absolutely did not have to say yes to it. with this comfort, mingyu gave it a shot and figured that he should see what it's like. it did feel good, that he can admit. but it was something new entirely and it was very overwhelming. dokyeom falls down next to him, just close enough that their arms are brushing against each other. mingyu stays quiet, lost in thought and staring at the ceiling. dokyeom rolls onto his side to look at him.

"are you okay?" he asks, true concern laced in his voice, especially when he sees mingyu's eyes closed. dokyeom sits up a little bit in suspense.

"yes" mingyu says with honesty. he doesn't regret it at all. he just feels a bit weird and overly exposed right now.

"baby" dokyeom says gently, using the sweetest tone that mingyu has ever heard. "are you sure i didn't pressure you into that in any way?" he asks. mingyu sits up more too. he rests his hand on his chest in protest.

"no! no i promise you didn't kyeom" he answers urgently. he doesn't want him to get the wrong idea. dokyeom puts his hand over the hand on his chest and brushes his thumb against the back of it.

"okay" dokyeom whispers, matching the quiet atmosphere of the room. "lets go get you cleaned up, yeah?" he says softly. he can tell there's a million gears turning in his boyfriends head right now. he hopes to quiet them with love, and let him express them openly. with an agreeing nod from mingyu, they get out of the bed and head towards the bathroom. dokyeom turns on the shower, running it hot after noticing the goosebumps on mingyu's skin. they step in together, mingyu feeling a little more normal after the water touches his skin. they stay quiet for a few minutes. dokyeom takes the soap and delicately runs it over mingyu's body, watching him closely for any signs of what he's thinking. he decides against speaking for the time being.

"you've really got this whole aftercare thing down" mingyu says with a small smile. he feels so special under his gentle touch. he's almost dazed by it. dokyeom chuckles sweetly at the blissful expression on his face. he runs his hand through mingyu's wet hair and pushes it away from his forehead.

"i just wanna take care of you" he replies honestly. there aren't many times when mingyu appears so fragile and sensitive, and dokyeom is drinking it up like sweet wine. something about the man in front of him appearing so small and shy makes him want to shower him with all his love until he can't stand it.

once they finish washing up dokyeom gets out of the shower and wraps himself in a towel before grabbing one for mingyu. he wraps it around his waist after slightly drying his hair. mingyu takes it all in quietly, appreciating that he's being taken care of like this. they move into the bedroom and towards the closet. mingyu keeps trying to cover up, feeling embarassed in his own skin, which indicates to dokyeom that he is still feeling exposed.

"hoodie?" he asks him, holding up one of his own that he knows mingyu particularly likes to steal a lot.

"yes please" mingyu says, using a timid voice that's dripping with a submissive tone he doesn't exhibit often. dokyeom's heart flutters at the sound of it. he takes the hoodie out of the drawer and makes mingyu raise his arms, sliding the hoodie over him easily. when they're both dressed and the sheets on the bed are changed they get back into it. dokyeom sits up with his back on the headboard and mingyu lays down, resting his head on his chest. dokyeom wraps an arm loosely around his waist. mingyu lets out a sigh.

"talk to me baby. what's on your mind?" he asks, finally prying a bit. he slides his hand under his hoodie and traces patterns on his skin reassuringly. mingyu tilts his head up.

"i just feel...weird?" he says, phrasing it as a question rather than a statement. dokyeom nods, indicating he's listening and that this is a non judgmental space.

"weird how?" he asks gently.

"i dunno" he mumbles, tilting his head back down. he finds a loose thread on the bottom of dokyeom's t shirt and starts twirling it around his finger anxiously. dokyeom, having the patience of a saint especially when it comes to him, waits him out until he's able to say what he's feeling. 

mingyu doesn't know how to put it into words. sometimes after they are intimate he feels like he has slipped into playing a character and when it's over and the haze disappears, he feels like a different person. he's not sure why he has this disconnect. he's opened up about it and they've tried to work through it, dokyeom constantly comforting him and telling him that he wants it to be safe space for him. tonight, when the roles were reversed, it brought these thoughts and feelings back. 

"i just feel sort of, exposed i guess. i'm just overwhelmed." he pauses, still playing with the string and not looking up. "but i also really liked it at the same time. i don't know, i think i'm just overreacting" he mumbles, shaking his head and dismissing himself as if it doesn't matter what he feels right now. dokyeom takes his hand and holds it, stopping him from fidgeting and calming him down.

"hey, you're not overreacting. you're allowed to feel that. you did so good though, baby" he says, countering it with a readjustment so that he can hold him tighter. mingyu just nods shyly into his chest and then finally looks up at him.

"tell me what you need" dokyeom says sweetly.

"can we just watch a movie or something? i'm not really tired" mingyu asks. dokyeom feels a little unsettled at the way he's acting and he really hopes he didn't mess things up. he nods.

"sure baby". he carefully moves mingyu off of him and tells him that he's going to go get them some water. when he comes back he sits next to him, but doesn't pull him back against him. he thinks that maybe some space would help and he doesn't want to smother him. however, after only minutes of mingyu paying careful attention to the movie, he scoots back over to him and lays his head down on his lap. dokyeom takes this as a sign that he isn't extremely uncomfortable, so he starts playing gently with his hair. again, dokyeom takes this opportunity with careful steps as he doesn't act like this too often. 

"kyeom?" he says, still looking forward, his voice vibrating against dokyeom's thigh. 

"hmmm?" dokyoem hums in response, still lost in thought about his behavior and simultaneously fighting sleep. mingyu turns to his other side and looks up at him with puppy eyes.

"i'm hungry" he states matter of factly, which makes dokyeom laugh. he places his hand on his hip and gives it a pat. 

"let's go to the kitchen. i can make you something" he says while getting up from the bed.

"i'll meet you down there" mingyu says with a distant look. dokyeom looks back at him for a moment and contemplates whether he should question it before he decides not to. while he's rummaging through the fridge to see what he can make mingyu comes down the stairs and sits on a bar stool. his hood is up and his face is just barely peeking out. dokyeom can't take it anymore, wondering and worrying if he pushed him too far today. he walks over to stand behind him and wraps his arms around his waist.

"you're worrying me, gyu" he says quietly into the back of his head. "i'm not sure if you were ready. i shouldn't have brought it up" he admits, feeling very guilty over the whole situation. mingyu shakes his head against him and spins around on the stool. 

"i would have said no if i didn't want to. i promise" he says seriously. he does not want dokyeom thinking that this is his fault. he wanted to do it. he wanted to move to the next step and there's no one else in the world he trusts more than the man in front of him to do it with. dokyeom answers with a reluctant okay once again.

"what do you want to eat? name it and i'll make it" he says. when mingyu decides he sits back down on the bar stool and takes out his phone and scrolls through social media. dokyeom continues cooking, occasionally hearing small giggles come from mingyu, which makes his heart feel much lighter. 

"have you seen this? i've been meaning to film it with hoshi for tik tok" he hears him say from behind him. he spins around from his place at the stove and stands on the other side of the counter, looking at the phone screen that mingyu is showing him. it's just a funny challenge that has been going around, and he agrees that him and hoshi would suit it well.

"you guys should definitely do that. those are addicting to watch" he says with a smile as he watches mingyu smile at this reasurrance and immediately starts texting the idea to hoshi. he returns back to his cooking and announces that it's done. he brings the bowl over to mingyu, stealing a bite first of course. 

"can we go back into bed?" mingyu asks, sticking out his bottom lip in a begging pout. he knows that dokyeom has always had a thing against eating in bed, but there's no way in hell he's saying no to him right now. they sit back down in the sheets, mingyu being extra careful with his bowl as to not spill anything.

"thank you for the food" he says cutely, pausing from his spoonful to look at dokyeom. 

"you're welcome" dokyeom smiles. he feels like he's finally returning back to his usual self, just remaining a little bit shy. he finishes the bowl pretty quickly and puts it down on the bedside table, suddenly very tired and having no intention of bringing it down to the kitchen. he gets under the blankets and looks up at dokyeom, saying with his eyes that it's definitely time to sleep now. dokyeom gets under the covers too and lays on his side facing mingyu. 

"hold me?" mingyu says. being the bigger one in the relationship he doesn't usually get to feel small. but tonight he does. he turns around on his side so that his back is facing dokyoem. he scoots as close as he can get to him, not leaving even a millimeter of space between them and it's still not close enough. dokyeom gladly obliges, wrapping his arms tightly around his torso. he rests his hand on his stomach protectively and presses him close, getting the memo. 

"don't let go. okay?" mingyu says in his sleepy state. he finally feels relaxed, his overwhelmed sensation from earlier slowly disappearing. 

"i wouldn't dream of it" dokyeom whispers. he leaves the worlds most tender kiss on the back of his neck. 

"hey" he says, squeezing his stomach lightly. mingyu hums in response, snuggling deeper into his chest.

"thank you for trusting me, sweet boy" he says genuinely. he doesn't take it lightly how vulnerable mingyu was with him. at this, mingyu turns his head so that he can look at him. 

"i love you so much" he gushes. 

"and i love you. now get some sleep" dokyeom says as he kisses his forehead. "i'll be right here" he reassures him. mingyu lets his eyes close and sleep finds him easily. dokyeom holds him the whole night, just as he promised.

[seokgyuistforu]

soft spot | seokgyu (mingyu and dk)

"it's what you do to me.

i'm wrapped around your finger and i can't stop.

you know i got a soft spot for you."

soft spot-keshi

———————————————————-

mingyu has been this way since he was a child, at least that's what everyone always tells him. he feels a lot, his emotions jumble up inside until oftentimes they come out in some undesirable ways. he grew up with a short temper that has gotten better with age. but he keeps the habit of hiding his feelings most of the time. there's an exception to this rule, of course, and it comes in the form of dokyeom.

dokyeom is the complete opposite of his boyfriend. he loves loudly and unapologetically. his feelings are always on display, whether it's sulky or joyful. it's one of the aspects that mingyu has always admired most about him. despite being an extrovert, mingyu has a tendency to shell up sometimes when he's with groups of people. he's been called distant, sometimes even cold. but if one thing reigns true, it's that he has a soft spot for dokyeom.

"well someone's grumpy today" seungkwan mutters, scrunching up his face and gesturing towards mingyu. throughout the room members throw themselves into various positions on the couches and chairs, getting comfortable until their next filming. after a few snickers in response mingyu knows that everyone is in agreement. sure he had a few arguments with people today, but nothing worth writing home about. 

"i am not grumpy" he shoots back, saying it exactly how a grumpy person would. he sighs in realization, "i'm just tired" hoping this statement backs him up a little bit. dokyeom walks into the dressing room last and is still buzzing off the energy of the performance. he stops to talk to hoshi about something and gets so enthralled that he doesn't hear seungkwan's next comment. 

"well whatever it is, make sure to stay away from him for your own sanity" he says to the room. mingyu knows he's joking, but he rolls his eyes anyways, still a bit annoyed by it. he sits down on  a reading chair and pulls out his phone, anticipating everyone actually listening to seungkwan. dokyeom starts making his way towards him, and mingyu hears a "uh oh, he didn't get the memo" from members behind him. 

dokyeom hasn't even noticed mingyu's so called grumpy energy. the explanation for this is because he hasn't been on the receiving end of it even once today. he's spoiled rotten, actually. he turns the angsty scowls and the annoyed lip pursing into real smiles without trying. so when he see's his boyfriend slumped in the chair paired with furrowed eyebrows and stiff shoulders, he isn't deterred in the slightest. he takes this as an invitation to sit directly on his lap and not give him any personal space. of course, mingyu lets this slide. he feels the members eyes on them, almost as if they're holding their breath. 

"this is my favorite outfit on you" dokyeom says truthfully. he fixes a stray hair from his forehead, careful to not mess it up before the next performance. he scans him up and down. there's something so effortlessly simple about the outfit but it suits mingyu perfectly. dokyeom rests his hand on his bicep, feeling the soft fabric of the grey waffle long sleeve he's wearing. his jeans fit him good. so, good. 

"yeah?" mingyu hums, a smile gracing his face. he wraps his arms around dokyeom's waist, holding him in place. "thank you baby" he finishes, leaving the worlds softest kiss on his waiting lips. dokyeom takes mingyu's hand and holds them up together, comparing them. he then plays with his fingers absentmindedly, twisting the seventeen ring around on his pinky. mingyu feels content in a way he doesn't unless he's with him. 

the members snicker and tssk behind them, mumbling things like 'how could i forget that dokyeomie doesn't count?' and 'we should have known'. dokyeom, only just now tuning into this for the first time, shoots the a glare. 

"share with the class?" he asks, doing his best to make an intimidating face at the peanut gallery. mingyu finds it adorable and kisses his cheek, immediately only adding to the fire.  

"he's got such a soft spot for you. you know that?" hoshi says with a chuckle. despite their efforts of pretending they are annoyed, they all understand how special the love they have is. dokyeom looks at mingyu, then back at hoshi. he shrugs nonchalantly. 

"maybe he just doesn't like you guys cause you're annoying as fuck" he says blatantly, earning laughs from the whole room.

"you can keep telling yourself that" they say back, slightly in chorus, laughing more when they realize they've said the same thing. mingyu, borderline just over this whole charade, reaches up to play with dokyeom's hoodie string. dokyeom stops paying them any mind and turns his attention back to mingyu.

"do you wanna take a walk?" he asks. he still has so much adrenaline from the performance that he can't sit still. mingyu is exhausted, pretty happy to just stay put in this chair until he needs to get up again. but of course, he says yes without hesitation. once they get in the hallway mingyu takes dokyeom's hand just to have a point of contact. 

"i don't see what the problem is with that" dokyeom says, only continuing when he sees confusion on mingyu's face. "that is.. if you do have a soft spot for me, i mean" he says, his cheeks reddening slightly. mingyu chuckles with endearment at his sudden shyness. he stops them from walking and stands in front of dokyeom, who rests his back on the wall. mingyu reaches out to place a hand on the wall by his head, leaning on it for support. in this outfit, dokyeom practically dizzies at the sight. as if that wasn't enough, mingyu speaks.

"i'll be honest baby, you do have me completely wrapped around your finger." 

he doesn't know what to do with the confession. instead, he suddenly has lost the ability to make eye contact and he knows the tips of his ears are firetruck red. mingyu just smirks at him, leaning in closer. 

"you're cute when you're all shy", he says.

his blush only deepens against his will, "i'm not shy" he says stubbornly, rolling his eyes and trying his best to believe his own lie.

"oh yeah? look at me then" he says with a playful ego. he stays leaning against the wall and uses his free hand to tilt his chin up. dokyeom lasts a whole 3 milliseconds before he has to look away. mingyu lets out a laugh and starts to walk down the hall.

"hey! that's not fair! i literally just told you how hot you look today and then you were leaning against the wall like i'm in a tv drama or something so that was basically an impossible challenge!" dokyeom says excitedly, chasing down the hall after him. 

once he catches up to him mingyu grabs his waist and pulls him flush to him. "i'm sorry sweetheart" he says lightly, pinching his hip. "you're not shy, i take it back" he says while lying through his teeth. anything to make him happy.

"thank you, that's better" dokyeom says with a huge genuine smile. before he can say anything else he notices motion down the hallway. members file out, immediately noticing the couple cozied up in the middle of it. they keep up their act and chat along with each other. 

"WHIPPED KIM MINGYU! WHIPPED!" minghao yells down the hall. mingyu can't even remember being grumpy anymore. all he cares about is the man in his arms. dokyoem, who's back has been turned to them, moves to turn around to see what's going on. mingyu cups his cheek and brings his attention back to him.

"i love you so much" he says with an urgency, feeling it so strongly. 

"i love you t-" he starts to say, but mingyu doesn't even let him get to the end of the sentence before collides their lips. the members start "ooooo"ing and whistling from their spot in the hallway. mingyu throws up the middle finger behind dokyeom's back and smiles into the kiss. yeah, he's definitely got a soft spot.

[seokgyuistforu]

intertwined | seokgyu

dokyeom loved mingyu so much that the sun and the moon disappeared from the sky most days, and all there was was him. it was dangerous from the start, and he knew that. don't fall in love with your best friend. don't spend every day with him. don't get so attached to him that there's not enough air in the world to fill your lungs when he's not around. these are all things he told himself over and over again until it was too late. until he did the worst thing he could have possibly done. he fell hopelessly in love with kim mingyu. 

mingyu took longer to fall, but it didn't mean he fell any less hard. his world view shifted the first time his lips met dokyeom's, and he's been in space ever since. he too knew that it was risky to fall in love with him. the heart wants what it wants. just be careful, he would say to himself. the positives outweighed the risks. until one day they didn't. 

"don't fall in love with your best friend". "don't date your bandmate". "don't fuck this up for everyone if you break up."that's what they all would say. 

3 whole years of bliss. of blurred days and nights, shared beds and clothes, small and big gestures, stolen kisses and hand holds, arguments and make ups. it all finally came crashing down. 

although he's ashamed to admit it, dokyeom lost a part of himself the day it ended. he became so intertwined with the man he gave his heart to that he took half of it when he left. the worst part? he's not even gone. dokyeom sees him. every single day. this was the risk they had been warned about, and now he knows why. each new band schedule is a sharp pain in his lost heart. he wakes up everyday, the side of the bed that used to be warm with mingyu's presence is always empty. sometimes out of habit he still reaches over to him, only to be fully woken up by the harsh feeling of his hand only being met with the cold mattress. 

today he walks into the practice room, baseball cap on and a hood over it, continuing his existence as a zombie. he goes through the motions, just to survive another day. the rest of the members tip toe around them, never knowing what to say. or who to comfort. there's tension all around. his safe space has been tainted. he doesn't talk or joke around like he used to, and it makes for an eerie quiet. he puts all his effort and energy into the dance, hoping to dance until he can't feel anymore. he practices his moves over and over to the point of exhaustion, hoping to at least be good at this one aspect of his life. the formation changes, and he moves to his spot in front of mingyu. vernon messes up the timing on his move, and the music stops. they stand around as he tries to fix it and dokyeom can feel a familiar pair of eyes on the back of his neck. he's still tuned in to him. into every single aspect of the man who used to be his. he doesn't turn around.

"dokyeom" he hears, the voice just as familiar as the stare. he turns ever so slightly, just enough to see past his hood. he doesn't vocalize a response. mingyu meets his eyes for just a brief second before looking back toward the ground.

"your shoe is untied" he says quietly, clearing his throat. dokyeom follows his gaze to his shoe, which is truly untied. he mumbles an 'oh. thanks' before turning back around and kneeling down to tie it. this is how just about every interaction has gone. it went from conversations at 3 am about wedding venues and what type of cake they would want  to "your shoe is untied". dokyeom stands back up, taking in a deep breath and urging himself not to cry. he's been doing that a lot. he cries at the slightest inconvenience. he cries when something reminds him of mingyu. he's waiting for his tears to run out. 

"alright guys lets run through this full out one more time" their choreographer says. dokyeom enters his focus zone, completely blocking out what just happened. he nails every step, keeping up his energy like he never was able to before. on one particularly difficult move, he puts a little too much personality into the footwork and is immediately on the ground. he rolls over, grabbing his knee and pulling it to his chest. he doesn't even understand where its hurting yet, he just knows it is. he grits his teeth and bites his lip, seriously not wanting to cry in front of them all yet again. he hears the music stop, then voices on top of each other all at once asking if he's okay. jeonghan approaches him, bending down to look at him and asks where it hurts. dokyeom's heart starts pounding in his chest and everything starts to sound like its underwater. no no no. not now, he thinks. but he can't stop it once its started. he's having a panic attack. he can't catch his breath no matter how hard he breathes in. all his calming down techniques go out the window as he is still aware of everyone's worried eyes on him. his leg hurts so bad. he just wants to give up. he can't even dance right either. 

his eyes are closed tight when the smell of vanilla and bergamot hits his nose, then a familiar voice manages to pierce through the sound of his heartbeat. 

"hey" the voice prods softly, a softness that has brought him out of these attacks many, many times. "look at me. you're okay". reluctantly, knowing who's going to be there when he looks up, dokyeom opens his eyes. 

it does nothing to calm down his heart when he sees the genuine worry on mingyu's face, and notices how he's taken his hand in his. he rubs soft circles on the top of his hand with his thumb, using the gesture he's learned to keep him grounded in reality and out of his head. this time mingyu doesn't break away from his gaze.

"can you move your leg?" he asks gently, hoping to establish if he needs immediate care. 

he hesitantly moves his arm away from his leg and slowly stretches it out. there's only a dull pain, like he twisted something, but nothing too serious. he nods.

"okay. okay that's good" mingyu says, and everyone else lets out a relieved sigh. they casually back away, knowing all too well that mingyu can handle the panic attack. mingyu guides him towards the wall of the room and makes him sit up, back straight against the wall. he sits criss cross in front of him, placing a gentle hand on his calf. 

"you ready?" he asks, referring to the breathing technique he uses to calm him down. dokyeom nods, still too much in a shock to use any guide of vocalized words. he matches his breaths with mingyu for a minute or two, until the rest of the room comes back and he feels human. he feels nauseous at the sight of mingyu sitting there, worried sick with the ever lasting trace of love written all over his face. his hand has moved up to rest on dokyeom's knee. 

he breaks his silence. "why are you helping me?". he can't hold himself back from asking. 

the last of piece of mingyu's heart that was holding itself together by a thread finally breaks after that question. how doesn't he know that he will never stop loving him? he will be the first one there to help him, and the last one to leave when he's not well. he will never forget all the little things he's learned about him. like how he likes to sleep with a fan on at night even if its freezing, just for the white noise and mingyu has to use an extra blanket just to make it through. like how he can't eat dinner at home without watching a baseball game in the background. like the grounding techniques he needs to calm him down from a panic attack. he can't erase him away, even if he tried. 

"can't you see, kyeom? i'll never stop" he replies, meeting his eyes and truly, for the first time since the breakup, looking back at the soul that has become intertwined with his for the rest of his life. for better or for worse.

[seokgyuistforu]

best friend | seokgyu

———————————

"am i your best friend?" mingyu asks tepidly, creeping into the kitchen. the sight of his boyfriend, bare back facing him, as he whips up some breakfast only making him more nervous. he sits down on the barstool at the counter. 

without turning around, dokyeom starts answering as he stirs the ingredients in the pan. mingyu can hear the smile in his voice. "well good morning to you too, of c-" he stops talking once he turns around and finally looks at mingyu. his face is dead serious, with a trace of anxiety that dokyeom can pinpoint so well. he takes a moment to reel it in, changing his tone from joking to serious. 

"of course you're my best friend, baby" he responds, standing across the island from him as he takes one of his hands and holds it tenderly. 

"but like, you're my boyfriend. so do you just say that by default, or am i really like.." he mumbles, whispering the last part "like your best friend?". 

dokyeom walks around the counter and takes his sulky boyfriend's shoulder lightly, turning the bar stool so that he's facing him. he holds both of his hands this time, brushing his thumb back and forth. "i'm not just saying that by default. you are my best friend, gyu. through and through" he says earnestly, placing a kiss on his forehead. 

"am i your best friend?" he adds after mingyu stays quiet. he wants to further prove his point.

"of course!" he says genuinely, as if it was a silly question to ask at all. dokyeom makes a 'see' face at him, to which mingyu scrunches up his face in understanding at what he was getting at. 

"sometimes i just.. i don't know" he says solemnly, not being able to express it in words.

"do i do something to make you think that you're not? because if i do, i'm sorry baby, i really am and i will-" dokyeom starts, hoping that if this was the case there is something he can do to fix it. 

"no no no no no!" mingyu cuts him off enthusiastically, stopping the spiral before it happens. he pulls his boyfriend into a crushing hug, keeping him between his legs. he rests his head in the crook of his neck, leaving a loving kiss on his shoulder.  "you do everything perfectly. you are perfect. i just get insecure sometimes. i'm sorry" he says, hoping the other believes him. 

dokyeom lifts mingyu's head up gently. "don't be sorry, baby. i just don't want you to ever doubt this. you do remember how our relationship started right?" he pauses to giggle, reminiscing on the years they spent as inseparable best friends, in love with each other but neither admitting it for years. mingyu nods with a soft smile, understanding what he's saying.

"we were best friends for years, arguably since the moment we met each other. it was actually annoying to everyone else how attached at the hip we were, but we never cared. not a thing has changed, gyu. you're still my best friend. only now i get to kiss you and tell you that i love you whenever i want" he pauses, giving him a loving peck on the lips for emphasis, which makes mingyu giggle into the kiss. dokyeom smiles adoringly at him before continuing. 

"i would choose you over anyone on this earth to do quite literally anything with. grocery shopping? you're coming. movies? walk in the park? a damn dentist appointment? it's you baby. you're my best friend in the whole world. and NOT just because you are my boyfriend. i love you and i want to share every moment with you for the rest of my life" he finishes, smiling at the teary eyed boy in front of him. 

"now i'm crying like an idiot, idiot" he says jokingly, wiping his tears away and shoving dokyeom lightly, making him chuckle at the dynamic of theirs that he loves so much.  "i really needed to hear that, thank you. love you so much" he replies, kissing him on the lips before once again pulling him into a tight hug, burying his face in his chest. it isn't until the smoke detector starts beeping that they realize the breakfast dokyeom abandoned has been burning this whole time.

"SHIT!" dokyeom exclaims, running around the kitchen like a madman trying to flow the smoke away with a dish towel. 

"you should probably try paying more attention when you're cooking" mingyu says, taking the burning pan off the stove as he shoots dokyeom a playful look. dokyeom meets his eyes, smiling at him brightly, knowing that even these imperfect moments will always be perfect, as long as they are together.

[seokgyuistforu]

about you | seokgyu

—————————————-

"and there was something about you that now I can't remember

it's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender

and I'll miss you on a train, I'll miss you in the mornin'

i never know what to think about,

i think about you."

--------------------------------------------------------------

dokyeom's laughter fills the room, eliciting a smile from every single member as an automatic response. everybody adores that boy, and they would move mountains for him in a heartbeat. but there's one among them that loves him just a little bit differently.

mingyu has been in love with dokyeom since they walked into the dingy green room that first day during pre-debut. it didn't take much for him to fall head over heels. being born the same year, they got along instantly. dokyeom matches mingyu's energy, but also knows how to push his buttons like no other. they bicker, they laugh, they cry, and they are always each other's safe space. they both know each other like the back of their hands. fast forward to years and years later, and nothing has changed. mingyu's heart beats a million times a minute when he's close to him, which means it's always racing. he has kept his feelings private all these years because the thought of losing his best friend over something like this would not be worth it. he can't imagine his life without the happy boy. if he had to choose between an unrequited love and not having his best friend, he would choose the first one over and over. but honestly, mingyu's not even so sure it's unrequited.

"mingyu literally tripped over his own goddamn feet in the middle of the concert and fell flat on the floor but you're making fun of me?" dokyeom exclaims excitedly, addressing the room in a standing position while in a bickering match with jeonghan.

"hey! i still looked hot while doing it at least" mingyu responds, pulling a jokingly smug look.

"in your dreams, kim mingyu" dokyeom says, plopping down right next to him on the couch with a teasing chuckle. he sits so incredibly close to mingyu that it's suddenly hard to breathe.

"are you insinuating that i didn't look hot when i jumped too high and my pants ripped?" he asks, arching an eyebrow high jokingly at the clearly un-hot situation.

"no. you always look hot" he says, his voice low and suddenly too serious for the conversation at hand. dokyeom rolls his eyes and mumbles a nonchalant "whatever", and tries to turn away nervously. but mingyu catches the small reddish tint spread over his cheeks. he catches him biting his lip in an attempt not to smile. it's little actions like this that give mingyu hope. the two of them have never been awkward with each other. they were peas in a pod after the first minute, and anything goes. they've cuddled, they've spent the night together in a shared bed, they're touchy all the time and it was never anything out of the ordinary. but in the past year or so there's been a shift. it seems intimate when these things happen. mingyu knows he must have not been very subtle with his feelings, despite his effort. surely dokyeom has picked up on something, and it's made things a little different. mingyu tries to keep himself in check. again, he cannot lose his best friend.

but this time it's dokyeom who leaves mingyu's mind whirling. once his cheeks return back to their normal shade he pulls his legs up on the couch to sit criss cross, with his one thigh resting on top of mingyu's. when he sits back, his back is resting on half of mingyu's chest. he's sure that there's no way that the smaller boy cannot feel the thump of his heart.

"can i see the videos you took?" he asks, peering up at the boy who's heart is about to give out. they had so much fun at the concert today, and mingyu took out his phone to record a lot of the moments so that he could keep it forever. he doesn't think twice while he pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens up his camera roll. rendered speechless, mingyu goes through the camera roll not being able to focus on anything but the heat radiating off of dokyeom, and the feeling that this is right. it's just right.

"wait a minute! you did not!" dokyeom suddenly exclaims loudly after realizing mingyu does in fact have a video of the exact moment that his pants ripped.

"you're the one who decided to rip your pants in the middle of my video" he teases. dokyeom reaches out in an attempt to grab the phone from him and delete the video, but mingyu is faster. for a brief moment their hands meet each other in the tussle, both holding onto the phone. mingyu's thumb, with a mind of it's own, strokes dokyeom's hand softly. its' so quiet for a moment, his heart thumping so loud that the chatter from all the other members fades away. dokyeom clears his throat, the familiar shade of pink back on his cheeks as he readjusts himself, sitting properly on the couch this time.

"i'm sorry" he stutters, though neither of them know what he's apologizing for. he tries to immediately skip over what just happened, and takes mingyu's phone from him to keep watching the rest of the videos. mingyu spaces out for a little bit, stuck on the feeling of his hand in his. when a small "oh" escapes from dokyeom's lips, mingyu turns to face him. he notices that everyone else is gone, and suddenly the weight of them being alone is so heavy. dokyeom's lips are parted, and eyes widened as he stares down at the video on the screen. when mingyu peers over to see what he's looking at, he's suddenly in a horror film. it's a video that he completely forgot he took, or else he would have never let him scroll through his camera roll like this. it's a simple moment from during the concert, where they are walking around the stage and interacting with the fans. it starts out with filming the whole group on the B stage, mingyu hanging back to capture it. then he zooms in, clearly and purposefully, right onto the boy he was infatuated with in that moment. dokyeom is staring out into the crowd, looking like an angel who just flew down from the clouds. his eyes are twinkling with that light that only he has, and he's paired with a soft, genuine smile. the fact that nothing in particular is going on in it makes it so obvious what mingyu's intentions were behind it. to add fire to the storm, there's 2 more videos just like it. there's suddenly not enough air left in the world.

neither of them want to speak first. eventually after dokyeom watches them for the 3rd time, just looks up at mingyu with a glossy look and says quitely "why?".

such a simple question, with a simple answer. 'because i love you. i always have' is on the tip of his tongue, but he has to go slower. he can't scare him away, he can't. if these videos haven't already.

"i-" he starts, but can't find the words to finish. he gently takes the phone from him, not wanting to succumb to this humiliation anymore. dokyeom sits patiently, fiddling with his fingers and waiting for him to say something, anything.

"gyu..." he says pleadingly, hating the silence and the anticipation.

"i love you" he blurts out. well, so much for the original plan of going slow.

"i love you too, mingyu. but this is really s-" he starts to say quietly, but is cut off by mingyu.

"no. i'm IN love with you, dokyeom". he adds. his tone deadly serious, his gaze staying on dokyeom's face. he's reading it for clues, for anything at all that could give away what he's possibly thinking right now. the only sound in the room is their nervous breathing.

"mingyu.. stop it. this isn't funny" he says, now deadly serious as well. mingyu slowly reaches out to hold his hand, intertwining their fingers. dokyeom shifts in his seat, but he doesn't make any effort to pull his hand away.

"i'm being serious. i have loved you for as long as i have known you. every day i love you more and more and there's nowhere for it to go. i think about you every second. i miss you even when you are right next to me. it's all about you, kyeom. it's always been about you." he confesses, squeezing his hand for emphasis. this is it. everything could come crashing down now. he could lose everything. he is too afraid to make eye contact, so he stares down at their hands. it's been quiet for way too long. he feels a squeeze back, so he looks up tentatively. dokyeom's eyes are teary, one stray one rolling down his cheek. fuck, he really fucked up. without any warning, dokyeom lunges forward and grips mingyu in the tightest hug he's ever felt. mingyu, as a gut reaction, holds him back and places a gentle hand on his neck, guiding his head into the crook of his neck.

"i'm in love with you too" is whispered into his ear, like he's also been holding it in for years because he was too afraid to lose his best friend also. mingyu's life changes when he hears those words reciprocated. he pulls out of the hug, keeping his hand on his neck. he stares into his eyes and smiles unabashedly. he giggles happily, and they both burst into a fit of unstoppable giggles as they release all the nerves and tension they had built up.

"we're really both fucking idiots, aren't we?" dokyeom laughs, referring to the years they wasted as they could have been dating.

"just a little bit" mingyu laughs back in response. his laughs stop short as he watches dokyeom's face light up, his eyes squinting from smiling too hard. when he notices he's the only one still laughing, he stops and looks at mingyu inquisitively.

"is it alright if i kiss you?" he asks shyly, taking his hand in his again. he leans in so close that their faces are inches apart. he hovers there, waiting for the answer.

"please" dokyeom breaths out, his eyes fixed to mingyu's parted lips. when their lips collide, the years of agony and secrets was all worth it. their hands roam on each others backs as dokyeom places one on the taller one's waist. they are both running out of breath, but they don't care at all. mingyu solemnly swears to never go another day without kissing him.

[seokgyuistforu]

When taking care of you comes naturally to him like a habit ♡

[seokgyuistforu]

Seokgyu holding hands entering a horror house 🥹🫶