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serfuzzypushover · 2 days ago

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I should probably post this on ao3 but I feel a bit embarrassed to reveal my account here

> Gonta starts thinking he is not enough for Korekiyo, Korekiyo shuts that down

(all while simping)

Implied abuse on Gonta's part, and if you know anything about me, also on Kiyo's but it's not explicit in the fic

If there was heaven, Korekiyo would suspect this would be it, being with his dearest in his room, the lights dimmed, a book in one hand while the other mindlessly focused on tangling and detangling his Gonta's hair.

That simple mundane act of playing with his lover's hair becoming Korekiyo's own notion of heaven, the sacred and the profane becoming one and the same, betraying ideas that Korekiyo has studied.. While yet still being beautiful in its conception

But perfection can sometimes be nothing but an illusion - Korekiyo has learned that not from books and studies, but from raw unfiltered heartbreak, - and the unusual stiffness and lack of affection from Gonta brought him back to reality

Gonta muttered his name, it was quiet... as if he didn't want Korekiyo to hear, quite unusual, when they were alone Gonta wasn't usually shy, overly polite? Yes. But not shy, never shy.

Korekiyo quietly noted, worried, yet curious of what side his lover would bring this time.

"Yes dear?"

He put down his books, deciding that his attention would be on Gonta and Gonta only, ah, as if any books could ever compare to those magnificent red eyes coming to meet his own anyways.

Even when startled his angel was still so beautiful, how could Korekiyo ever tire of him?

"Ah! Nothing Kiyo, don't worry, it was just something stupid that came to mind! , Kiyo can continue with his book if he likes"

Gonta closed his eyes - Korekiyo repressed the need of making him look at him, let him see how much Korekiyo loved him.

But he refrained, not the time, his love was once again locked in his heart, one day Korekiyo will let it all free, break Gonta's conviction with all of its might, but today, his usual facade shall take its place.

"I am afraid I found myself a much more interesting subject to study for the night dear, so just quench my curiosity and tell me what's on your mind hm?"

- or not, his flirt was effectively very noticeable, but he couldn't bring himself to care when he could see Gonta's delicious blush from the corner of his eyes.

Was he Embarrassed? Ashamed? Flustered? So many hypothesis and only one true answer....

"Just.... Sorry- Kiyo really loves humanity and Gonta really likes how passionate he is about it, but Gonta just wonders sonetimes-"

He stopped from a second, and Kiyo recognized immediately his attempts to hide... Using his long wavy hair as a shield against Korekiyo's possible judgements, the slight tremble making it obvious Gonta was about to cry.

(ah so it was shame after all.)

"Why, does Korekiyo stay with Gonta when Gonta barely acts like an actual human being should?"

There was some conviction in the way he said, as if Gonta has already made up his mind about what Korekiyo thought, and Korekiyo's heart ached, he could tell him every reasons he has for loving him, he could even tell him a thousands and thousands of times.

Yet there was a slightly more pressing matter, Korekiyo gripped his heart to stop it from bleeding all over Gonta's beautiful face and instead focused on that question running in his mind.

"Care to tell me how a human "should" act?, I believe we should make that clear if we are to have this conversation"

Gonta moved from that spot on Korekoyo's lap, still trying to hide, still trying not to burden, facing away from Korekiyo, as if Korekiyo's gaze could burn and perhaps in that moment for Gonta... It could.

Korekiyo was aware of Gonta's Complicated... history with his family, how they had mistreated him and treated such mistreatment as discipline, so in that moment, Gonta probably felt as if Korekiyo wanted to do the same as they had done to him time and time again.

(and Korekiyo hated to put his own moral judgements into his view of humanity, but when he saw Gonta being so scared of him, how could he not hate even a little the people who made him feel that way? Ah the power of love....)

"Gonta saw someone say that intelligence is the most important quality that distinguishes us from animals...Gonta-"

"That's a fallacy and you know it"

Korekiyo said that without thinking, his tone was blunt and he saw his love jolt, though he had to admit hearing that statement from Gonta was... Sincerely out of character...

"You study nature don't you? You would certainly agree yourself, that intelligence is present in almost if not all animal species, it's not specific to humanity"

he switched to a more sympathetic tone, reminding himself he was effectively here to comfort him not to argue, "My love, we have argued about this plenty, you were the one to taught me about how intelligent even those... Insects... Are"

(he hoped the disgust in his voice at thinking about bugs wasn't noticeable, it probably was,)

"So what is this really about?"

Gonta stiffened even more

Korekiyo's heart was burning and he hated how much seeing Gonta like this scared him.

(it wasn't Gonta's fault, no never, old scars don't tend to fade away quickly)

"Gonta just-" He closed his eyes, Korekiyo knew he was trying to find the right words, words that will not make him sound stupid in front of someone he thought so high of.

But Korekiyo didn't care, he never has and never will, he just wanted- no needed to know what was on his mind right now, and if he could do anything to fix it

"He just.... Doesn't know how to communicate with other humans being, he doesn't feel like he knows how to act like others do, and he feels lost everytime he tries... Gonta just wonders if Kiyo would like someone who understands how to be human better than Gonta does"

Korekiyo always thought that Gonta's biggest problem was any lack of understanding but rather a presumption that he was inherently a failure, Korekiyo wanted to tell him he could teach him, that they could travel together and figure out how human customs, values, languages, vary and how they work, and he would welcome any confusion, thought and feeling Gonta might have.

And even that he would find his perspective to be beyond beautiful.

Yet before he could, Gonta spoke again.

"....Gonta just wishes he knew, what he should do to make others treat him like a human being..."

There was a small glance, an attempt for Gonta to try and understand Korekiyo's thoughts, but luckily for him, he didn't have to wonder for long, as Korekiyo's answer was quick and instinctive

"You don't know simply because there is nothing you can do my dear"

Such an assessment wasn't something Korekiyo had said to be cruel, and it took him how the other sobbed to realize what that had implied.

"And no, my love, not because of any inherent imperfection you think you might have" Korekiyo's bandaged hand dared to meet Gonta's calloused warm one, united at last

"While I don't believe one of my spiels about Anthropology would comfort you right now, I believe I need to make something clear" Gonta looked at him, his eyes threatening to make Korekiyo fall apart just at the sight of, but he needed to continue

(you mustn't waver, you mustn't lose composure, you mustn't become flustered, not now, not ever)

"A lot of what we consider to be acceptable behaviors, are nothing more than a result of the specific circumstances that brought our culture to value those instead of others. Its wrong to consider those as the essence of humanity itself, because they vary immensely, and are not an immutable and inherent part of our culture to begin with"

He glanced at Gonta, there was an hint of interest, an hint of curiosity, a need for Korekiyo to continue, to confirm that under all this, ultimately Korekiyo still wanted to be with him

And he did.

"I don't believe that the responsibility of others refusing to see things beyond their own sphere of understanding should befall onto you."

"Kiyo is right, Gonta didn't mean to dismiss the work he does... Gonta just wishes.. He- no, people were kinder"

Gonta tried wiping his own tears, but Korekiyo quickly replaced his hand with his own, even with his bandages dulling the sensation, Korekiyo could still feel the warmth of Gonta's cheeks and tears, it was heavenly still.

"Yes, but i insist we return to the topic you initially brought, your claim my love for you should be dependent upon you acting as a "human" should."

The shame returned once again, and Korekiyo fell in love further, all of Gonta's emotions were his, his to witness, his to study, his to love, oh, he wanted to kiss him, bring him close, without any further words, just being able to pour his love for Gonta in every part of him would have been enough

His heart needed to be still, he must not waver.

"You are aware that what I love the most about humanity is its incredible diversity yes?" a small nod, Gonta remembered, of course he did

Insecurity could mull every sort of knowledge after all

"Gonta knows! He is sorry, he knew it was-"

Korekiyo kissed him, it was chaste, but he needed him to know

A kiss itself it's not the only cultural expression of love, it's one of the most well known,but certainly not one everyone valued the same, yet in that moment it was all Korekiyo thought to do to show even a small percentage of the love he deeply felt.... If he could, he'd show it in every way he knew how, but this needed to be quick, to be immediate, lest it'd overwhelm Gonta.

His Gonta, who currently was blushing up to his ear, his Gonta that was insecure, lonely but oh so lovely,his Gonta that has shown him kindness and love so selfless, his Gonta that almost made him like bugs just because of how deeply passionate he was about them.

His cute angel, his darling, his honey...

His dearest love.

Who was clearly staring at Korekiyo's lips clearly wanting more, how unlucky he will have to wait, just a little longer.

"Ultimately, I love you because you are you."

The dam broke, Gonta's cries began once more, and this time, Gonta kissed him, Gonta touched him, his hands holding Korekiyo's waist, whispering at times small words of appreciation - of love, seemingly nonsensical and detached from each other, Korekiyo was almost.... Overwhelmed by such grand affection

If heaven was real, this would certainly be it, being beneath his lover, touching his hair and caressing his back, as he kisses you and loves you, over and over again, how beautiful it is to love and be loved in return, without any expectations nor rules, just the two of them,in their heaven, forever more.

#ough.... OUGH #oiufghhhgg #rebubble

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