sexpositivefeminisim

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What do sex workers want? | Juno Mac | TEDxEastEnd “Everyone has an opinion about sex work, but what does sex worker Juno Mac...

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Let's Talk About Sex: The Reality of the Sexual Pleasure Disparity | …

“The claim that the female orgasm is just as natural and should be just as expected as the male orgasm is a controversial one, because society conditions us to regard the female orgasm as something extra. Grace Wetzel, a junior at St. Lawrence University, explains the phenomenon known as the orgasm gap and explores the straight woman's sexual experience.  Grace Wetzel is a junior at St. Lawrence University with a Psychology major, a Biology Minor, and a Gender & Sexuality Studies Minor. She is a member of the ODK Leadership Honor Society and of Psi Chi, the Honor Society in Psychology. She is a member of two dance groups on campus, Dance Ensemble and Graceful Movements, and is a house member of the Women's Resource Center. Grace has a passion for intersectional feminism and social justice. Her long-term dream is to change the stigmas and inequalities surrounding the female sexual experience.”

Is her 3:1 statistic accurate for you? Why do you think that is?

Have you ever talked to a partner about what you needed sexually? What was that like?

Have you ever felt ashamed for not orgasming from penetrative sex? Why?

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Women’s sexual pleasure: What are we so afraid of? | Sofia Jawed-Wessel...

Our attitudes about women's sexual pleasure - especially during pregnancy - indicate our general feelings of their place in society. Jawed-Wessel charts a path to improving gender equity starting with sex. Sofia Jawed-Wessel, PhD, MPH is an Assistant Professor of Public Health and Health Behavior at the University of Nebraska at Omaha and the Assistant Director of the Midland Sexual Health Research Collaborative. Jawed-Wessel has led and collaborated on several projects and manuscripts related to women’s and men’s sexual health including, sexual behaviors during pregnancy, sexual functioning during pregnancy and after childbirth, the use of sexual enhancement products, and condom development and use.

How will you take charge of your own sexual pleasure?

Have you ever felt to the need to fake an orgasm during sex? Why?

During your teenage years, were you ever shamed for your sexual desires? How do you think that impacted you and why?

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Growing Up in a Pornified Culture | Gail Dines | TEDxNavesink

“Popular culture bombards us with hypersexualized images of women and men, conveying powerful images that help shape our sexuality. Dr. Gail Dines, recipient of the Myers Center Award for the Study of Human Rights in North America, sociology and women's studies professor, and porn industry researcher and writer, explores how masculinity and femininity are shaped by pornified images that spill over into our most private worlds. In Dr. Gail Dines' compelling talk, she exposes the effects of porn culture on pop culture and the impact on children and young adults growing up in a pornified culture today, addressing how nonprofit organization Culture Reframed is solving the public health crisis of the digital age.”

How have you been impacted by hypersexualized images?

Have you felt the need to be “porn ready” (based on body image, hair removal, race, sexual experience, etc.)? Why? How? At what age did this need set in and why?

What do you think of the relationship between hypersexual images and they way men view and treat women?

Do you agree that hypersexual culture does a majority of the “grooming”? Why or why not?

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Why I stopped watching porn | Ran Gavrieli | TEDxJaffa

“Ran Gavrili writes and lectures about emotional and physical safe sex; porn and porn-influenced cultural damages; gender and power relations; and sex and intimacy.”

Has porn changed the way you view intimacy? How?

How old were you when you first were exposed to porn? Do you think that has impacted the way you view sex and power relations? Why?

What does emotional and physical safe sex mean to you? Why?

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What a sex worker can teach us about human connection | Nicole Emma | TE...

“In a society that values strong, stoic alpha males, where can a man find space to be vulnerable? Nicole Emma, a sex worker with 18 years of experience, gives a unique perspective on men's need for connection.”

How can Nicole’s explanation of sex work be used to advocate for the decriminalization and protection of sex work?

Do you agree with her points about human connection and and intimacy? Why or why not?

How can we create a society where men feel safe to be vulnerable?

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The Effect of Sexualized Media* | Ande Burns | TEDxYouth@Dayton

TW** mentions sexual assault

“Sexualized media without representation and education has tremendous negative effects. From porn addiction to dehumanization of others, these effects can be devastating, especially for young people.”

Has sexualized media impacted the way you feel about yourself? Why?

What ways have you seen dehumanization from porn?

What do you wish you could have learned about sexualized media? Why?

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Reclaiming Female Sexual Desire | Pamela Joy | TEDxPaloAlto

“After a decade-and-a-half at Apple and Facebook, Pamela left her career in high tech to found Down To There to share her real-life stories of challenges and successes around sexuality in her marriage.”

Has shame or guilt impacted your sexual desire? How?

What can you do to eliminate stigma around sexual desire?

Do you feel comfortable talking to your friends about sex? Why or why not?

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The unsexy truth, the hookup culture | Lisa Bunnage | TEDxSFU

“Did you know today's youth view sex as no more meaningful than a handshake? Did you know what they will often perform oral sex on a stranger they just met at a party but not kiss them as that's too personal? That's tame compared to a lot of what Lisa has heard in her 40+ years of experience of working with and raising kids. Parenting should be Fun & Easy. Get all the hard work done when they're little then relax & enjoy. Yes, there's some tweaking during the teen years, but otherwise… easy.”

“My methods are based on 40+ years of experience of working with & raising kids. I use what works, not what people think “should” work. If the respect isn't mutual, it's useless. Be the Fun Parent, not the Friend. What's the difference? Parents discipline, Friends don't. I help parents find their Inner Leader so their children turn to them instead of their peers for guidance.”

When is an appropriate time to talk to kids about sex? Why?

When do you wish your parents had talked to you about sex? Why?

What do you wish you had heard about sex growing up? Why?

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Blog Rationale - What Is the Point?

The blog, Sex Positive Feminism, was created to start a positive and open conversation about sex. The purpose is to raise awareness and make people think critically about their own sexual identity and experiences, as well as others’ sexual identities and experiences. Everyone is going to have different encounters with sex, from the smallest aspects, like what people find attractive, to the largest, like the actual act of having sex (whatever that looks like for the individual and their partner). The thing about sex is that there is no right or wrong way to experience it, if it is mutually consensual, which is why it is so important to talk about. In our society, sex is seen as a very taboo topic and can cause a lot of shame and guilt for people when they have a sexual experience or when they want to abstain from sex, which is sad because sexual expression is such a natural part of life.

Sex Positive Feminism strives to create an open, accepting, and inclusive space for people to ask questions and provide their own input on important issues surrounding sex and sex positivity. The idea for the blog started as a place for information, but as more research was conducted it transformed into a place for healthy and informative conversations, to allow readers to create their own opinions and beliefs regarding the topic. This project features:

-        Commentary (What is Sex Positive Feminism?, The Ways Media Impacts Sex Positivity and the Roles Women Play: From a Young Age to Adulthood, and Being Queer is a Direct Rebellion Against Patriarchy and Heterosexism)

-        Resources (Sex Positive Accounts to Check Out!!, This Bridge Called My Back, Bad Feminist, and Gendered Lives: Intersectional Perspectives)

-        Think Pieces (Growing Up in a Pornified Culture, Why I Stopped Watching Porn, The Unsexy Truth: The Hookup Culture, The Effect of Sexualized Media, What a Sex Worker Can Teach Us About Human Connection, and Reclaiming Female Sexual Desire)

The way this blog allows for conversation is through a ratio of one commentary piece for every few think pieces. This way viewers can establish their own beliefs about a topic. The resources provided allow viewers to explore and gain more information if they feel they are lacking in any certain area. However, what this blog requires most from readers is for them to add their own information and experiences to ensure it stays as inclusive as possible. This means commenting about how race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, gender identity, etc. all contribute to a person’s sexual experience.

The sources featured on the blog were picked because they provide a variety of different perspectives that are all in conversation together to create a complex and thought-provoking discussion. There are many contrasting opinions about what it means to be in the LGBTQ+ community to how sex workers should be viewed. Each source introduces a new dynamic to the conversation, which provides viewers with an array of opinions on various topics.

Something that should be improved upon with this blog is the addition of sources that focus on race, sexual orientation, gender identity, and ability as factors for sex positivity. It is important to touch on these topics since each group has vastly different struggles when it comes to topics like sex positivity, rape, sexual expression, pornification, etc. These are all things that play into sex positivity and the way society views all topics of sexual nature, which is why it is critical that sources surrounding these identities and issues are added.

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Sex Positive Accounts to Check Out!!

Instagram

- @thebswc https://www.instagram.com/thebswc/ (informational, Black sex workers)

- @politicalstripper https://www.instagram.com/politcalstripper/       (informational, sex, sexuality, and sex workers)

- @decrimsexwork https://www.instagram.com/decrimsexwork/              (activism, decriminalizing sex work)

- @sexworkhistory https://www.instagram.com/sexworkhistory/       (informational, history)

- @stopspeakingforus                   https://www.instagram.com/stopspeakingforus/ (informational, voices of sex workers)

- @sluttyscents https://www.instagram.com/sluttyscents/ (store - all funds go to Black sex workers)

- @swop_usa https://www.instagram.com/swop_usa/ (activism, sex work)

- @radioavasw https://www.instagram.com/radioavasw/ (sex workers radio station)

- @weareungirls https://www.instagram.com/weareungirls/ (sex and body positivity, feminist community)

- @the_female_lead https://www.instagram.com/the_female_lead/          (feminist page, has some posts regarding sex positivity)

- @clitoriscious https://www.instagram.com/clitoriscious/ (sexual empowerment and body normalization)

- @cliterallythebest https://www.instagram.com/cliterallythebest/                     (sex positive sex education, also has a podcast)

- @soft__limit https://www.instagram.com/soft__limit/ (sex education, disabled, queer)

- @i_weigh https://www.instagram.com/i_weigh/ (body positivity, radical inclusivity)

- @unapologeticallysurviving   https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysurviving/ (trauma survivors, supporters, and allies)

- @howifckpodcast https://www.instagram.com/howifckpodcast/             (podcast, talks about how people have sex - dating after experiencing trauma, disabilities, LGBTQ+, etc.)

- @thecatcallcollective                 https://www.instagram.com/thecatcallcollective/  (informational, people share their stories)

- @yourewelcomeclub            https://www.instagram.com/yourewelcomeclub/ (art and stickers by a queer, nonbinary artist that focuses on inclusivity)

- @ecp_org https://www.instagram.com/ecp_org/ (informational, activism, sex work)

- @umbrellalane https://www.instagram.com/umbrellalane/ (sex worker led project)

- @nationaluglymugs         https://www.instagram.com/nationaluglymugs/ (charity organization, justice and protection for sex workers)

- @unitedstrippersoftheworld   https://www.instagram.com/unitedstrippersoftheworld/ (sex workers branch of @unitedvoicesoftheworld union)

- @pink_news https://www.instagram.com/pink_news/ (charity, LGBT+ stories around the world)

Tumblr

- @feministism (intersectional feminism, informational)

- @fuckyeah-sexpositivity-blog (informational)

- @bepositivelysexy2 (informational)

- @sex-positive-explorer-blog (informational, LGBTQ+)

- @sexsavant (informational, LGBTQ+)

- @proudautisticgirl (informational, ableism)

- @sex-positive (informational)

- @sexpostive (informational)

Twitter

- @joyful_sex https://twitter.com/joyful_sex (informational)

- @sexindustrynetw https://twitter.com/sexindustrynetw          (organization, sex workers)

- @shibari_barbie https://twitter.com/shibari_barbie (informational)

- @sextalktuesday https://twitter.com/SexTalkTuesday (podcast)

- @geekysexylove https://twitter.com/geekysexylove (sexuality and pleasure educators)

- @unitedswers https://twitter.com/unitedswers (activism, sex workers)

- @sexworkrights https://twitter.com/SexWorkRights (activism, informational)

- @students4decrim https://twitter.com/students4decrim (activism, student sex workers)

- @sexworkersaa https://twitter.com/SexWorkersAA (page for sex workers who struggle with alcoholism)

- @swlovehub https://twitter.com/swlovehub (informational, sex workers)

- @nevertoldus https://twitter.com/nevertoldus (LGBTQ+ sex education)

- @qsepodcast https://twitter.com/QSEpodcast (podcast, LGBTQ+ sex education)

- @queersexwork https://twitter.com/queersexwork (informational)

- @blcktransnation https://twitter.com/BlckTransNation     (inforamtional, Black Trans Sex Workers)

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This book is a collection of “Writings by Radical Women of Color” and has many thought provoking pieces. Go check it out!

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This book focuses on feminism within pop culture and tackles the difficult question of “am I a bad feminist?” Go check it out!

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This is a link to an incredible resource that integrates a wide range of perspectives in women’s and gender studies. Go check it out! 

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The Ways Media Impacts Sex Positivity and the Roles Women Play: From a Young Age to Adulthood

         The textbook Gendered Lives: Intersectional Perspectives, written and edited by Gwyn Kirk and Margo Okazawa-Rey, features their own feminist pieces and others written by a collection of different authors. The piece “Sexuality”, by Kirk and Okazawa-Rey, focuses on how “heteropatriarchy pushes heterosex”, as well as how media impacts sex positivity and the roles women play, starting at a young age and through adulthood. Kirk and Okazawa-Rey highlight the role of fairy tales and the ways they instill basic heterosexual lessons, “there’s a man (Prince Charming) and a woman who have to overcome an obstacle of some kind to reach the happy ending… typically, a woman pays a price to find her prince.”[1] The authors are bringing to light how, even at a young age, society indoctrinates these expectations, therefore perpetuating heteronormativity and gender roles for women to follow. This creates an idea that women need to be delicate, modest, straight, cisgender, and adhere to the beauty standard, which completely invalidates the experiences of women who do not fall under those characteristics , as well as can impact self-esteem and the way women view relationships because these stories show women that they need to be saved and pursued by a man to be happy.

           Additionally, in her book Bad Feminist, Roxane Gay criticizes and breaks down the popular trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. She considers this story a "modern-day fairytale" due to the malevolent aspects. In this series, the main character, Ana, finds herself drawn to Christian Gray, a predatory and wealthy CEO. Gay points out that Ana "consistently clarifies her overall disinterest in serving as Christian's submissive," and "has very reasonable expectations and boundaries," but Christian "willfully ignores" them "and she allows him to"[2]. Gay explains that "when considering the overwhelming popularity of this trilogy, we cannot simply dismiss the flaws because the books are fun and the sex is hot."[3] Gay argues that this contemporary version "reinforces pervasive cultural messages women are already swallowing about what they should tolerate in romantic relationships"[4] to be loved. This perpetuates the idea that women must be the ones to accommodate their partners to be worthy of love. As pointed out by Gay, Christian did not have respect for Ana’s boundaries, but she allowed him a ignore them, so that she could be in a relationship with him. This reinforces patriarchal control through malevolence, where the conqueror, in this case Christian Gray, violates the boundaries of his partner (Ana). Instead of being in complete control of her sexual experiences, Ana gets cornered into either being compliant or not in a relationship at all with Christian. In this series, Christian’s expectations are met, while Ana’s are disregarded most likely because she feels that she needs to be the one to change to please her partner.

           From childhood into adulthood, women are met with these expectations of benevolence and malevolence. Beginning in childhood, this idea of prince charming/a rescuer (benevolence) and continuing into adolescence/adulthood, an idea of a conqueror/one who violates boundaries (malevolence). Women are constantly exposed to these expectations of what they should be for a romantic partner, which creates negative self-image and view of sexual expression.

What are your thoughts on the messages fairytales send children?

How do you think these stories represent women? Are they inclusive of all identities?

[1] Gwyn Kirk and Margo Okazawa-Rey, Gendered Lives: Intersectional Perspectives, Seventh (New York, New York: Oxford University Press, 2020), 140.

[2] Roxane Gay and Santiago Artozqui, Bad Feminist (Paris, France: Éditions Points, 2019), 240.

[3] Gay and Artozqui, 241.

[4] Gay and Artozqui, 241.

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Being Queer is a Direct Rebellion Against Patriarchy and Heterosexism

            The book This Bridge Called My Back, edited by Cherrie Moraga & Gloria Anzaldua, contains “Writings by Radical Women of Color” and addresses many important topics. The writing “Lesbianism: An Act of Resistance” by Cheryl Clarke takes a very interesting stance on sexuality, specifically sexual orientation, and the interactions there are with the patriarchy. She claims that “The Lesbian” is free from patriarchal control. The author states “this rebellion is a dangerous business in patriarchy. Men at all levels of privilege, of all classes and colors have the potential to act out legalistically, moralistically, and violently when they cannot colonize women, when they cannot circumscribe our sexual, productive, reproductive, creative prerogatives and energies. And the lesbian… has succeeded in resisting the slave master’s imperialism in that one sphere of her life. The lesbian has decolonized her body.”[1] The author is saying that men have exploited sexuality to maintain control over women for centuries, across many different cultures and communities. Despite class, race, ethnicity, etc., men have based their identities and power on the fact they will always be above women within the social hierarchy. In this social hierarchy, Black, Indigenous, and men of color all exist below white men, with each groups’ female counterparts below the men. This racist and sexist system has allowed for the free labor and control of women’s bodies. By insisting that men are stronger, superior, more intelligent, and rational, women have been reduced to follow the demands of society and orders of men. “The Lesbian” has basically rejected her “traditional” or expected role as a woman, by not letting her body be controlled and directed within the patriarchy. She is no longer participating and serving within the patriarchal household. Furthermore, the passage “So, patriarchs must extoll the boy-girl dyad as ‘natural’ to keep us straight and compliant in the same way the European had to extoll Caucasian superiority to justify the African slave trade.”[2] This suggests the patriarchy can only maintain control over women that men can potentially have sex with, therefore, anyone they cannot hold power over is socially deviant. To announce a sexual orientation, which is a social construct established by the patriarchy, that does not fall neatly within heteropatriarchal society is a form of resistance. It is refusing to be controlled by heterosexual men through sex.

           The author is pointing out that when sex is off the table for men, “The Lesbian” regains her power in society. Although this may have some truth to consider, it is important to know that there are still many factors that play into patriarchy, and sexual orientation is not the determining factor. It ultimately comes down to whether a person is a cisgender man or not, and if not, that person is deemed as less than by society. However, it is interesting to think about how women are free from patriarchal expectations in regards of “domestic responsibilities” when they announce a sexual orientation that does not fall within heterosexism.

What are your thoughts on this reading? Does Clarke have a point or are there too many other factors to consider? Comment below.

[1] Cherrie Moraga, Gloria Anzaldúa, and Cheryl Clarke, “Lesbianism: An Act of Resistance,” in This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color., First (Boston, Massachusetts: Persephone Press, 1981), 128-129.

[2] Moraga, Anzaldúa, and Clarke, 130.

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What is Sex Positive Feminism?

What is sex positivity?

Due to the flexibility and personal nature of this subject, sex positivity has many different meanings to many people. The definition of this phrase can be influenced by many factors, including race, gender, sexual expression, sexual orientation, nation, political climate, etc. Generally, as a broad ideology, sex positivity is the idea that all sex (or lack thereof), as long as it is healthy and entirely consensual, is a positive thing. Sex positivity allows for a more faceted understanding of how gender socialization, patriarchy and sexism have an impact on sexual violence.

Common myths about sex positivity:

1)     To be sex positive, you must be pro pornography. – While there is some historical context to be considered, like the fact that sex positivity was referenced in response to anti-pornography feminism, since there are so many ways for sex positive feminism to be defined, there is no way to determine if pornography is “right” or “wrong”. There are some feminists who proclaim to be anti-pornography and find comfort within the sex positivity movement, while others claim that pornography is an important aspect of sex positivity and defend the participation and production. Overall, the most important aspect is that there is healthy discourse surrounding the content of pornography and the impact the content has on sexual health and relationships.

2)     Sex positivity only applies to people who have a lot of sex. – The core of sex positivity is the idea of informed and explicit consent and autonomy within one’s own sexuality. For some people this means having lots of sex. For other people it might mean abstaining from some or all sexual activity. Sex positivity aspires to eliminate stigma and shame from all sexual experiences and choices.

3)     Sex positivity only applies to women. – Today, women are scrutinized for expressing themselves sexually, whether it involves wanting and/or having pleasurable sex or just wearing what makes them feel good about themselves. Women are taught to fear and hate their bodies, while men are taught that to be deemed a “real man” by society you must want sex and act accordingly. Many women go their whole lives not understanding the basic and most intimated parts of their sexual health. There are many outdated sayings and ideas, like “women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex”, that perpetuate heteronormativity and transphobia and lock people into the gender binary. Sex positivity works to challenge these uninformed, insensitive, and oppressive ideas by urging people of all genders to understand all aspects of their sexuality and participate in relationships that respect them. This includes the people who do not want to follow societal norms and those who do. If it is consensual, it is acceptable.

4)     If sex positivity supports all sexual activity, what prevents sex with children or animals, if that is what they are interested in? – The essence of sex positivity is explicit consent. Neither a child nor an animal can give consent for sexual activity.

Sources

Colorado State University, Faculty. “Sex Positivity.” Women and Gender Advocacy Center. Colorado State University, 2019. https://wgac.colostate.edu/education/bodyimage/sex-positivity/.