shadeystudies

[shadeystudies]

recent pages from my journals 🍂reblog is ok, don’t repost/use

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academic who writes a paper and just puts "credit to original author :)" for all their citations

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The tiniest book shelf

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huh. something small but unexpected happened and it threw me off my rhythm. the whole day is ruined now. its gonna take me 3-5 business days to recover

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Wow, found these old competition writing papers (from 8th grade) while visiting my parents house

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Finally done with being on an airplane

Oh but it’s not over yet. I’ve got 6and a half more hours of airplane flights now that I’ve been released from the review

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One leg down. Weather’s bad in both cities. I think I involuntarily slept the whole flight and I’m still so tired

Oh but it’s not over yet. I’ve got 6and a half more hours of airplane flights now that I’ve been released from the review

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Every time I fly I pass by gates to cities I used to live. I see them, not ten feet away, and think about what if- what if -what if. But my ticket always reads my initial destination so those ten feet become a thousand

Oh but it’s not over yet. I’ve got 6and a half more hours of airplane flights now that I’ve been released from the review

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I’m so afraid that if I fall asleep in the airport that I’ll miss my flight

Oh but it’s not over yet. I’ve got 6and a half more hours of airplane flights now that I’ve been released from the review

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Oh but it’s not over yet. I’ve got 6and a half more hours of airplane flights now that I’ve been released from the review

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Ta daaaa

Exhausted. But they liked my project I think. My review was significantly less harsh than other people’s.

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Review tomorrow… so much. Work.

I wish they’d not time gated this project… which meant that we only had one week to pull together end of semester level material. Oh did I mention that? They wanted drawings that would normally be presented at semester end for the midterm because the rest of the semester will be occupied by detail drawings and CD level articulation.

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Vacation

I love the hour before takeoff,

that stretch of no time, no home

but the gray vinyl seats linked like

unfolding paper dolls. Soon we shall

be summoned to the gate, soon enough

there’ll be the clumsy procedure of row numbers

and perforated stubs—but for now

I can look at these ragtag nuclear families

with their cooing and bickering

or the heeled bachelorette trying

to ignore a baby’s wail and the baby’s

exhausted mother waiting to be called up early

while the athlete, one monstrous hand

asleep on his duffel bag, listens,

perched like a seal trained for the plunge.

Even the lone executive

who has wandered this far into summer

with his lasered itinerary, briefcase

knocking his knees—even he

has worked for the pleasure of bearing

no more than a scrap of himself

into this hall. He’ll dine out, she’ll sleep late,

they’ll let the sun burn them happy all morning

—a little hope, a little whimsy

before the loudspeaker blurts

and we leap up to become

Flight 828, now boarding at Gate 17.

—poem by Rita Dove

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Search: “how to do work when too stressed about project to focus”

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They got her back in the middle of the turn up

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I hate the internal monologue that screams at myself to just fucking please switch to doing the project while my body sits by completely unmotivated. Sometimes it’s not even my body holding it back but I can feel other parts of my mind pulled towards some other activity. And then I do the other activity just fine while, again, part of myself literally begs me to stop.

Just do the work. Please. You could get so much sleep but oh look because you refused to cooperate before, we now have to keep all the lights on so any sleep we get is broken enough to ensure we don’t sleep through the last possible timeframe to get this done. Oh, sorry is that finally enough to convince you to do this? Now that we’re miserable and sleep deprived and on a time crunch? Have the perfect circumstances finally rolled around for the princess to do some goddamn work? Fuck you.