sheblogs101-blog

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Just a little update on this college thing; I'm having the time of my life. Yeah I may not be partying every night, but I'm having a ball. From late night jam sessions, to exploring the city, and to most important living my dream. I'm working on a stage crew and I was elected into hall council as the Chair of Marketing. So now I'm hanging lights and rehearsing for shows and also going to fancy induction ceremonies and training sessions. It's honestly so fun and I think my favorite part is not having my parents breathing down my neck and asking me what I'm doing or where I'm going all the time! Freedom is so...freeing!

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So I'm learning Sign Language!

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I have a secret....

As far back as I can remember I have always gone to church. My family was raised in a church and, therefore, my brother and I were too. I was very involved in the youth. We went to camp every year and hosted all kinds of events. I made some of my best friends through church and created a lot of relationships/opportunities through my church involvement. As a matter of fact my first solo film jobs was through a member of my church. I was well known and even seen as a role model to the younger shield ten in the church. But there was something that no one knew. I am an agnostic. My entire life I was just playing the part of a Christian. I've read some of the bible, I've heard it preached by many, and I've even gone down to the alter and prayed that little prayer. I still couldn't tell you if there is a God. I only went to church because my family made me. Then I only went to church to see my friends. Now I have finally accepted my true beliefs. To this day I still go to church every Sunday, but that is just because I have created this image and mostly because my parents make me. My family, my friends, and even strangers know me as a Christian and I have never told anyone different. I just don't know how to handle telling people without hurting my family or losing some of my best friends. I just don't think I'll ever be able to tell this secret. J. 7. 24. 16

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I'm changing...

So for the first time I realized something today. I have become a very different person lately. Over the past few months I have grown up and just altogether changed. I wouldn't say I'm a different person, but my priorities are definitely in different places. This summer I have become more responsible, but also I have partied more than ever. I have become better at managing my finances. I have started to care less about others and what they think about me. I have learned to carry on a casual conversation and speak to stranger more. I've come to appreciate SOME country songs. Yes, that is the biggest shock of them all. I like to listen to certain country songs. I like Sam Hunts style and his accent is not that strong, so I like his music. Any ways, I have learned to appreciate my time more. I don't like to just sit at home watching Netflix anymore. And finally I have learned more about myself. I have come to appreciate myself for who I am and appreciate my talents and interests. Can I just say change is a good thing? My challenge for you is to accept change and know that it is for the better. You may hate it now, but we usually forget about how long the ride was once we have arrived at the destination! J. 7. 24. 16

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Such a great idea!

do urself a solid 2k16: this year should be full of doing favors for ur future self. if ur super tired but u still have homework, outline what u have to do so u can finish it faster in the morning instead of leaving urself with a blank page and more stress. figure out what u wanna wear tomorrow the night before so u have more time in the morning to do others stuff. if u see a snack u like get it and save it so u can have it later when u forgot u even bought it. the best moments are the ones where ur like ¨damn i really came thru for myself.¨ be ur future self’s best fren

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Moving Out for the First Time!

Well here we are. Long time no see tumblr. These past few months have been the most hectic I’ve ever experienced. In just 4 months I graduated twice, got a new job, quit my first job, got another new job, started working full time, committed to a four year university, became of legal age, attended uni orientation, and now I’m packing my bags to move out on my own. 4 months of working my ass off has now been measured down to 1 more month in this town with my closest friends. Exactly 1 month from today I will be loading my car up to move an hour and a half away from my hometown, from my family, from my friends, and the place that made me who I am. How crazy is this? I’m ready for one hell of a ride ✌🏼️Signed J. 7. 17. 16

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Sadly, I haven't posted in a while, but when you're going to school and working 3 jobs you don't reply have much time to yourself. My daily routine this week has been... Wake up, eat breakfast, clean around the house, go to work, workout, eat dinner, shower, and go to bed. Thank god it's spring break or I'd have to squeeze school and homework in there too. These past few weeks have really been stressful. With graduation and prom right around the corner and still figuring out college and scholarships, I've been pulled to the max. All the while I'm still trying to find some time in my schedule for my friends and myself really. That's all for right now. I really just needed to get that off my chest. Rant over. J. 3. 29. 16

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I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.

Mother Teresa

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I understand completely. I'm choosing my undergrad uni right now and it terrifies me that I might regret my decision later! But like you said, you have to look at it as a learning experience. Don't regret or just push through it, just embrace it and make the most of it! Life is all about perspective!

Uni choices

I don’t regret my life choices very often, as I normally view them as learning experiences and ways they helped me grow as person.

I do regret however that I didn’t select a better University. I should’ve pushed harder to get into Harvard for my undergrad. I should not have disregarded UPenn-Wharton as a possible choice, which of course is now my top pick for my MBA. Perhaps I should have attended the University of London and focused on the School of Economics or Business.

I am just afraid of not being challenged academically and that I am not trying hard in Uni due to my lack of interest at this point. 

For now I just push hard to get through undergrad at FIT.

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Me

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Close Your Eyes

I used to be scared to close my eyes. For some reason it made me feel empty and I would imagine things that were absolutely horrible. But now I close my eyes every chance I get. It's like I leave my body and enter my happy place. I know it sounds weird, but just try it. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and just relax. It feels even better with headphones in. Just sit back and feel what's happening. Think positive thoughts and let them move you. Maybe it's just me, but it's like being high on life. J. 2. 19. 16

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Halsey

Dear Halsey, You are one of my idols. I don’t usually like to praise or over idolize people, but you are perfect in my mind. Your music is so powerful and has helped me so much. The vibe that flows from the beat and your voice put me to sleep every night and wake me every morning. I think what I love most about your lyrics is that they can be interpreted in so many different ways. They can mean something so different to every listener and relate to whatever situation you have going on. Thank you for saving my life every day Halsey! J. 2. 19. 16

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Tyler Joseph

Dear Tyler, You get me on so many levels. If it were possible we would be the same person. The lyrics in your songs address mental illness and the thoughts that I deal with every day. Depression and anxiety are something that most artist never address, but here you are and I absolutely love you for it. You are the greatest human being I know and I will forever love your work. Your music has helped save my life and I will be forever grateful for that. J. 2. 19. 16

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Pet Peeve

Here’s a pet peeve that I just need to get off of my chest. People who miss school a lot. I cannot stand it when someone says they want to be successful and make something of them self, but never come to school. You should know by now that education is the most important step in being successful. And not just going to school to get the degree, but actually going to school and absorbing the information. You have to learn it, understand it, and remember it. So please do not complain about not understanding something or wonder why you can’t seem to make good enough grades when you skip school because you would rather sleep or go out. If you truly wanted to be successful school would be your number one priority. J. 2. 19. 16

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What makes me happy...

I know it’s been a while sense I’ve posted anything, but a thought just popped in my head. I’m sitting in class right now, senior English, and we’re not doing anything so obviously I have my headphones in listening to music. So far I’ve listened to A few Twenty One Pilots songs, Halsey, and right now I’m listening to White Noise by PVRIS. What I’ve noticed is that I can’t hear any of the people in the room. I can only hear Lynn’s voice really loud, the beat of the music throughout my body, and my own thoughts. It’s that headphones feeling like I’ve described in another post. I look around the room and see other people; they’re all talking and working, but I can’t hear them. It’s like the part in the movie where the world is in slow motion and nothing seems real. The song has changed now to Ghost by PVRIS and the feel is the same. I’m just listening to the lyrics and I can’t help but move my body. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the feeling I get when listening to music is what keeps me going. It just makes me happy and I feel so alive. It’s like I’m smiling and don’t even realize it until someone interrupts me and asks me something and my face drops. Call me crazy, but music is my true love. J. 2. 19. 16

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Senior Stress

Here we are The second week of February coming to a quick end. It’s like every week seems to drag by until we get to Friday and it felt like yesterday was Sunday. I always complain about how slow senior year is going, but in reality everyday seems to go faster. I think what bugs me most is that I’m not living every day to its full potential. I haven’t spent my senior year like a senior “is suppose to.” Seniors are suppose to be out partying every weekend and not caring about work. They are out making memories, making mistakes, and not caring. Instead I am stressing over school, college, money, homework, my internship, my job, and how I’m going to make time for all of my friends and family. I feel like a piece of dough that has been stretched to its max. And the worst part is the lack of motivation I have. Ive chosen my dream school and I’ve been accepted, so everything else seems irrelevant. Except the fact that I seem to second guess myself to the point where I even wonder if I should go to my dream school. Living with anxiety is actual hell. I can’t seem to calm down and stop worrying enough to live in the moment. I worry about what I’m going to do when I graduate college, if I’ll like the college I pick, or even what kind of job I’ll have when I move to college. I just can’t seem to enjoy senior year because of everything there is to worry about. J. 2. 11. 16