shehasworktodo

[shehasworktodo]

Things Change

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven..." -Ecclesiastes 3:1

When I was younger, I had a specific plan for my life. I knew what kind of car I was going to drive, who I was going to marry, what age I was going to get married, what kind of job I was going to have, and where I was going to live. Now although I was able to achieve very few of those milestones, I wouldn't change the way my life panned out for anything.

I learned in life that sometimes my way isn't always the best way, and better opportunities come when I embrace change. It may come as a shock to some, but I was once the last person that enjoyed change. I loved being in my comfort zone. I basked in being an introvert and staying in one place. But as the world changed around me, I had to learn to adapt. Around this time last year I prayed a prayer that upended my life for good. I simply asked God to surround me with people that would nourish me and my life. Some of the friends that I thought would be aunts and uncles to my future kids are now fond but distant memories.

At first I felt like I was at rock bottom. I felt alone and abandoned and hurt and didn't like the change. I was wishing for things to stay the same, but if they did, I never would've been able to experience some of the incredible things and people that came into my life not even a year later. I've been blessed with a home. I have a small group of close friends I wouldn't trade for the world. On top of that, I get to see more of the world! Abundant beautiful things are coming my way and we're just getting started.

To accept the change, I had to change myself. Jesus, who loves me so, took every piece of my heart to transform me from the inside-out. There's no bitterness, no anger, no sadness, or pain that lingers inside my soul. Do I still run around doing dumb things? Absolutely. We're all out here just trying our best to be the greatest version of ourselves that we can be.

The gift of change has given me all that I could ever ask for and more. Not everything is expected to run on my timeline, not everything is going to turn out the way I plan for it to. And guess what? That's okay. I hope the changes in your life are beautiful ones, and I hope things turn out better than you imagine them to be.

[shehasworktodo]

"Enkrateia" Part 2

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost" -Luke 19:10

This is probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to write about.

I just pray that whoever is led to read this is blessed and learns from my mistakes, because I know that I have. The only person I'll include in this story is me, because it was my responsibility and mine alone for my actions and the pain that I inflicted upon myself. This happened to be one of the best and worst days of my life back in August of this year, 2022, and I'm thankful that I get to live and share this story with you.

Bottom line is I drank too much.

I drank too much to the point where I ended up in an ambulance with a BAC of 264.

It was day 4 of binge drinking and partying at concerts day and night. I might have taken two or three edibles before the day got started at the Vegas beach club. We were seeing Marshmello, so we wanted to ball out and get a VIP table to enjoy the show. My card was on the tab and we ended up having a few drinks before more and more people arrived. I remember only eating half a chicken finger and a couple waffle fries that day. Overall, my kindness and passive attitude got the best of me. I allowed money to be charged to my card without thinking properly, even after it seemed like God was giving me so many chances to turn the situation around. "Card was declined due to suspected fraud... did you tell your card company that you're in another state?" "This card can't be used because your entire name isn't on the back of the card. We just verified with management." "Congratulations! This card went through!" By the time this $1400 bottle of Grey Goose arrived, just about everyone was gone.

Side note, and this should go without saying, ALCOHOL AND FINANCES DO NOT MIX. In my case, I was crossfaded. I don't even like edibles! However, when it comes to money, just because you have it doesn't mean you should spend it. And just because you spend it, that doesn't mean you should try and down a whole entire handle of Grey Goose!

Once again my kindness and passiveness got the best of me, so we ended up keeping the bottle. For a moment we were all enjoying ourselves again. I remember seeing a photo of myself with a cup of liquor in each hand. On the dancefloor, one of the bouncers invited us to go backstage and listen to Marshmello from there in exchange for a "generous tip". How could we say no?

I'm having the time of my life. Everything felt surreal. Marshmello was playing his rendition of Mr. Brightside by The Killers. A friendly face helped me walk to the restroom once I had to "break the seal". After that, I was in so much bliss. The rest of the day felt like one of those scenes in a movie where a character goes in and out of consciousness before completely blacking out. To me it felt like an unplanned nap.

There was someone trying to get my attention. "Shanice... are you okay?... I need you to look at me, sweetie..." I peered at someone through my sunglasses before closing my eyes again. "I need you to look at me..." I look at the person one more time before throwing up- on her, on myself, on anyone else? Who knows. All I can mutter out is "Uh oh." Next thing I know, someone's saying "Okay, we're throwing up now... someone call 911." Paramedics lifted me onto a gurney and wheeled me out from backstage of the beach club to the front of the concert into an ambulance. I got to ride in my very first ambulance and I can't even remember it. Medics asked me questions, I answered them with my eyes closed and my shades still on. The only pain I felt was them taking off the bandage I had on my right knee from our first night in Vegas ending with me eating pavement.

Around 8pm I woke up in the ER watching my vitals on a monitor while hooked up to an IV to treat my alcohol poisoning. I heard visitors weren't allowed in the ER due to Covid so I watched an unruly schizo yell at staff while I regained consciousness chatting with my nurse. I even managed to go in a urinal without spilling.

I have so much to be grateful for, and I still have so much to learn. I'm thankful for all of whom were for me and cared for me during that time. I've lost friendships and gained new ones along the way of me rediscovering the person God has purposed me to be. Most importantly, on that Sabbath day, I was not shining His light. I've learned that I'm not invincible, and I have absolutely no reason to be drinking- especially not like that. Was I an embarrassment? Absolutely. Am I embarrassed? At times I cringe over what I remember, but I also know that I'll probably never see those people again. I like to think that somewhere Marshmello must feel that he literally turned the party out because someone ended up leaving on a stretcher with a smile on her face.

Enkrateia is the Greek word for "self-control". Something that we all need to have more of. Myself obviously and most definitely included!

I'm writing this because I'm leaving this behind in 2022. I'm writing this because it isn't something that defines the amazing person I'm growing up to be. I'm writing this because who else is sharing their L's with you on social media? This will be a day that I won't forget, but through the Lord's grace and forgiveness, it has no more room to haunt me. It was a very big realization that: #1, this is not the kind of life I want to lead and #2, I have a testimony to share. Regardless of how great life is, we all have our downfalls and our wakeup calls. Will everything be all sunshine and rainbows afterwards? Of course not. But we're going to take things one step at a time.

This is something I am growing from. This is something I can pass down to my future kids for them to learn from. This is something I can look back on and be proud of how far I've come.

For you, Mom. Thank you for loving me through it all.

The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." -Numbers 6:24-26

[shehasworktodo]

"Enkrateia" Part 1

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law." -Galatians 5: 22 & 23

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

Once Upon a Time in Miami...

I was taking an Uber back to my hotel one morning. I wasn't expecting it but I felt this strange heaviness in my chest. I just spent the last two days with a really cool guy that I met in the area, and knowing that I was leaving Miami soon made me sad. We both knew it wasn't something that was going to last forever, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

Before this, I was celebrating turning 24 with a close friend that lived in Fort Lauderdale. Other than a couple old girlfriends, my former landlord, and my mom, most of my friends had forgotten my birthday. Overall I'm so thankful for my friend making that weekend so special for me, but I would be lying to you and myself if I said that I wasn't in my feelings about everyone else. On top of that I was fighting to overcome two short-lived dating relationships that I truly saw potential in. I was lacking in faith, I was lacking in trust, and at this point, I was in Miami just saying f*ck it. I wanted to have fun and let go of the bad feelings that were tormenting me. And it turned out to be a great trip!

On days where I found myself lonely and bored, I'd go to my re-upped dating app profiles and that's where I linked with this one energetic, Star-Wars loving guy that made a Monday and Tuesday feel like a whirlwind of a weekend. It was one of those situations where a guy showers you with attention, gets what he wants, and disappears without a trace. But kudos to him, he was straight forward with his intentions from the first day, after he made his pass. Needless to say we only fooled around, but still after loss of contact it was enough to make me feel like I lost a piece of myself in those two short days.

Never did I ever see myself in these kinds of situations: Meeting someone, getting to know them, regardless of pure intentions we act like we're in a relationship when we aren't, and instead of a fizzling out it comes to a complete stop- a halt without any warning or heads-up. You fall flat on your face wondering what happened and where things went wrong. Better yet, "what did I do wrong in order for them to treat me this way?".

The title stems from a new word that I learned from this book I read called How Should a Christian Date? by Eric Demeter. Although I haven't dated a lot of "Christians" in my past, I've always had goals and a solid mindset in what I look for- and who I want to be- in a relationship. The first time I ever dated anyone seriously I was 20 years old and it ended in a horrific way. It's a story for another day, but I didn't have any idea of what a healthy relationship looked like. Although I had my boundaries and standards that I upheld, I always found myself compromising and bending over backwards to make him feel comfortable, to please him, that any question or concern that I have I should just keep my mouth shut. After I learned about heartbreak and what it felt like, my encounters with dating have always been touch and go. I blamed my actions and mindset on past dating experiences, and for that I knew I was wrong.

Enkrateia is a Biblical Greek word that means self-control, or power over one's self. Wikipedia defines it further as "... power over your own passions and instincts, self-control and self-mastery." So when I started dating in LA, I couldn't blame my actions and choices on anyone but myself. I have no control over what anyone else thinks or does, but I know that my heart and intentions are pure. Trust me when I tell you that after dating one guy for almost a month, when things are going so nicely, I was so dumbfounded in wondering why this guy disappeared out of the blue. Offering to pick me up on our first date, driving us to and from the venue, opening and closing doors, going out of his way to make sure that I was happy and content... it was something I wasn't used to. After his disappearance I went back on with my life, only to find out two weeks later that his grandmother had passed away. Even though there's no excuse for treating someone the way that he treated me, I can understand that people grieve differently. I was going through a moment of bereavement myself and he was one of the first people I told. We made an attempt at patching things up (by we I mean me), and even after meeting up again, the text responses took longer and my phone calls were never answered. Silly me, I thought I had something nice going and ended up looking like a fool twice. That was the one time I ever got to reflect on myself by asking him what I did to deserve to be ignored. I was shocked when he told me I did nothing wrong.. it sure felt like it. At the end of the day there's nothing I could've done to help him fight his demons. I was not responsible for the way that he chose to treat me.

With my second dating experience about a month later, I took a break from checking off "boxes" but continued to put my faith and values on the table. It was like an "expect the best but prepare for the worst" kind of situation. To top it off I don't think I had any expectations, just a couple nice laid back dates with a nice guy. I admired his consistency in communication and his transparency, but he put more emphasis on "hooking up" than actually getting to know each other and finding something real, what we initially talked about. Since I wasn't expecting much, I made my own decision to fool around without overstepping my boundaries. The only thing I could reflect on about this brief relationship was his choice of timing in telling me he couldn't move forward knowing that I didn't plan on, in nice terms, giving him more anytime soon. He was so bent on the physical that I didn't really get more of a chance to know his soul... and he didn't get to know mine. I let him know that despite our short lived good times, I would've been more than fine with never being physical for a long time if it meant I just got to know him as a person. Although things ended amicably, this guy was going back and forth with my emotions about "linking up" and "cumming thru" which did not entertain me in the slightest.

You can probably see why I threw caution to the wind in Miami after these moments. I made another promise to myself after all these encounters. There's no sense in me making meaningless connections with someone I don't intend to fully pursue and love. I know personally, when my body is involved, so is my heart. My emotions and physical interactions cannot be separated, that's just how I was designed. I know better than to be bitter about these situations although they hurt, but after reading this book and learning more about self-control, I know that I have the power to sail my ship while the Lord directs my path. I have found gems in my past dating life. The first guy- the literal "gentleman" I'm thankful for, because ultimately he set the bar for my future dates and relationships. I won't be pressured into doing anything I don't want to, and he never once made me feel that way. In addition, regardless of how invested I am into the relationship, I know how much I'm worth and I know that I deserve to be treated well. I'm thankful for the second man I dated, because ultimately he taught me how important and valuable it is to communicate. His honesty, transparency, and communication skills have encouraged me to accept nothing less from anyone else crossing my path. I can only work on being the best that I can be, and I will not hold myself responsible for the way that others treat me if I know in my heart and show through my actions that they deserve all my attention, respect, and love.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind". - II Timothy 1: 7

I'll continue to show that through all my endeavors. Good, pure hearts still exist in this world, and we'll continue to encounter them one day at a time. Each and every one of us knows who we are and what we bring to the table, some of us are still figuring those things out. Leave with this: Know your worth, know your boundaries, and never stop seeing the gems in the people that you meet along your journey.

Look out for Part 2, how I almost lost my life at a Marshmello concert...

[shehasworktodo]

Has the Pandemic Punctured My Faith?

It’s been two years.

Almost two years since our worlds have changed, from the way we show physical affection to the way we communicate with our loved ones. It’s been almost two years since I left my Tennessee hometown to travel the country, and soon, the world. I worked at four different hospitals, visited more than five different states, made countless new friends, and lost track of all the bodies I’ve encountered of those who didn’t survive these last two years.

It was so easy to succumb to sympathy fatigue, to feel numbness to nothing at all when yet another patient died, and family members sobbed on my shoulder. It felt like just any other day- and I knew that if it was anyone that I loved in that hospital bed I would be just as disheveled as them. I still felt pain but in different ways. At work, fighting to keep patients alive were just like any other day. I could still laugh with friends and get into fights once my shift was over. My body didn’t have it in me to shed a tear for them all. But I could still feel what each of my patients’ loved ones felt.

As time went on, I found myself becoming more and more self-sufficient. Then I realized something:

As far as I know, out of four generations, from my grandmother down to myself, we all knew (and still know) how to party. When it comes to firsts, I’m sure I’m the first among my line of women to drink and use weed. I’ve eaten it, I’ve smoked it, you name it. In life that just makes me look like a normal human being, or a human that’s been normalized by the world. And still I pick up my Bible, read my devotion, and say a prayer before I go to the club.

I’ve painted a picture of my faith looking like a large slab of solid foundation, unmovable, and the way I live my life floats above that slab like fairy dust.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." -Matthew 6:33

I went back to praying harder and being vulnerable with Christ once someone else showed interest in me and used the Lord to pursue me. Before then I was happy in my world with the Lord, but something made me feel like I was drifting further and further away the more I prayed about it. As soon as rejection settled in, I went off my version of the deep end. The only thing that kept me sane was that slab of faith, my own full portion of joy. My faith never left me, I just needed to uncover it from where it hid in my soul. The joy of the Lord has taught me not to retaliate, not to fight fire with fire, not to exude hate- but to continue to emit joy and love from every part of my being.

"To everything there is a season... A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;" - Ecclesiastes 3: 1&3

It wasn’t until I got Covid myself, despite being vaccinated, that I realized how many blessings continue to come my way. In its own strange way, I was relieved to “get a break” from the world. I am reminded of my faith in Christ Jesus amid all the madness, still finding a reason every day to smile. The pandemic broke down my faith to build it back up again. We need that cleansing, that clarification in our lives to reflect on our values, what it is we truly stand for in life. Once we make that firm decision in our minds and hearts, we are not wavered by any attempts to justify our wrongdoings and our doubts.

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." - James 1:22

Out of my generations, there are cycles I do not intend to continue.

I have been called to break a generational curse.

I have been called to exude love. Real love. God’s love. "Love" that isn't an outcome from another human being or entity.

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4: 31&32

The Lord spoke to me this morning and told me, “I did not design you for revenge and anger and hatred (or hopelessness). I designed you with love, for love, My kind of love. To give that love to others. That’s the kind of love your dad couldn’t handle. That’s the kind of love that boy trying to pursue you couldn’t handle.” The sting of rejection was worth it because I stood up for myself- I gained self-worth. The betrayal was worth it because I was able to focus on those who loved me from the very start- I gained gratitude. I just needed to remove myself from the situation to realize that the one keeping me standing, keeping me sane, keeping me whole, and restoring me back to health is our one and only Jesus Christ. I would not have the strength to write to encourage you without God’s strength in my spirit.

And here I am writing to you, directly to you. The pandemic is no match for the love that we are gifted with from our loving Lord and Savior. You have the strength to open your heart, to be vulnerable, to overcome- even if it means being unwell to restore you back to where you need to be.

[shehasworktodo]

My Valentine’s Day

“How can I receive the love of God if my heart is full of malice? How can I receive the truth if my heart is full of deceit? How can I receive the real me, the revelation of the real me if I’m living in hypocrisy?” -Steven Furtick

This post has been taken from my journal writing to my future special someone. Verbatim.

How do we handle fights/arguments/disagreements? I come to ask this question based on something I did very recently. Not too long before Valentine’s Day I started dating again. I spoke to God and opened the door to it in order to steer away from how much I loved being an introvert. One young man a year older than me hung out for almost a week together  with me. I got to see San Francisco in a different light from all the beautiful views. I can remember two nights of me getting drunk and giggly until I passed out and he cared for me, and Valentine’s night when he got drunk and did/said a few things I wasn’t comfortable with. There were some things said that targeted my character, I was told to “relax” a lot, and his “f**k you” jokes often stung a bit. “Maybe I’m being too sensitive”, I thought. The next day I made an attempt to share how I felt about what went on the night before, a little more about my feelings, his defensiveness and comments, and topping everything off with, “I don’t want you to think you and I can’t have fun together”. I wanted to cushion my subtle blows as much as possible, but later on down the line I felt as if I crushed his “fragile masculinity”. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. Thoughts ran through my head like, “He told me he liked confrontation”... “Was I wrong to bring up what happened/how I felt?”... “Why didn’t he say anything to me then?”... “I knew I should have waited until after his midterms”. It didn’t matter how many times I asked him if I offended him in any way, he continued to tell me he was fine. It wasn’t until a couple days later that he gave me the could shoulder over text and I never heard from him again.

This, of course, is not my first experience being ghosted. I’ve had my fair share in playing that part when it came to boys I texted and never met. I think that there’s a special kind of pain that goes along with someone special that steps into your life then voluntarily disappears without a trace and not knowing why. It happened with that six-month relationship when the rug was pulled out from underneath me. This time I knew why, but still I was searching for what I did wrong to make him unfollow me on Instagram.

This time I wasn’t nice. This time I didn’t ask him why. I didn’t beg, I didn’t plead. For once in my life I decided to fight back. I went around asking others for reassurance, asking myself for reassurance, “Is this what I get for standing up for myself?” When I woke up one day and found that he [had] unfollowed me, I wallowed for a bit, I assumed the worst, I let one bad thing follow another, and I let a dark side of me resurface that hadn’t appeared in years. At first, the Lord asked me if I trusted Him. I rolled my eyes and said yes, but as the day went on, so much pain built up inside me tot he point where I told God what I was going to do and sent this young man a lengthy text message starting with “Great job, assh*le.” I dug a hole so deep that I’ve accepted the fact that there probably will be no getting out of it. Is that something I would ever do again? No. Did it feel good to send? I won’t lie to you, it did. I had been hurt so many times [before] it just felt necessary to give one of them a piece of my mind. Men call us [women] “crazy”, but to the point where they may not realize what their actions do to us and how deep it hurts...  to the point where we feel like we need to retaliate.

“I need to be seen... I’m trying to be seen... Jesus was rejected.”

“Thank you, Lord, for seeing me.” -Steven Furtick

“Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.” -Philippians 4:5

After I sent the message, I blocked his number and his accounts on social media. A day or less later I unblocked his social media account, ultimately because I thought about my character and who I wanted to be in the future. I did have a right to be an angry black woman, but I had no right to defame another child of God. My prayer for us is to have open communication, tell me when I’m wrong, to share your feelings with me so that we have nothing [between us] but transparency and love.

I am sharing this to show you that I am not perfect, I am not always happy, I am not always sweet. I have asked the Lord to forgive me, and [maybe] one day down the road this young man can forgive me in the part that I played. I’m not sorry for the time that I spent with him, for getting to know him, for standing up for myself during the first confrontation, but for flipping the script and making him feel as if he didn’t matter at all. Now is the time to let love and brotherly love in. Cancel ghost culture, and share how you feel in a respectful way.

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.” -1 Peter 2:1

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.” -Philippians 4:8

To Ro,

Thank you for the time that we spent together, and I’m sorry things took a turn for the worst. I will always be grateful for your kindness, your sense of humor, your caring demeanor, and your vision of the world (aaand your warm sweaters). Right now isn’t the best time to reach out to you, but by God’s grace if you see this just know that you’ll always have a little happy place in my heart. You’ve probably blocked me back but I have you back in the open. I hope one day you’ll get to live out your dream of being a cheese farmer in Italy and tour Hong Kong. I pray you did well on your midterms and continue to soar. You deserve to soar. You’ll still be in my prayers as we continue to live lives with smiles on our faces.

                                                                                - <3 Shanizzzll

[shehasworktodo]

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[shehasworktodo]

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[shehasworktodo]

“Do you want love, or...

... do you want the D?” An old friend had asked me this question back in college, using more colorful language. The crazy thing was that I actually had to think about my answer. I’m young, I’ve still got a lot to learn about love, and I’ve always associated love with SEX. So imagine... a lovesick teen-turned-young adult so obsessed with talking about sex even though she’s never had it before, thinking everything will be picture-perfect once it actually happens. 

I’ve had my fair share of crushes, and I’ve crushed hard. I thought that if I prayed hard enough God would grant me the guy I had my eyes set on at the time. I thought these boys were property. I also thought that if I saved sex for marriage and committed my body to Christ that my husband would never cheat on me. Those were naïve and selfish thoughts. As if I had control over someone else being unfaithful.

Okay, why am I writing about this now? Why am I writing about this today? It’s 2020, so many heartbreaking things are happening in the world with every turn of our heads. We’re out here seeking love more than ever- or what we think is love. I can’t get this thought out of my head: we search for that spiritual intimacy by getting drunk and partying and going to clubs with others, dancing and kissing strangers to feel some type of high that we have to keep going back to. My flesh was satisfied for only a time. I remember getting wasted some nights so that I could make my friends laugh and have more “fun”. I turned into this bold flirt that danced until my feet got sore, and as the night went on I’d find one guy to ~fall in love~ and make out with until it was time for me to go. Those little moments, although not a lot, had a big impact on my life. I know exactly what I want in a relationship, but I always found myself running after or following things that I really didn’t. After experiencing my first major heartbreak I found myself going off the deep end. During my time with this guy, I followed “the rules” of dating and established what I wanted and what I didn’t want beforehand. I found myself conforming and compromising my beliefs because I thought that I wanted to be with this person so badly... because I wanted a relationship. I enjoyed feeling wanted. This was a one-way street that didn’t lead to anywhere. I was left out in the cold, lonelier than before. It took me months to truly believe that love still existed- because I know now that whatever I had with this guy, and the guys after, was NOT love.

All I know is that I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel ALIVE, I wanted to feel appreciated, I wanted to feel true love. And the crazy thing is that I know what true love is and feels like, but I turned to the world for the answers I already knew I had. I had the One who was love and gave His own life not just for me, but for every person reading and not reading this post. I had my mother, who has gone and will go to the ends of the earth for me. I’ve experienced true love in many different ways, from family to friends, I just had this crazy idea thinking that it wasn’t enough. I felt as if I needed more.

Now we know that the power of sex is overwhelming, so overwhelming that it affects our daily lives. From movies to music to ads to apps, we’re surrounded by sex 24/7. My teenage sister probably knows the lyrics to WAP better than I do, a song that’s been on the top of the charts for WEEKS- maybe months, I haven’t kept track. We see that as female empowerment in today’s society, kudos no doubt, but what are we looking at again? SEX! It feels good! Physical touch, attention, a short moment of a powerful release with whomever we desire, leading to polyamory, experimenting with different genders, etc. Now have you been fulfilled? Are you fulfilled? You felt “love” for the time being, am I right? I know that person, or those people, made you smile. I know you either felt really good or really awful afterwards. Sex is the one most intimate and close-knit act that you can ever perform with another person, that’s why everyone’s doing it! You want that high, you want that feeling, you want that closeness. Then, if you’re not really attached to that person, it’s as if it wasn’t a big deal. Mainstream society paints sex as something “really great, but not a big deal”. I can’t force you to prioritize what sex is on your list of importance, but I know what it’s like to scroll in search of another person for satisfaction. We don’t really analyze it, but we already know that you’re either inside of someone or someone is inside you. Believe it or not, whether you remember them or not, you carry a spiritual piece of them with you wherever you go.

I’ve learned that a lot of people’s experience with sex and love are different. Many have had their hearts broken after being in long-term relationships and go through this thing of what society calls a “hoe phase”. Like in a lot of songs you hear “f*** love, now I do what I want”, because all this energy spent on another person was deemed a waste of time. It’s our version of love that has ultimately let us down, to the point where we see that we don’t need anyone wasting our time the way someone else did before. I can’t speak from a full amount of experience, but I know what running around with someone for a brief moment of time is like. When it’s over, there’s a little dead-end sign that we hit, no matter how good or bad the experience. We just become less and less numb to the pain of rejection and discord and disagreement with each encounter we face. We have people out there that simply don’t see value in a long-term relationship. They want to love who they want to love without baggage or complications. They want that sense of freedom; it’s their God-given right. On a religious standpoint, serial-monogamists cannot stand being alone. They need to feel that sense of belonging with someone else, jumping from one failed relationship to the next.

Did we go wrong somewhere? From ghosting to who can care the least to casual intimacy... I want to know if we really are fulfilled. I don’t have all the answers, I don’t think I ever will. I can tell you I’ve honed in on people’s flaws when it comes to love and have made mistakes myself. Trust and vulnerability have gone out the window because “it makes us look weak”. In my opinion, being vulnerable and open are a couple of the strongest traits to have. It makes you real, it makes you human.

No, I’ve never experienced that kind of physical intimacy with anyone. Yes, I’m still super happy. It’s not even happiness, it’s joy.

I don’t expect everyone to agree with where I stand, but I’m going to share why I choose true love over everything else in today’s millennial/centennial society. The idea of sex is awesome, amazing, and I know why people are all about it. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of. I know the One who designed it, He’s pretty great, too. I know how powerful it is, and I know how it gives life new meaning. I’ve decided not to be selfish when it comes to sex. I don’t expect it to be perfect and breathtaking the first time, or the seventh time... but I expect it to be with someone I absolutely love. I expect to make mistakes, I don’t expect him to live his life the way I chose to live mine. I don’t have high expectations, but I expect to have love. You deserve that kind of love, too.

TLDR; Everyone wants to have a someone. Everyone wants to have... someone. Everyone deserves someone. Someone that makes them smile, makes them feel important, appreciated, in that way that only they can provide. Remember to do those things for yourself first before expecting it from another- but most importantly, consider being that person for someone else. Be vulnerable, be open, be honest, show that you care. Because down the road, if things take a turn for the worst, you won’t forget who you are, who you were designed to be, and how much you are loved. Your worth doesn’t deteriorate. The physical will always have its perks, but it’s the warmth of the soul that makes the most impact, I promise.

PS: I answered the question by saying right now I may want the D, but in reality I truly want love.

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Today is an extremely important day in history. Although the slaves were emancipated on January 1, 1863, they did not know it till General Granger rode into Galveston, Texas on June the 19th, 1865. This should really be a federal holiday.

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Be kind to everyone especially in these special times🙏🏻love to you all

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