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When he's literally a gun...

When she's into cowboy hats and manslaughter....

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A blessin' and a curse ;)

Can someone electroshock me into oblivion, I am so bored right now.

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On it!

Can someone electroshock me into oblivion, I am so bored right now.

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K

Thank you for purchasing:

30k tons of ball pen refill cartridges

And choosing:

Extra-über-super-fast Delivery!

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What's that thing they used to say back in the day? Mood.

Man this is the most boring fight I’ve ever seen

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(sitting in court on trial for murder) wow. god forbid women do anything

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we’re all just creatures of habit, and some habits hurt worse than others.

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You know that feeling when you're just telling a fun childhood story and suddenly the person you're talking to gets that therapist stare?

What's up with that, you're ruining the mood, weirdo

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Y'know, I always told the kids I was beating up on the school playground: You're not cool if you gotta tell people you're cool.

Nerd until proven cool 💛

I am cool. I'm the coolest, Kiddo. Thought everyone was aware of that by now... maybe the propa- the PR department should've done a better job back in the day.

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Maybe 'cause you're an old man and forgot to put on your glasses?

…why are some of these text posts from Kelley unreadable.

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headcanon memes inspired by things i like, part 1. ⤿   inspired by muses i write tw: addiction

send in a symbol i’ll answer the corresponding question about my muse!

[ 🏃‍♂️ ] does your muse have escapist tendencies?

[ 💄 ] does your muse have an aesthetic? do they adhere strictly to it?

[ 👥 ] does your muse have many friends? do people feel they can rely on your muse?

[ 📚 ] what is your muse’s favourite genre of books, tv, movies, etc.?

[ 💐 ] what is your muse like in relationships?

[ 💍 ] how dedicated is your muse to their job?

[ 🍺 ] does your muse have any addictions?

[ 🍀 ] does your muse believe in luck? do they have a good luck charm or rituals they follow to avoid bad luck?

[ 🎀 ] does your muse have any childhood friends or people that are important to them?

[ 💕 ] does your muse believe in true love? do they believe in love at all?

[ 🧸 ] does your muse have any guilty pleasures or hobbies that make them embarrassed?

[ 🌟 ] is your muse comfortable in their identity? are they insecure or confident?

[ 🧭 ] does your muse know what they want? how well can they advocate for themselves?

[ 🎈 ] does your muse have many regrets? what are they?

[ 🏆 ] is your muse afraid of failure? what do they do when they fail?

[ 💭 ] does your muse have imaginary friends? did they have any as a child?

[ 🩹 ] what does your muse do to de-stress?

[ 🚓 ] would your muse break the law?

[ 🧲 ] is your muse generally flirty, or are they more reserved?

[ 🗾 ] how self-sufficient is your muse? are they more independent, or do they need others around them?

[ 🙏 ] is your muse religious? what do they believe in, if anything?

[ 👻 ] if your muse were a fantasy creature, what kind would they be? why?

[ ⚖️ ] what is your muse’s moral code? what kind of morality do they have?

[ 💥 ] is your muse determined, or do they give up easily?

[ 🃏 ] how does your muse handle being lied to?

[ 🥀 ] would your muse betray someone they love?

[ 🥊 ] how strong is your muse’s survival instinct?

[ 🌼 ] what kind of first impression does your muse leave?

[ 🐣 ] does your muse have anyone they look up to?

[ 🎨 ] is your muse artistic? do they want to be?

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No YOU live in a society, I’VE got spurs that jingle jangle jingle

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I hate it when people say I'm making myself "judge, jury, and executioner".

I don't have time for four jobs.