shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said - Tumblr blog

[shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said]

Geoffrey: “They’ll never find the body” is such a boring threat, a better threat would be “they’ll never stop finding the body”

Jonathan, tired and bored: Or just say “they’ll be finding parts of you for at least 4 months, and you’ll still be alive for 3 of them”

Geoffrey: Now that’s a threat!

Sean: *horrified silence*

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Jonathan, to Geoffrey: Stop being so rude to me or I swear to god I’m going to fall in love with you!

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Usher: Ugh, I hate it when you're right!

Edgar: Really? See, I usually like it.

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Elisabeth: Do you ever feel stupid?

Edgar: Yes, I did. And then I just chose not to feel stupid… 90% of life is confidence, and the thing about confidence is that no one knows if it's real or not.

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Elisabeth: So who's your favourite progeny?

Jonathan: Sean.

Elisabeth: You said that alarmingly quickly.

Jonathan: Because it didn't require thought.

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"Opposites attract"

Reference idea comes from @shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said

[shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said]

Geoffrey, drunk and flipping through a book: Where is he?!

Sean: Where's who?

Geoffrey: Wally! He's nowhere in this book!

Sean: That's not a Where's Wally book.

Geoffrey: Well, how do you know? Maybe we just haven't found him yet.

Sean: He's not in every book.

Geoffrey: Really? Well, that's a few hours of my life I'll be needing back.

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Clarence: I’ll do whatever I want when I’m eighty.

Venus: If you are still alive when you’re eighty, I’ll demand a medical explanation.

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Elisabeth: I thought we were friends?!

Edgar: That got boring.

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Jonathan: To live life, you need problems.

Geoffrey: That's stupid!

Jonathan: If you get everything you want the minute you want it what's the point of living?

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Sean: How are you?

Geoffrey: I don't wanna sound soft, but I could use a hug.

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Clarence: I am seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

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Jonathan: Come on, I want to show you something.

Jonathan: *turns and walks away*

Geoffrey: Nice.

Jonathan: That's not it, but thank you.

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Sean: Geoffrey doesn’t have a life plan. He doesn’t have a day plan. I once found a note he wrote to himself that said "Put on pants".

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Geoffrey: I'm so glad "fight me" has replaced "sue me" in the common vernacular. I have no money but I do have fists and am always angry.

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Jonathan: Who are you?

Myrddin: Just an old friend. Here to offer some comfort.

Jonathan: What “old friend”?

Myrddin: You tell me.

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Elisabeth: Can we all get back to work and stop talking about wedding dresses?

Edgar: No. We’re going to talk about them, because while wearing a wedding dress, you leapt over a couch, sprinted down an alley, and jumped off a car to subdue someone like you were Wonder Woman.