shitpherinsays-blog

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Pherin dislikes sharing

Pherin: I don't like other people reading your stuff.

Me: If I want it to sell, other people gotta read it.

Pherin: Yeah, but I mean as beta readers.

Me: I need a lot of data points from a variety of sources to make it good though.

Pherin: Fine, then I'm just gonna make a bunch of identities and you can be like "My shit was read by all these people, who may or may not all be Pherin."

Me: "Multiple incarnations of Pherin approved this, it must be good."

Pherin: Exactly. I'm like the fucking Hindu pantheon over here. Just call me Shiva, bitch.

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This is just after Ticketgate. Drunken birthday and tribute demands. 

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The Great Ticket Purchasing Crisis of 2013. Also known as Ticketgate.

Pherin was drunk and having problems getting her ticket to Stone Sour. Note that this conversation starts at 9:24, and at 10:00 she tells me tickets have been purchased.

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Some time ago, I started expressing my emotions using animals. It has escalated - and thus, the Bee of Bitchery.

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Me: We need a cart.

Pherin: So we can put more alcohol in it.

Me: Because reasons.

Pherin: There is a reason, it's called alcoholism. It's not usually well respected, but today it is.

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"Thanks to me you've developed an obsession with a lot of things. Like bread pudding and black chicks."

- Pherin, after I told her that I'd developed an obsession with Rise Against after she gave me two of their albums.

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Pherin: Dude, what the hell is the plot of this damn movie?

I've been watching for about an hour and have no friggen clue what's happening.

Fucking Tim Burton.

me: um, penguin taking sons of gotham

i think

and catwoman wants to kill christopher walken

because he killed her

or something

Pherin: This is what I'm seeing.

Michelle Pffeifer acting cray.

Danny DeVito I can't even wearing dingy longjohns.

Christopher Walken looking fine as hale.

Michael Keaton basic Batman bitch.

Also penguins and sad clowns...for reasons.

UNDA UNDA UNDA UNDA.

Tim Burton.

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Pherin: Dean's acting like a woman right now.

WHINE WHINE KIDS SHOULD BE NORMAL WHINE.

OMG RACHEL U CANT JUST TEACH KIDS HOW 2 FIGHT.

OMGMOM U DONT KNO HOW THIS FEELS.

Plot twist- The Impala wakes up and it was all just a dream.

me: LOLOLOL

your commentary on my stories man

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Pherin: So I'm watching Scooby Doo.

And I can't help but think, "Where the fuck are their parents?"

Like they're teenagers, but they're constantly driving around and solving mysteries.

Shouldn't they be in school?

Don't they have a curfew?

Where the fuck are the parents?

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Pherin: You need to turn off your type a inner voice

And turn on your type p inner voice.

P is for Pherin

HONEY BADGER THAT BITCH.

me: LOLOL

that's legit life advice right there

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"'Thor Fights Communism' because I'm pretty sure that's what it is. Like 'Thor and the Scary, Scary Forest."

- Pherin, on her own personal titles for Red Dawn and Snow White and the Huntsman

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She made this because I took too long to answer her about what movie I was watching on TV. (Bella is my dog.) 

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Jess doesn't have an angel on her shoulder. It's all devil all the time.

- And that devil's name is Pherin.

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I'm pretty sure I have my own level in hell. It's like the penthouse suite.

Pherin

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(While walking on a super dark and creepy street to my car, which we separated - she was on the sidewalk, I was in the middle of the street)

Pherin: Why didn't you stay on the sidewalk?

Me: Less chance of being ambushed in the middle of the street.

Pherin: You are so white! I'll tell you what, if there's a monster we are NOT on the same team.

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(While at our friends' son's birthday party, in which a kid was playing with this microphone thing that made fucking terrifying noises with his voice)

Me: Jesus Christ, it sounds like he's possessed.

Pherin: There is definitely a demon in there.

Me: It's like that dybbuk thing.

Pherin: JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU WE FOUND THE DEVIL BOX

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Pherin: Paranoid Dean is paranoid.

me: given his life, wouldn't you be?

Pherin: No.

Because I wouldn't be living his life, lbr.

I need constant showers and motels don't look like there's secretly semen covering every inch of them.

me: you'd be high class hunter