shrekhasyaoihands

[shrekhasyaoihands]

[shrekhasyaoihands]

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

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These are some of the pictures ever

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Varric: Hi, I’m Varric, but that’s not my real name, just a nickname.

Aveline: What’s Varric short for?

Hawke: He’s a dwarf.

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The Nightly Show, July 22, 2015

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I cannot believe my fu ck ing e y e s john cena was turned down for a role in kim possible and then, in that moment, decided “you know what, I think it’s time for a change in my career, I’m going to becoem a F UCKING WRESTLER “ 

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Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..

Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.

An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......

Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.

Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...

Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.

A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.

Russia: You have two cows. Since they are both female, if you happen to keep them in the same stable you will pay a 5,000 rouble fine for homosexual propaganda.

PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.

Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.

Hussie: You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.

Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.

Once-ler: You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.

Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.

An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere

Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.

Also Tumblr: I give you a hamburger.

Night Vale: You do NOT have two cows. Cows do not exist. What's a cow? Show me a cow! That's not a cow! Who let you in here?

Tom Hiddleston: You have two cows. You are very sorry for them.

Thranduil: You do not have two cows, you have an elk. Riding on two cows is not majestic. Also the dwarves are on fire.

Dwarves: You had two cows but now they're on fire.

Bilbo Baggins: You did not invite those two cows for dinner.

Cows: The shit you go through.

This post: Started off as a post that explained different goverments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked

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a few things you probably did not know about the signs

aries: even though they don't express it frequently, they constantly crave attention from the people they care about and feel neglected/disliked if they don't receive that attention

taurus: they're incredibly secretive; even if it seems like they're talking a lot and opening up to you, you will never know the whole story bc they'll never let you know the whole story - only random parts of it

gemini: very aware of what makes other people happy and of how to cheer them up - actually surprisingly good at comforting people if they care about them enough

cancer: even if they seem quiet and reserved on the outside theyre actually completely crazy once you get to know them and it's almost scary tbh

leo: 100% ready to help you out through any crap you're going through and are likely to kill someone for you if you need it

virgo: they have a rly dorky sense of humour and even though their jokes are usually the lame they'll always be there to pick you up when you're having a bad day

libra: not rly nice and nurturing to EVERYONE (like zodiac posts make them seem), actually VERY selective about their friends and gives them the realest advice without ever sugarcoating anything

scorpio: too perceptive, even if they don't point it out they can tell when something's wrong before you've even decided to tell them

sagittarius: even though they're outgoing and usually manage to get along with different kinds of people, they have only a very small number of true friends who they are ridiculously loyal to

capricorn: they are veeeeery picky, especially when it comes to friends and the people they trust - even if they seem very impressed with you they might be just acting polite while judging u on the inside lmao

aquarius: they aren't unemotional, they probably do care about you a lot but just don't know how to show it

pisces: they let themselves get dragged through the dirt all the time and even if you treat them like crap they pretend they're okay when they're not and do literally whatever they can to help you and make you happy

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me growing up: i can't wait to get a job and be independent

me now: uhm, you know what... jesus didn't have a job

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The 'cancels plans so they can sleep' squad

Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Aquarius

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what she says: im fine

what she's thinking: if bernie sanders loses to that racist loudmouth clump of hair i will literally move to antarctica and start a new life for myself whilst feeding off of fish and the evergrowing rage i have for america

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I see that contour binch

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imagine having to explain to your children that some of the people running for president in the 2015-2020’s were donald trump, kanye west, and mr deez nuts

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game designer: *adds one female character* whew.... being progressive is hard.... but im glad to be on the GOOD side of things *nods sagely and gives her a fanservice outfit*