shsl-lampworker

[shsl-lampworker]

Star noise

SHOKO MAENO; SHSL LAMPWORKER;

★☆☆☆☆ [STATUS: Friend Of A Friend; Begrudgingly(?) Respected]

“Well, you survived. I always had a feeling you would. I…can’t say I know decisively how I feel, about anything, but it isn’t as if that actually matters now, does it? I doubt we’ll be best friends anytime soon, but have a good life, I suppose. …And…if you’re staying in contact with them…keep an eye out for Yu and Asano, will you? Not that anyone like me needs to tell anybody like you that, of course.”

(mE RN)

Natsuya Nijisaki is an overanalytic man, both by profession and by nature. Always afraid of being hurt, he plays through every worst case scenario in his head with his relationships, always assuming far more about people than he actually knows about them. In the end, it all means very little, because, ultimately, he places far too much importance on emotions and bonds and imaginary situations that don’t really mean anything, don’t reflect real life, and exist nowhere but inside his head.

In some regards, far too much of that particular tendency applies to this mess.

Really, though, it boils down to this: Natsuya Nijisaki was (and, in some aspects, perhaps still is) absolutely, completely, utterly, and just plain very envious of Shoko Maeno, for pretty much every reason under the sun.

(Green-eyed monster indeed.)

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[shsl-lampworker]

star noise..

✕✕✕☆☆

“Are you happy?”

There are a handful of people in the game that have taken a drastic turnaround in opinion, and Shoko perhaps suffered the worst for it.

(This got s o  l o n g… Long enough for a cut!)

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[shsl-lampworker]

★ LAUGHS INTO THE ABYSS

“… Hmh.”

☆☆☆☆☆

Identity markers: That Guy Who Yells Somewhere To The Left Of Me

HERE COMES THE INDIFFERENCE TRAIN CHOO CHOO

Shoko’s first impression of Natsuya was at the first trial! When he called everyone who hid evidence out for being selfish. At this point Shoko was pretty nervous about bringing information and accusations up because she now knew that this game was For Real with the great corpse touch of 2k14. She knew who it was ever since she observed the wall with Hirashi and took a look at his evidence but, it was different now. If she hadn’t touched Yoshiki’s body she would have brought it up right away, but her entire mindset had changed. This mutual killing was real and because of her nonchalance beforehand she had no idea of the extent the game could go to, and she was wary. Treading carefully and waiting until the culprit seemed 100% clear was her plan of action, but his calling out did make her like “mmmm…” because he did have a point but she wasn’t hiding out of maliciousness honestly! Just!! No mistakes!! And wham bam Taka’s execution and blood and bye. The result of trial 1 is that she sort of? respected him? Or saw him as someone who could deserve respect because his reasoning made sense to her.

As trials went on though her opinion of him deflated significantly because?? who the hell does he think he is. From chapters 2-8 most of she knew about him was around murders and trials and what she garnered from those was that:

He investigated but more often failed than not, thanks to Shoko and others swooping in.

He seemed really impassioned about keycards.

He sure liked to talk about humanity.

At a point when her own feelings towards the morality of this entire scenario was shifting into indifference, he was just an annoyance to her lmao… She could respect the fact that he at least tried to investigate even if he didn’t garner results, but the same speech (to her. at some point she started to tune him out. thanks Shoko) every couple of trials railing on them for their callousness was starting to get draining. Like even if he was close to like every victim (which she assumed since he got emotional about a lot of deaths) its still like. Bro??? There was already enough to deal with than to give a moments thought about if what they were doing was ‘right’ or not. Plus, he didn’t seem to contribute to trials much besides harping on people for harping on people.

Keycard truth: after trial 3 she had like 70% of them. And then she swiped Sully’s after the trial right before Natsuya checked. And then she got Remi’s. And then Aya’s. If she hadn’t given some to Misaki she’d have had over half of the total dead key cards by trial 8. As far as she was concerned, there was no reason to give Natsuya any information at all. She didn’t trust him, and she didn’t want to be nagged later on for not tell him earlier. At one point she did contemplate sneaking into his room via Rover’s and returning P.K.’s jacket to her room because he asked about it, but at the same time she didn’t care enough to do it.

I said it before, but Natsuya was the #1 target for her. Actually, I don’t think she had any other concrete victims. Like I had some murder plans in mind but for Shoko, it was just him. She had the beginnings of a plan involving keycards. And once she read that he was frail in the database (and realized how much shorter he was than her) it was like. [gaston voice] He’s the one. The lucky boy I’m going to murder. But alas she never got rolled bided her time.

On some level she was fascinated by him? And by fascinated I mean like. in the most detached way possible. Not even full fascination, like a sliver of fascination. Because even with how semi-annoying she found him she recognized how he still had opinions on morality so late in the game, when everyone else didn’t give a shit. I’d say he was like a sputtering candle but in the context of Shokos apathy to him it’s more like he was a partially injured ant? Like obviously damaged and crumpled but still striving on and scrambling away. She couldn’t be bothered to help it or finish it off, but she might watch it for a couple of seconds before moving on to something else more important.

Oh something else I should mention maybe? Natsuya also was on her “…” list and more easily faded to indifference bc he didn’t really stand out? Like. Alice pre-wig loss was distinguishable from a crowd. So was Sunny and Rover and like Hirashi + glasses. But Natsuya? There wasn’t anything that like. IMMEDIATELY identified him from the get go. She could figure out who he was by process of elimination, but if she walked by him in the hall she’d be like. Who. for a good couple of seconds.

he’s 0 stars, but like out of ten he’d be 1/10 bc he. at least tried to investigate. He made an effort. You Tried.

And.. man. She didn’t want to face him after endgame because. Okay she was mildly surprised when he chose to leave, she thought he would stay to help all his dead friends. And she’s on some level aware that the dome destroyed would have devastated him, but he’s not her priority at all, dealing with her own emotions is.

[shsl-lampworker]

★ i'm too lazy to switch accounts okay

“I’ve said it before time and time again but really… thank you.”

★★★★★🔒

Identity markers: big glasses, slouch + hair style, beauty mark

MISAKI MISAKI… wah okay since i already did pregame here …

Um first time they interacted was after Shoko decided to take a break from frisking the lodge and ran into her and, at the time, Malachi discussing about the lodge. iirc, Shoko didn’t take Brynja’s execution seriously at all, and thought this was just some hazing ritual or something?? and like.. wanted to figure out whatever clues were around because there had to be something that Hope’s Peak left behind for the students to prove their worth as Super High School Level students and Monobear mentioned there was a competition.. So she scoured around the available parts of the east side of the lodge and made some discoveries but wanted to properly write them down so she headed back up to the dorms to switch out for an actual drawing notebook where she got called to conversation! And when she heard that Misaki was a Mystery Writer she was like hell yeah someone really smart who’ll understand things where I don’t!! Misaki seemed very put together and smart and Shoko admired her right off the bat just for her talent as you could see from “She was going to be useful, she was going to help the nationally recognized Mystery Writer solve a case designed by Hope’s Peak Academy.” Malachi left and Shoko didn’t really care but that let the two of them explore the lodge and discuss things together.

I.. think bc I was a piece of shit I never replied to the rest of that officially and we just discussed what would happen? Which was exploring together and discussing more. Shoko who believed the mutual killing was fake vs Misaki who believed it was real were opposed to each other but they agreed to disagree. Shoko didn’t understand how someone as well read and just plain smart as Misaki could possibly think that fake display of death was real but she supposed there was no point in arguing it. In a display of respect though she gave Misaki the key she found in the duck, mostly out of the fact that Shoko has no pockets, but also that Misaki seemed to be very.. serious? Understandable. That she could keep a secret. At this point she respected her just for her title but bore no ‘affection’ for her, per se.

After the hullaballoo with her realizing hey, thats a real dead body guys, thats a real dead body this mutual killing thing is REAL, it became obvious that Misaki was right, of course she was. Though preoccupied with trial events Shoko did note that Misaki lived up to her title, bringing up points she had never thought to think about or making assertions she would have been too cautious to say. Admirable, but still not truly attached. At this point, Misaki was an acquaintance, a mystery partner and a sharp mind and witty mouth, but not a friend. So when she confided in her that their SHSL Frycook was actually SHSL Informant, and threatened to kill her she was definitely concerned, Malachi lost a hope shard but, not personally? Her concern was more out of the fact that with Misaki gone, they would lose an investigating powerhouse and Shoko would lose her confidante. Who was she supposed to bounce ideas off of, Anansi who wasn’t even on their side, the perfectly willing to be murderer, the fifteen year old?? Misaki’s death would truly be an unfortunate loss.

Then two important things happened in chapter two, pre murder reveal. The first of which was the thread in which P.K. confronted Shoko, dazed and confused from not having slept all night. Though addled, Shoko knew a confrontation when she saw one and reacted accordingly, by backing into a wall and staring at the opposing party half afraid. When Misaki was visible in the hall, she expected her to call out, or pull P.K. aside, not step in-between them. Which really did mean a lot! Misaki used her first name, (which she sorta ‘uh’ internally a little at first but then the immediate events made her move past it) and defended her both verbally and physically. Shoko had seen her as a partner, but it was clear that Misaki saw her not just as an acquaintance but as a friend. And frankly, she was pretty confused! That they had only known each other for a couple days or so, a little more than a week, and that she was willing to put herself in harms way for her?? Even more so after P.K. actually punched her and broke her glasses. Although Shoko didn’t quite approve of asking for Taka’s keycard when P.K. proved volatile, and it wasn’t actually a result of Shoko’s benefit but her own reasons, Misaki.. Misaki shakily rose to something ??? a friend? someone who she can confirm thinks of her as a friend and therefore could be manipulated?? Still confused (but touched, in a way) she offered to guide the very nearsighted Misaki down to the motive.

And then the motive, ah yes. I’ve already gone over somewhere that Shoko has prosopagnosia and that it was on her motive card. But like. Let me reiterate again.. Most people aren’t aware they have the condition, prosopagnosia. Just a realization that hey they’re not totally good with faces, or hm am I just an asshole for not remembering people? Shoko did find out when she was young in an event that I’m sorta reconsidering, BUT, the fact is that for the last 6 years or so (well. technically 13 but) she was Aware she was different and under the perception that she wasn’t like, normal! not like other girls and like she just?? She had been terrified of someone finding out that she wasn’t like others and being outcast. Seems sorta melodramatic but the people that led her to realize it had made it very clear to her that what she had, wasn’t normal, it wasn’t acceptable, it wasn’t going to make it possible for Shoko to have a normal life. Still, that didn’t stop her from trying, developing coping mechanisms and such and remaining aloof to the people in her old high school. She squashed down those fears and kicked them to the back of her mind, but they were still there no matter how much she told herself that she was over it. So she shakily told Misaki the motive, because it wasn’t a big deal! And Misaki had shown her hers and it was only fair if they exchanged right? Asano-san was smart, she was a critical thinker, she’d surely be able to see past this and not see her as an inconvenience! But still, she felt like she was, there was a chance, so she babbled a bit how it wouldn’t be a problem at all, don’t worry, it wont be a problem. And tbh at this point I was sure that Misaki would reassure her a bit, and that would elevate her affection for her a ton.

But Misaki did that, and much much more.

Well. Maybe not much much more. One much is enough. The fact still stands that Shoko’s opinion of Misaki skyrocketed after this conversation, because of how long she had been just so uncertain and afraid and paranoid of this condition she knew she had but she didn’t know what it was. So when Misaki confirmed that Shoko’s hard work was more important than any condition and didn’t change her opinion of her at all, that other people had prosopagnosia just like Shoko, that someone famous and successful had it and Misaki could loan her the book—

She started crying.

For years deep down she had felt isolated from everyone else, and so many times had she been uneasy and doubted herself because of her inability to recognize faces. How could you interact with people on a day to day basis? How could you keep a stable relationship? She saw signs pointing to Shoko in the future having to struggle to keep up with everyone else because she just couldn’t recognize what other people did. And like I said, she thought she had dealt with it. Closing herself off to old classmates and constantly blaring music as she commuted removed her from having to interact with unnecessary people and be expected to remember more than was necessary. That with her trust issues developed from the same who had revealed her face-blindness to her led to Shoko essentially not having anyone she could call a ‘friend’ in six years. Acquaintances sure, coworkers sure. But they didn’t fit her requirements/definition of ‘friend,’ which she herself wasn’t sure of. They just, weren’t. But with this, Misaki had given her proof that she wasn’t alone at all, that even despite this thing that she had been so afraid of other people finding out about someone, multiple people probably, had been successful. And with that, affection for Misaki Asano rose above every single other person in the game, and so did Shoko’s trust in her, true trust in her person not just her ability to deduce. Tentatively she started to think of her as a friend, and certainly started thinking that Misaki Asano Could Do No Wrong. Perhaps in deductions an error or two could be made, and she didn’t agree with all of Misaki’s moral opinions but.. still. Misaki Asano was a gift. And now she was perched on a pedestal.

With P.K.’s murder, they had been discussing investigation clues, going over what they had learned, Shoko now more seriously taking offense at Malachi’s threat, and the exchange of The Minds Eye into Shoko’s hands, before the announcement was made. And as soon as they saw the body Shoko hightailed it out of there to busy her mind with investigation, leaving Misaki alone with the body. When she realized that she had done that she felt guilty for not mentioning it to her, but even more so when she saw her with Aya right before the trial. Misaki seemed shaken, nowhere near as confident as she seemed every other time she had seen her. And it was clear during the trial that Misaki was not as.. sure. Whether it was regret at having put up a hateful message at the wall about the latest victim or some other issue, Shoko kicked herself a lot for not noticing Misaki’s problems and just thinking of herself when she nyoomed away from her friend during investigation. Misaki had done so much for her, and she couldn’t even offer a second of her time, assuming she was fine. That said this also upped her respect for Misaki, for investigating even when she was unsettled, compared to Shoko who fled from P.K.’s body.

I. dont remember much about this trial bc I was like. trying to skim the trial while riding on a tandem bike?? Shoko had a crisis about stripping. Malachi took off his pants. BUT when Malashig was rolled and he had that whole spiel, she was more panicked about them having lost and Shigeru having to die. She didn’t approve of Misaki gloating about him dying, after all he was dying and it was because of all of them, but she wasn’t going to say anything against her. She only spoke up because Sully made an argument about Misaki and she felt like she should defend her, because she perceived holes in his argument and hey, Misaki Asano did nothing really wrong she was just emotional because someone who threatened her with murder and other things was dying so that could be sorta understandable!!

I. was it chapter 3 they opened the safe?? maybe?? I think so. Anyway, waiting for Shigeru only to find out his remains were scattered elsewhere, finding all the ammunition in the safe with the duck key and swearing they’d never use it and. stealing a safe together. In the middle of her near 30 hours of staying up, Shoko was called up by Misaki to her room, and was told some very important things about her, even when Shoko told her it wasn’t necessary for her too. And she was touched that Misaki insisted on having an equal exchange of information, for them to be equal, and that she trusted her enough to tell her all this with her real last name too. Hearing all Misaki went through didn’t make Shoko pity her, it just made her think how strong Misaki was, for enduring the slander and loss and uprooting. Really, Misaki was a model for them all. And the fact that she was willing to help Shoko put out the fire in the lodge was admirable. Misaki’s insistence against Hibiki when Shoko was convinced that Hibiki wasn’t the culprit only served further to prove that Misaki Asano knew her stuff and Shoko should reconsider reconsidering her thoughts when she thought to disagree.

With week 4 Shoko immediately told Misaki about Monorin and the dead kids, heavily stressing the fact that of course, the dead were dead. The dead were dead. The dead were dead! But even so the fact that Misaki was able to weasel information out of ‘Peko Kimuras Imitation’ impressed Shoko, and a bit that she even tried. Shoko hadn’t even really thought about the missing murderer from chapter 2, but Misaki was right, they needed to catch them. So she followed her to P.K.’s room but was honestly a bit ?? at what to find. What’s even important. But she trusted Misaki’s judgement and it was what lead to Sully being discovered as P.K.’s killer. He would have died either way, but with that there was a reassurance that the one person who had killed multiple times was gone, and they could all relax a bit. With him gone, she was all settled in to just put her head down for the rest of the trial but. Then he slapped Misaki and she pushed away from her podium to stand in-between him and Misaki like Misaki had done for her weeks ago because how dare he. Granted she hadn’t seen Misaki punch him or heard any of what Misaki yelled at him but it still. Still. He had slapped Misaki. And so she nudged her back and lead her back to Shoko’s podium, not keeping her eyes off of Sully who wasn’t even paying attention to them, but the first priority was Misaki with her throbbing cheek. That was the first time they held hands I think, really held hands and not just to guide one another or a temporary squeeze of reassurance. Misaki was at her side and leaning on her and.. well she wouldn’t say it was “nice” considering she was watching a man die in front of her but it did feel.. right. It was the first time Shoko (to her knowledge) had ever really held a hand, and the warmth of it and Misaki’s head on her shoulder was really good for her, in a way. Shoko isn’t a very physically affectionate person because in the first place it’s hard to get her trust to that point, but Misaki was definitely an exception, and an exception that didn’t make it feel awkward to do so.

After they parted ways post-daki-burning they met up in the attic again, and among discovering hints, Misaki asked Shoko to tell her a bit more about her family and herself. Which Shoko was again touched by. That might seem a bit like, is it so strange that a friend asks you about yourself? But like Shoko hadn’t had people ask her about herself before that she trusted. And like, she didn’t want to bother her sorta? Shoko is a pretty independent person, and doesn’t tend to think much about what other people are doing, and assumes the same for the others towards her. And that works with Misaki, because they both tend to do their own thing most of the time, but trust in each other intellectually a lot and trust each other for support when they need it. I mean, or I guess it does work, there’s room for like, more? or? They’re not the type of people who talk things out generally, they could but they don’t. Shoko doesn’t want to bother Misaki with unnecessary talk about herself, especially when she perceives the emotions in question as not even being important. Who wants to hear someone half-heartedly complain about being tired or quietly grumble about being stuck here when hello, it’s obvious they’re stuck here they’ve BEEN stuck here for weeks. Who wants to let someone hear that, especially someone who’s THE most important person in the premises?? Of course the hypocrisy?? irony?? is that Shoko would be willing to lend an ear to Misaki no matter what she said. But then with that Shoko never told her that, I.. think. Probably. As I said before she’s not very used to friendships like this, relationships of trust in feelings and just assumes things will fall into place! But it’s not as if this remained constant; throughout the game she, out of a lot of things, experience with Monorin running away at her callousness, being hit in the face with ‘fuck I didn’t even notice Misaki-san was nervous/sick/distressed’ made her a bit more proactive in caring and noticing others. And really while Monorin made her reconsider her wording, Misaki was really the one she improved most in being active in genuinely caring. For some like Rover, she only held back in being scathing/blunt because she knew that if she was she would lose some important information, or with Sunny in which she was terrified that a misspoken word could end up with her down on the ground. But with her, Shoko truly wanted to improve herself, to be a better shoulder to lean on and a better person to rely on, just for Misaki’s sake. Granted she didn’t totally succeed per se, but she did improve since the beginning of the game.

Like, I’d say Shoko, in the beginning of the game/predespair did “kind” or “friendly” acts for two reasons. One, the most common one for things like visiting a classmate in the infirmary when sick or making a supportive comment, was because she wanted to build up connections/get hints. Nothing would be gained if she did nothing/doing something seen as positive would get her points for later. The second was just, doing something for the sake of doing it, like stepping in-between a fight predespair or running to get Manolo’s hands. Just an unconscious desire to do the thing, like jumping to get to the crossroads to see if Shigeru was okay. Majority of the things she did was for the former predespair and in the beginning of the game, just because normally, if left by herself with no Hope’s Peak Influence or accreditation she would just be doing things by herself, not trying to concern herself with others besides basic obligation or just a will to do so. Things that make her think more on her feet with no time to ponder about the social benefits or other such would be more I guess raw? genuine? and things like that happened a lot during the game. And with the game, the first reason sort of shriveled up as the weeks went on. No longer for social status, just for survival and intelligence. But, like I said, Misaki was the only person she actively wanted to better herself for with the second half. She was genuine with a couple people at various times but no one else did she felt the need to do.. better. That she would go and help her without- okay not help because she did that anyway but like. Make an effort. Go knock and talk to her without needing the excuse of a new discovery. Asking if she’s alright from something that happened a couple days ago. Little things that showed she cared without having to think to do them. They would just be the obvious thing to do.

And by the point of about trial 5 when the argument and chaos was just making Shoko sick.. Misaki wasn’t totally on a pedestal, per se. I mean I could say she wasn’t truly on one in the first place because Shoko recognized some of her flaws, but it’s not like.. It’s like she cared for her definitely, but it was sort of a loyalty brought on by what Misaki revealed to her in ch 2. But like, they’ve had chances to talk and just spend time to each other and she’s still deathly loyal to her but it’s as if Misaki rounded out more as a person in her mind sorta? She still respected her as much as before, she still trusted her and liked her as much as before, but now Misaki was sorta.. something else. A real friend. Someone she’d never betray and that she’d never stop being grateful too sure, but also, she’s.. Shoko doesn’t do physical affection that much for her own sake. She’d provide a shoulder perhaps, or even a hand or a hug if she felt like it was necessary and it wouldn’t be awkward, but she doesn’t do them for her. But with the clamor of the mistrial and the frustration brought on by Cerys and others she just needed to sit down and get reprieve. Part of her heading over to Misaki was to support her, support poor sick Misaki, but part of her leaning against her was just.. needing support. Physical support from someone she deeply cared for and trusted and who she knew felt the same towards her. Even if she was sick. Which is v a big thing!!! And it was… nice. To just lean on each other and murmur keycard discussion even if the rest of the trial room was going to hell. Misaki was there, and that’s all that mattered, she was all that mattered. And I’d say Shoko was legit a tiny bit proud of herself for remembering to check on Misaki after she was done with the Manolo Hand Retrieval and for thinking to bring her soup too.

(Goes off on a tangent.. Misaki is her friend she cares so much about her and she’s opening up to her in ways and on levels of comfort she’d never do to any other (alive) person so she is afraid of sorta losing her! That’s.. really a big part of why (well i can say that this happened icly even though ooc really I just never got rolled) even though Shoko considered murdering just for more trials and therefore more unlocked areas and therefore more hints, she wouldn’t have because she was afraid of Misaki’s judgement. Although she trusted her undoubtedly on an intellectual level, morally, Misaki was still a little ?? to her. Shoko didn’t particularly care about right or wrong, or rather that she didn’t want to think about it. She still had opinions on the morality of each person and the situation deep deep down but that was set to the side just to get these trials and such over with because honestly they were just so draining even without her getting caught up in any morality debate. Even though later in the game Misaki was Done With This Shit, Shoko still remembered how Misaki got into arguments with people like Sully and. well she remembered mostly Sully, but still even with how exasperated Misaki was at times with their peers she still wasn’t totally sure what her true opinions were on the justness of their situation or of the actions of the murderers and defenders. Misaki’s disapproval and disappointment and was a good deterrent, not to mention the aftermath. She’d be risking being found out and being targeted because she was a murderer.)

Ch 6 Shoko was.. pretty out of it for having caught Misaki’s cold yet pushing herself as she always did, and likewise appreciated Misaki coming up to visit her after the trial and also taking care of her when she was just too sick. And in chapter 7 with the Bayou.. She didn’t particularly trust Alice or Keita, the former for her real talent, which Misaki had told her, and outbursts during trials, and the latter because she didn’t know anything about him and to be honest, she didn’t put it past him to murder for the motive. But Misaki trusted them, at least to be on a boat with them, so she agreed that they should all go down to the bayou together. And among other things they discovered the archives, detailing Shoko’s weakness. Which was very detailed because I was afraid it wouldn’t come across as a weakness, and then I was like oh no what if it doesn’t seem strong enough to be a weakness, and so on and so forth. IC-ly it shook Shoko up a lot. Even if Misaki had assured her weeks ago that it wasn’t something strange and out of place and she wasn’t alone, to see her face-blindness, something she had been struggling with and something that had such an affect on how she saw herself for the last few years, to read it be analyzed in a way that clearly labeled and described it as something that would impede her was just— But she did have a handle on herself and was trying to calm herself because it wasn’t gonna be a problem, as she said weeks ago. But then Keita revealed that he’d already read through the archives, because there was one in the tunnels.

Thanks Keita.

She felt vulnerable already but finding out that it was out in the public for anyone to access for a week already, just… she needed some air. Some time outside of the stuffy archive room to breathe and think and sort herself out before going back because god, how pathetic is she being!! And then after a bit Misaki came up outside too and sat next to her. Idly talked about how of course Keita has a fake talent too and then tells her that.. she’d do anything to protect her. During this time Shoko was focusing on her breathing and on her hands, the movement of her joints and the folding of her skin but with that she looks up and softens her eyes and is just.. so fond of Misaki. That she has someone who’d come up after her freaking out and try to console her not out of obligation but because they genuinely care about her, and that someone like that is just.. as great as Misaki. “The same goes for me,” she says back and she feels.. a bit better. If anything, Misaki is still with her. They have each other, even if being back down there uneases her a bit, the fact remains that she has someone at her back who she trusts and cares about so much. At this point Misaki truly isn’t seen as a semi-savior who opened Shoko’s eyes and helped her with an issue that’s been plaguing her forever. I keep mentioning the pedestal but REALLY.. Misaki Asano Could Do No Wrong WAS her mindset for a part of the game just because of how much that meant to her!! But she knows and accepted that Misaki isn’t perfect, she can get flustered and emotional and make judgement calls that are wrong. But that doesn’t matter because Misaki’s here for her and Shoko’s here for Misaki. She’s her best friend, she loves her.

And a fave line from a thread with Rover the next week, credits to bee:

How… how weird was it to hear her speak to him as if he were nothing more than an artificial being, and then hear even the mention of a name of someone alive waver her.

Which, context being for the majority of the conversation they were up in arms (well not up in arms, but you know. tension. from her not believing he’s real.) up until she mentioned Iori targeting her at which he gave her self defense tips and warning to warn her friends. Shoko wasn’t even mad that Misaki told Rover that she thought they were all programs (a little miffed and flustered at first but she got over it, because after all, Misaki) but she was just.. struck again with how selfish she was. She may have been getting better but she hadn’t even began to think that it wasn’t just her life under threat because of what happened last trial; Alice and more infinitely more importantly Misaki (sorry Alice) was in danger too. Struck with just.. she wasn’t a good friend. So after the conversation she condensed what he told her about self defense and sent a letter to her along with a couple exacto-knives and her weapon (she didn’t leave herself defenseless she still had a couple things she pilfered from previous cases and also Miko’s room) and a plea to stay safe. Stay Safe! She was nervous for her but also nervous that if Iori caught them together they’d have no problem disposing of both of them so almost above all (her own survival was still the number one priority…. thanks.) Misaki needed to stay safe by avoiding spending time with her. Which honestly wasn’t hard bc like I said before, they were pretty independent unless they had something to discuss or they needed help like being sick.

During chapter 8 trial when she had a breakdown because of sickness motive + Ioris taunting Misaki’s comforting didn’t do much actually, in like, well like. Shoko was still.. not over it. But she had her cry, until she was practically dried out and she did really… really appreciate Misaki coming over to her to hold her. If she was by herself she’d feel ridiculously pathetic for letting Iori’s comment trigger some guilt that she’d buried deep inside but with Misaki squeezing her and reassuring her it was.. alright. It was.. well it wasn’t okay that she was weak and still hadn’t apologized but her being there when she felt ashamed and vulnerable meant a lot and it sort of helped her down. She still wasn’t over it but Misaki being there again, holding her and reassuring her and defending her from Iori… earned the dropping of the honorific. Misaki didn’t know of course why she was like that, but she didn’t have to. Theirs isn’t a relationship where they talk things out but one where they could just be there for each other and that would help. I guess you could say there wasn’t much direct communication for bad feelings and such but that didn’t matter because they love each other and trust each other and would defend each other from anything. And if anyone other than Misaki had suggested that Keita was mastermind with that evidence, Shoko would have still voted for him sure because they called for a vote, but with her Shoko was willing to entertain the possibility. And they were right, Misaki was right! What a brilliant, amazing person! (directly ignoring any dead help she mentioned of course)

Shoko loves Misaki, but more than anything, she wanted to leave this place and leave this experience and just try to move on. Misaki was the only thing making her have doubts of leaving everyone and not keeping contact, but it.. wasn’t enough. In a context where they’re enclosed and trapped and the next day could surface a corpse that could easily be you or someone close to you, Misaki’s survival and her own survival was near equal. But now that they were outside, now that they were free and there was nothing left from the dome that could possibly haunt them in the future (materially speaking), now that Shoko had the option to escape anywhere in the world she let herself be selfish. She was aware the whole time of course, how she could have gone with Misaki, or Misaki with her, that they both could have wandered Japan with Alice but. Shoko Maeno just wants a quiet life. And honestly, having Misaki around would just be a constant reminder of a mutual killing game she desperately wants to forget. But how to convey that even if you’re being selfish that the other person still means the world to you? She didn’t know, but handed off an opal necklace capsule that she never opened to.. remember her? What comfort would that provide? It was almost ridiculous but then Misaki gave her the eye necklace. The thing that she saw Misaki clutching and fiddling with the entire game. And she was touched, really touched. She knew how much it meant to her and she felt a pang of guilt at that, and how Misaki struggled to speak a final goodbye. They hugged for one last time, a long hug with dribbling tears and mucus and Shoko tried to convey how important she was with a squeeze. In the end neither of them gave much of a ‘memorable’ goodbye, with halting words and simple phrases. Finally, she just squeezed her hands one last time and put on the necklace, before parting ways.

Post endgame, she’d wear the necklace to her brothers house and up to her finally changing out of the remains of a uniform. But when she reaches to put on the necklace, she hesitates. Instead of adorning it on her neck, she simply puts it in her pocket, or wraps it around her wrist. She doesn’t have it on her at all times, but when she’s going out to meet people, or when she can’t sleep, she’d brush against it. Essentially, Misaki’s charm became her own charm, a defense against the lingering grabs of PTSD, when Iori Yano was in the shadows at the furthest end of the hallway or when a vacation called to stay in a lodge. Over time she didn’t immediately think of it as “Misaki’s necklace,” but as something that was a defense for herself. She had definitely been asked about it before, by her niece or by a new friend, and for a second, she’s reminded of big glasses and a warm hand, but she shakes that off and simply replies, “a friend gave it to me a long time ago.” Annoyed at first because at this point she hates whenever memories from that place are roused up, but she can’t be mad at the memory of someone who was so important. A simple squeeze of the eye with a wish that she’s safe and she resumes her life.

To close off, I’d like to quote a section from Shoko’s app.

“Not to say that it’s not possible that she’d get close to anyone. But it would be near impossible to get her to care about someone enough that she wouldn’t be willing to kill and leave without them. Trust for her peers is something she has a limited supply of, especially in a situation like this. Of course, she trusts in their abilities, in their naivety and in their bitterness, but actually trusting the people themselves in such a short period of time would be laughable to her.”

And a gif I found in my drafts.

Even if they never meet again.. well. in the first place Shoko probably wouldn’t recognize her. But if Misaki found her somehow, she’d.. okay well she’d flinch away at first because she’s not used to hearing “Shoko” without an english accent dragging down the last vowel besides in her family’s voice. But Misaki would be the only person she wouldn’t feign ignorance to who’s Shoko Maeno?? I’ve never met you before person haha. Goodbye. She’s suppressed a lot but Misaki having meaning is something she can’t ignore. Until the day she dies she’ll always know Misaki Asano was someone who was incredibly important, even if she can’t remember it. She helped her take the first true steps into seeing her prosopagnosia not as something to be ashamed of, she was there for her when she was stressed and distressed. I said in Taka’s star that she trusted him with somethings more than Misaki, but that was regarding complaints and being honest. But really in all alternate universes, for all the people she’d have encountered and lives she’d lived, no one, no one is fully trusted more than the Misaki Asano Shoko survived a mutual killing game with. And it’s sorta funny that its only in this context, only because of that one motive. In predespair, in other places, they were barely acquaintances. But here, Misaki is the most important friend she’d ever known.

[shsl-lampworker]

#remember when they got locked on the roof predespair and jaehwa set his jacket on fire

good times… :,D

[shsl-lampworker]

“seung-san why do you have a lighter with you” “don’t worry about it”

#remember when they got locked on the roof predespair and jaehwa set his jacket on fire

good times… :,D

[shsl-lampworker]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) bruh

“…You were alright, y’know. I mean, the times we interacted were purretty awkward- but I don’t think yer a person I could be a sourpuss at. I suppose that you woulda have found me out that trial I kinda– so uh. I’m… sorry, I guess.”

Keep reading

[shsl-lampworker]

★

“Mn.”

—————

Shige

Identity markers: tan skin + brown hair swooped a certain direction + TALL, whatever he has in his mouth, scar and beauty mark

the man the myth the legend

Okay uh, predespair Malachi seemed a pretty neat guy? He seemed friendly enough and was willing to walk her around campus that one time when she was like ‘shit I forgot this important thing’ and they found Aya who was wheezing and tired and in no way should have been still working on an art piece, and he helped her cart Aya back so points, yeah. He was like a friend of a friend in a way, like she knew of him and they were in the same class but they didn’t really interact that much?

With despair they met in the dorms after the “fake” execution and Shoko was excited to share information but unfortunately wrote him off as Misakis less intelligent lackey, thanks Shoko. He seemed well meaning and willing to do work like go out and get details for Misaki’s list but honestly at this point Shoko was more focused on trying to get input on her ideas and his general response seemed to be a smile that had no idea what was going on. rip

Next point would be Misaki telling her about Shigeru’s whole thing, which? At the time she didn’t have too much of an opinion on. Misaki seemed a bit too eager to tell her so she took the information with a light grain of salt. This was after the trial and she was still trying to cope with the fact that this was all *real* so as far as she knew Misaki could be just making things up in an attempt to kill him, of course this was before the motive so trust was much lower. Even after it though, Shoko was more focused on the trial and trying to solve things, to piece together what happened in P.K.’s murder. Her opinion of him then was basically thanks for stripping?? He was suspicious because of the injury under his shirt but she had her reservations because there wasn’t other proof he did it and other people already called him out. With the randomizer, she was like, SHIT, and with him being called she was like, SHIT!! Despite the fact that he did threaten Misaki, he was dying, and dying because of their inability to pin down the culprit. If they (she) had pushed more for stripping, if they (she) had just talked things out more than spending time arguing about stripping… His speech didn’t phase her much despite his biting tone because? he’s dying he was going to be killed painfully because of them so he could vent or say anything he wanted, and his actual secrets reveal didn’t get so much of a reaction (partially because she knew it already) because she was more focused on, oh god we fucked up. In fact if she hadn’t been so devoted to Misaki she would have called her out on her schadenfreude because?? even if Malachi Seigi was a lie, Shigeru Natadama was going to die because of their mistake. There was nothing to celebrate, there was a killer still roaming around and there was a three kill rule that they had already fulfilled a third of the way. She felt like she at least owed it to him to watch his execution, and out of adrenaline she ran out when it seemed there was a chance of him living, trying to keep her mind off the guilt and just watch the crossroads. And then his corpse was found and she saw a glimpse of the blood and NOPED off.

She was going to do a wall picture thing for PK and him, both with ‘innocent’ as labels, (i think 'not guilty’ for shigeru actually) but she could never finish it. And while part of that is like, me running out of effort, at the same time it sort of felt weird to finish up a portrait of their mistake so she just? gave up, it’s unfinished in her sketchbook right now. For the rest of chapter 3 and 4 he was pushed out of her head, like strange to say but she didn’t think of him when they caught Sully for all the guilt she had over his death? He was out of sight out of mind and if it wasn’t for wendigo information cropping up and Taka mentioning him occasionally she’d have completely forgotten about him by endgame, lol, but even with that she wasn’t thinking of him himself, just him as a victim of the wendigo (which she was extremely Unsettled by) and that program, I guess.

For the most part, even though she didn’t think of him as real she still thought of him as reliably indifferent, or assumed he was. If she had died she would have asked him to help her get away from everything for a while because while she didn’t trust him personally, she trusted he wouldn’t tell anyone like Taka, or Misaki if she called him. Give him her keycard while she ruminated in the bayou about her life, assuming that the program-replication-thing allowed it, as he answered in a drawl that Maeno wasn’t here right now, please leave a message.

So even without her thing about the dead he’d be like ☆☆☆☆☆ probably, maybe 0/10 or something even with being a stone cold shige.

[shsl-lampworker]

*star for hibiki*

“Thats.. what you wanted right?"

—————

Identity markers: Hat, height + her coat and hair, being to her left in trials

okay OKAY WELL PREGAME they probably had an understanding because they both!! work with fire and there’d be a sorta mutual knowing you know? Of like burn care and appreciation of flame and she’d use that to her advantage to talk to her more maybe?

Her first impression in game was when she and Yue You and Rover hijacked the radio to which, she rolled her eyes bc smh teenager hooligans! but it was just something that happened and she didn’t really associate it with her. The first time she saw her besides flipping through the roster was. when Misaki ended up getting a body pillow of her in the machine not too long after Bambi and Brynja died. granted she couldn’t actually note her facial features but she did get some information on her, from Misaki saying that Hibiki seemed practical which Shoko could definitely appreciate! Of course she forgot about trying to keep tabs on people when. actual dead body.

She was aware a girl was standing to the left of her the first two times, but during the first trial she was more focused on her own things, and trial two she was confused but Hibiki did strip and prove she wasn’t the murderer so?? nothing wrong with that. The thing was when they actually talked and Hibiki seemed so flippant about the trial procedures that ground Shoko’s gears. She was aware not everyone was willing to investigate/talk for variety reasons, reeling from the dead body, not sure what to do, not sure what to say but to not.. care at all? When lives were definitely at stake?? Shoko didn’t understand Hibiki at all and excused herself before she got even more miffed.

And then Rover died and Shoko went around to investigate some rooms and searched Hibiki and. I forgot to check the bed. so. Shoko didn’t find any evidence particularly incriminating Hibiki and thought her as a possible suspect, but not definite. And during the trial she really didn’t think Hibiki did it, that is, until the point where she started spurting blood to which Shoko was ????? Because her test worked?? She was just baffled as Hibiki confessed, and then got slapped, and then spouted off her own speech. Truthfully she didn’t really care one way or another whether murderers were evil or deserved something, she was just. The trial was over, they caught Hibiki, the added damnation was unecessary, she was going to die, after all. She didn’t fault her for killing Rover, for after all he was already dead, and she was about to die, and Shoko wasn’t particularly close to either of them. Childish for sure, but Rover was going to be in the same class as them, he was a high school student, what made killing him worse than killing any other person here if you took personal relationships out of it? But Shoko was caught off guard when Hibiki gave her her keycard and even if it was just out of the convenience of placement, Shoko was aware of how helpful the potential of them could be (hell she just got like four from Rover’s backpack and that opened up a lot of opportunities that she was well aware of) and she semi-appreciated it. Because of that she felt like she sort of owed it to her to fully watch her execution. This was also the first time that Shoko wondered what her execution would be like, remembering something she had said earlier to Hibiki about them both having fire related talents. At this time she was nowhere near contemplating possibly murdering but it did make her think.. she’d probably be burning too, right?

Shortly after that Jaehwa, to Shokos slight confusion, wanted to talk to Hibiki and lo and behold! It wasn’t much her business, these calls were all his personal want because frankly she didn’t really. care if people could talk to the dead or not. They’re dead. What could they do? But information from the conversation with Hibiki actually sparked her interest, unlike the previous three calls where she just sorta sat to the side as an awkward third wheel in Jaehwa’s conversations. What she learned about the dead world, then unknown to her as Adunamentum, actually made her a little bit interested, just a bit in the dead kids. She had assumed, if they were programs but able to see trials and stuff then it was just in a virtual version of the lodge or something. Of course this just led her to thinking that there was an added area, but this was something that kept the dead kids in mind, even just a bit at the back of her mind, which led to her actually conferring with Taka later on. Something that made her a little! was that Hibiki called her ‘Shoko-san’ bc. woah! first name! During the conversation she switched back to ‘Maeno-san’ and a bit more flippant tone but. Hm. Hm..

The next, and last time? I think? they talked was after the motive in ch 6, whne Shoko was slowly succumbing to her sickness. She called several people after talking with our resident webcomic artist just to get additional testimony that Yoshiki had indeed, barged into the trial and suspiciously yelled at Hirashi. Hibiki said she wasn’t even paying attention to much and was pretty succinct in her responses, even when Shoko gave some suggestions for other things she might be interested like Defend the Lodge.

Shokos stuffy cold-affected mind thought to ask, ‘why?’. Well specifically she asked,

"…Would you rather not exist?"

"Would you rather have experienced the execution and died, and not exist as this?"

"Maeno-san. I have wished to cease to exist for the longest time now.. I hate living like this.. Well, I guess I'm not exactly living anymore, but it's exactly the same for me."

And with that, Shoko offered, still with the belief all the dead kids were highly advanced artificial intelligence, to destroy her programming when they got out. Surely there had to be some server somewhere right? (She did think, what if she had to destroy all the others too, and honestly she would have done it, the future backlash the only thing that could have made her hesitate. After all they weren’t real right? They were just technology with borrowed personalities.) Even with the belief that Hibiki wasn’t “real” she felt as if something that wasn’t supposed to exist didn’t want to exist, and there was an option to stop their existence, it would only be fair. Within her “rights” I suppose. Hibiki never asked to be given a “second chance” in the first place, so why not end this prolonged boredom and monotony? She made a promise to the majorette.

And she held onto it until endgame, at which, her promise to Hibiki was the only real thing that had any chances of holding her back from leaving right away. After all, if she left how would she go through with that promise? The revelation that they weren’t programs at all, (which Shoko begrudgingly accepted a little bit) only complicated matters, as how would she fulfill... ? But Hibiki spoke up, a clear message to leave, that, things will be figured out back at the mountain. And really, Shoko did have a tiny compulsion to help her. But her desire to leave was much much stronger, and with Hibiki’s blessing of sorts, she should be able to leave with little regret. Maybe if they escaped, Hibiki would find a better peace of mind now that she wasn’t stuck in the mountain.

Sure as hell didn’t count on the dome being destroyed. Shoko.. doesn’t exactly know what she should feel, regarding Hibiki. After all, she got her wish in the end right? She.. her existence was ended. But. As much as Shoko holds onto the fact that the dead kids aren’t the ‘originals’, she does recognize that they ‘exist’, and that Hibiki, even if it wasn’t the ‘real’ Hibiki, could have had a family, friends who were waiting for her...

Well. It’s far too late now.

Overall she was really about ★☆☆☆☆, 1.5/10, for her bluntness and the fact that at that point Shoko could semi-relate to her sickness of the routine and being trapped in the dome, and because she just held onto that promise for weeks.

[shsl-lampworker]

Taka's Star

[tumblr is being a GIANT ASSHOLE so heres the thing super-duper-webcomicartist ]

"….................”

�����

pre-despair refresher here

Identity markers: hoodie, tan skin + brown hair, piercings, his drawl, sparse eyebrows

(as the game went on the drawl rose to first because his voice was the only way she really communicated with him)

HAHA WELL. The only person to have this type of rating; the only thing about him Shoko is sure of is that she isn’t sure how she feels about him.

Okay uh, first things first, through investigation Shoko got her first glimpse of T△K△ when she was checking through the roster for brown hair like the one Hirashi found. The first impression she had of him though was PK’s drawing on the wall, and then shortly after his own. While she skimmed his message, she did take note of his drawing as being v good. Re: investigation I. don’t remember the list of suspects, but there were two of them: brown hair and handwriting suspects, of which she based on the bubbling of i’s and swoops. Handwriting list had more or less been narrowed down to “T△K△" and I don’t remember if his pen name was mentioned on the roster but?? she didn’t know about it until he said his preference to being called that during the trial. During that first trial, she was still rattled by Yoshiki’s actual death so she didn’t want to say her suspect until both evidence pieces, brown hair and handwriting conclusively matched up. Monobear said that the culprit would be punished, and now that she knew that death was a real possibility, she didn’t want to accuse anyone or bring up proof without outstanding evidence, hence why she took down notes from the wall to the trial, and why she was willing to accuse Minoru of possibly being the culprit. With his confession, came the execution.

In hindsight she shouldn’t have reacted… that badly? I mean she still would have been very unsettled by how profound of an effect “Ak1h1ko” had on him, because of a similar experience, but that was over six years ago, the memory would have somewhat dulled. But yeah, he was stabbed and the rain of blood came down and she just. bolted it. It was one thing to touch a freshly dead body and another to see someone die, and such a bloody death too. In her drawing frenzy afterwards to get out her emotions she included a sketch of Yoshiki and T△K△ with the appropriate ‘victim’ and ‘murderer’ labels (fun fact: other options included ‘person who killed’ which would have been used if someone like Misaki was a murderer and something that was sort of like ‘massacre person’ which would have ben used if someone murdered someone like Misaki. but i stopped bc i got lazy Shoko wasn’t relying on it as much) and used it as symbolic reasoning that she had dusted her hands of them, she could move on now.

The moving of Bopper Raspberry was more because Manolo reminded her, and she was like hey an aquarium, NICE, why not move there. After that, she just forgot about him until Jaehwa told her to ring in his number after which she FREAKED OUT. (Another thing I sorta wish I could go back and fix, she wouldn’t have had that like intense sentence blurring overreaction. She’d still be like ?! ?!?!??!?!, not to the extent I wrote.) She had a very serious belief that once the dead are dead, they’re dead, and even if she couldn’t remember their voices that well, there was NO way that this was the real T△K△. So she quickly decided that it must have been via the technology at pars venatic, and treated him, and every other dead kid on the radio, as such.

But she was interested in what the ‘programs’ were experiencing, with what she heard from Hibiki that they weren’t in the lodge, and that the other programs said they could see the trials. So out of just, ‘why not’ mentality, she called T△K△ up during Aya’s murder investigation. And he gave her the idea to transcribe the shoes and a bunch of helpful information, cementing him as a valuable investigator AND someone who couldn’t kill her, a great combination! Something else important about this convo is what he said to her when she let slip that she was starting to think she was relying on herself too much during investigation and that she needed to discuss with others more.

"Try not to work yourself too hard, Maeno."

Which, by itself seems nice enough; nothing to write home about. But right before this call she and Iori had a quick conversation in which they (unintentionally) pressured her into doing the best that she could, to make the lodge safe again while crying on her. Elaborated more in Iori’s relationship thing, but that exchange did trouble her, and to hear someone say, hey, maybe you should take a break did… it didn’t mean something to her, but it did set the stage that maybe it would be okay to talk to him about these kinds of things later on, which she did eventually? wow??

She continued to rely on him for information about Adūnāmentum, and for the fifth trial (popping in to say something about being right about hirashi killing remi in a ‘I was right and you weren’t’ mindset right before the trial), still thinking he was a program all the way not even giving a little concern that he said Shigeru broke his ribs smh Shoko.

 [also i found this while looking through logs, still hilarious]

[9/22/14 6:38:38 PM] Dirty Dan [lamp/ranmaru]: you ever think about taka as a stereotypical seme

[9/22/14 6:38:41 PM] Dirty Dan [lamp/ranmaru]: triangle man

[9/22/14 11:01:51 PM] Dirty Dan [lamp/ranmaru]: http://33.media.tumblr.com/1873df861f790d9c0195e675ec76e0fd/tumblr_mn9ryf5idU1sswmjuo9_1280.jpg

[9/22/14 11:02:08 PM] AG || (ง •̀_•́)ง || Dead Noriaki: shout why this

And then the fifth trial happened and pars venatic was a screaming mess. Shoko was just. so confused by the trial and people crying and- to be honest she did think that Cerys did it, and assumed he did too by his apparent default vote. But after the motive all her adrenaline from Manolo’s execution had faded and she was just tired and grumpy and also getting sick. The perfect time to call her correspondent. Though I should say at this point he was really a peer. Not just in name because they were going to be in the same class at Hope’s Peak, but she saw him as an equal of sorts, sorta. They started talking, him telling her his hunch that Jaehwa was Hirashi’s murderer, which she never brought up to anyone lol, but not because she didn’t believe in his hypothesis. She still thought of him as just artificial intelligence, but she trusted his word and respected him a lot more than most of the other alive students in the lodge. There was just too little evidence, and her only “argument” was “a dead murderer told me so”. So she reserved her judgements about what happened, though keeping a wary eye on Jaehwa, and complaining (again) about Cerys botching up the trial.

And then he asked her if she was okay.

And Shoko? hadn’t had anything that can really be classified as “friendship” for six years, she wasn’t “used” to being a friend and relying on people and. that talking about your problems was normal and okay. As much as she valued Misaki, Shoko never really talked about herself unless prompted or it was relevant to whatever situation was at hand. So when T△K△ asked her what was up, she just. spilled the not so juicy beans. It was a combination of just a lot of tension building up, and the fact that he was, well, not real to her. She probably wouldn’t have said anything, or in detail, at least, if he was alive. Though if he was alive they wouldn’t have had this correspondence at all so I digress. But yeah, in his response he validated her frustrations and reassured her that what she was doing was something. I should say, that up to this point in radio conversations Shoko referred to him in the narrative with “it” and “83.3” much like a tool, but with this conversation she switched to “he” and “Taka-san”. It’s not like he could tell, but that was a pretty important switch. She still thought the original T△K△ was dead, but it felt more right? to refer to him with those words instead of the more impersonal ones she had before, considering she had told him her thoughts. He offered to listen to her talk again and she knew he would listen to her, like really listen, and even if she never said anything personal to him again, the fact that he would was sorta? it was a nice reassurance.

Fun Fact: Shoko pretty much resigned herself that someone was going to die every week, and she sorta half-hoped if any dead kid was “”coming back”“, it would be T△K△ since he was very helpful to her and most likely wouldn’t kill her. She thought that whoever would come back would be a friend of someone who killed, and as far as she knew everyone who was friends with T△K△ was dead, so he probably wasn’t going to come back at all, but she’d still prefer him over any other program by a long shot.

Chapter 7 Investigation, when he told her about the hearing test that she used in trial that was SUPER GREAT. She did have her suspicions on Iori and Kenshin, but she didn’t have much in the way of solid proof until he mentioned the test, and she’d definitely say that the case wouldn’t have been able to be solved without him (though a later conversation with Rover revealed she missed some definitive things even though Kenshin was standing right there to which she was like. sweats;;).

When Yoshiki was revived she didn't even think about how T△K△ might have felt she was just, "more technological bullshit I see", but when he was like. I died for nothing, that made her like. huh. because she had totally forgotten that he, well, ""the real Noriaki Kato"" had murdered Yoshiki Shouda. And to be honest she didn't really care at this point, murder and death was just a process to get access to new information because no one she cared about had died yet thanks Shoko. For that reason I sort of wished they had a thread where it came out (some…how) that she still called him "Taka-san" and have a discussion about it (even though he probably would have noted it and been like… huh but not said anything) because it would have been interesting? Like because of the games her concept of ""justice"" got warped and left to die somewhere on the side of the road so she would have been like, okay you murdered, you still worked hard to get where you were, you earned your fans and your recognition by Hope's Peak for your talent, so you still deserve the name. I have no doubt that he wouldn't have changed how he viewed himself at all but it would have been an interesting conversation I think? Yeah.

But anyway, Yoshiki came back to life and she accidentally let slip that she assumed all the dead kids were data. Which he took pretty well, relatively speaking. She was still dancing around her beliefs and was like “shit” when he was like wait you think we’re programs but hey he didn’t freak out, or outright deny her. I’m not sure what she would have done (not that he would have at all) if he just ended the conversation to deal with that or be, a la Rover, why should I talk to someone who doesn’t think I’m real. T△K△ wasn’t necessary to keep in contact with, but she was starting to feel like he was, with his suggestions (and to a perceived lesser extent, his support). If she had just gone into the trial accusing Kenshin and Iori because of something she read in a computer on the swamp, she’d probably have been executed and been doing who knows what. Shoko was starting to see him as someone invaluable to solving the mystery of this place.

Mm like? the part of the conversation they had after sharing hints and before they were geeking out over Enoshima Aquarium (smh these nerds) was really? I liked it because in a lot of ways T△k△ was a good emotional support for her, and because she sort of knew of his moral standing (and again, because he was dead) she wasn't afraid, or more like, nervous? apprehensive. about sharing her thoughts about the situation. Like Misaki was Done with a lot of things, but sometimes she reacted in a way over some things that Shoko wouldn't have expected of her? Which was a reason why she wouldn't have talked to her about things except for ones she knew for sure she had opinions on, and not have said much if Misaki ever asked her about things like this, and it was also one of the things she didn't want to murder, what Misaki would think of her for it. But with him, she was pretty confident in his opinions, like if she ever thought to do a murder a la Airi and Hiyoko I know she'd have had no qualms with asking him because she was pretty he'd be like "sure Maeno" about it. He was reliable in his opinions, and even though she thought what she thought without much influence in others its still sorta? nice? (and i mean that in a very small amount) to have someone agree with you about opinions that could be taken as controversial (and by controversial i mean spark an argument for some people like Natsuya). They called each others "partners" here but it was pretty obvious it was more than just a professional relationship, even if she couldn't define it (and would deny it). 

Another thing (i keep ending up finding things to comment about in this conversation lol..) is when they had that brief exchange over drawing like? Drawing, to her, had become a sort of chore. She used to use it as a means of coping with her feelings but every things just. everywhere here, and drawing would take too much time she could use to do something about the situation, and it was easier to ignore everything unless necessary than to be forced to think about it while sketching. Before she was jerked out of all train of thought she could have bc [shoko voice] ENOSHIMA? there was probably a bunch she could have said about it? Or at least that I wanted to say, about art and creation, about him stopping by the infirmary to see her, something about trying to let herself relax (even if she wouldn't have) also i guess this is a good place to say wouldn't it be cool to have a dead-drawing thread?? like maybe with Aya too, all just sitting in the radio room, sketching out something, even if she couldn't see them or their drawings it would have been nice company to have and let her relax a lot more than if she was just staring at a piece of paper with a pencil clutched in her hand. The distant, staticky sounds of them working would have been a good ambience for her, even if she wouldn't be able to fully unstiffen herself but still she missed!! drawing, being able to sketch easily without being plagued by okay I need to carry this weapon, I need to take notes of those areas, I only have this amount of time before the kitchen closes.

As for the nerd conversation, that was also probably good for her? like it was the first time in a long time that she got excited over something that wasn't finding research about cryptid/chimeras, something that she actually personally enjoyed. It would have also made her homesick in a  way? Like she'd been pushing off thinking about their situation except when absolutely necessary and had been formatting her schedule to constantly think about what to do next, purposefully forcing herself not to ruminate about what the actual fuck was happening here and how fucked up it was. But having a conversation over a place she liked so much temporarily freed her from being anxious about Iori and surviving and everything here. This also made her like him more, because he Understood about aquariums and about that one in particular.

To be honest, for most of the cabin when she was flicking through her texts and photo she was just ‘okay.’ most of the time since whatever happened before was detached to what she was doing now? Like sure I was friends with a bunch of murderers and people who hate me before but? so? None of them, including her, remembered any of it so it was like more "how can I find a clue in this". HOWEVER, he was probably the closest classmate she had to getting a reaction over what she saw bc?? it him. Seeing him after not doing so for a while didn't really affect her (bc lol, faces) because even though the fact that they had interacted beforehand and been friends? without a murder party wasn't that surprising, especially if they had found out their link to the aquarium but it was like one of the moments where it sort of sunk in how much of her memory she missed? They had collaborated and contributed to their shared favorite place and gotten in an article for it and she had a feeling they probably did so multiple times. Of course she shunted this facsimile of uneasiness away along with her [shoko, biting her lip and grimacing] about the missing texts and messages she didn't remember between her and her family. If the motive hadn't messed her up, she probably… wouldn't have brought it up because why?? would she. It didn't even affect her that much, it barely did but the fact that it even did, even if it was super minimal, made it in her mind, much more dangerous. She might have been more awkward in conversation with him if she talked to him before the trial with a different motive? Way more professional than how casual they were talking at the end of their last one, excitedly pointing out places they'd been like a couple of doofs and if he had gone to his cabin and brought it up she might be like "….SO ANYWAY,"

At the end he was some mix between informant, confidant, equal and ???friend??? like I have to go back and check if I mentioned it already but by the time of Cerys' trial she respected him wAY more than most of the living and on some level, trusted him more than anyone even Misaki?? on some levels?? Like not for everything, if he was revived she'd still be wary around him like everyone else (but much much less so, at Alice level) compared to how she completely trusts Misaki with her life but he's? more than anyone someone she can trust to talk to about how things need to be and her minimal opinions about them. The three living she cares about, she perceives them all as still have some sense of justice that she doesn't share (whether they do or not), since her priority is to just get trials over with and get more information, but not him. Like tbh before endgame he should have been like. somewhere around 4/5 stars, but her "he's dead" mindset held her back, which his sorta funny since him being dead is the only reason she started trusting him at all?

His real rating is like ★★★★☆, 8/10

AND WITH ENDGAME, GOD. okay first. she wasnt thinking of dead kids much at all bc of Developments but when he spoke she.. yeah. appreciation, definitely. With the discovery that they weren’t programs at all, but.. well. let bygones be bygones she supposed. They could find a way out! He’s smart! She didn’t really believe much in their escape.. like maybe eventually but she. just really wanted to leave. and she knew he was going to tell them to leave. the thanks, was unexpected though. She felt he did deserve a response at least. For helping her so far. And so she decided to take Bopper give her to.. his cousin? Judging by how they knew each other before the memory wipe she figured she’d figure SOMETHING out regarding where he lived or used to live.

And then the dome fUCKING EXPLODED AND JAPAN IS IN RUINS AND SHE. she wanted to leave everything behind so badly. She went to New Zealand and changed almost everything about her and try to forget EVERYTHING.. but. she couldnt get rid of Bopper. It wasn’t really as.. much as a momento of Taka, but the goldfish had been there in the aquarium forever, and with her when the dome exploded and was really the only living proof that that. had happened. She’d cut off communication with everyone and only Bopper was there. Granted she can’t stand looking at her too much, in fact she probably asked her brother in-law to get a tank and put her in a corner of the house that she doesn’t frequent much but. She just. Can’t. Probably some part of her struggling to actually come to terms with what happened to move on, but most of her is just adamant about forcing herself to ignore everything

When Bopper dies, she’ll probably take it as a sign to truly move on. and by move on i mean burn everything she brought back from japan or something. depends how she’s feeling at the moment. It’ll sure mean something to her though.

As for him.. for the entire game she just thought he was Dead, so it’s. she tries not to think about him being ‘alive’ because he did, die. he died once, and thats what happens to most people, they die and then they’re dead, no extra lives via cloning or anything.

[shsl-lampworker]

STAR THO did u ever read mine bc im

“… hm.”

—————

Identity markers: Height + red hair, piercings + face markings (tattoos?)

[predespair refresher here]

Her first impression of PK.. was actually her wall note I think, which she noted and. that’s it. it wasn’t much of an impression. She can barely recall several people panicking at Bambi and Brynja in the prologue but with that, she was under the impression that it was fake. So she semi-pitied people like P.K. who were panicking because haha it sure was believable but it isn’t really real I’m sure someone will fill them in later but not me because uh. I’m busy. yeah.

And then she was one of the few to be in the room where Yoshiki died, to see him die right in front of her and Shoko did not want to be in her place at all. She didn’t notice the full extent of P.K.’s distress because she was having her own reaction but oh boy. And then the trial. With Shoko trying to figure out how to properly word her argument, again, she was focused more on the task she had set for herself than any emotional upheaval that P.K. was going through. She pitied her for sure, having to witness her friend? being sent to slaughter for manslaughter but there was nothing to be done. They had caught him, and her work was done, so she shied away from the yelling and scuffles and stayed at her podium until the execution commenced. And then after the post execution reaction and being tired as all hell, P.K. had completely slipped her mind.

Of course, until she confronted her.

That said it wasn’t as if she had only pity for her. Shoko did see the anger and frustration and heartbreak that P.K. went through, even if had been through cursory glances. Which is why she was “#3 on the List of Classmates Undesirable to be Trapped with in a Solo Conversation” (sunny was #1, alice was #2) at this point in time. So bleary and confused, she was put at a disadvantage by P.K. who, though inches shorter than her, was a tremendous force of presence and Shoko could only be stuck in a mix of dazed fear before Misaki stepped in. And promptly got socked. While she did think that Misaki’s handling of the situation could have been better, this cemented P.K. as someone to definitely be watched. She didn’t hold back in slapping Alice, and she didn’t hold back in punching Misaki. She was volatile, and Shoko had proof that P.K. did have reason to attack her if she wasn’t careful with her words.

But then P.K. was the next victim, and that threat was gone. So she was left with just pity for her corpse. I wrote in her motive reaction that P.K. seemed just. so small. Dead and tiny and not P.K.-like. She tried to look at her murder objectively, and while not personally sure of who the murderer was last time, she was sure they’d catch her murderer and she could move on. I wouldn’t say she was particularly guilty of having a hand in Takas death, and the result of it on P.K., but not finding her murderer did. As try as she could, she couldn’t finish the picture of her and Shigeru she started just like she did for the week 1 deaths because. Well the pictures were in a way her attempt at a physical decision to move on, that they were dead, here is a memorial to them I’ve dusted my hands time to shove them to the back of my mind there’s more important things to do than think about dead kids. Not to say she didn’t shove them to the back of her mind bc. She did. Just she wasn’t really able to do the drawing, and it might have been around the starting point at which drawing started.. to just not be fun anymore, something that carried on to the rest of the game. When she found out P.K.’s motive card in Rover’s backpack she didn’t give half a fig that she murdered someone, even if Manolo did. Because after all, she was dead.

She was surprised but relieved to hear that Misaki had been contacting her and had a hunch about who murdered her. Because although she had been pretty successful in forgetting about P.K. the guilt at not having properly found her murderer (though that was more of a grumble of failure, the guilt was more at Shigeru getting executed when he shouldn’t have) could be lifted. And lol, it was. When it was confirmed that Sully killed P.K. as well, it was out of her hands and she felt free to comfortably forget about Shigeru and P.K. because they had been ““avenged””.

And she did, she totally forget about her, save for a couple mentions here or there, Peko Kimura hardly mattered to her.

Actual rating.. like ☆☆☆☆☆, 0/10

Post endgame, she.. well she still didn’t care. But the fact that Misaki reacted so negatively to her, among others, being lost forever in the missile to the dome made her think a little bit. After all, she had to have meant something if Misaki cared about her so much right? This. didn’t last long though as when she left Japan she set aside her memories at the dome and school and P.K… just faded away.

[shsl-lampworker]

[star noise!! aka my clip board is being a butt]

seems like a calm individual, something that Minoru definitely likes in a person.  Over all he really didn’t think negatively about her, but his thoughts weren’t overwhelmingly positive. He tried to stand up to iori when they were messing with her but probs knew that, since he was the murderer that round, she wouldnt forgive him/ really try to be nice to him

predespair is another story tho

Keep reading

[shsl-lampworker]

okay i. may have passed out. but after i take a shower im going to be NYOOMING ON THOSE STARS.

but while i do that heres shokos Biggest Secrets! and Other Things!

aka i was gonna link my app but then i was like NAH and then ended up writing basically a relationship star about her and her brother

cw: homophobia mention and negative reaction to coming out as well a bit of family praise maybe??

Shoko has congenital prosopagnosia, that is she was born face-blind! It wasn’t so bad as to impede her ability to recognize emotions (severe prosopagnosia can do that) but enough that she can’t recognize her own face. While this wasn’t too much an issue for some people (i.e. Rover, Alice, Cerys, all super distinctive) some were a little harder (like Natsuya) to immediately identify.

With reference to it, she could have lived her whole life out without knowing she had it, as is common, just assuming she was bad with faces but an incident in her childhood (which. i am now seriously rethinking............ ) made her all too aware that something was wrong with her. That event ended up affecting her a lot, convincing her 6th grade self that she wouldn’t ever be able to have a stable relationship (because who’d stay with someone who couldn’t ever recognize them!!) as well as some other things such as feeding her already passive homophobia from society. So she grew up thinking she wasn’t quite the same as other people, and she didn’t know why and she was terrified and paranoid to ask around because this?? would surely prove that she just wasn’t just like them right?? how would they react?? and such. Mutual Killing actually helped because. It Has A Name! As well another action that Misaki did that bumped her up very high very fast, which i’ll go through in detail in her star

With her brother.. Shoichi Maeno had extreme reserves about telling his parents about him and his long time best friend (now boyfriend well. now husband but) but, after subtly gauging their reaction for months about how they felt about homosexuality in general, he felt that it was a risk he could afford to take. Of course he didn’t expect 14 year old Shoko to blow a GASKET because how?? the hell??? Shoichi you must be kidding right YOU CANT POSSIBLE BE. A GAY. And that was a big fallout she stubbornly refused to talk to him for the rest of the time he was at home (he was about to move away for college as this happened near the end of his senior year of high school) and for a year or two afterwards! Granted some of this was a stubbornness to be stubborn, as some teens do for no matter how her parents reprimanded her she remained firm. But when she had some alone time, she sometimes did, a little research. Into sexuality and gender identity and stuff at like 2 am in an incognito window. So by the time his wedding invitation came about, she had.. a different view on things not cishet. And a lot of Regret on how she acted. She was very very emotional at the fact that he still invited her to his wedding even after all she had said (and even planned it on a day she would be able to attend, working around her school schedule) and was very grateful! But no matter how much she knew she had to, she didn’t apologize during the trip. Not during arrival, not in the days leading up and tourism, not during the wedding, not during the reception, not when they had to leave. (oh btw. new zealand. they got married in new zealand bc thats where the brother in laws family lived). And she KNEW. She had to. But.

But,

It’s very hard for her. It’s a little funny since a lot about her is very sure in that when something happens it happens, to make amends as fast as possible and move along. But with this, with Shoichi, it wasn’t easy at all. In fact it’s probably the most difficult thing that she has trouble doing. Apologize to her brother. Even after he helped convince her parents to let her stay in her apartment, even after he vouched for her skill and supported her all the way and told her that she should go for it! when the hopes peak letter arrived (they had fallen into a sort of ‘ease’ in which her outburst was looked away from), she still couldn’t find the will, or not the will, but just. Say Sorry. She’s told herself countless of times that it’s ridiculous she’s just making excuses he Deserves an apology so so much and it’s not that hard!! But it’s very hard for her. And she regrets so much not at least apologizing before she left for Hope’s Peak (she got very close but bailed out the last second in the small party for her departure). If she saw what was on that motive 6 video, (she didnt look at it at all because it was a personalized motive and she knew nothing good could come of that) she would.. Above almost anyone her brother is the person she feels like doesn’t deserve anything bad happening to him. It wasn’t as if they had a particularly close sibling relationship before the fallout, but she still respected him (and slight resentment bc of his success bc you know how kids do) and she knew he worked hard to get where he was. He certainly didnt deserve her exploding or getting kidnapped by masked men because of her affiliation with this school. I think her perception of him and hallucination of him in ch 8 motive would have been a bit different if he did, casting him even more in the light of a matyr and Pure, who Deserved No Wrong, but as it was he was just the him from his memories, awkward but well meaning.

She loves him a lot, and he’s going to to be the first person she seeks after figuring out things at the base. Her parents.. she doesn’t want to risk heartache and despair at trying to sift through whatever rubble Fujisawa is now, plus they might actually be with them in New Zealand. I’d like to say the first thing she says to him would be the apology but realistically, she.. still wouldn’t be able to say it for a couple of years. Using her own recovery from the events and her coping with PTSD as a basis to excuse herself, she’d hold off.. until she knows she just has to say it.

(i just. remembered they probably adopted a couple children. one probably named after shoko because they think she’s fucking dead!!!! shoko as an aunt who looks over ten years younger than her brother jesus. technically 25 but looking 18 while her brother is 31 but looks even older because Stress)

[shsl-lampworker]

it’s over!!

god this is 500% incoherent maybe i’ll write something better later bUT

my word vom

ohh man this was.. wow. da4 apps opened back in like..?? july?? and now its mid may! basically! ITS BEEN A WHILE

tbh im still reeling over the fact that endgame?? happened? DA4 IS OVER??? WHAT THE WHAT...

Rot has been such a big part of this past year and like.. I had so much fun!! This was my first roleplaying group EVER, and I’m glad that I was able to have such a good time!! LIke. I’m. really. really tired right now so I can’t perfectly articulate but like.. GOD!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS REALLY OVER AND IM JUST... STILL. DISBELIEF...

I’d met so many incredible people this past year, through da4 or otherwise, incredible writers and artists and just PEOPLE and im! Where would I be without doubt!!

..probably better grades but

UGYA... its hard. to properly word.. but I’ve had such a good time, ive been inspired and laughed and cried (only a few times shh) and like! I’m so glad this was a good one!! And I had a lot of fun playing Shoko even though I’m sure if I look back I’ll cringe how inconsistent she was but THATS NOT THE POINT!

AAAA THERES A LOT I WANNA SAY.. I’ll see if i can divide

okay i attempted to divide but i couldnt. im. too tired

MAYBE I’LL FLESH THIS OUT LATER BUT... special shout out to Dazy for modding this fantastic game and Azura for being a great mastermind and Bee and Shai for just putting up with my ridiculousness and Sarah and AG and!!! so many others for threading with me and having conversations with me and talking about characters and other things ive made!! so many friends here and I’m so happy with my experience!! LOVE YOU ALL......

[shsl-lampworker]

EVERYONE SEND ME A STAR

★★★★

LEGIT I WILL WRITE ABOUT EVERYONE I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT EVERYONE!!!

that goes for rubbles too!!!

[shsl-lampworker]

EVERYONE SEND ME A STAR

★★★★

LEGIT I WILL WRITE ABOUT EVERYONE I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT EVERYONE!!!

that goes for rubbles too!!!

[shsl-lampworker]

da4 twitter sketches… PLEASE DON’T ASK ME WHAT IS CONSISTENCY BC I GOT NO CLUE.