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A frank discussion on the effects of working with mental health troubles.

The last time I worked was nine years ago, before my son was born. I have struggled with Obsessive compulsive disorder since I was fifteen years old. Work in any capacity was a struggle, the constant fear of contamination from the children I worked with and the environment I was in was not suitable. Had I known myself better, I would have pursued a different career. Now at thirty-four years old…

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Please check out this article is you struggle with OCD.

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The reality of perfectionism within OCD

Most people believe you should always try your best.

Perfectionism in OCD can be a major source of inner conflict and distress. For people with OCD the need for perfection goes beyond just wanting something to be right, but the need  for it to be perfect has consequences attached to it. In my case I obsess over every tiny detail and flaw, and that causes me intense distress. If it is not…

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My experience of CBT, again...

My experience of CBT, again…

A couple of months ago I started cognitive behavioural therapy again and this time I’ve been having a CBT therapist come to my home once a week. I was apprehensive to start this again as this is my fifth bout of therapy for OCD and I always have it going through my head, what can they teach me that I don’t already know? So my therapist has been trying to break down my safety behaviours which I…

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Today was a bad day.

Today was a bad day.

Today sucked, there’s no other way to put it. It was just one if those day where you have a complete mental breakdown. I was at women’s wellbeing group at the local church and some one was talking about their career, and it just hit me. The knowledge that I was useless. I don’t work due to the severity of my OCD, there’s nothing I contribute, and I’m a terrible parent to my son and the feelings I…

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Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for OCD

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for OCD

Okay, so Cognitive behavioral therapy, what is it? CBT is a form of therapy that looks at different aspects of our thinking patterns, and how we can break the cycle of negative thoughts that cause our behavior’s. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most commonly used therapy treatment used in conjunction with medication as it has proven to be the most effective form of therapy. CBT looks at…

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OCD and Fear

"With OCD it’s like there is two sides of your brain constantly warring, rational and irrational, the question is which one wins. Don't let the fear decide for you"

Would you call yourself a fearful person? I do. In some people fear is just a small thing that can be shoved at the back of your brain, locked away laying dormant. For others fear is a very real part of everything they do. It's all consuming.

For me fear is a major contributor to my OCD, and even though I am aware of the part it plays, I'm yet to be able to control it. Fear doesn't wake me up, it shuts me down, how many of you have experienced the same thing? So how do I know the part fear plays in my mental health? Well it's simple really. My obsessions are based around fear.

Fear of contamination - I worry constantly about being contaminated, that everything is dirty, and it is that fear of becoming contaminated which drives me to obsession. That is one of the hardest things to get to grips with in my daily life, because to me everything is dirty, the shoes that I have to put on my son's feet, the taps and door handles to the bathroom, the door keys, it always feels like there is a list a mile long of obstacles to overcome before you even reach the front door in the morning.

Fear of something bad happening. I check things constantly, and even if I have done all my checks I can't be sure that they're done properly, that it will stop something bad happening. Sometimes it's just a feeling you get in your gut, but other times you're convinced that you didn't check the oven was off and as a result the house will catch fire. It doesn't matter if you checked it a certain number of times or in a certain order the fear that it will happen is very real, and often it bothers me all day, sometimes to the point of a panic attack. My brain will just unhelpfully remind me of the one time it actually wasn't off and use that as proof and justification for my fear.

Fear of it being my fault . Even if a tiny slither of your brain understands you did everything you could, took every reasonable precaution you could think of at the time. If something bad happens you go from fearing it is your fault to knowing it is your fault. It is something I war with, and it all leads back to the OCD guilt cycle.

I truly hope one day, I will own and accept my fear. Maybe then I will be able to control it, until that day comes I will keep fighting, even if giving up is what seems easy.

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Please check out my new blog post on www.lifewithocdandme.com. New year, new start.

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Hi I recently started a blog writing articles and sharing my experience of living with OCD please Check out my ocd blog at www.lifewithocdandme.com

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Hi I recently started a blog writing articles and sharing my experience of living with OCD please Check out my ocd blog at www.lifewithocdandme.com

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Check out my mental health blog OCD and ME.

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at Poole, Dorset https://www.instagram.com/p/CHFroz5FKdR/?igshid=10lc8ax3e0awb

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Check out my mental health blog OCD and ME.

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Check out my mental health blog OCD and ME.

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Omg this is my idea of heaven

I thought you guys might get a kick out of seeing where I write! My office is in a renovated barn and this is a tiny fraction of our books (there are more upstairs and downstairs.) Can you spot the crossed seraph blades?

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So I love Magnus and Alec’s relationship and I wanted to write something . This is the first Drabble I have written, should I turn it into a fic?

Magnus awoke to a perfect sight before him. The sun shining softly onto the beautiful creature next to him highlighting his perfect features still sound asleep, more relaxed now then when he awoke. Magnus thought there was no better way to start the day than to wake to his love, to hear his voice rough from sleep and the way he curled into him seeking contact that melted his heart. He knew he had fallen for Alexander, he had loved mortals before but never like this.

Alexander was different to anyone Magnus had ever met before. He was strong a warrior trained by the clave, yet he was compassionate and honest to the point, a rare thing amongst shadowhunters. He knew getting involved with a shadowhunter was a bad idea yet from the moment he looked into those beautiful hazel eyes his attention was taken and he couldn't look away.