sidereumvulpes

[sidereumvulpes]

"mmh did you know that creator you like also posts 🔞 content? did you know that? don't you think that's weird? don't you think we should keep this space-"

no. i don't.

i booked a front row seat to the devil's sacrament and you're blocking the view

just go back to the 1660 new england hole you just crawled out of and eat barley for a week to atone for your sins or whatever

[sidereumvulpes]

pope francis it is your moral obligation to make the entire ocean holy water. the devil cannot be allowed to surf

[sidereumvulpes]

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

[sidereumvulpes]

A REFERENCE!!!! A FUCKING REFERENCE RAHHHHHHHHH

[sidereumvulpes]

DANNYMAY DAY 24: NECROMANCY

Audio from My Babysitter’s a Vampire because of course it is. They’re talking about Cujo btw. Reviving Cujo for Valerie

[sidereumvulpes]

[sidereumvulpes]

Are you alright?

I'm fine, why do you ask?

Just a bit of girlish whimsy.

[sidereumvulpes]

I keep forgetting to post this- I've had it in my drafts for forever lols. Anywho- a present 😙 Also! My asks are open if that interests anyone? Just might take me a moment to get to them :›

MORE JOHN EGBERT!! YIPPEE!!

> Can't cook at all. He tries don't get me wrong he's, unfortunately, just really bad at it- In fact he'd probably wanna surprise you with a fancy at home dinner date, but you would probably come home to an absolute disaster. That image with the uncooked pasta on fire?? That's him.

He's the type of person to over salt eggs and cremate bacon. Hell, he'd probably forget to put water in cup noodles before microwaving them.

He'd be so embarrassed about it as well. Only attempting to cook when you're either asleep or not home. It's like stage fright, but solely for when he's cooking. I imagine he'd be so upset about not being able to do this for you that he would genuinely tear up. He wouldn't actually cry bc he's far to emotionally repressed for that, but he'd get real close.

Please remind him that these skills take time and effort to develop and that he's doing his best. Just- don't eat whatever he cooks earlier on in this journey.. not unless you want to meet god over John's cooking.

> John seems like the type of person to have a set time he goes to bed whether he knows it or not. It's like a pavlov reaction. He's just always gone to bed at that time.

If he does manage to stay up past his self-imposed bed time, he'll be nodding off and nearly smacking his head into his desk with how tired he is.

If you have an absurd sleep schedule like me and stay up fairly late, early relationship he'd try his best to stay up with you bc he wants so desperately to keep talking with you, to spend more time with you. After a good while into the relationship he'd stop trying to stay up but he'd ask to stay on a call with you, hearing your voice and knowing that you're there is just so comforting.

> Sleeping in the same bed with him is also an experience. I feel like John tends to run a bit cold and he's just labeled this as normal, then as soon as he's introduced to a heat source he'd cling to it like a life line. So I imagine sleeping with him would be like sleeping with an oversized cat.

He'd somehow in the middle of the night roll on top of you and be perfectly content cosplaying a weighted blanket. You'd probably wake up with him chin resting on your chest as he stares at you. Like- frog blinks at you with big bright blue eyes. "Good morning starshine" :)) He's just a little silly

> He's so hungry for affection as well but he doesn't wanna weird you out so he'd be really awkward about it in the goofiest way possible. However, if he's just to tired to question his clinginess or he's had a rough day then he will hold onto you like you might disappear at any given moment.

[sidereumvulpes]

My freak ass cat keeps licking the butter

[sidereumvulpes]

Uhgg I love my girlfriend.. she's so pretty and I don't get to talk about them enough. I want to talk about my angel, my heart, my very tall wife<33

[sidereumvulpes]

THE AMOUNT OF THOUGHTS I THINK ABOUT THIS FICTIONAL MAN IS ABSURD.

[sidereumvulpes]

Im back. Uhh-

More ✨Gay✨

I didn't proofread this so if it's shit oh well 👍

Sunlight beaming in through the kitchen window, they stand over the stove in a shirt that's definitely not theirs. Swaying gently while they hum along to whatever song shuffled though the speaker.

Entirely focused on not burning the food, they hadn't noticed the raven haired boy stumble tiredly into the kitchen, only to stop in the archway, fondly watching the other go about their morning. He stood there for a minute or two longer before finally moving towards them.

Draping his arms loosely over freckled shoulders, soon resting his head there as well with a content sigh. They giggle lightly at the sudden display of affection, but reveling in it none the less. The both of them stand there for a moment comfortable with each other's presence. When a grin spreads across the boys features.

"You really take my breath away." The other stills and takes a moment. Thinking. Before slowly turning their head to scrutinize him. His grin now holds a smug yet playful tint.

"No.. I trusted you-" they drop their head to their hands in mock defeat. As the boy giggled to himself they quickly regained their composure giggling softly with him for a brief moment. "You're a dork."

[sidereumvulpes]

IM GONNA BE GAY REAL QUICK- DONT PERCEIVE ME UNLESS WE'RE FRIENDS!!- 🎉💥💥

-falling asleep with John. Not even holding him or anything just existing together in the same bed. The vulnerability and closeness of it is sweet enough in itself.

I feel like he'd often fall asleep first. And it might sound silly but hearing him gently snoring, his hair unkempt, glasses set aside for the night.. I don't know how but I'd fall in love with him again and again every night.

I'll hopefully be posting more. Pretty much all of it will be gay self indulgent writing.(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

[sidereumvulpes]

You'll never catch me doing drugs, but if you look away from me for half a second I'll be eating the most gruesome and heart wrenching angst I could ever get my sad little hands on

[sidereumvulpes]

Yor is so sweet- and I just realized something.. NONE OF THEM HAVE PARENTS. WHY DO NONE OF THEM HAVE PARENTS ;0; ALL THREE OF THEM HAVE NO CLUE HOW A FAMILY ACTS BECAUSE THEY NEVER REALLY HAD A STABLE FAMILY TO BEING WItH. :'((

[sidereumvulpes]

So I've just started watching Spy x Family and OMFG WHY ARE THEY LITERALLY PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER ;0;!!! They're such a cute family ;3; ugh- I love them so much and I'm only on episode 2 rn.. and I feel like this show is going to hurt my heart someway somehow-

[sidereumvulpes]

might try eating drywall. I just think drywall would be quite palatable at the moment tbh